~.o.O.o~
She could hear them squabbling. Sebastian's cries and prayers, Orsino's anger, Anders' conviction of his righteousness and Meredith's invocation of the right of annulment. But Enanela Hawke's mind was stuck. Endlessly replaying the scene of brilliant red and deadly flashing light protruding from within the chantry, crumbling it and twirling the debris around in a whirlwind before exploding it all into a shockwave of dust and flames.
Her mind was desperately trying to make sense of what had just occurred. Was this what Anders and his underground resistance had worked towards? Why hadn't he told her? Why had he sullied their love, their work, for this? An act of murder and pure evil.
She could audibly hear her heart start to crack, her mind reeling to find some semblance of hope that this, this madness, was all just a terrible mistake. An alchemic mistake or at the very least some act of terrorism from someone other than the man who held her still mending heart.
He was the only one of her friends to see through her façade of happiness and understanding, who saw the broken heart and sorrow behind her mask.
He was the man who had meticulously put her heart back together after her cock-up with Fenris. It was he who gave her the love she thought she would never have and wasn't sure she deserved. He had shown her the light Fenris had denied her, only to rip their dream at the seams and cast her into the void at the next bend.
"I demand you stand with us!" Meredith all but shouted in her direction, bringing Enanela out of her despairing minds tangled web. "Even you must see that this outrage cannot be tolerated!"
"Why are we debating the right of annulment when the monster who did this is right here?!" Sebastian demanded, making Enanela inwardly cringe. "I swear to you, I will kill him…"
"It can't be stopped now. You have to choose." Anders said and every pair of eyes in the square turned to her. Every drop of blood she had felt frozen, sluggishly making its way through her system and making thinking or even breathing hard. Her almost white – and now mostly empty – gaze fell upon him, the man rebreaking her heart into a million pieces.
'You have to choose…' he said, as if she hadn't already been helping him in every way she possibly could. As if she hadn't supported him from day one.
"Was that…" Enanela said in a hushed voice, devoid of emotions as she strained to get the syllables past her lips. "…why you needed me to distract the Grand Cleric?"
Sebastian spun on her, snarling his accusations, but she barely registered his anger over the sound of the blood rushing in her head as she closed her eyes momentarily.
Everything clicked into place, every piece of the puzzle suddenly fit together seamlessly and the complete picture tore her world to shreds. She felt her entire being sunder as she swallowed the wave of sorrows crashing mercilessly upon her.
Every tender word, every stolen kiss and gentle embrace – it was all a lie, a trap to lead her here. To where he needed her to be to satisfy his own agenda.
She was his final pawn, his trump card in this misdirected attempt to free the mages from templar oppression.
Anders' self-righteous speech about the injustice of the circle passed in a blur, as did Sebastian's equally self-righteous barking about Grand Cleric Elthina's innocence.
"You fool! You've doomed us all!" Orsino said angrily in horror, pinning Anders with his green, outraged elven eyes.
"We were already doomed." Anders replied bitterly. "A quick death now or a slow one later. I rather die fighting!"
Enanela felt her emotions recoiling as she locked her frailty and broken heart into the darkest corner of her soul. She pushed it all down. Once again her sanity had to wait, lest all of Kirkwall would fall to chaos and utter ruin due to stupidity and narrowmindedness of its professed leaders.
As she opened her eyes they were eerie calm, bereft of the emotions that usually played there. She was broken, but she had a mission to fulfill. One last deed before leaving Kirkwall to its own machinations. A deed not hers by choice, but one forced upon her by leaders too blind in their own conviction to see anything else.
"This won't be easy…. But I'll defend you." she said coldly, turning her head to the fidgeting Orsino.
"But what of Anders!?" Sebastian demanded making Enanela whip her head to him, glaring daggers. The anger flared in her heart, unchecked due to lack of emotional stabilizers. The hypocritical bastard was the last one who should open his mouth and at her flaming gaze Sebastian shut his mouth with an audible snap.
