In Search Of... A Cunning Plan!, a harry potter fanfic

In Search Of... A Cunning Plan!
By Lauren
daisycutter5889@hotmail.com
http://www.daisycutter5889.cjb.net/

Beta: Lily Celesta - lilycelestapotter@yahoo.com
Read her fanfiction here: http://www.fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=159967

Let us all have fun searching for cunning plans, finding cunning plans, and eventually giving up because we are sick and tired of cunning plans! Goth Hermione, Preppy Draco, and others! Tom Riddle makes a return... and he's feelin' the love! No one says "Mudblood!" (oops... *hits self and goes to find the hobbit-hole*) This story would not be possible with my wonderful beta, Lily (Hi Lily!). The story begins in... well you'll find out. Please read and review! (Oh yeah... Tom is Hot! I (We) love you, Tom!)

Also, My name is *not* JK Rowling, and I don't own anything related to Harry Potter. I am not the CEO of Scholastic or other companies (or Enron or K-Mart, lol) related to Harry Potter. I'm not Cassandra Claire, either, and I didn't write The Draco Series (although I wish I did... awesome story!). So there.

It was a dark and stormy night -

"That's the most overused introduction in the history of literature," said a voice.

Who are you?

"You should start it with something more original," said another.

Excuse me, but is there a party going on in my house that I wasn't invited to?

"No, we've come to inspire you and to help rid the World Wide Web of bad fanfiction," said the first voice.

Yet another voice joined in. "What's the World Wide Web?" it asked.

"The World Wide Web is a connection of computers... wait, you wouldn't know what computers are either, would you?"

I'd had enough. I turned around, and saw three people standing there. Yep, you guessed it. Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and Hermione Granger. In my room. In broad daylight.

"Hello," said Harry.

What are you doing in my house?

"We already told you that," said Hermione.

"Yeah, it was something about a giant spider web..." Ron shuddered.

"World Wide Web," Hermione corrected.

So, you've come to my house to aid me in the fight against badfic. I'm so honored. Now, please let me get back to writing. I opened my notebook, and ended my first written sentence with a period. Suddenly, the room darkened. It was illuminated for a second, and thunder crashed and rolled outside my window. The staccato pitter-patter of rain could be heard reverberating off the roof. Too cool. So what you're telling me is that whatever I write in my notebook comes true?

"Yeah," said Harry. "Something like that."

Awesome. But I haven't written you all in it yet. All I wrote was, "It was a dark (the room darkened) and stormy (thunder crashed) night (the moon came back out of the clouds)."

"Yes, but us three are in every single fanfic out there," Hermione said knowledgeably.

Not true.

"Oh my God," said Ron suddenly. "Is Hermione wrong?"

Yes. I've read plenty of fics without you three. My favorites are retellings of what happened in the Chamber of Secrets before Harry came.

"Oh dear," Harry sighed. "You're not going to do one of those, are you?"

I might.

"Don't write about that," Ron said fiercely. "That git always kisses my sister in those."

Excuse me while I write "that git" into the story.

"No!" the three of them exclaimed.

Okay then. Please shut up, and if you make me mad one more time I will write in all your arch-enemies, and pair you up with them.

"You're going to pair me up with Voldemort?" Harry asked unbelievingly.

"Don't say the name!" Ron exclaimed.

Maybe.

"Let her get back to writing," Hermione said.

Thank you. It was a dark and stormy night. Harry, Ron, and Hermione -

"I told you we were in the story," said Hermione.

Your point is?

"Never mind," said Harry. "Just continue."

Okay. It was a dark and stormy night. Harry, Ron, and Hermione were in the Gryffindor common room, planning their next adventure. The scene switched to the Gryffindor common room. The rain could still be heard outside. The three of them sat in the couch while I curled up in a chair near the fire.

"We never plan our adventures," said Harry. "Voldemort or some other idiot does."

"Don't-"

Please shut up. Let me continue, and if I want you to plan your next adventure you will plan your next adventure. Got it?

"Yes," the three of them said in unison.

Thanks again.

It was a dark and stormy night. Harry, Ron, and Hermione were in the Gryffindor common room, planning their next adventure.

They needed a really cunning plan -

Ron sat up. "I have a really cunning plan," he said.

So?

"It might help the plot line."

You don't even know what the plot line is.

"True, but it's a really cunning plan."

Ever read The Draco Series?

"We're in it," said Harry.

Right. Well, is this "really cunning plan" of yours, "Everybody on the count of three?"

"Er..." said Ron.

Thought so.

"Do you mind if I interrupt you?" Hermione asked.

