Fate - monstrous
and empty,
you whirling wheel,
stand malevolent,
well-being is vain
and always fades to nothing

-"O Fortuna" Carl Orff

HOURGLASSES

(A fancy theory)

Perhaps you've already seen this coming… The second spin-off episode is upon us, ladies and freaky gentlemen!

So, what event and / or character shall we analyze this time, eh Dimentio? Eeh… Don't be hasty, oh loyal spectators. Just like any narration that pretends to be good, we are going to have ourselves, a proper introduction. As you all came to (hopefully) understand, Time is a rather complex matter to deal with; its way of functioning is something that completely slips our dreadfully limited knowledge… But, as previously stated, there actually are many fancy theories about it: whether or not it's true that any dimension only responds to its own physic and temporal laws, it has never been unproved the existence of a greater timeline that would include all the others… Here's a theory that many people considered as laughable as a humiliated sideshow freak that claimed to be human, and other people considered as truthful as God himself (which says something in terms of fanaticism): the theory of the Cycle of Time! No, I did not make it up… It actually exists… Somewhere… Anyway, according to this fancy study, Time never ends; it repeats itself, like a cycle, over and over again. Just like an hourglass, once the sand run out, Time overturns itself and the cycle restarts from the beginning. Needless to say, the eventual confirmation of such theory would immediately result in the utter annihilation of concepts like Arbitrary Freedom and Chaos… But then again, what if Time was made of infinite hourglasses? And how could the timelines they each represented coexist with one another in the immense chaotic cluster that is the multi-verse? On second thought, such eventuality would only improve the endless possibilities of Chaos and the like. A balance made of unbalance. Our whole existence made possible by a paradox. The only question you should ask yourself now isn't whether all this worthless explanations make any sense or not… But how could they possibly become a sadistic irony under my narrative abilities! With that said, let's try out this "hourglass" with a certain divine character who's biggest quality was to question his own divinity.

Let us begin.

It has been a while, or maybe just a nanosecond, from his forced exile from the Kitsune's mind. He couldn't quite tell how much time really went by, and not just because of his timeless condition… He was trapped in the obscure, void zone that lay in between dimensions, just like his former vulpine companion happened to be right before "miraculously" ending up in Klonoa's world. The only difference from Tails's misfortune and his own, was the fact that, somehow, he wasn't falling into eternal nothingness. He was held into obliviousness, frozen in anti-space, like the Singularity before the Big Bang, as if waiting to be judged or to explode into smithereens of stars and galaxies… which one would occur first.

Fear and concern had been replaced by simple boredom since there really wasn't anything interesting to do around those parts, other than patiently awaiting to die of old age, which, in the godly jackal's case, was not a possible option. Luckily for the story, but unluckily for him, his solitude was about to cease abruptly. There they were, right in front of Lucario's widened red eyes, the two most feared doomsday agents in all the worlds…

Master Hand, on the right, and Crazy Hand, on the left.

They stood in silence and stillness in the midst of the darkness as its only source of light (how ironic, eh?), as if waiting for the order to strike… Their owner's order, which lay a little behind from where his handymen used to be. Despite that mysterious foggy aura that surrounded his body, Lucario could clearly notice his silhouette: it was huge, ominous and bone chilling, even for a God like Lucario.

There he was, the one who created everything but also the one who was set to destroy everything; the Author himself stood in the middle of his own reign, his void prison, observing and judging his unwilling guest's features, which where shaking like possessed in corny divine fear. Suddenly, a red eyed creature with an unrecognizable shape and sharp claws, appeared out of nowhere and lunged towards Lucario's still form at lightning speed… Before he could act in response, the being scratched his forehead rather deeply with its claws, causing the jackal to instantly lose its consciousness.

The last image he would remember before fainting… Was a weird, half-moon smile, beside the Author's form.