"Hawke, if you do this… I don't know if I can follow…" Aveline warned before Fenris flew into his usual ranting. Him she had grown so use to ignore that his words passed her ears without gaining any footing.
"And so you would defend these mages, after all they have done? Throw yourself at a hopeless cause?" Fenris scoffed, slowly shaking his head.
Varric just asked if she was sure, being concerned Enanela would not make it. Merrill was behind her in her own naïve kind of way – damn mage was to kindhearted for her own good – and Isabela stayed true to herself, grumbling a couple of curses and wondered what she'd gotten herself into.
"Think carefully Champion…" Meredith threatened, succeeding only in making Hawke raise her chin defiantly as she scowled at the Knight-Commander with unchecked hate and fury.
"Stand with them and you share their fate." The templar finished.
"I can live with that." Enanela snapped, matching the icy tone of Meredith.
Fenris and Aveline features had both darkened as they heard the Knight-Commander threaten their friend. A friend who in their mind was as an unwilling participant in this scheme as much as they were. A friend who had done nothing but fight for the city's peace and now was treated like the enemy for not condemning a whole people for the acts of the few. They both glared at Meredith as they pledged themselves to Enanela's side.
"You are a fool Champion!" Meredith sneered before turning on her heal, shouting orders for her underlings to kill them all while she roused the rest of the templars. Orsino didn't waste any time, yelling at his charges to get to the Gallows and prepare for battle. The second the mages scattered, the templars was on their heels, halted only by Orsino and Hawke, flanked by her friends.
The battle was short and the desperation was nearly palpable on both sides. Some mage templars reveled in their chance to "put mages back in their rightful place", while others swung their blades with hesitation and sorrow in their eyes. Even Orsino was visably dejected.
"So it has come to this…" he muttered sadly as all the templars lay dead or at least deadly incapacitated at their feet. He had tried to spare the ones whose heart was not in the fight, whereas Enanela had slaughtered indiscriminately in her detached state.
"I don't know if we can win this war Champion, but… thank you." Orsino said eyeing Enanela cautiously as he turned towards the gallows. "I will leave your… friend for you to deal with…"
"One last thing…" Orsino said hesitantly, half turning around as he looked at her warily. "Does your friends know… what you are?"
To everyone's utter surprise Fenris, of all people, stepped between Orsino and Enanela, blade in hand, shielding her from the First Enchanters distrustful gaze.
"Do not dare categorize her with the detestable cretins you call blood mages!" he snarled, making both his friends and Orsino start. He was probably the last person in Thedas anyone thought would defend a mage. Much less one wielding the double edged sword that was blood magic.
"So you know? All of you?" Orsino asked a tad confused, bitterness staining his words as he spoke. "And you still follow her?"
"She is a mage regardless of her mana-pool and she has done nothing to harm anyone, except herself and the already dead. This is more than can be said for most in this city, mage or no. So what's the harm I ask?" Aveline's pragmatic voice rang out, strong and true as she also walked to stand between Hawke and Orsino.
"It's because of people like her that we are all condemned." Orsino spat, looking to the ground, forgetting he was supposed to be grateful for Enanela putting her life on the line on his behalf. She could instead have chosen to protecting her own hide and sided with the templars, but she didn't.
"Perhaps we should save Meredith the trouble of annulling your ungrateful ass." Isabela drawled picking her nails with one of her daggers, looking her particular brand of bored.
"Who can blame us, we harbor and follow a blood mage after all." Varric countered. "Never mind that she has damned near died for this city on several occasions."
"And let's not forget the fact that she and her family was sold to slavery for a year, by her own uncle, to even be allowed to enter this Maker forsaken city…" Isabela continued – making Fenris snarl at the reminder – sheathing her dagger as she leaned on her left jutting, round hip, glaring pointedly at the now very uncomfortable Grand Enchanter.
"And still she protected the city. Yeah, must be an elaborate plot by the evil blood mage…" Varric snarked as he flanked Fenris who was still holding his sword in one hand, glaring daggers at Orsino.