Oh, no, not at all.

"That's good. I was just wondering what year we're in."

Okay, fine. It was a dark and stormy night. Harry, Ron, and Hermione were in the middle of their sixth year -

"What happened to our fifth year?" asked Harry as they began growing and their features became more adult-like.

The fifth book is so close to coming out that I just skipped it.

"Oh, okay," said Harry in a slightly deeper voice.

Anyway. It was a dark and stormy night. Harry, Ron, and Hermione were in the middle of their sixth year. They hung around in the Gryffindor common room, planning their next adventure.

"What!?!" said Hermione, offended. "I've come up with really cunning plans before!"

"Me too," said Harry.

"Me three," said Ron.

Really, Ron? You've come up with cunning plans before. Laughable. Name one.

"Well, it was our second year and we needed to get information from Malfoy -"

That was Hermione.

"Oh, yeah."

Any other cunning plans?

"No."

Thought so. I'm sure our readers are growing tired of cunning plans, so let's just get on with it, okay?

"All right," they said.

It was a dark and stormy night. Harry, Ron, and Hermione were in the middle of their sixth year. They hung around in the Gryffindor common room, planning their next adventure.

They needed a really cunning plan to go along with this adventure of theirs. The problem was, they were in Gryffindor, and everyone knows that cunning plans are not Gryffindor student's strong points, so they decided to call the real master of cunning plans-

"Who?" asked Harry. "It's not Voldemort, is it?"

"Say 'You-Know-Who'!"

No, it's not him.

"Okay, good."

It was a dark and stormy night. Harry, Ron, and Hermione were in the middle of their sixth year. They hung around in the Gryffindor common room, planning their next adventure.

"Why Malfoy?" asked Harry as Draco appeared in an armchair.

"Why me?" Draco asked.

"Why not a Ravenclaw?" asked Hermione.

Because everyone knows Slytherins' plans are so much better.

The trio looked offended.

Ron snorted. "We're going to have to leave a note telling the house-elves to clean that chair extra good -"

"Extra well," corrected Hermione. She became a bit haughty at the mention of house-elves.

Will you please let me continue? I'd have this done if you all wouldn't interrupt me so much.

"Fine," said Draco. "But hurry up. I don't like being in the same room with a trio of losers."

I'm sure you like it as much as I like being in the same room with a quartet of losers.

"What?"

I was joking.

"Good."

It was a dark and stormy night. Harry, Ron, and Hermione were in the middle of their sixth year. They hung around in the Gryffindor common room, planning their next adventure.

"I still don't see the point of him being here," said Ron.

You wouldn't.

It was a dark and stormy night. Harry, Ron, and Hermione were in the middle of their sixth year. They hung around in the Gryffindor common room, planning their next adventure.

"You would understand if you heard them," said Hermione. "They were terrible."

"I thought they were fine," said Draco.

"Yeah," said Harry. "You would."

This is going to be a long night. Draco didn't even suggest any cunning plans yet.

"I would have if I saw some plot," Draco said.

I should have never bought this notebook.

It was a dark and stormy night. Harry, Ron, and Hermione were in the middle of their sixth year. They hung around in the Gryffindor common room, planning their next adventure.

They needed a really cunning plan to go along with this adventure of theirs.

The problem was, they were in Gryffindor, and everyone knows that cunning plans are not Gryffindor student's strong points, so they decided to call the real master of cunning plans, Draco Malfoy. However, one of the other three would dislike every cunning plan he thought of. They were making so much noise that they woke up Ginny. She came downstairs, asking what was going on.

A voice came from the girl's staircase. "What's going on?" Ginny appeared at the foot of the stairs.

"Now you've done it," said Ron. "You all went and woke up my sister."

Ginny looked over at Draco. He put a mocking gin on his face and waved.

"What in God's name is that git doing here?"

I haven't even written the original "that git" into the story. I poised my pencil over my paper. Should I?

"No!" said Harry, Ron, and Hermione in unison.

Ginny and Draco looked confused. "Who's the original?"

"You don't want to know," said Hermione.

"I do," said Ginny as she sat in an empty armchair.

You sure?

"Yeah," said Ginny and Draco.

Tom Riddle. But I haven't thought of a way to write him into the story, so you all are safe now. Let me continue. It was a dark and stormy night.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione were in the middle of their sixth year. They hung around in the Gryffindor common room, planning their next adventure.

They needed a really cunning plan to go along with this adventure of theirs.

They told her that they were in search of cunning plans, so she decided to help them in their search of a cunning plan.

"I have a cunning plan!" exclaimed Ginny. "And it's really cunning, I promise."

