AN: I wrote this fic a while ago, back when I first got into Death Note. It's set during the Yotsuba arc, with Aizawa thrown in because I forgot he wasn't on the case at that time. I also forgot his name, hence the 'afro-guy' thing. Hope you don't mind if I decided to keep that in here. I don't know if this could be categorized as 'crack', but I'm thinking that yes, it could, what with the subject matter being donuts. Anyway, hope you enjoy:D Constructive criticism much appreciated.
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It was a lazy Saturday morning at the Kira case headquarters. Aside from the clacks of computer keys, page flips, and the occasional desolate sigh, the world within its walls was quiet and peaceful. Nevermind the restless thoughts of the five investigators – those were being kept under tight lips and borderline-insane suspicions. Which was warranted, since this was a borderline-insane case. So, really, it was natural that the headquarters should be sporadically plagued by borderline-insanity.
"CHECK. THIS. OUT."
Five heads rose with a silent groan of trepidation as the sixth and final detective scurried onto the scene. They surveyed the damage. Two giant pink boxes. With large, blotchy stains on them. What on earth had Matsuda been up to?!
"Um... what on earth have you been up to, Matsuda?" the investigator with an afro whose name I forgot asked, oddly perverted thoughts fighting for dominance in his already weary head.
Matsuda grinned so brilliantly Mr. Yagami's eye twitched.
"I went shopping!"
"Uh… huh," the afro-guy nodded, his expression slowly contorting into one of utter weirded-outness.
Matsuda flashed a thumbs-up and slammed the boxes down enthusiastically on the table at the center of the headquarters. Timidly, the rest of the investigators stood to see.
"Okay, so I figured we needed a little pepping up," Matsuda began, opening the boxes, "so I'm like – heck, why don't we try what the American policemen do? They're fat and jolly! And so I bought donuts!"
Donuts. Large, greasy, colorful, sugary, sprinkley, chocolatey, obesity-inducing donuts.
"Um…" Mr. Yagami began, surveying the spectacle. He had to admit, they did look sort of… good. Artificially so. "Thank you, Matsuda-san."
The detective in question grinned again and shrugged the thanks off. "Oh, it was no problem. I got about two dozen, so don't be afraid to dig in!"
Minutes elapsed. The donuts remained heavily stared at, not so much heavily eaten.
Finally, someone cracked.
"Ryuzaki-kun?" Light asked, with faint undertones of 'are you crazy that thing's probably toxic from all the colorings and flavorings and you already have more than enough problems with those so I would really suggest not scarfing that thing down your – '
He did.
"Mmm… you know… these are actually pretty good. Thank you, Matsuda-san," he said, licking his fingers and taking a pseudo-chocolate-covered one and another that seemed like a fireworks display except more… dangerous.
Matsuda beamed at him. "See, see? I told you they were really good." At that, Matsuda took a plain one for himself and settled down into his usual spot to continue investigating the case, or at least pretending to. Makes one wonder if he was waiting to see if they were poisoned, having not taken one first.
Afro-guy followed his lead and took a bite out of a chocolate-sprinkle one. "Ryuzaki-san's right… not bad." He returned to his post as well.
Finally, only father and son were left standing before the bane of American health care, unsure of what to do with themselves and their sanity. Peer pressure sufficed though, and the elder of the two made a move toward a plain one.
"Father…" Light began, but before he could sufficiently warn the once-chief, he'd taken a bite. By the look on his father's face, he was a goner. The man took a chocolate one and hurried back to his seat.
Only Light was still standing.
The donuts' final victim.
He could just feel them staring at him with invisible, black, beady eyes, sucking his soul through the holes in the center of their puffed, pastry bodies, tempting him with their obnoxious fashion sense and plastic appearance –
"Yagami-kun?"
Or maybe he'd just felt L staring at him from out of the corner of his eye. Though the guy definitely did not have a puffed, pastry body, and as far as Light was concerned was not comprised of plastic, he did have the fashion problem and the black eyes that sucked your soul through their endless midnight depths everytime you happened to look –
"Are you going to try one?"
Light glanced at the man next to him, nearly slapping his forehead in exasperation as L ate his fifth donut. Strawberry-covered, apparently. How surprising.
"Um…"
"You should, Yagami-kun. They're good. They're really good."
Light scratched at his neck uncertainly, feeling the rest of the investigators' gazes start to move away from their paperwork and onto the drama unfolding before their eyes.
"I don't know… I mean… I'm not particularly fond of sweet things… and we really should get back to working on the – "
At this, Mr. Yagami chuckled. "Oh, Light-kun, you don't have to be so mature. I remember you used to adore sweet things when you were little. Your poor mother and I had to practically drag you away from your mother's jar of coffee candies. You haven't had any in so long… if it's my permission you want, by all means, do eat some donuts."
Damn it all.
"Well… um… er… they're not really that appeti – "
And then he felt something slightly cool and sweet against his lips and as far as he knew something sugary and soft was being pushed into his mouth and there was nothing he could do but chew and swallow and die.
"See? It's good. Wait until you try the chocolate ones."
Light glared at the near-boy standing next to him, wiping the last of the sugary glaze from his mouth and pretending he wasn't extremely embarrassed. He swore he could see L smirking behind those midnight-colored, soul-sucking eyes.
If only looks could kill.