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Author's note:
This is very random. All (stresses 'all') pairings were completely left to chance, just as they are in the fic. Hence, we have a Fuuko/Mikagami, Mikagami/Koganei, Mori Kouran/Fuuko, Yanagi/Raiha, Domon/Koganei, Yanagi/Mori Kouran, Kurei/Mikagami, Raiha/Joker, Joker/Neon, Neon/Mokuren self-insertion fic. O_o It was also written all at once, with only minor modifications (ie, spelling, grammar, etc), so any apparent foreshadowing is completely unintentional. This mostly started out as a writing exercise, to see how characters would interreact, but was partly inspired by people looking for fics about improbable pairings. And because of its randomness, it has precious little redeeming value. But I'm posting it anyways. ^_^
-Bottou-chan
* * *
There was a knock on the door.
"I'll get it," said Koganei, jumping up from his seat at the table. "It's probably her."
"She's late," said Kurei stonily. Neon patted his shoulder.
"She probably got caught in traffic," she said reassuringly. "Cut her some slack. Or maybe she was just working on your page, and lost track of time."
A brown-haired girl, with a laptop tucked under an arm, entered the room. "Hi, all," she said, smiling and briefly glancing around. "Good to see everyone could make it."
"There are still some sandwiches left over," said Neon, indicating a tray of appetizers in the center of the large round table. "And the cheese ball's practically untouched."
"Arigatou," said Bottou-chan, for it was she. She plugged in her computer and made herself comfortable. "Anyhow, I'm really glad to see you guys all here. I've been having some problems lately… and it's nice to know you're willing to help me, um, experiment."
Mori Kouran, who had been standing in one corner of the room, turned around. "The Kokom Corporation supports experimentation for the benefit of society."
"Mori-sama, this isn't one of your public speeches," said Mokuren. "Everyone here knows you better than that." His employer looked somewhat disappointed. He brightened, though, as another thought struck him.
"Mokuren," whispered Mori Kouran, "See if you can get some cells from that girl… perhaps I can clone them into someone who will only write fics about me…"
Raiha, standing nearby, sweatdropped slightly. "Err… Mori-sama, we would need a very specific type of cell to clone a whole person from… unless you've brought a surgical team and some anaesthetics, I doubt this is the time or place."
Bottou-chan pointedly ignored them. Instead, she was busily writing names on cards. She had invited the entire Flame of Recca cast to her brainstorming session. Recca, Yanagi, Domon, Fuuko, Mikagami, and Koganei had shown up to represent Team Hokage. Neon, Kurei, Joker, Raiha, Mori Kouran, and Mokuren were present from the Villains' Side. Twelve people. Surely amongst these was a pair who could inspire a full-fledged fanfic. Hopefully, there would end up being several pairs who offered inspiration… Bottou-chan's eyes glistened in anticipation as she finished writing the last name.
"It's been a while, and I want to give a romantic fic a try. But I haven't really thought up a good couple to inspire me," said Bottou-chan.
"Oi! Don't tell me that you've grown tired of Neon-han and myself!" exclaimed Joker, looking upset.
"Let's hope she has," growled Neon, clutching Kurei's arm possessively.
"Oh, no!" Bottou-chan hastily reassured him. "But what I'm saying is that I'm trying to diversify my writing enough to keep me from becoming stale… I need you guys to help with this." She raised the stack of twelve cards in the air. "I have everyone's names written here. Two will be drawn. The two will then have a moment to discuss between themselves, and will ad-lib some sort of scene together over at that couch." She indicated a couch over to one side. "Something romantic… something dramatic… something that will inspire me!" Her eyes flashed with enthusiasm. "You'll have thirty seconds, and if I'm properly inspired, I'll be able to write a whole fic from the one scene."
"You mean, you might actually write about me?" demanded Mokuren, looking particularly pleased.
"Ermmm… could be. If you inspire me," said Bottou-chan, flinching slightly.
