Chapter One
"So, Doctor, at last I have you in my power!"
He turned to face the Doctor and Rose. Both of them were standing side by side before him as an energy field held them both immobile. The villain chuckled as he fingered his robe. It was made of expensive Chinese silk with intricate designs crisscrossing it. It was also day-glow orange and the Doctor had to avert his eyes to avoid looking at it directly so he wouldn't get a tremendous headache.
The villain chuckled as he regarded Rose.
"And not only do I have you, but I also have your pretty little companion as well." He said leering at her.
Rose snorted.
The villain sighed contentedly.
"Ah, what a glorious day. At last I have the Doctor in my thrall and with him out of the way, I can complete my plans to take over the universe."
The Doctor rolled his eyes.
"But before I can begin my conquest of the cosmos, I still must decide what to do with you and your pretty friend. After all, I cannot let you live and spoil my plans of galactic conquest, can I?"
"Weeeeeeell…" the Doctor began.
"Because I have heard of your abilities, Doctor. You are a formidable adversary, so I cannot allow you to breathe the same air as me."
"Oh, what a shame." The Doctor said sarcastically.
The villain ignored him; he turned to a huge window built into the side of his spaceship and silently watched the stars.
"Beautiful, is it not, Doctor." He said in a hushed whisper. "The universe looks so peaceful from the deck of my ship. Millions upon millions of species going about their daily lives unaware that soon they will be in my complete control!"
The villain turned quickly and walked back towards the Doctor. The expensive Chinese silk robes rustled softly and the Doctor jerked his head once more to avoid being blinded by the day-glow orange color scheme.
"So, my Doctor, what are you going to do to stop me?" he said eagerly. "Come now, tell me all your plans, I'm dying to hear how you and your little girlfriend are going to defeat a formidable opponent such as myself."
"Well, first I'm gonna recommend you go to this wonderful tailor I know of so you can get something you can wear that won't cause me blindness." The Doctor replied.
The villain laughed a long, boisterous, over-the-top laugh.
"How very droll, Doctor. You are very funny!" he said, pinching his cheek. "Let's see how funny you can be when you are…WRITHING IN PAIN! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!"
"Excuse me, but could you possibly do Rose and me a favor and just kill us now so we don't have to listen to your prattle anymore?" the Doctor asked.
"Oh! Your death will come soon enough, my Doctor. But first I want to see you and your companion…BEG FOR YOUR LIVES, BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
The Doctor sighed.
"Beg for our lives, brilliant. Yeah, no one else has ever thought of that before." He said rolling his eyes. "Listen, um…what was your name? We didn't have time to find it out as we were being beamed out of the TARDIS"
"My name…."
He paused for a melodramatic moment and his eyes widened in anticipation of telling the Doctor and Rose his name.
"Yes, get on with it." The Doctor said annoyed.
"My name…makes all men tremble with fear."
The Doctor glanced at Rose.
"Oh Rassilon, here we go." He muttered to her. "I ask for his name and I get a bunch of narcissistic bullshit leading up to it."
"My name is a name that will live forever. Everywhere, beings of every description will say my name in hushed awe and speak of me in reverent tones."
"Yeah, yeah, what the Hell is it?" the Doctor muttered. "Cut to the chase, will ya?"
"My name shall be spoken of until the very end of the universe." He said.
"WHAT IS IT?" the Doctor screamed.
The villain paused and looked at him.
"Ah, so you wish to know my name so you can pay me due reverence?" he asked.
"Ah, no, I wish to know your name so you'll shut the Hell up!" the Doctor replied.
He grimaced when the villain pinched his cheek extra hard.
"So witty, Doctor. Too bad your wit cannot save you or your friend." He said.
He paused again and a smug smile spread across his face.
"My name…"
He thrust his finger into the air.
"is…THE DREAD OXANDRIAS, MASTER OF THE DARK AND FORBIDDEN ARTS OF SCALIMAION!"
The Doctor and Rose glanced at each other and rolled their eyes.
Oxandrias thrust his finger at the Doctor.
"And you, dear Doctor, shall have just a small sample of the Dark and Forbidden Arts of Scalimaion before you die!"
"Oh goody for me then." The Doctor muttered.
Oxandrias thrust his face towards the Doctor and got in close to him. The Doctor held his breath fighting back the urge to gag, as he smelled the liver and onions and Limburger cheese he had eaten earlier in the day.
"Nooooow, Doctor…"
The Doctor turned green when he got another whiff of the liver, onion, cheese breath.
"Would you mind backing up a bit." The Doctor asked. "To the other end of the universe, perhaps?"
He gritted his teeth when Oxandrias pinched his cheek extra extra hard.
"If you don't stop pinching my cheek, I'll pinch something else on your person and it won't feel too good, I guarantee it." The Doctor said.
Just in case Oxandrias didn't get his meaning, he glanced down at his crotch in a long pointed stare.
Oxandrias ignored him.
"Noooooow, Doctor…" he began again.
"Gah, get away from me with your stinky breath!"
The Doctor tried to turn his head to get away from his rank breath. He inadvertently looked at the day-glow orange Chinese silk robe and closed his eyes in pain.
"And get that bloody robe off before I shred it to bits!" he added.
"Are you…MOCKING ME, DOCTOR!" Oxandrias bellowed. "I hold you and your girl captive. You are powerless against me! If I so desire I could jettison you both into deep space this instant!"
"Good, anything to get Rose and me away from the stinky breath and blinding wardrobe is a-okay in my book!"
Oxandrias regarded him silently for a moment.
"You do not fear me." He finally said.
The Doctor raised his eyebrows.
"Oh, I fear you alright. I'm scared that any moment you might breathe on me again or subject me to your Godawful fashion sense." He said.
He leaned over to Rose.
"Not to mention his over-the-top melodramatic way of speaking." He muttered to her.
He gasped when Oxandrias grabbed him by the lapel of his jacket.
"If you will not cower before me, I will make you cower! I, Doctor, will teach you to fear me!"
The Doctor's eyes bulged out of his head.
"I just said I was scared of ya, you stupid git! What, are the loud colors of your robe making you deaf or some---"
"A battle!"
The Doctor frowned.
"Come again?"
"You shall do battle with me, Doctor! We shall engage in combat and the winner shall control the universe!"
"Um…Just for clarification, I don't wanna control the universe. I just wanna explore it!"
He let out an angry yell when Oxandrias grabbed his cheek and pinched it extra extra extra hard.
"Alright! That's it! I'm tired of having my bloody cheek pinched until it's numb! You want a battle? Then let's have at it!" the Doctor yelled.
Oxandrias grinned from ear to ear.
"AT LAST, I WILL ENGAGE MY FOE IN BATTLE AND THEN I WILL DEFEAT HIM AND THEN I WILL CONTROL THE UNIVERSE! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…
(2 hours later…)
HAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA…"
Finally he stopped and there was only blessed silence. Rose looked over at the Doctor who had fallen asleep waiting for Oxandrias to stop his melodramatic laughing.
"Doctor, he's stopped now." She said to him.
The Doctor let out a snort and jerked himself awake.
"Huh? Oh, he has…oh good." He said. "I was beginning to think he wouldn't shut up."
He let out an oof as the energy field cut off and he fell to the floor.
"Now, Doctor, to battle!" Oxandrias yelled.