Chapter 1: Leaving
"Come on a walk with me."I suggested to her when she got out of her truck. I felt bad, I knew she didn't want to come with me, yet she really did. I grabbed her hand, and we slowly started walking a crossed her yard and into the forest. Only a few feet into the forest I stopped and leaned against a tree to look at her. I was the only one to know this was the last time I would.
"Let's talk." She said to me stiffly, but much stronger. I took a deep breath getting ready for what I was about to say, it felt weird of course because of the fact I didn't need to breathe.
"Bella we're leaving." I finally said, her cool name slipping off of my tongue like silk. She took a deep breath, mimicking the breath I took, getting ready to talk. I wish I could hear her thoughts, yelling at me to stay, maybe I would change my mind, and my family would all come home, but that was just a hope.
"Why now? Another year…" She asked me, a sad tone falling into her voice, yet surprisingly strong still.
"Bella, it's time. How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he's claiming he's thirty three now. We'd have to start over regardless." I referred, to our "not stay in a town too long" rule, but if that were it we would take Bella. I stared at her, trying to make it cold, trying to scare her.
"When you say we -," she whispered. I was surprised to hear her whisper after her voice was so strong, but I answered her.
"I mean my family, and myself." These words reminded me of Carlisle and Esme, and my brothers and sisters… Even the more reason to leave faster, but I knew this would hurt Bella. Then I stared at her again waiting for her to speak. I tried to keep it cold, but there was something about her eyes. They were deep brown, and when I looked into them I seemed to get lost inside the thoughts I couldn't hear.
"Okay" she said, "I'll come with you." I couldn't let this happen this was the only reason I was going to leave her, to get away from her. To keep her safe.
"You can't Bella. Where were going…" was this really the reason? No. but this was all I could think of. "…It's not the right place for you."
"Where you are is the right place for me." I thought about this. Was it really? It seems that where I am is NOT the right place for her. If I stay with her, she will keep getting hurt, and I can't let that happen.
"I'm no good for you, Bella." I realized the truth, but also the lie. Was this just a lie after all? I didn't want to leave her. I could take her with us.
"Don't be ridiculous." She whined, "You're the very best part of my life." Was this true? Of all the things that have happened to her, because of me, because of what we are, am I the best part of her life?
"My world is not for you," I said darkly.
"What happened with Jasper – that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!"
"You're right," I knew this wasn't the reason. It was the fact that we were monsters, and the more time we spend with her the more she'll get hurt. "It was exactly what was to be expected."
"You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay"
"As long as it was best for you," I added quickly.
"NO! This is about my soul isn't it?" I was taken aback by her yelling, the forest was echoing. Compared to the whispering I didn't like this much. "Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward! I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you- it's yours already!" I stared at the ground. My head was having an argument. Lie Edward Lie! It will be better for Bella. Then there was a part of me that wanted to be selfish. Edward stay. You love Bella she loves you, don't do this. I felt like I was being pulled apart by myself. I made up my mind.
"Bella, I don't want you to come with me," What are you doing?! STAY! I stared at her, reading her face. My cold eyes glared into hers, and I knew there was no turning back after I left now.
Her eyes were hurt when she spoke again. "You…don't…want me?" I thought for a moment still looking at her face.
"No" STUPID! The voice was yelling again.
"Well, that changes things." Her voice sounded so calm, I couldn't understand why she was so calm. Yet I knew Bella was very good with emotions. This was a time I needed to know what she was thinking. I kept my face strong, as solid as I could as I stared at her emotionless face. I looked away knowing she would have some sort of expression after I said anything else.
"Of course, I'll always love you…in a way. But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm…tiered of pretending to be human." This was all the truth, I wanted to stay, but it was too late, I loved Bella too much. My decision was already made. I looked back at her as she intently examined my face for the last time. "I've let this go on for much too long, and I'm sorry for that."
"Don't," she whisper, I was happier she was not yelling any more. She could not change my mind now, it was too late even for our love, this stinging love where each second of every day I would want to put my lips on her neck… This was the reason I would leave I could not handle being with her. I had to leave. "Don't do this" she pleaded.
"You're no good for me, Bella." I made it harder for her to argue with me this time. I just stared at her, sure that she would beg again.
"If…that's what you want." I was surprised by her answer, but when was I never? My body was yelling again. It's not, Edward. This is not what you want. I ignored the voices in my head and nodded. I was trying to keep her safe, so I needed to make sure she would be safe without her "vampire guardian."
"I would like to ask you one favor, though, if that's not too much," I asked. I needed her to do this for me, so I could stay away. I looked at her with loving eyes, if only for a fraction of a second. Then I grew the strength to become serene again.
"Anything," She vowed, seeming like she was waiting for me to ask her to come with me. My body remained rigid as I looked at her softer, by only a little thinking of all the things she could get herself into.
"Don't do anything reckless or stupid," I need this from you. I felt like I didn't trust her. "Do you understand?" She looked at me with a thought in her head something I didn't know, and nodded. I looked back at the words I had just spoken, realizing I needed to be more composed, act like I didn't love her like I did. "I'm thinking of Charlie of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself-for him." I don't want to leave Bella! I love you! Come with me! These words lingered in my head for a moment. She nodded.
"I will," she added. I stopped being so tense.
"And I'll make a promise in return," a promise I can't keep "I promise that this is the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without anymore inference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed." Her unstableness was the first real reaction I had seen from her yet. Her knees wobbled and I could tell she wished this was a dream. I smiled.
"Don't worry. You're human- your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds of your kind." But would time heal for her? Will she be able to forget me and my family? Would she be able to forget our love?
"And your memories?" she asked me.
"Well"-I can't forget her, no matter what I can't she was everything to me, and I was leaving her, leaving a part of me, that I never thought I could have. " I won't forget. But my kind… we're very easily distracted." I tried to smile, to calm her, to convince her she didn't have to worry. I stepped back from her. Remembering the spot on the tree I was when we stopped. "That's everything I suppose. We won't bother you again." I had to add the plural. My family was never coming back. I couldn't either.
"Alice isn't coming back, "It was less than a question, more a realization. I shook my head, keeping my eyes directly in hers. At this her heart started to beat harder.
I wanted to grab her and kiss her hard, without any control, for it would be the last time I would ever touch her again, but of course I couldn't. Instead I turned…Don't do it Edward the voice screamed inside my head. I ignored it and ran, not looking back, not realizing for any moment that I couldn't love her anymore I already had a strong realization. I ran, hearing the loud thudding of her feet on the forest bottom, of her running after me after a while I heard a faint thudding behind me, probably her hitting the ground with exhaustion. I ran until the scent, the luscious sent of my true love left my nose, remembering it would even be to hard even remember now.