Let's hear it.

"Okay. What we should do is sneak out of Hogwarts and go to Malfoy's mansion. We should get Tom's diary and bring it back here. Then we should use phoenix tears to heal it so we can bring Tom back."

Wow. A Gryffindor whose name is not Hermione came up with a cunning plan. I'm impressed.

"And why would we want to bring him back?" asked Ron.

Ginny sighed. "So he can take over the world, you stupid prat." She coughed. "I mean, help you in your next adventure."

Harry shook his head in amazement. "I would have thought you would be the last one who would want to bring Tom back," he said.

"No, of course not," said Ginny. "I was the one who gave him the idea in the first place."

"You -" began Harry.

"That's not logical," said Hermione.

Why not? They barely show Ginny in the books anyway. She doesn't really have a personality in them. For all you know, she could have.

"True," said Ron. "But even if we managed to get to the diary, it wouldn't work. Dumbledore said Riddle's memories were wiped from the diary."

This is fanfiction. Anything can happen. That is the whole point of fanfiction.

It was a dark and stormy night. Harry, Ron, and Hermione were in the middle of their sixth year. They hung around in the Gryffindor common room, planning their next adventure.

"Yeah," said Hermione. "That sounds like a plan."

"You're right," said Draco. "That's the best one any of us have come up with all night."

I'm glad you all think so. Now that we have our cunning plan...

It was a dark and stormy night. Harry, Ron, and Hermione were in the middle of their sixth year. They hung around in the Gryffindor common room, planning their next adventure.

She suggested they steal Tom's diary from Lucius Malfoy and try to get Tom out of it. After their initial amazement, the others agreed that was the best cunning plan any of them had come up with all night. So they decided to go Malfoy Manor first thing in the morning. Suddenly, the entrance hall appeared around us.

"I guess we had better go now," said Draco.

Sure.

"Yes, but how are we going to get there?" asked Hermione.

Er... broomsticks.

"We don't have our broomsticks."

Fine....

It was a dark and stormy night. Harry, Ron, and Hermione were in the middle of their sixth year. They hung around in the Gryffindor common room, planning their next adventure.

So they decided to go Malfoy Manor first thing in the morning. Hermione had conveniently gotten their broomsticks the previous night, and concealed them in a bush outside of the entrance.

"Oh yeah, I just remembered," said Hermione suddenly. "I left them outside of the door. I concealed them in a bush so no one would find them." She sighed. "I must have forgotten..."

Good going, Hermione.

It was a dark and stormy night. Harry, Ron, and

Hermione were in the middle of their sixth year. They hung around in the Gryffindor common room, planning their next adventure.

So they decided to go Malfoy Manor first thing in the morning. Hermione had conveniently gotten their broomsticks the previous night, and concealed them in a bush outside of the entrance. They got on them and began their journey. The scene swirled around, and suddenly all the characters and I were on broomsticks. They flew until they saw a very large house in the distance.

Draco pointed at the house and said, "That's my house!"

We figured as much. Can we just skip the whole flying scene?

Harry turned to face me. "But I like flying -"

Thank you.

It was a dark and stormy night. Harry, Ron, and Hermione were in the middle of their sixth year. They hung around in the Gryffindor common room, planning their next adventure.

All of them landed on the front porch and went inside. Draco led them down a long corridor, to a torch-lit room with no windows. On a shelf on the other side of the room was a book with a large hole in it. Wow, that's the most I've written without interruption. We appeared in a torch-lit room with no windows.

Ginny pointed to something. "There it is," she said. There was a pause. No one moved.

What are you waiting for?

"You never wrote a part in the story for us to move," said Hermione.

Oh dear. Silly me.

It was a dark and stormy night. Harry, Ron, and Hermione were in the middle of their sixth year. They hung around in the

Gryffindor common room, planning their next adventure.

All of them landed on the front porch and went inside. Draco led them down a long corridor and to a torch-lit room with no windows. On a shelf on the other side of the room was a book with a large hole in it. Ginny walked over to the other side of the room and tried to reach it... but it was too high up. So she asked Ron to get it for her because he was much taller than her.

Ginny walked over to the other side of the room and tried to reach the diary, but to no avail. "Hey, Ron," Ginny called. "Can you get this for me?"

"No problem." Ron joined her and got the diary. They both walked back.

Hey, I didn't say Simon Says.

"What?" asked Ron and Ginny.

I didn't tell you that you could move.

"So?"

I need a normal-er life. I'll look for an ad in the paper tomorrow.

"They advertise those?" Draco asked.

Yes. In the Muggle world, they advertise real lives in the newspaper.