Eeh eeh eeh… Oops;)

When Lucario awoke, his whole memory was gone; it was as blank as a discounted piece of paper… Oh wait, I've already used that line… Eeh, I just forgot about it. He found himself completely and utterly lost in the disfiguring obliviousness of his condition, like a newly born baby who's opened his eyes on the world for the very first time… Yes, that will do. His terrified gaze frantically looked around, while his empty mind asked itself the usual overused amnesiac's questions: "Where am I? Who am I? Why can't I remember anything? Who is this Maria?" And the like. It didn't take too long for him to notice he was not alone in that weird, Egyptian-like, underground sanctuary filled with weirder men with dog-like heads which, for some reason he couldn't comprehend, wouldn't stop staring at him in utter awe and admiration… To put even more awkwardness into this situation (which some of you will find it dreadfully familiar), Lucario sat on a ceremonial throne, right in the middle of the room… And all of the dog headed humans began chanting the glory of Anubis, God of Death, in their ancient language. Now, if you were in the jackal's unique position, with a loss of memory and a bunch of people admiring you as their own God, you would surely assume you actually were what they thought you were and play along. That's exactly what Lucario did, although he was still more confused than a frank 'n' further drag queen… Snap, I've already used that line too! Luckily for him, before they could have the chance to offer him a sacrifice, I decided to intervene and thanks to the immeasurable powers of my magic, I made him disappear right in front of their bewildered eyes without even making my presence noticed. Needless to say, great was the desperation of being abandoned by their own God… But one thing was sure, they would have never forgotten his coming and would have patiently awaited his return, even if it would have taken several millenniums…

And that is how Lucario was mistaken for Anubis by the Egyptian God of Death's hardcore followers, leading to part of the events described in the story before the one I'm narrating.

Amusing, isn't it?

But where has Lucario ended up this time? Some past events? Some future events, perhaps? Well, why don't we just find out?

This time, his dizzy, almost puking form, found itself surrounded by a forest with giant mushrooms, a frozen wasteland, a desert and so on… Oh, and he was on a floating island, how bewildering can that be? Naturally, it didn't take too long for him to accidentally trip on a fundamental event in that dimension's history… Specifically, the tragic aftermath of the Chaos Emeralds' genesis, when the three original Mobian mages, along with a certain plant girl, fought and miraculously defeated the evil entity known as Ixis Naugus, who happened to be a certain human scientist before his exposition to raw chaos energy... But I'm sure many of you already remember this old legend, isn't it? Anyway, the time the jackal found himself in, was just a few days before that fact; that was the reason of why the island was already magically hidden above the clouds. As he wandered rather aimlessly around the mind blowing scenario, he eventually met someone he would have not been able to forget for the rest of his immortal life, or so he thought…

He met her.

Who? Her… You know, the one he could not forget about, although he involuntarily did… Yes, that one. She died after the confrontation with Naugus and yet, there she was, in all of her pure, ghostly, beauty. She looked at him with her gorgeous light blue eyes and the sweetest among smiles; she was no average lady, that was for sure, she had long leaf-like white hair and was wearing a dress made of petals… A blossomed Daisy lay at the top of her head, perfectly picturing her beautiful, nose-less face. He was literally entranced upon her angelic form and the fact that her body was glowing like a 70's lava lamp, didn't bother him at all. She spoke to him with her grazed voice, which only made him gasp… She was the mortal who made a God gasp in amazement, like Era did with Zeus! She told him about her story: she told him she was born from a plant as a Chosen by Nature itself, she told him of how she fell in love with a Kitsune by the name of Merlin and about her necessary sacrifice… She told him of how she died and why, according to her faithful beliefs, her soul refused to leave the mortal world: apparently, she had some unfinished business, to attend… Nothing too hard, just the procreation of her species, no big deal, really. She quietly asked her unexpected interlocutor to do her a favor that would have saved her own legacy from annihilation as if she, somehow, was aware of her birth place's dooming fate. She asked him to do a very simple thing, to plant her precious seed somewhere safe, to allow it to grow and giving birth of her child, her only descendant in this life. He agreed to do so and took the small seed, the unborn child, from its mother's caring hand. He only demanded one thing in return for his act of selfness kindness, he just wanted to know her name… And she told him that too.

She was Gaia Earthia, the first Seedrian.

With his heart full of either sadness or will, he said his goodbyes to her beautiful guest as he watched her form vanish into the soave nothingness we all come from, then I made him disappear once again, fully knowing what his next destination would have been.

Urge to laugh… Rising!

