The past I'd love to forget (and erase)

by EdeatheDemonFox

I'd love to forget it. My past that is. Better yet, I'd like to erase it. Especially before you find out. I need you. I need you to need me. If I tell you, will you just look at me with pity, or could it possibly strengthen the fragile thing we have now into something more? ::A Jinx Story:: :One Shot: Slight Kid Flash/Jinx.

The past I'd love to forget (and erase.)

::A Jinx fanfic::

Author: CuteVampireCollie

Genre: Angst

Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans. All the rights belong to DC comics.~

I wiped the sweat off my brow effortlessly and with a tired but triumphant grin. Wally had been right. Being a hero was its own reward. God he was turning me into such a sap…The thought made me smile fondly.

It also felt so much better to kick bad guy butt than it did hero butt. I smirked at Gizmo and did one of my back flips before sending one of my usual pink jolts his way. We may have been on the same time at one point, but I still knew him more than he did me.

That, and to be honest…Gizmo was predictable. So in other words, this was going to be so much fun.

I landed on the balls of my feet with ease before dashing away from Gizmo as he zoomed toward me. I sent a bright pink shock of electricity at the remote control in his hands and he fell to the ground, the dust from the impact making him cough and sputter. I gave a small laugh, not bothering to hide it even as he gave me the death glare. Which, coming from someone as puny as him, wasn't much, mind you.

As the police cuffed him and loaded him into the van, Wally-also known as Kid Flash, came to stand beside me and held his hand up for a high five. So classic of Wally to act like a kid. But I playfully slapped his hand anyways, which made him smile softly at me. I quickly averted my gaze, knowing what a look like that could mean and knowing that with someone like me, it could never be true.

That look showed affection…longing. How I knew that when I had never even been shown those things as a child, much less as I was growing up, I didn't know. But I guess Wally was just that easy to read. Unlike me. Even after he had showed me that I could be a hero, even after he had made me feel like I wasn't just bad luck…I couldn't open up to him. Wally would never say anything about it because he was sweet and respected people's privacy that way but I still knew it frustrated him endlessly. I had always been an enigma, not caring that I frustrated even my own teammates (which had been villains back then). It was my life and no one could get me to spill my darkest secrets and fears just like that. (This would be where I would snap my fingers to prove emphasis.) But now…I was part of a team that actually cared about me.

I still kept up my façade because one, I had been doing it all my life. It was as natural to me as breathing. Or my hexes, but that's not the point. Two, unlike before when I had been in The Hive and didn't talk much because I literally just didn't care about them knowing my past (it really wasn't their business anyways), now I was actually afraid of people knowing. Instead of just acting indifferent to the whole matter like I also had done all my life.

Wally was the sweetest person and he was usually never judgmental. That was just it, though. I couldn't stand seeing anyone, especially Wally look at me with pity.

"Come on. Let's go back to the tower." I started walking to the staircase but he stopped me by gripping my wrist. "Why don't we go get something to eat, Jinx? You know, we can talk and you can…tell me more about yourself." He gave me a cheeky, but nervous grin, rubbing the back of his head almost self-consciously. I turned back toward him, my pink eyes remaining neutral. "What's there to know? Heinous, villainous mistress turned hero. That's pretty much all there is." I shrugged, looking down at my black and purple boots, not daring to look back up at him again, fearing he'd break the truth out of me if I did.

"You know I don't like to pry, Jinx, but you've already been a Titan for a few months now and still no one knows really anything about you. Like your favorite food, what you like to do in your spare time…and locking yourself up in your room doesn't count. And also…your name."

I gulped quietly, instantly biting the inside of my cheek tightly between my teeth. I could feel his blue-as-the-sky eyes practically burning me with their intense heat, the pain warm and stifling. He took a step forward, taking my chin gently into his hand. "Come on, I know your real name can't be Jinx. No one's could."

I knew that now, in front of this man, I was quickly breaking, the fractured pieces quickly threatening to fall apart into an endless abyss. But still I tried to break my chin free from his soft, yet form grip. I could feel the burning in my eyes which I hadn't felt for years on top of years now. I hadn't cried since I was a little girl. And that was before I had toughened up. The world can be cruel, along with its people. Every person learns that lesson eventually but I had learned it was I was young. And God help me for trying to protect whatever innocence I possibly possessed, if any, from the one man whom I wanted to care about me and not out of pity.

