A Matter of Trust
Third story in the "Portraits" series
By Lori Bush
Disclaimer: Xena, Joxer and Gabrielle do not belong to me – they are the property of Renaissance Pictures and Universal/USA Studios. I like the way one of the triplets put it recently, so I'm borrowing: Not mine, don't sue.
Rating: PG
Violence: Wholly emotional
Sex: none
This story is the third in a series that assumes that "it" happened. The first story is "I'd Be Better Off…" and the second is "Stuck In The Middle". Now that Gabby and Joxer are together, what are the issues and incidents they have to deal with? This story was actually written before the second story in the series, because no couple is a couple long without their first fight G. Thanks Chris, as always. Sorry it took me so long to get this posted after all your work.
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Xena sighed. The honeymoon was over. It had been bound to happen at some point.
After she had finally adjusted to the idea that her two best friends were in love – with one another – it really hadn't been that bad. The sighing and longing glances were a bit annoying, but she knew that wouldn't last forever. It was actually kind of sweet to watch them walking hand in hand. The cooing and the giggling after dark was a little hard to deal with, but they had been discrete about any other, uh, activities. And if Joxer did anything really stupid, Gabrielle would still roll her eyes and sigh, but she didn't hurt him anymore if she tweaked his nose – it was now more of an affectionate gesture.
That's why this fight had taken even her by surprise. The whole thing between the two of them had become almost routine. She really didn't want to end up in the middle of this, either…
Joxer rubbed his face with his hands. For the life of him, he couldn't remember just how it had all started. He remembered waking up, and feeling her warm and soft against him; he couldn't stand the thought of ever going back to waking alone. He stroked her hair, planting a gentle kiss on her shoulder, before rising carefully so as not to wake her. Leaving his armor off, he straightened his clothing and headed down to the lake, taking the water skin with him. After washing his face, he filled the skin and headed back to the camp. Maybe he should have checked to make sure he had fastened the top of the skin properly, but he was in such a hurry to get back, just to watch her sleep.
He looked ahead, into the camp. She was awake, sitting on a fallen tree, writing on her new scroll. He never could figure out just how he seemed able to find any exposed tree root, no matter where, and usually at the worst possible time. But he did it again, and tripped right beside her, the water from the skin pouring out on her and the scroll. She jumped up and screamed. Okay, so she was soaked to the skin; and it was a bit cool that morning; and yes, he had ruined her brand new scroll, but he still didn't think she needed to call him that…
And here she thought he was different. Being somewhat of a creative type himself, she figured he, at least, would understand. That scroll had been a work of art – she had spent hours the day before just figuring out the exact words to illustrate the emotions she was trying to portray. It was even more maddening because it was supposed to be a surprise for him. It was a romantic story – something she hadn't had much inspiration to write for a long time, until he gave her a reason once again. She sighed, that reason forcing its way through a chink in her anger. She could see his laughing dark eyes, his sweet smile, feel his hands on her face – stop it Gabby, you're mad at him. She used the fact that she had just called herself by the nickname he had given her to stoke her anger further. He would never change. He would always be a big, dumb oaf, and she had been foolish to think he could improve. She had been swept away by his professions of love, his gifts to her, his kisses. But she was smarter than that now. Maybe it was just as well he had ruined that scroll – it had been too good for him, anyway. There – she had worked back up to good and angry – she wanted to stay angry. She stood up and stomped down to the lake to refill the water skin.
It didn't happen very often, but Joxer was getting mad. It was just an accident – he didn't do it on purpose. She didn't have any right to act the way she did. He'd show her – he'd sleep on the other side of the camp tonight. Maybe he'd even set up his own camp, nearby in case they needed his help, but not close enough for her to see him. That scroll was barely written on, too. It wasn't like he'd ruined one of her finished ones or anything. After she'd yelled at him, he'd tried to apologize, but she wouldn't listen, so finally he slunk off to the edge of the lake just to get away from her. She'd tried to pull Xena in to take her part in it, but the Warrior Princess pointed out that she was friends with them both, and refused to take sides. He was sinking deeper and deeper into his blue funk when he heard someone approaching, footsteps so heavy it sounded like they were trying to stomp their way into the ground, rather than across it. Standing, he pulled out his sword and prepared to defend himself. When he saw it was only Gabrielle, he lowered his sword, then pulled it back up slightly. With the mood she was in, he might need it after all.
