Title: Numb.
Summary: A little Logan/Veronica angst. This is how I think it would have gone down between them at Parkers party.
Spoilers: Season Three, up to Debasement Tapes.
Disclaimer: Alas, I do not own any part of Veronica Mars. It all belongs to the great Rob Thomas. Any ideas that allude to any other person or story is entirely coincidence.
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He's not even sure why he invited her.
It's all coldness and hard edges between them. The way her fingers brush his when he hands her the coffee sends a bolt through him warning him that this is a bad idea.
"So I'm throwing a party for Parker this weekend, you should come"
The pained expression flits across her face for a second before the mask is back concealing what's he's been trying to expose, what he needed her to let him see.
"Maybe.." she trails off before realizing she is a bit too exposed "Sure, I'll bring Mac and Wallace , it'll be fun" She stumbles over the word like it's a rusty razorblade.
"Cool so I'll see you Saturday" he salutes her and walks away.
She doesn't know why she agreed to this, it's all coldness and hard edges between then and every fiber in her body hums, trying to warn her that this is a bad idea.
She stands in front of the mirror appraising her outfit for the millionth time. It's one thing to be attending your ex's girlfriends birthday party alone, it's another thing entirely to look like crap.
"Honey you look gorgeous" he father states from her open door. "Now go before Wallace lapses into a coma, the poor boys been waiting forever!"
She smiles at him, it's a soft smile, the kind that reflects pain and breaks a fathers heart. "Okay Dad, tell him I'm coming".
The party is in full swing when they get there and she couldn't be more relieved to slip into the crowd.
Wallace disappears to get drinks and she retreats for the safety of the sofa.
She sits down and stares at the people around her, all dancing and having fun. She's not sure how she got to this point but she's pretty sure it has something to with growing up too quickly.
Just then Parker appears in her view, "Veronica" she squeals, "you made it, I was worried you wouldn't come!"
The infectious smile and vanilla body lotion hit her all at once and she has to stifle the urge to vomit. "Wouldn't miss it for the World".
"What she means is that she wouldn't miss free cake for the world". Logan laughs, coming up behind Parker as he slips an arm around her waist.
The simple act of closeness is almost to much to handle and burns like a knife. It takes all her will power to drag her eyes away from the train wreck that is Logan and Parker.
"I need to go find a drink". she mumbles as she makes a quick exit.
Parker, oblivious to it all simply shrugs and turns around to Logan, "Thank you so much this is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me" she pecks him on the cheek and he engulfs her in a hug. He watches Veronica down a shot over Parker shoulder and he feels a pang of regret and hurt. He knows that he is the reason she is doing shots with Dick and he knows he is the reason she can't sleep at night with nightmares of Madison running through her mind.
Logan hates that he's the one who gave her more nightmares, between Lilly, his father, Cassidy and now him, it's a wonder Veronica Mars sleep at all.
What Logan doesn't know is that Veronica Mars doesn't sleep anymore. Her nights have turned into a routine. Turn of the lights, invite the monsters in. This time she's not six and she knows her father can't chase these monsters away. So as she downs her third shot she relishes in the alcohol that slides down her throat tracing a line of fire into her belly. It's the most she's felt in weeks and she likes it.
"Slow down there Bobcat!" Veronica cringes at the familiar nickname and grabs at another shot to wash it down.
Logan gently grabs the empty shot glass from her hand. "Veronica you've had enough".
And all of a sudden she can't think and she can't breathe, all she can feel is anger and it's threatening to consume her alive and she hates him for it. "Don't' touch me!" she hisses.
Logan is taken aback. "Ronnie I'm sorry…"
"Don't call me that Logan!" she says, her voice breaking. "Just don't, haven't you done enough, can't you just let me be?" Her eyes are swimming with un-spilled tears and his heart shatters.
"Come on Veronica we need to talk" he drags her into his bedroom and she thinks to herself that is this were any other situation she might be looking forward to getting dragged into his bedroom.
He shuts the door and she plonks herself on the bed feeling the rush of the alcohol up in her brain.
"Just say it Veronica". he says, resigned to whatever he has coming to him. He needs to scream and he needs her to piss him off so much that he hates her. He can't stand feeling like he is the one who has finally broken her when all he ever wanted to do was fix her.
"Come on Ronnie, tell me how I screwed up!" He's yelling now and she's just staring at him slightly confused.
She slowly stands up and walks over to him. They are face to face now and he can feel her, her presence is tangible.
"Logan" she sobs, "You were supposed to be there for me and now all the nightmares are back and they've brought friends, and tell me how shouting at you will help me survive this."
And it its him like a brick to the chest. She's broken and this time it's beyond his repair. He understands that he can't fix this but it kills him. "Ronnie, I'm sorry". he whimpers and it sound like air, like nothing but it's the best he can do.
"Me too" she states as she opens the door and leaves.
He watches her go and it's all coldness and hard edges between them.