"Why's there only one stack of cards?" asked Fuuko curiously.
Bottou-chan shrugged. "I've never written a yaoi fic before, but some people seem to enjoy them. So perhaps I'll give it a try sometime… I don't know. It depends if I get inspired or not. But I don't want to totally dismiss the possibility."
Yanagi looked around the room in alarm. "There are only three women in this room," she said in a soft voice. "There's not much of a chance for me to end up with Recca, is there?" Her eyes widened.
Bottou-chan sighed. "I invited all twelve of the referees… but none of them wanted to help. So I'm working with what I have."
Recca pulled Yanagi closer. "Geeze, Bottou-chan! You are so blind! Hime and I have a terrific chemistry together! You could write a dozen fics just about us! You don't need this stupid ad-lib mess to get ideas."
"I already wrote a Recca-Yanagi fic," pointed out Bottou-chan. "I want to try something different."
"Different. Different is good," said Mori Kouran, perking up.
"Ermm… Joker… would you be kind enough to draw the first card?" Bottou-chan hastily held out the cards to him, fanning them out.
"It's like playing Old Maid," laughed Joker, randomly selecting one. "Mikagami," he read.
"Ooo, Mi-chaaaan! Perhaps you'll be the lucky guy who ends up with Mori-san!" exclaimed Fuuko, giving her silent friend a playful push.
"Domon, could you pick the person he'll play opposite of?" asked Bottou-chan.
"Um, okay. How about Yanagi?" he suggested.
"Errmmm… I meant, pick the name from the cards." Bottou-chan held the cards out once more, and Domon dutifully withdrew one.
"It's Fuuko," he said, his face paling. "My Fuuko-chan… in the arms of my own friend! Mikagami! How could you do this to me?" He wheeled upon his teammate angrily.
"Baka. You picked the card," replied Mikagami coldly. "Besides, if you're lucky, you might get paired up with Mokuren."
Domon's eyes widened and he sat down.
"Go ahead," said Bottou-chan, her fingers poised over the keyboard and her eyes on the first pair.
The two murmured between themselves for a few moments, then seemed to reach an agreement. Mikagami sat on the couch, Fuuko remained standing.
"And… action!" called Joker unhelpfully.
Mikagami shot him an icy glare before Fuuko launched into her lines.
"Mi-chan!" she scolded, pacing back and forth in front of him. "You're so difficult to understand! Sometimes, I wonder what's going on in that pretty little head of yours. But you have to learn something. You have to learn that the past is the past. You must get over it. Your sister might not be with us, but she left you to live your life. That's why she died, instead of you. She wanted you to live. How happy would she be, knowing that you've spent the last seven years doing nothing? You have to get on with your life!"
Mikagami stood up irately, grabbing her wrists. "Do you think I haven't thought about that?" he hissed. "Do you think I haven't lain awake at night, wondering what I'm going to do? Ever since Kai told me that it was Meguri Kyoza who had killed my sister… do you know what it's like, being betrayed by those near and dear to you? Do you know what it's like, having someone you love killed by someone you look up to? Do you know what it's like to suddenly realize your memories of the last seven years of yourself were lies?" He let go of her wrists, pushing her to the couch with an angry shove, and turned his back on the girl.
"Mi-chan," said Fuuko softly, staring at her wrists. "Go… gomen." She stood up. "I didn't realize you felt that way… you're so good about hiding your feelings… sometimes, it's difficult to remember that you have them. Or why you hide them in the first place." She tentatively placed her arms around Mikagami, giving him a hug from behind. "But Mi-chan… I don't…. none of us want to hurt you. We're your friends… you're special to us."
"Fuuko," whispered Mikagami huskily, turning around to meet her.
"Mi-chan," murmured Fuuko, sliding her hands over his shoulders and behind his head.
His expression was soft as he bent down and gave her a lingering kiss. Fuuko closed her eyes as she returned it, murmuring softly against his lips.
