A/N: So apparently tonight is the night of writing. Blame my best friend, since I'm spending the night at her house and writing on her laptop. This little thing has been on my brain for weeks now- I'm finally sitting down and typing it. It's sad- but I like it. And I'm not sure if I should call this a drabble or a one-shot. It's a drabble-shot. :) (Look at me inventing words…can anyone else tell I am really tired?) This is set during early season three.
Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS, or any of its characters. I'm not that brilliant.
"Hey time you're no friend of mine." –'Time' by Creed
"This time I have nothing left to lose." –'Time' by Creed
Jenny Sheppard was not a woman that regretted many things.
Her career-her life-had always been on the fast track. She'd sped through promotions and jobs, and, to be honest, men.
One man did not qualify for that category, however. One man stood out among the rest for more ways than one.
Not only was he not something she had sped through, but, he was one of her regrets.
Leroy Jethro Gibbs.
She regretted leaving him, that much she knew for sure. Seeing him everyday, working with him…it hurt her like leaving him all over again. Especially on days like today; days with a case that involved a child. Especially a child like Zach; a child that was so like Jethro. A child that reminded her of what she had left, and what she had lost in the process.
Sometimes, she wished she could slow time down. Like when there was a moment where their old camaraderie and partnership came back and things were simple. When things were almost like she had never left.
Other times, she wished she could speed it up. Like when they were fighting or he was yelling. When pain was brought to the surface, when the memories weren't pleasant, and all the hurt she'd caused was brought to the surface.
But most of the time, she simply wished she could go back in time. She wished she could go back to the time when she was merely a woman in love; a woman who had a man that she was in completely and total love with by her side. Back to Europe, back to Paris. Back to the time when she knew that she was safe. Protected.
Loved.
She sighed, pushing off the railing near MTAC, walking through the outer office and smiling at Cynthia, who beamed back before returning her gaze to her computer screen. Jenny continued walking into her office, closing the door quietly behind her and heading to her liquor cabinet. She poured herself a healthy tumbler of bourbon before returning to her desk, slipping her heels off underneath her desk, her stocking clad feet sinking into the plush carpeting of her office.
The building would slow drain of people; it was getting to be the end of the day, and so reports would start to pile up. Which meant that she would be spending her night either here in the office or home in her study. Neither of which appealed to her.
She took a sip of bourbon, relishing the burn in her throat as the alcohol traveled down her esophagus. It momentarily distracted her from a more pronounced pain that was strengthened by the sight of a child.
The pain in her heart.
She was just starting into a new file when there was a knock on her door. She looked up, setting the glass tumbler down and slipping her glasses off her nose.
"Come in.' she called, looking expectantly at the door. Cynthia stuck her head in, another stack of files in her hands.
"Director, these are all of the files except for Special Agent Gibbs' team ma'am." Her assistant said, bringing the stack over to Jenny. "He said he would bring them up himself in a little while."
"Thank you Cynthia. You're free to leave for the evening. I'll see you tomorrow." Jenny said, offering the younger woman a smile. Cynthia smiled in return, genuine warmth in her face.
"Goodnight Director." she said, smiling once more before leaving the office, shutting the door softly behind her. Jenny set the new stack of files on the corner of her desk, rubbing at her eyes tiredly before slipping her glasses back on, going back to the file she had been reading before she had been interrupted.
Half an hour and two files later, Jenny was interrupted again, only this time there was no knock on the door. It was merely opened, the face of an all too familiar agent following the open door. Jenny slid her glasses off of her nose, setting them on the desk in front of her and looking up to meet his gaze.
"I do hope you have those reports you told Cynthia you were going to bring me." Jenny said, raising an eyebrow at him when he sank into a chair across from her, his body language relaxed.
"Yeah, I do Jen." Jethro said, holding up the files he held in his hand. Jenny let a smile cross her face, and she leaned forward, accepting them from him.
"Thank you Jethro." she said softly, setting the files down neatly by her bourbon. "Going home for the night?"
"Reports are done, no active cases…I figure I can spare a few minutes at my house." Jethro answered with a slight shrug, amusement flickering in his cobalt blue eyes. Jenny let out a quiet laugh, shaking her head good-naturedly at him. "You?"
"In a little while. I have a few more files to review before I can leave." Jenny answered, not missing the flash of concern in Jethro's eyes. "What?"
"Jen you can't work yourself so hard. It can't be healthy."
"Jethro, I'm completely fine. You don't have to worry about me." Jenny said, bestowing a small smile on him.
"Jen, I'll always worry about you." Jethro said, and Jenny couldn't help the slight blush that colored her cheeks. Her next words came without a thought, and she blurted them out recklessly.
"Do you ever wish we could go back in time?" Jenny watched as his eyes widened, surprise filling his face before another emotion filled his face. One that she thought had nothing at all to do with her.
Shame.
"Only all the time, Jen." he said softly, pushing himself out of the chair, heading towards the door. He grasped the handle in his hand, but before he opened the door, he turned back to her, eyes soft with sadness and regret. "We could have been really great Jenny."
It was only after he'd closed the door, after he'd left, that she let her response out.
"Once upon a time, we were really great Jethro. We were more than great. We were in love.'