For a moment, when she saw him there, his sword held out uncertainly, her heart lifted. But then her mind shoved it firmly back down, and put her anger back in control. She never slowed her pace, rather walking nearly up to him and almost casually swinging her arm out, knocking his sword from his grip and into the water. She kept going, turning when she reached the shore so she wouldn't have to be right in front of him while filling the water skin. She heard him sputter, and the sound of him splashing in the lake for his weapon. She didn't see his expression go from dazed surprise to boiling mad. She did, though, feel him pull her up by her arm and spin her around to face him. She had never seen quite that look on his face before, and somewhere deep in her mind, she marveled that this gentle man could look that angry. She scowled right back at him. "Why did you do that?" he asked, the growl in his voice making him sound like his brother, Jett.
"You shouldn't be allowed to play with sharp objects," she shot back at him. "You might hurt yourself."
He let go of her arm. "Well, you should be happy I'm too much of a gentleman to hurt you!" His volume had risen slightly.
"Yeah, some gentleman you are. Probably poured water over me so I'd have to take my clothes off and you could see me naked! " By this time, she was shouting.
"Yeah," he replied, matching her tone and volume, "like that's something I've never seen before – right!" They were toe-to-toe, right in each other's faces. Both of them were tighter than lute strings, and balling their hands into fists by their sides, when Xena pulled them apart.
"ENOUGH," she proclaimed, staring from one to the other and back again. "This has gotten out of hand, and you two are going to talk about it before someone gets hurt, and I'm the one doing the hurting." She shoved Gabrielle down on a large rock, and sat down beside her. She looked hard at Joxer until he sat on a stump beside them. The tension was so thick she could have cut it with her chakram. "Now, how did this trouble in Paradise start?"
Joxer looked down at his feet and mumbled something. Glancing up, he saw Gabrielle's eyes boring holes into him, and his expression turned black once again. "She called me…"
"That klutz over there…" Gabrielle began, at the same time.
"ONE AT A TIME!" Xena shouted over the rising voices. She pointed to Joxer. "You first."
"I was trying to be nice – I filled the water skin so she could have a drink when she woke up." He turned to Xena. "You know how she likes that. Anyway, I tripped coming back, and she was right there, working on a scroll. The top of the water skin opened, and she got wet. I mean it wasn't that big a deal, right?" He scowled at the bard.
"Yeah, and you ruined my new scroll, you stupid…" Xena held up her hand.
"Did I say it was your turn yet, Gabrielle?" The bard clamped her mouth shut, obviously unhappy about it. "So, she got mad at you, and called you something, uh…"
"Rude." Joxer finished for her, pouting now.
"It's not like this is a first, Joxer. She used to call you awful things all the time," Xena pointed out.
"Yeah, but that was before."
"Uh-huh, but you always forgave her before – why is it so hard now?" She watched him grow thoughtful. The warrior turned to the bard. "And you – you've had scrolls ruined before – I've done it, Joxer's done it before, you've even done it yourself a time or two. You always got over it quickly, and just rewrote it. What is the big deal here?"
"This one was special. I'd worked extra hard on it." The bard's voice dropped to barely above a whisper. "It was for him." Joxer's head snapped up at the admission, his eyes wide.
"So," Xena continued, pointedly ignoring the atmosphere change, "you two claim to love each other."
"We do," they answered defensively, in unison.
"You sure this isn't just hormones – passion flaring? Maybe now the heat has died down a little, there's nothing left to keep the fire going? Maybe it's all in your mind, and your hearts aren't in it." She looked at the one she knew would be the most provoked by this statement. "Joxer? Was it just the thrill of the chase that kept you trying for the last few years? Now that you have her, is all the fun gone?"
"Xena," he said, very seriously, "you know better than that."
