That Don't Impress Me Much
Author's Notes: Haha!! Sakura must DIE!! This is, as you might have guessed, another of my crack fics. I honestly have no idea where this came from. The title of the story came from the song 'That Don't Impress Me Much' by Shania Twain (I did listen to it while writing this as well as All Time Low and My Chemical Romance. This is useless information anyways…). The rest of the story just fell into place when I was at school. I randomly burst out laughing. Yeah, they thought I was crazy most likely. That's because I am…and proud of it as well. I hope you laugh and like it.
Pairing: Sakura and Lee
Warnings: Crack, randomness, bad mental images, light swearing, and jokes that probably aren't even funny at all. Overall rating is K+/T because some things may not be suitable for young children (implants, Speedos, etc.)
Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, most of it would be useless crack done by me. Luckily, I don't own Naruto and do not own any part of it at all. This is purely for my own, and the readers, amusement.
Enjoy.
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Ino Yamanaka was throwing a pool party. She was the most popular girl in the entire Sophomore year at Konoha High School. Deciding on who she was going to invite to her party was the hardest part. At last she decided to invite, yes indeed, the entire Sophomore year students. Ino, blonde and blue-eyed, lived in a huge mansion, courtesy of her father's job. As she was lounging in a chair next to the pool waiting for guests to arrive she heard the door to the pool creak open. Lifting her overly huge sunglasses and squinting her eyes against the harsh sunlight she gasped in surprise.
"Sakura!" she gushed with false enthusiasm. Sure, Sakura Haruno was a nice girl but she was flat as hell and too…good!! The girl had pink, yes pink, hair and turquoise eyes. She was also fair-skinned. Overall in her looks she was nice but, in Ino's opinion, she needed to get a serious boob job. No, wait…Sakura needed boobs like their principle Tsunade…
"Hey Ino!" she called back over with a huge smile. When she got in Ino's line of vision the blonde girl's jaw literally hit the floor. Sakura had actually gotten a boob job. Now that was interesting… The only way Ino could tell was that Sakura was wearing a string bikini instead of her usual one-piece bathing suit. Her boobs were already rivaling Tsunade's even!! Good Lord! How was that possible?!
"Wow, Sakura, nice implants!" commented Ino. "Why'd you get 'em anyways?" Sakura blushed slightly and shrugged.
"I wanted to impress Lee…" Ino smiled wide, showing off perfect white teeth.
"Aww! So sweet, Sakura! I always thought you needed a boob job too!" Lee, also known as Rock Lee, was the pink-haired girl's boyfriend. He had a bowl-cut, shiny black hair with coal black eyes and eyebrows that looked like two caterpillar's had crawled up there and died.
"Thanks…I think…" Sakura muttered before sliding into the seat next to Ino. The bikini she was wearing was magenta with fuchsia string. When she sat down she sat with a straight back and her chin high. Several long minutes passed where Ino just lay down in the sun and Sakura just sat there completely still. When a large mass of noise reached Ino's ears she knew the rest of the group were there. Without getting up she waited for the creak of the gate being thrust open. She heard it.
"Hey everyone, let's get the party started!" shouted Ino with a twinkle in her eye. This was going to be one kick-ass pool party. Soon the whole party was in full throttle. Sakura kept sitting where she was, occasionally getting compliments on her nice implants. The only reason why she kept sitting there was because Lee wasn't at the party yet. At last, halfway through the party, the gate to the pool creaked open and a familiar face entered the fray. It was Lee. He made his way directly over to Sakura beaming.
"Hi there, Sakura!" he cried enthusiastically. "I hope you haven't wasted the—oh my God!! You got some serious implants!!" Sakura shrugged sheepishly and blushed slightly.
"Yeah…" Lee smiled down at her.
"That's great, Sakura! They look…er…nice…" (A/N: I'm dying of laughter…) Sakura beamed at her boyfriend.
"Thanks!"
"Want to go for a swim?" Sakura nodded eagerly. Lee helped her up and the two made their way over to the pool when they got there he ended up pushing Sakura in for a joke and she ended up falling in with a huge splash. Everyone stared for a moment before going back to whatever they were doing before Sakura's implants—wait, Sakura made a huge splash. Lee was standing on the edge of the pool when Sakura came back up.
"Come on, Lee! The water's fine!" she insisted. Lee ran back over to a vacant chair, took of his shirt and pants, and ran into the pool. As he jumped in midair everyone at the party could clearly see he was wearing a green Speedo. Then he splashed into the water and resurfaced next to Sakura who was staring at Lee.
"Eh…I'm getting out now…" Sakura muttered before hauling herself out of the pool and going back to her chair where her towel was. Lee shrugged and stayed a moment longer in the pool before getting out and finding his towel. Sasuke Uchiha, the most popular guy in the Sophomore year at Konoha High School, walked over to Lee.
"I guess trying to impress Sakura with a Speedo was a bad idea. I think you grossed her out…" he commented lightly. Lee stared at him for a moment before replying.
"Sasuke, I've got a girlfriend with X-rated boobs that completely defeat the whole purpose of youth and rival Tsunade's! I'm thinking she was trying to impress me! I'm grossed out, thank you very much!" Lee retorted. Meanwhile Ino sidled over to Sakura who was curled up with her legs to her boobs—wait, chest and rocking back and forth lightly.
"Well, I guess Lee was trying to impress you!" she cooed with a faux grin. Sakura stared at her with one eye slightly twitching.
"Ino…Lee…in a Speedo…never…ever again…" she rasped. All in all, the only thing the two could both think in their heads was: That don't impress me much. They only scared each other and gave one another nightmares for the rest of the week and a few days following the party.
The moral of the story was that Lee should never, ever, under any circumstances, wear a Speedo and Sakura with implants is the ugliest thing in the world. Then again, Sakura is already ugly as hell so what difference does it make.
FIN
Author's Notes: Oh my God… That is just… -dies laughing- Reviews make me happy.