A/N: there is a narrator, and whenever they speak they're the only one without quote marks. Enjoy!

Rated K+ for language and France being a creeper.

Knight in Shining Armor

Everything is dark. There isn't a sound to be heard.

Suddenly, a light is turned on. One can see rolling hills in the background, in front of those, a castle, and in front of that, a green dragon, which is breathing fire. It was a rather tacky dragon, with robot-like movements and red "flames" erupting from its mouth. It was hard to say what the fire was really made of—possibly ketchup.

"HAHAHA."

A man dressed in a knight outfit jumps into vision. He might be called noble if not for the fast food crammed into his arms and his sword that had been removed from its sheath and discarded on the ground in case of emergency.

The dragon, seeing the hero, roars and spits ketchup all over the man's hamburger. The latter, in turn, looks down to his meal.

"Oh, thanks, dude," he says nonchalantly, "I totally forgot the condiments at McDonald's."

What an idiot.

"You git! Hurry your stupid bloody ass up here and save me!" a woman (?) in the tallest tower of the castle bellows.

You're supposed to be a princess, you know.

"Shut up, I know that! Gah, sod it."

At this point, the "princess," as he is understood to be, rips off his high heels and throws them at the dragon.

"How's that for princess, bitch?" he yells.

…just fine.

"Oh, Artie!" the hero calls, waving to the girly man in the tower. "What are you doing up there?"

"I'm the damsel in fucking distress, and you're supposed to be saving me, Alfred," Arthur growls through his teeth. The dragon simply looks from one person to the other, confused.

Alfred looked surprised. "I am? Okay then." The knight began to walk to the castle.

You forgot your sword, by the way.

"Oh, thanks!" The hero stuffs the rest of his food in his mouth, shoves the trash in his pocket, and picks up his sword. He walks absentmindedly by the dragon, which spits ketchup at him, but misses. It then looks rather put out.

Just as Alfred is about to enter the castle, he is intercepted by a white stallion riding in his path. Its rider, dressed in a princely outfit, gracefully dismounts, his shoulder length blonde hair swaying in the gentle breeze.

"No one is going to take mon Angleterre," he declares, shooting a glare at Alfred, then turning to face the tower. "Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your long hair!"

"Go away, Frog!" Arthur cries angrily. "What the bloody hell do you think this is?"

"Simply a fairy tale, mon cher."

"Yo, Francis," Alfred interrupts with a laugh. "What are you on, dude?"

"I don't know what you mean," Francis dismisses the comment with a flip of his hair. "Come down here, mon amour, into my sexy arms!"

"Even if I did want to, I can't," Arthur sighs. "I have to be saved."

"Then I will come and rescue you myself!" the prince announces dramatically, and begins to enter the castle, but is stopped by a sword being thrust in front of his face.

"That's my job," the knight almost snarls. "That's my Artie up there, and it's my job as the hero to save him."

"Oh? Is that a challenge?" Francis asks, smirking.

"Could be," Alfred returns.

The princess in the tower goes quiet. "Alfred, what are you—"

"Hang on a second, Artie," the knight tells him. "I'll be right up there after I beat this guy, so don't get saved by anyone else until I get there!"

Arthur blushes. "A-all right."

Francis draws his sword and points it at Alfred. "I didn't want to do this, mon ami. You're such a young country…"

"You're just old!" the knight cries, attacking the prince with his sword, only to be blocked. Francis takes this chance to thrust his weapon towards Alfred, who dodges with ease and swings his sword back at his opponent. This goes on for a while, neither of them gaining the advantage, and Arthur watching anxiously from his tower above.

"A-Alfred!" the princess calls, uneasy.

"Hm?" Alfred looks up for a moment, off his guard. Francis realizes his chance and hits the knight in the left arm with his sword. The latter shouts in pain, drops his sword, and grabs his arm.

"ALFRED!" Arthur yells frantically. "You bastard, Frog! Why the hell did you have to do that?"

