Disclaimer: Ownership is neither claimed nor implied.
A/N: "I don't want to fight no more..."
"For your homework," Ms Mason announced, pacing up and down between the desks in her classroom. "I want you to write about yourself, write about how you see yourself, just a few lines, it doesn't have to be War and Peace, then I'll read them out, see if your classmates recognise you from your own descriptions," she said with a tight smile.
"What? So, like a description of ourselves?" Puck asked. "That's not going to be hard to guess. Stud with a 'hawk," he grinned, smoothing his hand over his signature haircut, sending out a leering smile to all the girls in the class. "Who else could it be?" he asked, holding his arms out to the sides. Quinn rolled her eyes and sighed.
"You don't have to write your physical description, just how you see yourself, your personality," Ms Mason clarified. "Hand them in tomorrow, please, try to be creative," she suggested over the sound of the bell and chairs scraping the floor as her class stood to leave.
"I pick today to actually do some homework," Puck grumbled to himself, thinking about Ms Mason's directive. "How do I see myself?" he asked out loud, turning over on to his stomach on his bed to start writing. Puck grinned, his bare feet waving in the air, as he chewed his pen. This could possibly turn out to be real fun. Or it could jump up and bite him on the ass.
"There was some very good work," Ms Mason praised three days later, then glanced down at the piece of paper in her hand. "Let's see if anyone recognises this person," she said before she started reading.
"I always strive to do my best," Ms Mason read, glancing up at the class and noting a number of people who sat up a little, yes she'd seen that first line quite a few times as she read people's work. "I enjoy sports and music, some people might think to excess," she said and glanced up again, noting only one person glancing round surreptitiously, the rest of the class listening intently. "I have overcome adversity on more than one occas..." she was cut off by someone calling out.
"Quinn," Puck called from the back of the class. "Right Q? That's your work?" he asked, leaning out into the aisle to see Quinn glance back, blushing a touch.
"Yes," Quinn replied, thrilled that Puck had been the first person to recognise her. Quinn had thought that either Mercedes or Santana might have been the first and she was a little pissed that they hadn't. She thought they'd have got it sooner, but it didn't hurt that Puck recognised the adversity part.
"I'll read the rest of it," Ms Mason said with a smile. "I have overcome adversity on more than one occasion but only with the help of my friends. I belong to a very special group of people, not only are we a club but we're friends, best friends and we support each other to the end. My goal in life is to get to know my daughter, if and when she is ready to let me into her life and in the fall, I'm going to Yale. Some of you will know by now who I am and if you don't, then we really have something to talk about," she finished reading Quinn's last teasing line. "Good work Quinn, good detection Noah," she praised the two.
Ms Mason read out a few more, some more obvious than others. "This one was quite a surprise," she admitted with an appreciative nod then began to read out loud. "I probably don't see myself as everyone else sees me," she read. "I see myself as a tryer," she continued and tried not to glance in one person's direction, she didn't want to give it away. "I try to be a good guy, I try to do my best for my friends and my family, I try to do as little as possible at school if I'm being completely honest," she read and saw, when she glanced up, one person nodding, biting her lip. "I'd love to say I have an idea what I'm going to do in the future but really, beyond graduating and not getting anyone else preg..."
"Puck," Quinn called, then turned in her seat to smirk at him.
"Ms Mason, you missed out the best part," Puck grinned, his smiling eyes connecting with Quinn's. "She'd have got it sooner if you'd read out that other bit," he pouted.
"Yes, well, I didn't think the piece needed that bit of information," Ms Mason replied with a blush.
"What else did it say?" Sam asked from across the room.
"Hung like a..." Puck started to say and was cut off.
"Porn star," Quinn finished Puck's often said description of himself. Quinn rolled her eyes and turned back to the front of the class. "What line did he write that in? The first or the second?" she asked the teacher.
"The first line," Ms Mason answered, giving Quinn a slightly quizzical glance. "You would have recognised him from that line?" she asked.