Domon shrieked, "They're fifteen seconds over the time limit! Bottou-chan, make them stop!"
"Time," she called reluctantly.
"Wasn't it good?" asked Fuuko huffily.
"I've had better-" said Mikagami, and Fuuko punched him.
"Not you! Wasn't it good enough for Bottou-chan?"
"It was very nice," admitted Bottou-chan, "And I'll have to think it over in my mind for a while if it's going to sprout into a full fic in and of itself. But I think Domon has a point… I've got a creepy feeling that thirty seconds is going to be an eternity for some of the pairings. So it wouldn't be fair if some of you guys got more time than others. Mikagami, Fuuko-could you draw the names of the next couple?"
"You put our cards back into the shuffle," said Fuuko, noticing the writer still had twelve cards in her hands.
"Some of you might not get a chance tonight… others of you might be in every scenario," answered Bottou-chan. "I'm trying to get ideas here…"
Fuuko sighed. "And I thought I was done for the night… Koganei, you're up." Turning back to Bottou-chan, she asked, "Isn't he a little… young… for this kind of thing?"
Bottou-chan sweatdropped. "It had occurred to me," she admitted. "But this is going to be a romance, hopefully. Not a lemon. So, say, Koganei can secretly admire a certain somebody… and have it be unrequited?" She hoped desperately that Mikagami wouldn't draw Mori Kouran or Mokuren.
"I drew myself," said Mikagami, looking seriously annoyed. "I've got to go back out there again?"
"You promised you'd help," Bottou-chan reminded him lightly.
"Maybe she'll give you some more scans in the image gallery. WHEN she finishes posting the thumbnails," said Recca, giving her a pointed look.
Bottou-chan made a note of that in her day planner.
Mikagami and Koganei stood, murmuring together for a few moments. They seemed to reach an agreement.
Koganei stood off to one side, Mikagami to the other side of the couch.
"I've always admired Mikagami-niichan," Koganei announced loudly. "Ever since I first fought him in the mansion, I've admired his strength. Even though I'm little, I'm a good fighter. But he made me work when we fought. Most people can't get anywhere near me when it comes to strategy… but Mikagami-niichan has a brilliant mind. He's tough to fight. And Mikagami-niichan knows what it's like to be alone. I hate being alone, because my family died. His family died, too. And so he's able to better understand me. I understand why he's the way he is… and he understands why I'm the way I am. It's a special bond."
Mikagami was busily posing heroically over to the side.
"All the girls like Mikagami-niichan," continued Koganei dutifully. "Fuuko likes him… Yanagi likes him… Miki and Aki think he's cute. And Demi likes him, and Enna likes him, and even Satomi likes him! I wanna be popular with the girls, like him, when I'm his age."
Mikagami had on movie-star sunglasses and was showing off his teeth in a brilliant smile.
"Mikagami-niichan is the world to me. Ever since Kurei abandoned me, Mikagami-niichan has managed to help fill that gap in my life. I love being around him. I want to be just like him when I grow up. He's like my big brother… and I love him!" He catapaulted himself into a hug around Mikagami's waist. Mikagami was still posing heroically.
"That sounded like a commercial!" exclaimed Neon. "Buy Mikagami! I like him! You'll like him, too!" Joker, sitting next to her, snickered.
"That was relatively painless," sighed Mikagami. "I suppose I have to draw my successor again? Very well." He pulled a card and stared. "Mori Kouran."
Mori Kouran's eyes lit up. "Really?" He stood up. "Who am I with?"
Mikagami nudged Koganei. "Whatever poor schmuck you draw is going to have Issues with you when they finally get you alone."
Wide-eyed, the boy pulled a card with a trembling hand. "Fuuko," he said.
"Can't you shuffle those cards any better?" demanded Fuuko hotly.
"Get it over with," advised Recca calmly. At least it wasn't his Hime in Mori's slimy clutches…
"Easy for YOU to say!" shot back Fuuko. "I hope you get stuck in a yaoi with him!"