Francis looks confidently to the tower. "It was necessary to save you, mon cher! I won!" He sheaths his sword and begins molesting the princess with his eyes. "Shall I come rescue you now?" He winks.

"Don't you dare!"

The prince suddenly has a sword at his throat and a very angry Alfred standing right behind him.

"That's. My. Artie," the knight growls.

"Onhonhon," Francis laughs. "How naughty you are, Alfred."

"Huh?"

"Arthur is not enough for you? You want me to love you as well?" Arthur himself doubles over in a coughing fit.

Suddenly, the prince twists himself out of the knight's grasp and pulls a rose out of… somewhere.

"Alfred!" Arthur yells (now recovered). "That's the super rose attack! Get out of the way!"

"Onhonhon! You now will be helpless to my charms! Prepare for—"

Francis is knocked out cold.

"Hola, amigos!" Antonio says cheerfully, waving, picking the prince up by his shirt collar and slinging him over his shoulder. Alfred and Arthur do nothing but stare back, shocked.

The latter recovers first. "Yes, hello. Thank you for taking care of…that."

"Yeah, thanks, dude!" Alfred answers, patting the Spaniard on the shoulder. "I've never seen you on my map, but that was really bro of you!"

"Anytime!" Antonio replies. "I need to go now, so have fun!" He walks over to the dragon, which, by now, has completely given up on being scary, and climbs on its back.

"Here I come, Romanooooo!" he shouts, flying off into the distance.

Now that they are alone, Arthur looks down at Alfred, who is waving at the ever-shrinking Antonio with his good arm.

"Alfred?" The princess sounds sheepish now.

The knight looks up to the tower expectantly.

"Are you going to come save me now?"

"Oh, right! I totally forgot!"

Arthur rolls his eyes in response as Alfred races up the winding stairs to the top of the tower. Once he gets there, however, he reaches another obstacle.

"Hey, Artie, your door is locked!"

"So open it."

"Um… how?"

"You threw bloody buffalo around as a child. Figure it out yourself."

The door comes slamming to the floor a moment later, almost cutting Arthur off.

"Honey, I'm home!" the hero cries.

The princess turns back to the window, arms crossed, blushing. "Took you long enough."

Unexpectedly, Alfred hugs Arthur from behind.

"I'm glad I'm the first one to save you."

The princess' face turns red as a tomato. "A-Al…" He twists around in the knight's arms to face his hero, who gives him a smile but doesn't say anything.

Arthur kisses Alfred on the cheek and returns the smile, his expression saying "it's your turn."

Alfred, putting one hand on the princess' cheek and keeping the other around his waist to pull him forward, kisses Arthur fully on the lips. The latter returns the kiss, running his fingers through the knight's hair and—

Everything goes dark.

Back in America's living room, the blue eyed man was on his couch, attempting to get the television remote out of England's hand.

"Turn it back on, Artie!" America complained. "That's my favorite part!"

The Englishman shook his head, standing up from his seat. "I hate seeing myself in a dress. And I absolutely refuse listen to Austria's stupid narrating any longer. Besides…" he trailed off.

America stopped trying to grab the remote and looked at his boyfriend, confused. "What is it?"

England turned away to hide his blush. "I… I would rather kiss you for real," he murmured shyly.

America smiled, his face flushing as well, but pretended not to hear. "What'd you say? I didn't quite catch that."

England turned back and folded his arms. "I'm not going to repeat it."

In a split second, the Englishman found himself yanked on top of America by his wrist.

The latter smirked. "If you aren't going to say it again, do you want to show me?"

England turned even redder. He removed America's glasses with one hand and lightly kissed him.

"I love you, princess," the knight said, his smile wider.

"Shut up, wanker," England laughed, and kissed him again.

~Owari~

A/N: Did you like it? Comment, please! This is my first Hetalia (and consequently USUK) fanfic, so be merciful. If you have any requests or suggestions, I'd be happy to hear those as well.

Until next time, goodbye!