"Oh yes," Quinn replied. "It's one of the first things he tells girls when he meets them for the first time," she said with a grim smile. "Hi, my name is Noah Puckerman, you can call me Puck because it rhymes with," she said in a forced deep voice, leaving out the pertinent word. "Oh, and by the way, I'm hung like a porn star," she added, exactly copying Puck's favourite chat up line.
"Does that actually work?" Ms Mason asked, disbelief etched across her face, looking at the girls in her class, wondering if they had any self-esteem at all.
"It did once, right Q?" Puck answered with a slightly sleazy wink. "I used to say it all the time," he admitted, emphasising the 'used to' bit. "I don't say it now, like you wouldn't castrate me if I ever said that to another girl," he pouted.
"Mmm," Quinn murmured, giving a slightly pissed off pout back. "Whatever you say, lover boy," she sighed. "Maybe I took a chance on you despite that," she suggested. "And you do still say it, I've heard you," she added just under her breath.
"I do not still say that to everyone," Puck sighed, pissed off with the argument that had been raging back and forth since the class with Ms Mason.
"Yes you do, you said it last week to that girl in the park, the one selling balloons," Quinn cried. "And quite frankly I'm sick to death of hearing it," she shouted. "And I googled it, trust me, they'd laugh you off the set, porn stars are way bigger than that," she screamed then slammed her phone to the bed as she pressed 'end call', wishing it was as satisfying as slamming the phone down looked in old movies.
"Man this is like a fucking battlefield," Puck sighed to Finn who was sat on the end of Puck's bed waiting patiently for their Brothers In Arms marathon to start. "God, you'd think she'd know by now I'm not going to do the dirty on her," he moaned and flopped back on his bed, his arm over his eyes. "Two fucking years and I've never given her reason to doubt me, right?"
"Mmm," Finn replied, giving a vague, non-committal non answer. "Are we actually going to play this thing?" he sighed, sort of wishing he'd gone with Rachel and Kurt to the Dorothy exhibition in Columbus.
"Sorry," Puck sighed and sat up. "Shit I can't concentrate," he groaned an hour later after he'd been killed a ton of times. "Think she's going to end things with me? Before she goes to New Haven, I mean," he asked.
"No, she loves you," Finn answered uncomfortably.
"Yeah, but I'm hardly Yale material, am I?" Puck demanded. "She's going to be kicking it with all those brainiacs in bow ties," he sighed, "and I'm just a fucking pool cleaner. Why would she ever want to come back to me?"
"Because you gave her something that no one else will ever be able to," Finn reminded him. "You gave her Beth."
"So you're still arguing?" Mercedes asked unnecessarily three days later, after another Glee session where the rest of the class felt totally uncomfortable with Puck and Quinn sniping at each other.
"Oh no, we're all sweetness and light," Quinn answered with a huge, sarcastic smile. "Except he's an idiotic asshole with a porn star complex," she growled in Puck's direction.
"And she's a hormonal super bitch on steroids," Puck spat back over his shoulder as he stood to leave at the end of the class.
"I am so sick of this," Puck sighed two weeks later as they tossed a ball between them during practice. "I have got to do something to snap her out of it," he decided. "I mean, we all know she can be a bitch but this is just fucking ridiculous."
"Sing to her," Sam suggested, tossing the ball in Finn's direction.
"Yep, sing to her," Finn agreed, tossing the ball to Mike.
"I think that would do it," Mike agreed and tossed the ball to Puck.
"Sing to her," Puck muttered and tossed the ball to Sam. "Sing what?" he asked.
"Well, you rock them out better than most," Sam shrugged. "Something rock."
"Rock," Puck repeated, looking away down the field towards the group of Cheerios standing in a pyramid formation, remembering how it used to be, with Quinn balanced like a beautiful, blond cherry on top. "I got it," he murmured to himself. "Will you help me?" he asked, squinting in the bright sunlight, knowing the meaning of true friendship at their murmurs and nods of agreement.
