My second attempt at a Yu-Gi-Oh fic. I find myself fascinated by the seemingly boundless potential for Tami angst in the fandom. For the most part, he's depicted as very composed and sure of himself, but there are some cases where I have to wonder how much of it's real and how much is just bravado.
Anyway, here's the fic. I hope you don't find Yami too out of character!
Reviews would be much appreciated. :)
I shut him out.
He was concerned—I could feel his cautious prodding at the walls I had so carefully erected around my corner of our shared mind. They were perfect. Strong, smooth, and solid. Not a single chink anywhere. I could've left him to prod without fear of him breaking through. But it was rapidly becoming a most unwelcome distraction.
"Yugi, please. I just want to think."
I closed my eyes, drawing a deep breath. Apparently that had done little to ease his anxiety. "You need not worry yourself, Yugi. I'm fine." To my own ears, the calm cheerfulness sounded obviously faked. Fortunately, it seemed to be enough to ease the conscience of my counterpart and I felt him retreat.
No doubt he'd gone back to amusing himself with his friends.
I winced. The thought was more bitter than I cared to admit.
But the same scene replayed itself over and over in my mind's eye, unrelenting and demanding attention. Yugi walking to the other side of the dock. Yugi putting the puzzle around his possessed friend's neck. Yugi watching, speaking but not acting as that same friend seemed ready to fling the item to the ocean's depths.
Likely to be smashed against a rock or by a wave. Broken, with its pieces scattered all across the ocean floor, perhaps spanning miles. Never to be found again.
He'd risked my life—all my hopes of ever being free again—without so much as batting an eye.
I slammed my first into the wall of my soulroom, finding a certain comfort in the sudden pain in my hand. I drew back and punched again. And the once more. I didn't stop until my knuckles had begun to bleed.
It wasn't supposed to hurt this much.
I was the protector. They were his friends. Of course he'd choose them over me. And part of me was ashamed of the overwhelming sense of resentment and betrayal burning in my chest. It should have been my honor and privilege to sacrifice myself for Yugi and his friends.
Clearly, even in my assigned role in his life I was worthless.
But he was the other half of my soul. The light that chased away the darkness. And he'd discarded me. What could have been my fate hadn't even crossed his mind.
Worthless.
Expendable.
Cursed to always be needy rather than needed.
I resumed my assault on the wall. Or perhaps on myself. I don't really know.
In any case, I hit and kicked until my strength gave out and I sank to the floor, gasping for breath, bloodied and soaked in sweat. In a way, it was comforting.
This pain, I knew.
Between pants, I have a harsh, barking sound, somewhere between an angry shout and a bitter laugh.
At least I could stop fooling myself. Stop telling myself I mattered. Stop pretending I belonged among Yugi's friends.
In that moment, I became painfully, acutely aware of exactly where I stood.
It wasn't long before I felt Yugi's gentle prodding again, wanting to know if everything was alright. He wasn't used to being cut off from me for such a length of time.
I lied.
No sense in burdening him with my petty feelings. And if I had, would he have even cared?
Existing on a spiritual plain rather than physical, by body had recovered from the abuse it had endured in moments. I stood and lowered the walls, greeting my other half with a smile.
"I thank you for your concern, Yugi, but I all is well. I promise."
And perhaps it was true. Perhaps having come to this understanding, if it ever came down to it again it would be easier for me to carry out the task I was meant for. To protect Yugi and his friends, even if it meant losing my chance of freedom.