"Oh, okay."

It was a dark and stormy night. Harry, Ron, and Hermione were in the middle of their sixth year. They hung around in the Gryffindor common room, planning their next adventure.

So she asked Ron to get it for her because he was much taller than her.

The quintet brought the diary back to Hogwarts. They climbed the staircase to Dumbledore's office.

"Why Dumbledore's office?" asked Ron.

"Because he has a phoenix," Harry replied.

"We can't get in, though," said Hermione.

Very observant. Why don't you think you can get in?

"Because we don't know the password and Dumbledore's in there,"

Hermione said logically.

Don't you think I was just getting to that?

It was a dark and stormy night.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione were in the middle of their sixth year. They hung around in the Gryffindor common room, planning their next adventure.

They were making so much noise that they woke up Ginny. She came downstairs, asking what was going on. They told her that they were in search of cunning plans, so she decided to help them in their search of a cunning plan. She suggested they steal Tom's diary from Lucius Malfoy and try to get Tom out of it. After their initial amazement, the others agreed that was the best cunning plan any of them had come up with all night. So they decided to go Malfoy Manor first thing in the morning. Hermione had conveniently gotten their broomsticks the previous night, and concealed them in a bush outside of the entrance.

They got on them and began their journey. They flew until they saw a very large house in the distance. All of them landed on the front porch and went inside. Draco led them down a long corridor and to a torch-lit room with no windows. On a shelf on the other side of the room was a book with a large hole in it. Ginny walked over to the other side of the room and tried to reach it... but it was too high up.

So she asked Ron to get it for her because he was much taller than her.

The quintet brought the diary back to

Hogwarts. They climbed the staircase to Dumbledore's office. Since Hermione was a prefect, she had the inside information they needed. She knew the password, and she also knew that Dumbledore was secretly away at a meeting.

So they entered the office and went over to Fawkes the phoenix's cage.

Harry took the diary up to the phoenix because he knew it best. He coaxed it into crying on the diary. The hole patched up perfectly.

"Whee!" Hermione exclaimed. "I'm a prefect!"

Yeah, we know. Did you just say, "whee"?

"Er..."

Harry took the diary from Ginny and brought it to Fawkes. After a moment of coaxing the phoenix cried on the diary. They watched in amazement as the hole disappeared.

Now it's time for you to take it back to your the Gryffindor common room and get him out of it.

"You didn't write it yet," Draco said.

I'm so stupid. How could I forget?

It was a dark and stormy night. Harry, Ron, and Hermione were in the middle of their sixth year. They hung around in the Gryffindor common room, planning their next adventure.

So they decided to go Malfoy Manor first thing in the morning. Hermione had conveniently gotten their broomsticks the previous night, and concealed them in a bush outside of the entrance. They got on them and began their journey. They flew until they saw a very large house in the distance. All of them landed on the front porch and went inside. Draco led them down a long corridor and to a torch-lit room with no windows. On a shelf on the other side of the room was a book with a large hole in it.

Ginny walked over to the other side of the room and tried to reach it... but it was too high up. So she asked Ron to get it for her because he was much taller than her.

The quintet brought the diary back to Hogwarts. They climbed the staircase to Dumbledore's office. Since Hermione was a prefect, she had the inside information they needed. She knew the password, and she also knew that Dumbledore was secretly away at a meeting.

So they entered the office and went over to Fawkes the phoenix's cage. Harry took the diary up to the phoenix because he knew it best. He coaxed it into crying on the diary. The hole patched up perfectly.

They all went back to the Gryffindor common room and waited while Ginny wrote in the diary. The scene changed to the common room. Ginny was scribbling in the diary.

"I don't see why I still have to be here," Draco said. "The decor... it just doesn't suit my features."

Same here. I've never been partial to gold and scarlet.

"Can you change it?"

No.

Harry looked over at Ginny, who was writing quickly in the diary. "Is he there?" he asked.

Ginny spoke while still ceaselessly writing. "Yeah... he says hello... I told him about the plan and he says it sounds good... I'm so smart, aren't

I? Anyway, he thinks he's strong enough to get out of the diary again."

Good. Finally the whole point of the story, which I could have gotten to easily if it wasn't for this new service of yours. Usually, this process would have taken a year, but since this is fanfiction...

Ron yawned animatedly. "How long is it going to take, Gin?"

Ginny finally looked up. "Two seconds," she said.

I don't have two seconds.

It was a dark and stormy night. Harry, Ron, and

Hermione were in the middle of their sixth year. They hung around in the Gryffindor common room, planning their next adventure.

