Eirika had always there for me from when we were just children to late into our adolescence. Though we lived miles apart, though we never saw each other nearly as frequently as we wanted… She was always there by my side in mind, body, spirit. She was… She is my everything.
In the beginning, the idea was I wanted to be her. She had the relationship with her brother that I always yearned for with mine. A relationship filled with love and affection, not one of coldness and tension. She was strong; nothing tore her down. No man, no beast. She looked fear in the eyes and and took it by storm. She was beautiful, her teal hair that glistened against the blue sky, her flawless skin as smooth as silk, a smile that heartened everyone around her. As time went on and we got older, her beauty only blossomed more and more. Just when you thought she couldn't get any more breathtaking, the sun would rise and she would shine brighter than it.
All the while, she was never arrogant. She was never rough. She was never loud, never hurtful, never rambunctious. She was never weak.
She was perfect.
But my idea of envy was dismissed long after I realized these things. My idea of envy was expelled one night, when the moon was full and lit up the night sky, when I was a child. I don't remember why I ran from the castle - maybe my brother, maybe my father - but I ran. I ran so far, so fast that I didn't hear my legs scream to stop, stop! Before I knew it, I collapsed in a field, panting, crying. Pitiful.
I heard a neigh, something land onto the ground nearby. I tilted my head to see a beautiful pegasus, its fur and feathers sparkled and illuminated against the starry sky. It shown like a star itself - one so bright, so big, it encompassed the entire scene. It was still young, just a foal, but I still gasped and retreated behind a tree in fear of scaring away the beautiful creature.
I watched the graceful creature graze, carefully ripping grass from the ground, oblivious to my presence. It was so beautiful, so young. At this time, I didn't have a pegasus of my own - I played with Syrene's from time to time, but as far as my father was concerned I was too young for one. Or he assumed a princess didn't need one. Too dangerous for his little girl.
Something had tapped my shoulder and I squeaked. Someone covered my mouth and giggled. "Don't squeal!" a sweet voice whispered. "You'll scare it off!"
It was Eirika. My mind was frazzled, confused on why she was here. I, then, remembered that she was staying at the castle that night; I was so caught up with my own problems, whatever they were at the time, I fled with the fact that the twins were staying over in the back of my mind. Despite my irrational attitude, Eirika followed me… She followed me to ensure my safety.
We gazed at the pegasus for a while. I was smitten with the pegasus: I wondered how soft its fur, its feathers were. I yearned to ride it. Eirika's gaze, however, kept flickering between me and it.
She nudged me to approach it. At first, I was hesitant; such a wild, majestic creature would definitely show no interest in me. But, she grabbed my shoulders and ushered me from behind the tree. I tip-toed to it reluctantly, expecting it to fly away the minute it took notice of me. But, it didn't. In fact, upon spotting me, it approached me itself, curious. Before I knew it, we were face-to-face, it sniffing my face.
It nudged me. I falteringly touched its snout, in which it responded with a satisfied snort.
When Eirika slipped out from behind the tree, it made no sudden movements. It did seem more wary of her, but when she scratched behind its ears, it neighed in delight. We giggled and pet the pegasus with glee, and the pegasus responded positively. It liked us.
We named it Acheaus and promised to visit it frequently.
But it wasn't Acheaus that left me awestruck that night. At one point, in the midst of our laughter, I turned to Eirika. Her teal hair shown against the black sky, resembling a cluster of stars. The beautiful blue scars of the night that gave it color. Gave it beauty. Of every beautiful thing that stood out that night, she stood out more strikingly than anything else, her eyes reflecting the white of the moon, her smile radiating light. I had forgotten why I was sad.
It was then that I knew that I didn't want to be her, but rather I wanted to be with her.
And that idea of wanting to be with her was why I followed her to Rausten so many years later. All these years of her support, her affection, her protection… I had to return it. I had to be there for her, and I knew being by her side in her venture was what I was meant to do. No longer would I be the King's little girl, Innes' dainty little sister, Frelia's fragile princess. From that day forth, I was Eirika's equal. Her partner.
But the first time I killed another with my own spear, it all came crumbling.
The blood soiled my armor, the soldier's groan ringing in my ears. Haunting. I ripped out my spear as quickly as I could, trying to take back death, but the blood from his chest only sprayed onto Acheaus' white feathers. Feathers stained with the color of war. The enemy soldier flopped to the ground, motionless, unwavering. His last gasp of breath left his body.
If it wasn't him, it would've been Eirika. That's what I told myself. Over and over again. He had charged at her, and she didn't see him. Her back was turned, fending off another. His spear had almost ripped into her back. If I hadn't intervened, she would be gone. If I hadn't swooped in, my heart would be gone. If it wasn't him, it would've been Eirika.
But no matter how much I tried to tell myself that, the shock didn't go away. The fear didn't go away. The disgust. The flips my stomach made. None of it went away.
And I cried. I fell off of Acheaus and cried.
The battle did not stop. All around, death loomed. Death continued to rise at the hands of others. I sobbed, and the battle continued around me. No tears could stop it. No tears could take back these lives. It was terrible, terrible! And my hands contributed to this genocide. In return in my act of playing God, I sobbed and quivered. How I ever believed I could handle this… How I ever believed I could protect anyone…
How I ever believed that Eirika and I could stand side-by-side on the battlefield… I was truly a fool.
Then I was embraced by the one who I wanted to protect so dearly. Eirika had dropped her rapier, dug her knees into the ground, and embraced me. She held me so tight, it was hard to breathe. It was hard to sob. The clashes of metal, the yelling, the sounds of war and death drowned out against her gentle words against my ear.
"I know it's hard. I'm so sorry, Tana." She pushed me away, her hands firm on my shoulders. "It's hard, it's hard. But if we don't fight, who will?" She was the bravest person I knew, but tears welled in her eyes. "You're not alone," was the last thing she said before she kissed my forehead and stood.
I grabbed my spear from the blood-soaked ground and stood with her.