"How would you know?"I muttered bitterly. His burning, willful gaze finally made me look up, unable to take the heat any longer. I saw concern in his eyes. Concern and a longing to understand the puzzle that was in front of him. But I wasn't sure I was ready to reveal my pieces. To anyone. Least of all to the person who had saved me from a life I really didn't belong to. And who had been there for me, to prove that I could bring good luck if I used my powers for the right things instead of the wrong.

But I hadn't had anyone like him when I was younger and my body was still reacting to the change of someone actually being able to see some sliver of good in me.

"Look, Wally, I just…it's hard to explain." "You know I'm a patient person, Jinx," he murmured gently, pulling me into an embrace. My bubblegum eyes widened in surprise. This was the first time he had ever done this. My eyes quickly clenched shut, the tears threatening once more to spill over. Did I really want to risk this? He was hugging me because he actually cared (which was hard enough to believe in itself), not because he pitied me. I didn't want pity. I didn't want it!

I pulled away from him, though with momentous effort on my part, and quickly darted off. I knew the tower was off limits. That was our home so that'd be the first place he looked. Maybe I could sneak into a nearby café and he would never notice. Yeah, that sounded good.

Quietly gasping for breath, I sat down at one of the small, round tables, fully ignoring when a waitress politely placed a menu down in front of me, offering me a friendly smile. I pushed my sweaty bangs out of my face, my fingers shaking ever so slightly.

'Same old, same old, Jinx. Just running away from your problems. You haven't changed at all.' "Shut up!" I hissed, making nearby people stare skeptically at me. As if the pink hair wasn't enough of a sight. Now they had me quietly yelling at myself as a reason to stare. Have you ever wanted to just run after that little voice inside your head, catch it and strangle it? Of course everyone else probably just has their own thoughts to contend with, not an inner demon hell bent on pointing out their flaws because of their own insecurity.

The bell to the door jingled, making me look up to see that it was Wally. Shit. Okay, so maybe I was predictable. Raven liked cafes as well, so I guess Goth equaled café. Just perfect. He spotted me the moment he entered and made a beeline towards me, while still keeping his super speed in check, lest he attract a bunch of fans. I could already see the nearby girls swooning. And now I felt sick. "Jinx." I waited a few seconds, silently mouthing a prayer before I peered between my pink bangs and into his blue eyes.

He didn't even wait for an invitation before sitting down, just pulled out the chair and sat, looking at me expectantly. "Jinx…I know you're not exactly the caring, sharing type, but you have to know that you excite me. You make me curious. From the moment I saw you, I saw a mask on your face and I just knew that what you were doing wasn't what you wanted. And I feel this need, this want to know more. You're with people that actually care about you now. No one's using you anymore."

He took my hand in his and gave a tight squeeze, making my lower lip begin to tremble, which in turn, made me feel like a pathetic pansy. "You don't have to be an enigma anymore, Jinx." At his words, my head shot up, my glowing, pink eyes wide like a deer's. He understood. I hadn't thought he would, out of fear. But he really did understand. That I put up my puzzling front because it made me feel safe, was my comfort zone. He knew that I wanted to break down and tell him everything but completely feared rejection, even though with someone like him it was completely unnecessary.

His eyes stared into mine, trying to gently pry deeper and break the surface of the mask even my eyes instinctually fabricated. "After the battle against The Brotherhood of Evil and after Robin gave you a communicator, making you a titan, I knew I wanted to know everything about you. I knew that wouldn't be easy, though, because you always seemed to have a lot on your mind." He weakly laughed and I just stared, which he apparently took as some odd sign to continue with his talking.

"I knew that with how easy you made the transition from evil to good, you were never really evil to begin with. I saw it on your face, in your eyes. But I've always wondered why you were on the villain's side when you didn't even want to be there. You told me that you were bad luck and good was never an option. That isn't the only reason, is it?"

I blinked, coming out of my blank state of mind and shook my head, massaging my temples expertly with my fingers. I had to tell him. Maybe it would do some good for someone besides me to know, someone who was ultimately good and kind-hearted. It would eat me up inside eventually if I didn't. With a sigh, I dropped my other hand back to the table, which Wally then grasped alongside my other one.

