The Difference

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Unnecessary disclaimer: None of the characters, dialogue or storylines appearing in the TV show "House, M. D." belong to me.

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Summary: Chase got fired. Foreman was pushed to the point of quitting. To her he had said nothing, made no sign. Did he want her to stay? Or was there another reason? House/Cameron.

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Chase was fired because he would no go on his own. Foreman was pushed and pushed to the point of quitting. To her he had said nothing, made no sign.

She puzzled over it, but knew she didn't have much time to decide. If she was going to leave, it had to be now. Could she stay back while the other two moved on?

She wanted to. The idea of having House all to herself if even for a little while was entirely appealing to her, in spite of all her misgivings and frustrations with the man.

She knew she ought to move on. But for some reason, House wasn't pushing her to do so. Did he think she wasn't ready? The thought made her indignant. She became determined to show him that he was wrong. She was so much stronger than he gave her credit for. It began to seem to her like a taunt, a challenge, and she wanted to prove to him that she was up to it.

She typed up the resignation letter, printed and signed it, her hands steady. It was a strange feeling, but as she recalled, she had done this once before.

She waited in his office after most people had gone home. Giving someone a resignation letter really wasn't an intimate moment, but somehow she didn't want anyone else to see.

She stood when he came in, feeling suddenly nervous. When she told him why she had waited for him, he seemed both surprised and sad. She had begun to learn his emotions, studying the subtle signs in his expressions. A skill she had tried so hard to perfect now relegated to near-useless status.

"I've gotten all I can from this job," she said, keeping her voice steady. She wasn't lying; she had gotten all she could. She had wanted more, but to drag it out would only be agony.

"What do you expect me to do? Break down and apologize? Beg Chase to come back?"

He sounded almost as if he would do it, and for some reason she couldn't suppress a smile. "No, I expect you to do what you always do - make a joke and go on." His seriousness began to scare her, and she wondered if she was doing the right thing.

She moved around the desk to be closer to him. It might be the last time. "I expect you to be just fine." Please.

She ran her hand down his arm, unable to stop herself from touching him. The words slipped out without really meaning to. "I'll miss you."

She lingered for just a moment. Their faces were so close that she could hardly breathe. She walked on, forcing herself to increase her distance from him. She didn't want to make a fool of herself now. She walked on without a look back, her heart thumping hard inside her chest.

Reaching her car, she found herself full of emotional and sexual frustration. She had wanted him so badly, wanted him to love her, to need her. She had been so starved for love for so long. She was feeling so lost just now.

She drove aimlessly, and eventually found herself somewhere she swore she would never go, at least not like this.

But she couldn't help it. At least if she couldn't have House, she could be loved. When Chase opened the door, she kissed him.

…

Many years passed before she asked him the question that had been on her mind that day.

She walked through the halls of Princeton-Plainsboro as if in a dream. Few people acknowledged her; most of the staff had changed over the years.

He wasn't in his office, so she sat down in his chair to wait. Everything was so familiar. The office looked almost the same as when she had left. She spun the chair around and scanned his bookcase for something to read while she waited. Laying atop a pile of books was a new medical journal, so she leaned back to read it while she waited. When House entered, all he could see was the top of her head peeking out over the back of his chair.

When she spun round slowly, he spoke. "This looks familiar," he quipped.

She stood, moving around the desk so he could have his chair. "It's good to see you. I've missed you."

"You couldn't stay away. Come back for your old job?" he asked, smirking as he limped towards her.

She looked down with a smile and small shake of her head. "I'm only here until tomorrow." When she looked back up, he was right above her, and her breath caught in her throat.

"You can't have it anyways," he said, surprisingly soft. "It won't be here anymore."

Her eyes followed him as he walked on, staring out the window. "You're leaving the hospital," she stated, not really a question. She had already known.

"And Princeton. There's nothing left for me here."

She sighed, watching him. He was hurting, but she didn't know what to say. He despised comfort.

"Why are you here?" he asked finally, still not turning to look at her.

"I wanted to see you. And I had a question." She had many questions, actually, but she no longer cared about most of the answers. Too many were wounds that she had no desire to open again.

She sat down in the chair across from his, waiting for him to speak. Finally he turned, sitting down in his chair. "Well?" he said. "Are you going to ask me or not?"

She looked at him for a moment, studying his face. He looked older, more beaten down by the world. He wasn't as sarcastic as she'd expected. It scared her a bit. She wasn't used to sincerity from him, if that was even what this was.

"Why didn't you fire me?" she asked. "Or force me into quitting, like you did with Foreman."

He was silent long enough that she couldn't stop herself from explaining, looking down at her hands. "I always wondered if you expected less of me… that you thought I wasn't ready like the others were. Or was there some other reason?"

She looked up at him, and his eyes met hers. "I didn't expect less of you," he said. "I expected more. Foreman wouldn't go without me pushing him, and I knew Chase wouldn't even if I did. But you… I knew you wouldn't need it. You weren't nearly as stupid as those two idiots."

Puzzled, she had to ask one more question, though she was afraid how he would react to it. "But why, then… why did you seem so surprised and, well, sad?"

His eyes drifted away from hers, staring into space and another time. "I didn't think it would be so soon." They were both silent for a moment, before House abruptly stood, grabbing his cane and heading towards the office door.

"Where will you go?" she asked, and he stopped in his tracks. She continued, unable to stop herself. "If you need somewhere to stay awhile, I've got a place… well, it's in San Diego. But it's beachfront and quiet. I think you'd like it," she finished, beginning to become embarrassed by her own ramblings. He turned back, meeting her gaze for a moment.

He shrugged. "Don't know where I'll go. Hadn't planned this far." He took a couple more strides to the door, but paused before going out into the hall. "I'll be fine," he said, and he met her eyes for another brief instant. "Not all change is bad."

She watched as he strode out the door and down the hall, and possibly, out of her life.

She only realized then that she had hoped the difference between her and them was that he wanted her to stay. He thought highly of her, yes, but that wasn't enough.

She wanted more. She always had.

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When she opened her front door to see House standing there, she hardly knew how to articulate her surprise. But she smiled and welcomed him in, and considered that there might be more for her after all.

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