Hello loves, Just wanted to pop in and give you the link to the visual archive i have created for this story. It's on my profile and dont forget It does have a password.

Password: bigbandswing

I pulled out the key from the door knob and set it on the tall table with the clutch. My hand hit the wall for balance as I wobbled on one foot trying to peel off the black stiletto and then the other I stretched my toes, who were still wrapped in the black tip of my stockings. In several disjunct movements I shed my jacket and swung my foot to the steel door of my apartment slamming it. My head hung low my dark blonde curls a mess surrounding my face as I stumbled further into my tiny flat in Manhattan. With a sigh I stood in front of the window looking out to the city drenched in fresh rain. With the light from my night stand reflecting on the glass I could easily see my hair and running mascara. Though I could easily blame the mascara from the pouring rain, I felt the ping in my heart know it was my tears causing the mess. Lightening flashed lighting up the darkness that the street lamps couldn't reach. For a moment I thought I saw people in the always across from my building. I leaned in to the window hands on either side of my face on the glass preventing me from losing balance. Edging my face closer, I could only make out something shuffling.

*BAM*

Lightning struck above my building and rattling not only me, but the windows I was using for balance. As stumbled backwards and down the only thought I was about what I saw when the light flashed, as if it all was in slow motion. It was two people one large and the other small. The small guy was holding up a trash can lid as the bigger man was coming down to punch him. That glimpse confused my inebriated brain, and it was too soggy to deal with it. Blinking from the immanent fall and the bright flash, my body braced for a hard landing, which like anything that happens this way, comes harder and more painful than expected. My head slammed against the brace of my bed's brass footer.

After several moments of just making the room stop spinning, I pulled myself up and sat against the brass bed frame and tilted my head back against it in thought.

"I wasn't supposed to go this way," I whispered to myself. My eyes focused out the window watch the steady drip of rain from the sky. Right now I was supposed to be living the 'American Dream', having my husband living in the house I picked for us, raising the children we were supposed to have. I met him about 2 years ago in my senior year of college, I was getting my nursing degree, and he, and well he was getting his MD. It was perfect picture perfect. We were happy as could be. We spent as much time together as we could. I was sure he would ask me to marry him, and then just over a year ago he did. I said yes almost before he finished the question. I then began to plan our future together. He was out doing interviews with hospitals all over the eastern seaboard, but decided on one in New York City, a 15 hour drive from our home in Virginia.

At this point in my memories I wasn't sure if it was the liquor or the thought of how everything changed after that, that made my stomach roll, but it was enough for me to move out of my thoughts for a moment. I shifted and pulled my stockings off. Crawled over to my night stand and grabbed some bobby pins to pull my hair in a messy bun. By now I had this down to a routine. I pulled off the dress and took off my bra and panties, then grabbed the oversized shirt I slept in last night and crawled into my bed. Huddling in my sheets only my eyes could be seen on the top edge of my blanket, eyes still on the rain.

My thoughts drifted where I had left off in my though process. I wanted to have the wedding before I moved in with him. He purchased a small flat in the city close to the hospital, while I finished plans for everything. We'd call each other every night to see how the other was, but one night I could hear the change in his voice, there was something he wasn't telling me. Rather than press the subject I hoped he would tell me. Several days passed until he told me. He had received a letter from the U.S. Army about his civic duty. And just like that my plans and dreams were going to be shattered. Because of the fact that he was a Doctor they were giving him a crash course and then sending him off. I knew what that meant, they were basically giving him a pat on the back and wishing him luck before ultimately sending him somewhere, where the odds of returning were frightening to me. He consoled me told me that this was only temporary. He told me he would come back and marry me and we could start our lives.

I remember the look on my mother's face when I hung up the phone. I told her I was leaving for New York, and amidst her protests I packed a bag. I heard every word she was saying, and I knew why she was saying it. She didn't want me to end up like her, alone. My father died serving in the last war leaving my pregnant mother with a baby, no income, no help, and her great love gone. I knew how hard it was for her raising me alone. That fight between her and I, I pleaded for her to let me go see my love, to marry him before he left, to be by his side as much as I could. I knew that the time I would have was small but

"I will never forgive you, if you hold me back from him!" I screamed the words at her. Tears streaming down my face, "if I never get to see him again…" I leaned against the wall sobbing, "If the last time I get to hear his voice is on that telephone. No!" I stood up and picked up my bag, "I'm going.."

The trip itself was a blur, one big emotional rollercoaster ride. Hours passed before I realized it. I remember coming across the bridge in to New York, and finally arriving. When I came up to the apartment, this very apartment where I laid in a drunken mess. I kissed him harder and loved him with my body as much as I could, farther than when we had ever before gone.

A shudder ran up my body and a tear slid from my eye

That night in his arms he told me how he was a fool for not telling me sooner, but he knew my fears and reservations from what I knew of my mother and father.

"Sophia Ann, I am a damn fool. All I want is you by my side. If I had told you sooner, we could have had more time," he paused and I was silent. He was right, he was a fool.

"I can't believe you drove all this way.. He said staring at the ceiling; I moved my head closer into his chest.

"I love you John, that's what matters," I ran my fingers across his body in fear I'd forget the feeling of his skin, the shape of his lips, the way they felt on mine. A tear slid from my eye on to his chest, I closed them so he wouldn't know how upset I was. Looking back on it, I know he knew how much it was killing me. I held my eyes shut tight while he played with my hair, he knew when he did that it relaxed me. Eventually against my will I slipped asleep and when I woke… He was gone.

I rolled over at this point in my memories to look at the night stand, and inside the drawer there was the letter I found when I woke that morning. I just stared at it, I had it memorized.

Sophia my love,

I didn't wake you because I know you would have never let me walk out the door. Never forget I love you, and I'll be back as quick as I can. When I get to a position to where I write you I will. Please let the knowledge of how deep my love runs for you comfort you in this hard time.

-John

The time that passed after that letter I actually moved into his apartment and got a job at the very hospital he worked for, months went by before I heard word from him, and in those months I cried myself to sleep at night every day, and when I woke up too. I got two more letters from him after the first. After that I was another two months before any word. And I would of waited years before I got the word that I did. The day was average as far as weather; I was wearing my blue dress, cooking a small portion of pasta for myself when there was a knock on my door.

I stopped my memories right there. I didn't need or want to think about the pain I felt when I got his killed in action letter. In the months that followed that, my mother fell ill and passed away, and I became a regular at the bar down the block. In under a year my life that I had for myself and planned was burnt to the ground, and I was helpless to watch.

Don't forget the website!