"You have to understand that my past isn't pretty." Wally shook his head, giving me that small, lopsided smile that made my heart do a double back flip. "I didn't say that it was. Look at the other titans. Robin was basically dumped by his very own mentor after his parents were killed by a psycho. Starfire came from an alien planet, had to learn English and all of Earth's cultures. Raven's father is a devil who used her to try and fulfill his evil schemes. Beast Boy…I don't know much about the kid's past but I think he's a little messed up in the head either way."

That put a slight smile on my face. Everyone liked to pick on the little, green changeling. He was a magnet for it. "And then there's Cyborg. He got into a freak accident in high school and had to replace his ruined human body parts with robotic ones so he could keep on living and doing the things he loved. Face it, Jinx. Not everyone's had perfect pasts. Don't think you're the misfit in the middle of a group of perfect people because that's not true at all."

His words…calmed me. My pounding heart was no longer trying to fight its way out of my chest, but instead beating normally. My body was no longer trembling. I took a deep, but still shaky breath. I could do this. I could totally prove that stupid voice inside my head wrong. I had changed. It's too bad I had to come clean about my past of all things to prove that I could let people inside my perfectly built shell. Why couldn't it have been what my favorite color was? Oh, wait, that was obvious…Purple.

He gave my hand another squeeze, reassuring, telling me to take my time. The look in his eyes said that I didn't even have to tell him. He just wanted to know. And…maybe it was time to do some giving to someone else instead of just giving and taking for myself.

I closed my eyes, focused on my heartbeat, and our entwined hands and the rest of the world faded away, like water making paint bleed right off the page.

A little girl with hot pink hair was curled in on herself against the base of a huge, oak tree. Someone had made fun of her again. And called her bad luck. No one had done both in the same day before. Maybe things were just starting to finally get worse. "I thought having pink hair made me special. Why do people think it's stupid?" With a sigh, the girl stood up, wiping the dirt off her favorite black and purple dress. She wiped her tears casually from her pale cheeks, acting like she had been crying over something like losing her favorite toy instead of something as painful as bullying.

Maybe she was bad luck. She had missed her bus again. Her unusual pink eyes darted up to the sky, only to see it darkening with streaks of gray, the clouds becoming fat with the forewarning of oncoming rain. Sure enough, as soon as she stepped out from under the tree's leafy umbrella, the unwanted droplets began to fall, catching her in the middle of the cascading downpour. Her mom was going to kill her for not only coming home late again, but coming home dirty and wet. If there was one thing her mother hated almost as much as she hated the little girl herself it was anything dirty.

She trudged home slowly, already knowing there was going to be a shouting match featuring her mother and father, directed towards her of course. Why was she anxious to get home when that was waiting for her? She wasn't, obviously. Because then they would compare her to her perfect older sister once more, just like they always did.

Once standing on the front porch, she opened the door, just deciding to get it over with. She dropped her backpack in the entryway, kicking her shoes off without care for where the landed, and instantly her mother was on her, like a hawk on a mouse. "Look at you, you're such a mess! Can't you ever come home like a normal child? Or better yet, more like your sister? Always on time, always clean, she's the perfect example of a normal girl, your sister."

"Yes mom," the girl muttered, beginning to pad into the kitchen to see if there was anything to snack on, though dinner was probably already being started so she'd get yelled at for that too, but anything to just get a second's worth of peace. And all too soon, that second was up. "Why are you still inside? You're dripping like a poor excuse for a rat. Go outside with a towel and dry off."

Pink eyes rolled at the order but the girl followed her mother's order, going to the bathroom and getting a towel and then going out to the back porch, staying under the roof so she wouldn't get any more wet as she toweled off, starting with her hair and then her still clothed body. When she came back in, the table was indeed being set and her perfect, dear sister was downstairs now as well, too.

Their mother was giving the older girl a fond pat on the head and the pinkette could only watch as the green, little monster inside of her continued to grow. "Momma, what can I do to be normal?" She had never asked the question before and was prepared for her mother to snap, but she really wanted to know. If being normal would make her mother show her affection and make the kids at school stop teasing her, she would do anything.