"The guys are waiting in the auditorium for us," Mr Schue told the girls in the choir room as he breezed in one door and straight out of the other, heading in the direction of the auditorium. The girls looked at each other and shrugged, then docilely followed Mr Schuester. When they arrived in the auditorium the guys were waiting, instruments at the ready. "Ok guys, go ahead," Mr Schue invited as the girls sat down to enjoy the show.
"Thanks," Finn replied, giving a slightly shy, embarrassed smile. "One, two, one, two, three, four," he counted them in. Puck took the lead.
"Yeah
I'm sinking inside
And the masts and lines are broken down tonight.
I swallow my pride
But we're drowning in the ocean and it's tearing my heart open, baby
We're high then we're low, first it's yes then it's no, and we're changing like the tides
Yeah, but I want you, I need you, and I guarantee you we'll make it out alive
Cause I don't wanna fight no more,
Even when the waves get rough
I don't wanna see the day we say we've had enough
And I don't wanna fight this war
Bullets coming off our lips
But we stick to our guns and we love like battleships.
Like battleships.
Boom, ba-boom, boom, ba-boom, boom, boom
Boom, ba-boom, boom, ba-boom
And the cannon goes
Boom, ba-boom, boom, ba-boom, boom, boom
Boom, ba-boom, boom, ba-boom
And the cannon goes
Bombs fly through the air
And I know that we're both playing not so fair.
Ohh, show, show me you care
I got my white flag up and it's waving cause you know this love's worth saving baby.
We're high then we're low, first it's yes then it's no, and we're changing like the tides
Yeah, but I want you, I need you, and I guarantee you we'll make it out alive
Cause I don't wanna fight no more,
Even when the waves get rough
I don't wanna see the day we say we've had enough
And I don't wanna fight this war
Bullets coming off our lips
But we stick to our guns and we love like battleships.
Like battleships.
Boom, ba-boom, boom, ba-boom, boom, boom
Boom, ba-boom, boom, ba-boom
And the cannon goes
Boom, ba-boom, boom, ba-boom, boom, boom
Boom, ba-boom, boom, ba-boom
And we love, yeah we love
And we love, yeah we love
I'm sinking inside
Can we finally put our weapons down tonight?
Cause I don't wanna fight no more,
Even when the waves get rough
I don't wanna see the day we say we've had enough
And I don't wanna fight this war
Bullets coming off our lips
But we stick to our guns and we love like battleships.
Like battleships.
Boom, ba-boom, boom, ba-boom, boom, boom
Boom, ba-boom, boom, ba-boom
And the cannon goes
Boom, ba-boom, boom, ba-boom, boom, boom
Boom, ba-boom, boom, ba-boom
And the cannon goes
Boom, ba-boom, boom, ba-boom, boom, boom
Boom, ba-boom, boom, ba-boom
And the cannon goes
Boom, ba-boom, boom, ba-boom, boom, boom
Boom, ba-boom, boom, ba-boom
And we love like battleships"
Puck ended the song standing right in front of Quinn. "Think we can call a truce?" he asked, panting slightly after that awesome performance.
Quinn stood slowly and walked towards Puck as he crouched down at the edge of the stage and jumped down using one hand to balance himself and his guitar. "I'm sorry I've been such a bitch," she apologised. "It's just that I know when I go to New Haven you'll be all alone here and I know you don't do so well at being alone."
"But I'll be too busy working and saving all my money so I can come up there and visit you as much as possible," Puck reminded Quinn. "And then there's Spring Break, we want to go somewhere cool for Spring Break," he said, feeling slightly more hopeful than he had at the start of the day when Quinn had blatantly blanked him in favour of talking - flirting - with Sam and Mike Chang. "So we're good?" he asked.
"We're good," Quinn answered. "No fighting," she smiled.
"No fighting," Puck whispered with a smile and leaned in to plant his lips on hers.
"Wait a minute," Sam called from onstage. "Isn't that a different song entirely?"