She looked back into those bottomless obsidian eyes. "Yes," she replied, just as seriously, "I do." She turned to the Amazon Queen. "How about you? It's been a long time since Perdicas – there haven't been any real contenders since then, until now. Have you changed so much that now it's all about being in charge? You want the upper hand this time? Is this about control?"
Xena watched as the green eyes snapped. "I may have been deluded last time – thinking I could ever be the subservient little housewife – but Joxer has never asked that of me. I'm not trying to control him any more than he is me."
"As if I could," he snorted quietly, with a hint of a smile. The bard looked at his expression and softened slightly.
"So," Xena continued, not missing the exchange, "If this really is about love, and not something masquerading as it, what does it all boil down to?" They both were watching her; curious as to where this was leading. She sighed, not really wanting to share her thoughts on the subject, but at the same time realizing she was the one who had started all of this. "Gabrielle, what is one of the strongest bonds between you and I – the one you get most upset about when you feel it's been violated?"
The blonde woman thought for a moment, chewing her bottom lip. "Trust?" she finally ventured.
"Exactly," Xena replied triumphantly. "You can't really love someone you don't trust. Not and expect it to last, anyway." Xena looked at her friends. "Gabrielle, do you trust him?" She saw how deeply the bard was looking into her lover's eyes, searching for the answer.
"Yes, I do," she said, very quietly and somewhat ashamedly.
"And you?" the warrior woman turned to the quiet young man beside her. He stood and walked over to the bard, eyes still locked on hers.
He knelt before her, and took her hands in his. "Of course."
A quick glance at the couple's faces, and Xena knew there was nothing left to be said. She quietly slipped back to the camp, and for lack of anything else to do until her friends returned, the Warrior Princess sat and began sharpening her sword. She found herself wondering just why it had mattered so much to her that they work this out. A large part of the time she had known the two of them together, they had spent fighting. Xena had never tried to come between them before. She remembered one of the first thoughts that had come to her when she realized their coupledom – everything had changed.
Before, she knew Joxer would never leave and stay gone, because no matter how rough Gabrielle was on him, he had hope that she might one day see him for what he really was. Gabrielle would never leave because she thought that she was the only one that could keep Xena on the right path, Xena's only true friend, never seeing the growing relationship the Warrior Princess and the would-be warrior were developing. Now, if their burgeoning love ever ended, one of them would eventually leave her. They couldn't keep traveling together if that happened. And now, Xena realized that what she had pointed out to them applied to her as well – it was all a matter of trust.
Outside of her family, Xena could probably count on the fingers of one hand the number of people she trusted - Hercules, sometimes Autolycus, and those two. She couldn't stand the idea of having to have to live without either of them. Her lips twisted in a wry smile. She never thought the day would come when she would put Joxer on the same level where she kept Gabrielle. But what he had done for her best friend was nothing short of miraculous. All the missing places in Gabrielle's soul seemed to have been filled, and for the first time in many years, the bard appeared to be whole once again. And, for the first time since she had known him, the nobility and honor that Joxer had always carried right beneath the surface was visible to the world. They were good for each other. They were good for her. She sheathed her well-sharpened sword and began packing up their belongings.
"I'm really sorry, you know," Joxer murmured into Gabrielle's hair. He was sitting beside and slightly behind her while she leaned back on his chest, his arms around her waist. "I am a klutz, you were right about that."
"That's okay. It's one of the things I've grown to love about you. I'm sorry, too. I overreacted. I was just so excited about that scroll." She sighed. "You know how hard I had to work to stay mad at you?"
"Really?" He digested that for a moment. "Don't try so hard next time, 'kay?" He kissed the top of her head. "Second thought, there'll never be a next time. We won't ever fight again."
She craned her neck to look up at his face. "You really believe that?" she asked incredulously.
He thought again, then smiled. "Nope."
She snickered. "Good." She settled back against him. "Next time, we'll try a little harder to trust each other though, okay?" She felt his chin moving along the top of her head as he nodded.
"Were you really writing a scroll for me?"
Instead of answering him, she stood up, and took his hand, pulling him back towards the camp. It was time to move on.