"My poor Fuuko-chan…" sniffled Domon.
"I want you to KEEP us to the thirty-second barrier," said Fuuko sternly.
Bottou-chan nodded silently. She was still typing notes to herself concerning Mikagami and Koganei.
Fuuko and Mori Kouran discussed things for a few moments, then seemed to reach an agreement. They each found a paper napkin and folded it several times lengthwise. They clutched the napkins in the center, so the ends fanned out slightly.
Mori Kouran cried out, "Pay the rent!" He placed the folded napkin under his nose, like a mustache.
Fuuko replied, "No, I can't pay the rent!" Her napkin was held over her hair, like a bow.
Mori Kouran repeated, "Pay the rent!" The mustache again.
Fuuko answered, "No, I can't pay the rent!" The bow again.
Mori Kouran took a step to the side, and placed his napkin at his neck, like a bow-tie. "I'll pay the rent!" he said in a different voice.
Fuuko threw her arms around him. "My hero!" she said in a dreamy voice.
Mori Kouran disengaged himself. "Curses, foiled again!" Once again, the mustache.
Fuuko posed. "That's because you're a slimy, creepy, annoying, horrible, murdering, insensitive man who would dare try to take advantage of a beautiful, lovely, poor, helpless creature such as myself! You, who would try and crush the weak beneath the heel of your shoe of arrogance! You, who would try and crush my spirit in your iron glove of pestilence! You, who would try and crush my hopes and dreams of living in peace on my farm with the one I love with your incessant demands for my rent! And if I cannot pay in cash, you will exact your payment in other ways! You, who would defile my maidenly purity with your evil stench of darkhearted villainousness! You, who would attempt to use my subordinate position against me in an attempt to get what you want! Well, such foul behavior shall not be tolerated-"
"Time," called Bottou-chan, and Fuuko took a deep breath.
"Could you have used any more adjectives?" called Joker cheerfully.
"You can talk. You didn't have to do anything with him."
"That wasn't very romantic," said Bottou-chan, an eyebrow raised. "I'd almost call that cheating."
"He played the hero," explained Fuuko. "I even hugged him. Right?"
Bottou-chan sighed. "Try and keep it to just the two characters in the future, all right?"
Koganei picked up Fuuko's discarded napkin. "Hey, that was cool…"
Fuuko had already drawn the next participant. "Raiha," she said. "Good luck."
Mori Kouran pulled a card from the deck. "Yanagi," he said. He looked annoyed. "Why couldn't I have had Yanagi?"
"You'd better not mess with Hime!" scowled Recca, dividing his glare between Mori Kouran and Raiha. "And you'd better not go one millisecond over the time limit, either." In a much gentler tone, he added, "It's okay, Hime. It's not for real… it's only half a minute. It'll be okay."
"I don't want to make you sad, Recca-kun," said Yanagi earnestly. "You know that I don't have feelings for anyone but you-"
"And that's why I don't mind you taking part in this," explained Recca. "Because I trust you." He gave her a bright smile. "It'll be okay."
"All… all right," murmured Yanagi, looking uncomfortable. She glanced shyly at Raiha, and they moved off to a corner to discuss their situation.
Yanagi went to the couch and lay down upon it. However, her body was stiff and rigid, and her hands were clasped firmly into fists. The others at first assumed she was just nervous, but then realized she was pretending she was back at Kurei's mansion, lying on a table, with the sensors and machinery hooked up to her.
"I'm trapped," she said in a frightened little voice. "When will Recca-kun save me?"
Raiha walked up to the couch and stared down at her indifferently. Her eyes widened with fear.
"Who are you?" she squeaked.
Raiha shook his head. "You don't have to worry about that. I have my instructions regarding you…" He sat down on the edge of the couch, twisting his upper body so that his hands were planted just above her shoulders, and he loomed over the prone girl.