It was a green and lively tropical forest the one Lucario ended up. By now, he had stopped wondering how he could possibly travel in that peculiar fashion (which made me dangle in amusement), he desperately needed a reason to exist, just like any common amnesiac so far, and that sweet plant girl just gave him one. Without wasting anymore time mourning his forgotten life, the jackal chose a suitable spot for the insemination and began digging with his canine paws, then he finally planted the small seed and covered it. He stood for a little while on that spot, staring at his handiwork, wondering about how could a child grow up from a seed, daydreaming about this very child's appearance, and ultimately, thinking of its mother, its beautiful mother who's memory would have never left the jackal's mind forever… Yeah, right. Since there wasn't anything left to do for him in that place, I made my move for one last time and warped him away.

A while later, a married couple of Mobian rodents by the name of Rosy and Ray would hear a loud baby cry within the jungle boundaries; they would eventually find out the owner of such tearful yells to be a peculiar new born child with no resemblance to any of the known Mobian species whatsoever. She was a baby girl born from a very rare plant known as the Kitsune's Mate for the great importance it has had in the foxes' evolution. The two rodents eventually would decide to adopt her as their own daughter and gave her the name that, in their minds, would have been the most suitable for her amazing pureness…

She was Cosmo, the daughter of Earthia.

And the rest was history.

Once again, he was engulfed in pure nothingness, a dark and sad excuse of a space, a void which only desire was to be filled, to have a start, a history, a life, and, eventually, an end. Such was the inner wish of this unwilling blankness he was into, as his own soul could feel its torment and sadness… Feelings that slowly became his own. At first, he could only feel his own fear and the disfiguring sense of oppression this anti-space would cause to his being, then he grew accustomed to it; even more, he needed it. He was in need of this reassuring sensation, the one true feeling any amnesiac individual, as far as I know, would want to experience… To belong. In this never ending emptiness he could have been able to achieve that purpose, he could have been able to create a world from zero and govern it as its only God, with all the responsibilities that would have been required. This was the chosen place to build his new identity and his own legacy; this was the realm he would have protected with all of his strength… This was it.

And now, a few words from our sponsor:

In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.

And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.

And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.

And God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And the evening and the morning were the first day.

He created the land and the waters, the forests and the mountains, all of the animals and so on…

And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.

And God blessed them, and God said unto them, be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.

And then his job was done.

The creation of a whole world has been brought you by: the Book of Genesis! A must have for any self-respected God wannabe. Now available in the exclusive golden cover until copies are sold. Only in bookstores!

Well, now that that's been dealt with, let us resume our story, shall we?

For the seventh day, all was done. From the sheer power of his imagination, a whole new world has been created. A world in which his children would have grown peacefully under his vigil eye; and thus, it went that way for several millenniums of that particular timeline… Until the date of the Apocalypse.

Until the day in which the skies would cry and the lands would crash.

Until the vessel of Death would make its way towards the untimely end of Lucario's world.

And so, as the dreaded Project: Doomsday relentlessly pulverized his realm, taking all of its inhabitants within the almighty atomic mushroom that testified its passage… The blue jackal that wanted to be a God, could only watch in helpless captivity… For the umpteenth time of Chaos knew how many. Several millenniums later, Lucario will manage to know who were the responsible for his misery and fuse his mind with a certain two-tailed vulpine of our knowledge, in order to pursuit his vendetta.

And the rest was repeated history.

In the end, he was no God. He was just the sand inside the hourglass that represented his timeless life. A life that due to a disfiguring paradox, would repeat its course (its cycle), over and over, and over, and over, and over, again… Forever! Here's your sadistic irony, ladies and freaky gentlemen, I hope you've enjoyed it at least half the way I did. Now we can resume the regular narration and, oh wait… There's more apparently.

In the midst of the frozen wasteland that used to be his home, stood Lucario, along side his rage, hatred, desperation and solitude (yay for happy feelings), his only desire was to know the truth behind his tragedy and claim his more than rightful revenge.

"Perhaps, I can help you." An unknown voice suddenly stated, taking the fallen God by surprise. He turned to gaze the mysterious new comer who dared to interrupt his endless mourning… At the view of his guest's unique appearances, his outraged emotions instantly turned into bewildering questions, for he was in presence of what, in his mind, looked like a midget version of a knight who's glacial eyes could transmit fear even to the most strong hearted warrior. "I know who's the responsible for your tragedy." And without showing too much surprise, Lucario replied.

"Pray tell." And thus, Meta-Knight just did.

And thus, I couldn't stop laughing.