"I… see…" Orsino stuttered, his unsure eyes darting between Hawkes friends.
"Not all mages using blood as a mana-pool are evil. It matters only how you use it." Merrill piped up, still ashamed by her own former naivety when dabbling in the arts of blood magic.
Merrill had not thought clearly that day when Enanela had refused to help with the completion of the Eluvian. She had accused Hawke of being narrow-minded and prejudiced when she had tried to warn Merrill.
In reality Hawke had known full well the dangers of blood magic. How easily it was corrupted by demons and how thin the line between good and bad really was in that school. Thankfully Merrill had learned from that and was now practicing safer magic as well as being on good footing with her clan once again.
"For once I agree with the wench." Fenris growled, never taking his eyes of the Grand Enchanter.
Orsino looked like he was going to argue but resigned and shut his mouth when his gaze met the faces glowering back at him, fiercely protecting their friend.
Enanela was schooled in blood, force and primal magic – with a smidge of creation magic to be able to heal – but she never used spells to control others and only drew power from enemies, or willing participants which she immediately healed after.
Her friends knew her hatred for evil people, no matter what gifts they bore and she didn't discriminate based on prejudice or religion.
When Orsino was no longer within sight they all breathed a collective sigh of relief, until they sighted their friend. Enanela was still detached, a broken shell of uncontrolled rage and they could all see the disaster waiting to happen. Sebastian was going to put his foot in his mouth – as he usually did with his constant spouting of religious nonsense like a brainwashed tranquil – and Enanela was most likely going to blow up in his face.
Hawke walked up to Anders with that empty expression on her face and as she stopped behind him he sprang to life from his apathy.
"There is nothing you can say that I haven't already said to myself." he babbled. "I took a spirit into my soul and changed myself forever to achieve this. This is the justice all mages have awaited."
"I might have understood if you'd only told me." Enanela's voice sounded like it was coming from beyond the grave. It was honeysmooth but colder than ice, devoid of any emotion hinting the feelings she once harbored for the corrupted mage in front of her. Her eyes was reduced to bottomless white pits as she stared at the mage with his back against her.
"You condone this? The brutal death of an innocent woman of faith? Someone you knew! Who trusted you!" Sebastian ranted to his friend's dismay. Had the situation not been so dire Varric would probably have face-palmed.
As it was Fenris instead inched closer to Enanela, ready to grab her if she lunged at the ill-advised archer. Varric and Aveline both closed in on Sebastian to be able to act as a wall incase Fenris was not fast enough.
Thankfully Anders drew Enanela's attention before she could strangle the unshakably faithful – but unreasonable – rouge.
"I wanted to tell you." He said still avoiding to turn and look at Hawke or his friends. "But what if you stopped me? Or worse, what if you wanted to help?! I couldn't let you do that!"
Everyone was still on edge, Varric, Fenris and Aveline was still ready to break up any killing attempt on the untactful Brother.
There was a moment of dreadfully pregnant silence where Enanela's almost white greyish eyes bore holes in Anders neck. Anders was staring pointedly at nothing in front of him and Sebastian's sea-green eyes was locked agitatedly at Hawke.
"The world needs to see this. Then we can all stop pretending the Circle is a solution." Anders insisted. "And if I pay for that with my life… then I pay. Perhaps then Justice would at least be free."
No one was prepared for what happened next, the movement was quicker than Varric's mouth and utterly heartbreaking.
The knife glimmered for a split second as Enanela's left arm went around Anders shoulders, pulling him roughly backwards. The mage gasped in pain, chocked, before slumping to the ground with Hawke's throwing-daggers protruding from his back.
Everyone stared at her as she straightened. Her eyes closed, brows knitted together in pain and a trickle of blood stained her chin from where her teeth were imbedded in her lip.
Nobody knew what to say or do. They all stood frozen in chock over the fact that their best friend had just killed the man she loved and was now battling to gain control of herself so she could stop Kirkwall from tearing itself apart. Fenris was on his way to offer his support – as was Varric and Aveline – when a familiar idiot decided it was a great time to speak.