"In…instructions?" Yanagi's voice was barely a whimper.
"You're lucky Kurei-sama chose me," he murmured, bending his head down closer to her. "Would you have preferred if Mokuren-san was here instead?"
"I…I just want to be left alone," said Yanagi, turning her face to one side.
"With powers like yours… that's going to be very difficult," murmured Raiha. He bent his head down closer to Yanagi. "It's not going to be pleasant for either one of us… but if you cooperate, you can keep it from being completely miserable," he said, his lips brushing against her ear.
"Wh-why?" asked Yanagi, her eyes bright with terror.
Raiha didn't deign to answer. Rather, his mouth descended upon hers in a hungry, searching kiss. After a few more whimpers, Yanagi relaxed somewhat and actually returned it. She forgot that her hands were supposed to be bound to the table, and she reached up and looped her arms around his neck.
"Time! Time! TIME!" bellowed Recca, jumping up angrily. "Bottou-chan, can't you tell TIME?"
The writer lifted an eyebrow. "It was only twenty-five seconds when you started yelling. Do you mind?" She glanced up. "Okay, you two… time's up."
Raiha finished off the kiss and helped Yanagi up. "I'm glad it was you and not Mori-sama," he remarked good-naturedly.
"A-arigatou," said Yanagi, looking flushed and disheveled. Fuuko and Recca were shooting daggers at the pair, who studiously ignored them. Instead, they drew the next victims' names.
"Domon," said Raiha. "Ganbatte."
"Please, draw Fuuko's name, Yanagi-chan!" pleaded Domon, looking hopeful.
"Koganei," answered Yanagi. "Gomen."
"Can't you shuffle properly?" snapped Domon. "What would I want with the little runt?"
"I can shuffle properly," answered Bottou-chan, a bit peeved. "But it doesn't matter who shuffles… what matters is who gets drawn. You all have equal chances of being picked at the beginning of each turn."
An impish grin settled over Koganei's features as they whispered. Domon roared with laughter but seemed to agree. Koganei trotted over to the couch and curled up. "I'm under a blanket," he informed the onlookers.
Domon tapped gently on an invisible door. "Knock, knock, my little Fuuko-chan!" he called out in a singsong whisper. He tiptoed in, giving the impression that it was dark in the room. He cocked one ear to the side, but could hear no answer. "My little Fuuko-chan… where are you?" He made his way to the couch, and felt Koganei's shoulder. "Ah… so you're asleep, my dear, beloved Fuuko-chan! You've forgotten all about our secret midnight tryst… you've forgotten that we were supposed to meet for a passionate rendezvous in the middle of this tournament. Or did you perhaps neglect to come on purpose, so I would search you out and find you waiting for me in your bedroom?" He leaned over, brushing his lips softly over Koganei's cheek. "Wake up, my darling Fuuko-chan…" he whispered.
"Huh-uh-hummm?" asked Koganei groggily as Domon swept the little boy into his arms and planted a giant kiss on his lips.
"Fuuko-chan! Since when are you so flat and scrawny?" demanded Domon, looking shocked.
"I'm Koganei!" yelled the boy, and the two screamed shrilly.
Fuuko was glaring daggers at the two as they cheerfully rejoined the table, but they were ignored by the pair.
"Cute, cute," murmured Bottou-chan. "Mistaken… identity…" she murmured as she typed. "Looking promising… there haven't been many with the Uruha," she said. "Why don't we keep going for a few more?"
"Yeah, you always were biased in their favor," grumbled Recca.
Bottou-chan raised an eyebrow. "That's why I invited you guys, too," she remarked mildly. "To see if you could inspire me as much as they can."
"The girl's got taste," remarked Kurei languidly. He hadn't had to experience any embarrassment yet.
Domon drew the next card. "Yanagi again."
"We're getting an amazing male-female ratio," remarked Mikagami to no one in particular. "There have only been two male-male's so far… and they both included Koganei."