Her mother laughed bitterly. "You can do nothing. It's not just in the way you act, or the uncanny, freaky way you have of telling when bad things are going to happen, it's the fact that you have pink hair. And that you also cause bad things to happen, after you predict them, of course."

"I could dye my hair then." Her heart ached with the wish to be able to change the other half of what her mother had said and her bright eyes showed that, already beginning to glitter dully with tears. Her mother laughed again, her dad as usual not paying attention to her yet, instead choosing to indulge in the sports section of the paper. But soon enough there would be yelling from both of her parents. And she would go up to her room and hide after their yelling turned to one another instead of her. They would always blame the other for conceiving such a freak of a child.

When she had been even younger than she was now, her mother had seemed to actually love her. But the others parent's comments and sneering stares probably made her snap. In all reality, she couldn't blame her mother. The girl couldn't even look into a mirror and see her own reflection without flinching at how different she looked. Bu she still selfishly wished for someone's love or acceptance. Understanding would be good, too.

Her father usually remained indifferent. He only yelled every now and then at her. It was usually when her mom was in a really bad mood, therefore making her rage worse. And her sister…even better. She was a lot of the times the cause for her being bullied. Her sister was popular and in the upper half of the elementary school, full of the older kids. The younger kids always listened to them; to her.

After the table was set, the little girl not being able to do anything naturally because her mother feared she would break the beautiful china plates they owned with her bad luck, dinner was started. It was a quiet affair on her part, as it always was. She never spoke up during dinner because, like with almost every other time, it only served to make her mother mad.

"I was thinking, John. Maybe it's time we enroll her in a different school." The little girl looked up from her plate, instantly knowing they were talking about her. Quickly she looked back down but didn't continue to eat, or even just toy her food around the plate with her fork. Instead she just stared. She knew what "school" her mother was referring to. She had heard her talking about it over the phone. It wasn't even a school, but an institute. To be specific, with her knack for being able to foresee all things destruction but also her ability to accidentally cause it, she knew it was only a matter of time before she was sent to a mental institution. She had trouble pronouncing the shorter word it was also known as but ultimately she knew her parents didn't want her because she was different. Mental. A burden. And this would be their way to finally get rid of her.

"Maria, maybe that's not the best way to change her for the better. Being locked up and all alone?" The girl looked up in surprise at her father's defending words. He had never done that before. She looked at her sister questioningly and the older girl just sneered.

But her father's first stunningly heartfelt words had apparently (though obviously) gone on deaf ears. Which the girl knew they would. What her mother wanted, her mother ended up getting. For only a week later, she was having a metal bracelet put on her wrist, stating her name and mental unstability; having to be separated from the only people, though uncaring, that had been the only ones she'd grown up with. She sat on a metal table, with wires all over her head, being tested for further analysis and watched the only family she had ever known walk away for good.

She knew without a doubt none of them would come back. Not even her father, who for once had tears in his eyes over a matter concerning her. And she had been right.

I opened my eyes, letting the world flow back in, quickly realizing that I had been more into the replay of the actual memories over the words I had been putting them into. My eyes rose from the table to meet Wally, who actually looked stunned. Had that been what I had been expecting? Wally's grip on my hand was tighter than before and now he was trembling.

"In case you're wondering, the reason why my hair is light pink now instead of the hot pink I mentioned is because being out in the sun more often after I was released from the hospital lightened it." I tried to make it sound like I thought that little tidbit of random knowledge about me was funny but at this moment, it really wasn't. Maybe I really hadn't changed all that much after all. I was still deflecting my hurt, making it seem as if it were nothing. That it shouldn't matter to anyone else because it didn't particularly matter to me. Which both Wally and I would agree was a load of bull, but it was a knee-jerk reaction as well as a natural one.

Wally shook his head. "Jinx, that's not funny. I had no idea it was that bad….What happened to your parents after you were released?" I shrugged. What I think was best for all of us. There was no way they'd want me back so I guess it's good they died before I got out of that place. I was sent to an orphanage, like my sister was, though we never met so she was probably in a different one, but I quickly ran away and never went back."