Draco led them down a long corridor and to a torch-lit room with no windows. On a shelf on the other side of the room was a book with a large hole in it.

Ginny walked over to the other side of the room and tried to reach it... but it was too high up. So she asked Ron to get it for her because he was much taller than her.

They all went back to the Gryffindor common room and waited while Ginny wrote in the diary. After a while of writing, Tom appeared out of the diary.

A new person joined us in the last available armchair.

"Hello," said the person who was undoubtedly Tom Riddle.

Hermione snickered. "You know," she began, "if you hadn't gone all evil, you would've been kinda cute."

Hermione, you're just saying that because he looks like Harry, only better.

Ginny laughed. She said, "I told him that after I saw him capture the so-called 'Heir of Slytherin'."

Tom looked over at me. "So," he started, "what do you propose we do now."

Don't ask me. If I wasn't in the Gryffindor common room I probably would've given up on this story.

Ron looked up. "You wouldn't!" he exclaimed. "Er... would you?"

Would I lie?

"Er..."

Anyway. What should happen next?

"Don't ask us," Hermione said. "You're the fanfiction writer."

And you all are the ones that were supposed to inspire me so I wouldn't write a bad fic. Well, now you've done it. This is definitely badfic. In fact, this exemplifies badfic. When people say they are going to write fanfiction someone will tell them, "Don't write something like that girl Lauren did." Honestly.

"Okay, fine then," Hermione said, not too nicely.

Okay.

"So, you brought me out of the diary for nothing?" Tom asked. "Great."

"Well, not exactly for nothing..." Ginny began. "I mean, at least you're out of the diary and now you can take over the world." She raised her eyebrows at me. "But you made me reveal my secret to them." She pointed at the others.

Well, at least you're not without counter-personality. People always think you quiet and obsessed with Harry. Which I know I wouldn't be too happy with.

"You made me stay in a room full of idiots," said Draco. This set off a few tempers, including mine.

Well then, Draco. Let's make this worthwhile. What's one thing that really bugs you about fanfiction?

"Well..." Draco thought for a moment. "You know how in fanfiction I'm always a nice guy? That's not true. I mean, it's fun to be nice a couple of times, but after a while it gets boring."

Ah, the "nice Draco." Something I'm not usually guilty of. How about you, Hermione?

Hermione appeared ready to answer this question. "Do you know how I'm paired with a different person in every fanfic? I don't like that. Why can they just pick one person and that's it?"

Well, usually you're only with one person per fanfic.

"I meant collectively. As a group."

Oh, collectively as a group. Sounds good. Harry?

"Do you know how I have about a billion American twin sisters, who don't look a thing like me with their blond hair, blue eyes, and perpetually red lips? I don't like that. I mean, I think I would already know if I was a twin. Besides, I'm an English half-blood, not an American Muggle-born."

True. If this story were Americanized we would have Emo Harry, Skater Ron, Gothic Hermione, Punk Ginny, Preppy Draco, and... well... I ran out of

Stereotypical teen clothing types. Anyway, Ron?

"Something that really bugs me about fanfiction... er... well, in fanfiction, people tend to pair me up with some random original character. I mean, come on, most of the time I don't even like her, but I have to act like I do for the sake of the story."

Hmm... The Ron/OC ship. Never liked it. Ginny?

"In almost every fanfic out there people always think I have a personality. So they write me as a I'm not, really. I like to have fun and be loud just like everyone else."

Hopefully I'll read more fanfiction where there isn't a "nice Ginny."

Anything that bugs you about fanfiction, Tom?

"Well, I'm not in a lot of fanfiction, but when I am I'm mean and evil. I know when I'm older I'm mean and evil, but deep down I'm really a nice guy, just misunderstood."

Harry spoke up at this. "You mean - Lord Voldemort has a weakness?"

"Don't -"

Actually, his full nickname is "I Am Lord Voldemort," but when people would say that others would think that person was confessing that they were Lord Voldemort. Did that make any sense?

"No," said Draco. "So you mean you're really good, but you just got mixed up with the wrong crowd?"

"Yeah," said Tom, "I guess so."

That sounds right. And he was probably just curious about the Chamber of Secrets. He didn't mean any harm. He just needs a hug.

"So," Hermione said to me. "What bugs you the most about fanfiction?"

These kinds of fanfics.

Like it? lol. Flames welcome (but not needed), they will only be used to heat the Gryffindor common room which I seem to be stuck at... (four guys and three girls... no more heat! lol.) Well, never mind, no flames... Please review... the button is not far... must reach the button... may the Schwartz be with you... what a world, what a world...