Koganei's eyes widened. "Mori Kouran," he said, and he placed the cards back.
Recca was torn. On the one hand, his Hime wouldn't be paired with a bishonen guy who was a good kisser, too. On the other hand, his Hime would be paired with a perverted evil bastard.
"Ganbatte, Hime," he said encouragingly. I hope he clears Raiha out of your mind, he added, shooting a furious glare at the oblivious purple-haired ninja.
They walked over to the couch and began talking. Mori Kouran seemed very insistent about something. They began to argue softly.
"It's ad-libbing," reminded Bottou-chan, checking her watch. "You've been talking for twice as long as the vignette's supposed to last."
Mori Kouran glowered at something Yanagi had said. "Says you," he scowled, and pushed the girl onto the couch. Yanagi gave a little screech and clawed violently at his face. "Be-- still-- you!!" Mori growled, grabbing her wrists and trying to keep her from damaging him. He finally managed to pin down her legs with a knee, holding her hands above her head. She still bucked furiously, trying to escape from his grasp and shaking her head.
"Nooooooo!" she shrilled.
Mori Kouran managed to transfer her left hand over to his right hand's grasp, so that one of his hands was now free, although both of Yanagi's were still held captive. He cupped her chin in his hand. "Scream if you want to," he said, grinning sadistically. "I'm not Mokuren… but I don't mind if you want to… it can be fun when you're noisy." He trailed one finger down her jawline, down her neck, and then snagged her collar. With an easy flick of his fingers, he undid the top three buttons.
"Time!" called Bottou-chan. Mori Kouran made no move to release Yanagi, so Recca leaped up from the table and charged towards the couch, summoning Saiha. Mori rolled off the girl and backed away, his hands innocently in the air.
"Go after the boy," said Mori, sneering. "He was the one who chose Yanagi to be with me." He made his way back to the table.
"Are you okay, Hime?" asked Recca, as she rebuttoned her blouse.
"Wow," said Bottou-chan. "I don't write rape fics… but if I didn't know better, I'd have thought that was for real." She typed away at her keyboard, oblivious to the massive sweatdroppings around her. Finishing up, she picked up the cards once more. "Choose!" she instructed Mori Kouran.
"Finally," he said. "Someone who hasn't had a turn yet." He glanced at his adopted son. "Kurei, your turn."
Kurei shrugged. "Who am I with?" he asked, standing up.
Yanagi picked a card, and then glanced apologetically to the Ensui-wielder. "It doesn't look like Fate is smiling upon you today."
"This is my third one today," growled Mikagami. "Bottou-chan, why couldn't you pair him with Joker or someone?"
"Because Joker hasn't been drawn yet," she replied reasonably. But Joker had already jumped up and placed his head affectionately on Kurei's shoulder. "Oh, Ku-REI-han," he murmured in his most sultry voice. "Do you know how I admire you so much? You're so strong… so heartless… so cold… so unattainable. You're the only man for me…" He brushed his lips against Kurei's cheek, tracing a path dangerously close to his ear.
"Do you mind?" asked Kurei, removing his person from his subordinate.
Joker laughed. "Go for it, Kurei-han!" He dropped back into his chair and watched the pair expectantly.
Mikagami and Kurei discussed things for a few minutes. Mikagami looked peeved, but Kurei seemed to have made a point. Finally, with an elaborate sigh, Mikagami gave in and knelt on the floor, his hands crossed behind his back as though bound.
Kurei strode in. He stood towering over Mikagami, glaring coldly at him. "So you're Mikagami," he said. "Meguri Kyoza has told me much about you."
"Has he?" spat Mikagami. "I have nothing left to live for… just let me die now."