"It will never be enough, but it's a start." Sebastian spat before the rouge found himself clutching his jaw, moaning and groveling in the dirt as a very angry and now brightly glowing Fenris hovered threateningly over him.
"How invigorating." Isabella mused looking at the pair, seemingly enjoying the show.
Enanela had gotten herself under control again and walked up to Fenris, putting her hand on his shoulder as she gently shook her head. Fenris growled at Sebastian but dimmed his flaring markings and relaxed his rigid pose as he moved away from the crouching rouge. He stayed close to Enanela's side as she stared icily at Sebastian, close enough to touch but far enough to not seem looming.
It always looked as if Fenris was gravitating towards her, from the start there had been something pulling them together. And against his better judgement he had fallen for her, one with the blighted curse, and a blood mage at that.
He had resisted, taken her flirting in strides, careful not to encourage her further. But after a time of fighting alongside her, seeing her help people, always opting for the peaceful solution no matter the cost to herself. He had begun having a hard time keeping himself from responding to her flirting and more often than not he was lying awake dissecting things she'd said, decisions she had made.
The final straw had been hearing her proclaim he was no one's property but his own, that he was a free man. Fenris knew he'd fallen for her then. He had done nothing to earn her kindness but never the less, there she was. Unwavering loyalty and kindness incarnated. No one messed with her friends and loved one's and lived to tell about it.
In the heat of an emotional moment they had both thrown caution to the wind and ended up in her bedchambers doing things he'd never dreamed of even wanting. It all came so naturally between them it scared him out of his wits, but left him wanting more.
Her touch didn't bring him pain, but instead comfort and unspeakable pleasure. Her smell was not that of death - even though she was a blood mage - but that of flowers and something unique to only her.
There was no words spoken. Only a symphony of moans, sighs and gasp that stroked his ego to no end. Never had he felt so proud at drawing out such sounds from a woman, never had he relished in the way a woman said his name and never had a womans touch driven him pleasantly mad with lust.
His world almost seemed to explode when he had entered her, causing him to pause to catch his breath and regain some semblance of sanity. The way Enanela had writhed under him, clung to him and pleaded with him to move drove him to let go of ever tiny bit of control he usually had. He submitted to chasing his high together with the infuriating, wonderful and utterly breathtaking woman underneath him.
As she neared her peak she was praising him - and every god she knew the name of - before plummeting into the void of euphoria, gasping his name and digging her fingers into his shoulderblades. Her convulsing core pushed Fenris himself over the edge and he muffled his cries of passion in the crook of her neck before coming to rest at her side.
Enanela tucked herself to his side and kissed his still heaving chest. Together they basked in the afterglow, content in their silence and treasuring the closeness.
They fell asleep somewhere along the line and the dreams pestering Fenris that night was far from the usual and much more disturbing and intimidating to him. He had dreamt of his life before the markings. It had all come crashing back, but as he awoke in shock, drenched in sweat, it had all slipped away again.
That's when he made the worst mistake of his life.
He ran.
He ran from her. From the comfort she brought that let his walls fall low enough for his past to come back to haunt him but not enough for him to remember completely. He was scared to forget because it hurt but it was horrifying to think he could remember and that hurt even more.
She held the key to his past and in his weakness – in his fear of not liking what he remembered or liking it too much and having to mourn its loss - he ran from her.
It had hurt him deeply to see her break at his betrayal. To see her recoil from him but still looking out for him when he needed her. Ever kind, understanding and loyal. But when she fell for Anders, a part of him died.
Fenris hadn't had the nerve to apologize, to tell her what he felt and one day it was simply too late.
He would not make that mistake ever again. Even if it killed him, or if he had to walk in that cursed abominations shadow for the rest of eternity, Fenris was not abandoning Enanela ever again.