"My career as a villain I guess you could say started out when I needed to steal food in order to be able to eat. And then it was a bracelet, ring, t-shirt here and there and then it started into bigger things when I was found and taken in by the Hive. I guess the main reason I became a villain is because after the Hive had been the first place to actually want to take in an outcast with freakish powers like me, I was willing to steal for them. Because they didn't hate me for the things I could do, the odd powers I possessed to predict and cause destruction. They were even the ones who trained me to form my bad luck into an actual physical attack. Those pink electric shocks that I fight with….Maybe even the fear I'd see on my victim's faces had something to do with it at the very beginning too. Knowing that I was hurting them and they could do nothing to hurt me like the kids who could before…it was exhilarating."

I looked down at our laced fingers, smiling slightly, albeit sadly. Then I looked back up to Wally, who was still, for the most part speechless. "But only at first. After a little while I started to get sick of it, like everything else, but with luck as bad as mine, where could I go where people would actually accept me? So I kept up the bad girl act. That is until you came along."

"You made something blossom in my chest that never had before. Hope. For a better life, a better future. A life of possibly good instead of always evil." Realizing somewhere during recalling my story I had begun to speak louder, I quickly narrowed my gaze on quite a few people at neighboring tables staring at me. I reached a hand up to feel my cheek and sure enough…it was wet.

"Come on, let's go outside." Wally hurriedly grabbed my hand and led me outside and into the pouring rain. I shivered, not because of the cold, more so because on every completely and utterly horribly day of my life it had also been raining. But as I looked into Wally's eyes, I had that feeling I mentioned to him only mere seconds before. Hope. Maybe my life wouldn't feel like a living hell today, like it had all those other rainy days.

"What was your name?" Wally asked quietly. His hand reached up, reverently touching my cheek, almost like he was afraid I was going to just disappear. I closed my eyes and let my breath out in a quiet whoosh, steeling myself. "Amy."

He pursed his lips before smiling that smile I so loved and pulled me into his arms. "To be honest, I don't see you as an Amy at all. But if that's who you want to be again….Whoever you want to be…I'll still love you. I'll love you no matter who you decide to be. Whether it's Jinx, Amy…or even Magnolia."

I looked up at him with raised eyebrows. "Where on Earth did that one come from?" He shrugged, the smile never leaving his face. "I don't know." I rolled my eyes, a small smile breaking out on my still tearstained face as well. "Just shut up and kiss me." And he did.

My past didn't matter to him. He didn't pity me for it. Instead it made him love me more. And that was all I needed.

I hope you enjoyed this and that it wasn't too random at some parts and that my detailing was alright and everything. Sorry if the names were weird. I've never read the comics and I didn't see another name for Jinx on her Wiki so I just came up with one on the spot. Possibly Amy felt alright to use because of Amy Rose and Jinx both having pink hair! Major Lol.

Also, the reason little Jinx had hot pink hair was because I actually just tonight as well colored a fan-art I did. The pink ended up darker than I wanted but then I thought about it and could really see it being darker when she's younger and then lightening as she got older. My hair's the opposite. It's been getting darker. ^^; Anyways, I hope this isn't rushed or anything. I've always thought Jinx was a cutie ever since I first got into Teen Titans and first saw her, and I also would always wish they'd make her a good guy (although I realize now, you can't help when you like a villain sometimes. ;D) and then I saw Lightspeed and fell even more in love.

They never really did show Kid Flash very much. And Jinx, though she had a bit more screen time. So I hope I kept them at least somewhat in character. If not….sorry. ^^; If Jinx does have a real name in the comics, feel free to tell me because I am curious. A writer I am really fond of made Jinx's real name Olivia and that is fitting, but I wasn't sure if that was her real name or not. So I looked and couldn't find it and I didn't want to copy this author's name for her, so…Wow, I ramble.

I'll try to make the rest of this quick then! If you adore Teen Titans, please go check out ElleWednesday's profile because she does excellent, amazing, inspiring TT work and actually uses both the comics and the show for reference. I've never read the comics, once again, so….

-pathetic- Orz…Anyways, because she's such an amazing authoress, this story is dedicated to her. And to Jinx. Who made me fall in love almost as hard as Wally did. If not more. XD

~CuteVampireCollie~