Sebastian picked himself up, refusing to meet Hawke's icy gaze as he dusted himself of. The bruise from Fenris gauntlet fist was already showing on his jaw. The silence hanging like thick fog in the air between Enanela, Fenris and Sebastian was almost palpable. Everyone was starting to feel a little unnerved when Hawke suddenly spun on her heel, again devoid of feelings as she walked up to Anders. She pulled the knife from its place in the mage's back, cleaned it off on his robes before putting it back in its place next to its three siblings in the strap on her left side.
"We all best get to the Gallows, and quick. It's going to be quite a show." Varric stated, reminding everyone of the urgent situation they were actually in.
Sebastian hesitated for a moment before following after the group. He knew he had spoken out of turn in his grief. He had said some things he wished he hadn't and he only hoped Enanela would not exclude him for his insensitivity.
~.o.O.o.~
Half way through Lowtown they ran into a few shades, but before they had the chance to react someone cleaved them in half. From behind the shades Carver emerged like a miracle. This was one of the few times Enanela saw genuine concern in his eyes as he reprimanded her for being hard to find and giving him a scare when he thought she had died in the mage uprising.
Enanela could stop the remark clawing its way up her throat as her anger flared at him for so often blaming her for things beyond her control, for hounding her with his inferiority complex and being a general pain in the ass.
"Here to cheer on the templars, are you?" she said in her unnaturally icy voice as her eyes blazed with unspoken fury.
"Look, I know what happened in the Deep Roads. You saved my life, and I didn't even thank you." he said looking at her with true remorse but his eyes meeting nothing but cold nothingness.
"But… You are the only family I have left. I have to stand by you. Just say the word and you have my blade." Carver said pleadingly.
"I thought the order was supposed to be neutral." She inquired, anger creeping into her voice.
"I'm a Warden because of you. I blamed you for a long time, but…" Carver tried reaching her. Sensing something was off.
"…you saved more than my life. I am so much more than I was! This is what I was meant to be, and I won't thank you by doing nothing while you start a war." He continued.
"I'm not about to let you die for me." Enanela all but ground out through her teeth.
"And mother said I was the stubborn one…" Carver tried to make the situation lighter. Clearly unnerved by his sisters odd behavior.
"I hope the Templars don't get away with this. If they kill you…" he trailed off, lost for a second in his own anger at the thought of losing his sister.
"In war, victory, Champion. Wherever you're bound." he said suddenly as his features beamed in pride. To his utter surprise Enanela just spun on her heel, continuing her way towards the docks and the boat that would take them to the gallows. Varric patted the young man on the back, giving him a sympathetic look. Isabela mumbled something about having some decent eye-candy at last and Aveline just shook her head and told Carver to follow if that was what he wanted.
"Don't expect too much from your sister right now. She's… in a bad place." Merrill said, looking sadly at Carver as she fell into a steady pace beside him.
And Merrill was not kidding. The ruthlessness Enanela displayed on their way to the docks, shocked Carver to the core.
She was using her full power, pummeling anyone in her way with brutal hemorrhaging, tempests and chain lightning as well as fists of the maker. Clad in her rock armor and having the ability to steal life not only from the dead but the living as well made her as deadly as she was utterly unstoppable. The rest of the group - almost rendered inert by the overwhelming destruction caused by the destabilized mage – settled for picking of stragglers staggering out of Enanela's line of fire.
Carver tried to coax information out of their friends as the boat took them to the Gallows. But no one would grace him with more than Merrill had. They all looked pointedly away from him, offered him apologies and the occasional pat on the back, but nothing more and it was unnerving him to say the least.
Enanela herself, was standing at the bow of the boat, hood pulled down to hide her face from prying eyes. She was so still and quiet it was eerie. Fenris was lingering not far from her side with his usual stony expression but the concerned looks didn't escape Carvers notice.
The discomfort Carver had been was feeling was creeping up his back, gnawing at him until he it had blossomed into full-blown anxiety and fear of what may have happened to his sister. His mind played out a million accursed scenarios, each more vile than the other and he felt helpless, angry and more than a little vindictive.