"Oh, no," murmured Kurei, a fiendish grin spreading over his lips. "Where would the fun in that be?" He knelt down in front of his captive. An arm reached out and grabbed a handful of Mikagami's silvery hair, using it to pull his head closer. "You were destined to join my Uruha," said Kurei, his lips brushing against Mikagami's ear. "And join my Uruha you shall. I have not invested so much time having him train you, to have your life be foolishly wasted at this moment. But you shall bend to my will." He gently traced the outer edge of Mikagami's ear with his tongue. "I have tasted every one of my Uruha… and you shall be no different," murmured Kurei, sliding one hand languidly across Mikagami's thigh.
"Time," called Bottou-chan, and the two stood up. "Wow, Kurei… you're a good actor. And Mikagami… you can be paired with anyone. It's amazing."
"It's my curse," sighed Mikagami. Looking around, he added, "The next person who draws my name will be asked to step outside to meet my Ensui." He pulled a card. "Raiha again."
Raiha stood up. Recca instinctively clutched Yanagi's arm more tightly.
Kurei pulled a card. "Joker," he said.
The two stared at each other, then burst out laughing. "Oi, Raiha-han, just thinking about you makes me weak in the knees. Hold me," sniggered Joker.
Raiha fluttered his eyes. "Ah, Joker-san! How often do I lie awake at night, wondering how I could ever express my feelings? Knowing you could never be mine?"
They made their way to the couch and held a quiet conference for a few moments. Then Joker sat down and pretended to type.
Raiha wandered around and stood behind Joker, watching him for a few seconds. Then… "Joker-san. Since when did you start writing yaoi?"
Joker jumped and looked around guiltily. "Ah, gomen, Raiha-han!"
"You were writing a fic about us, weren't you?" asked Raiha severely.
Joker took a deep breath and hung his head. "Yes," he admitted. "Gomen…"
Raiha slid onto the couch next to his friend. "Why write about it?" he asked suggestively, sliding one arm over his friend's shoulders. "Why write fiction… when reality can be so much more pleasant?" He gently pushed Joker back against the couch, nuzzling his neck. Joker's hands easily loosened the tie around Raiha's robe, sliding it off one shoulder. With a flick of his fingers, Raiha knocked the baseball cap from Joker's head to the floor. He brushed aside Joker's bangs.
"Such lovely eyes you have," Raiha murmured appreciatively. "Why do you hide them?"
"The eyes are the windows to the soul," replied Joker huskily. "I was afraid if you saw them… you would find my true feelings for you…"
"Time!" called Bottou-chan, keypecking like mad. She remarked to Kurei, "You know, the older ones tend to be much better actors…"
Raiha retied his robe and rejoined the table. "The Uruha is good at subterfuge and espionage. And a lot of that is pretending to be what we're not."
Joker rearranged his bangs and put his hat back on his head, pulling it down so the bill obscured his features once more. "The Hokage are barely past the cooties stage," he remarked as he drew a card. "What can you expect?" He glanced at the name. "Neon! You finally get your first chance to dazzle us with your stage presence."
"One more after this," said Bottou-chan. "It looks like it's getting late."
Raiha pulled a card. "Joker, don't sit down yet. You're up again."
"It looks like you might get lucky today!" said Joker, grinning at Neon.
"If I can get lucky in thirty seconds in front of eleven other people… I think I'll pass," replied Neon scornfully.
"Oi, Neon-han, I didn't mean that at all. I mean, if you're lucky, you'll impress me enough with your skills to where I'll finally cave in and pay you one of those midnight visits like you've been begging me for…"
"He doesn't have cooties!" called Raiha unhelpfully.
She shot him a dirty look, but began discussing things intently with Joker. Finally, she laughed and they seemed to reach an agreement. Neon sat daintily on the couch, with Joker next to her.
"I really don't appreciate all the time you spend making fun of me," she snapped irately at her fellow Uruha. "It really gets on my nerves. It's fun the first time or two… but after that… it's gotten old."
"Do you really think I've just been teasing you?" asked Joker, his good-natured smile curiously absent. "Neon-han, I… I don't know how to say this… but you intrigue me. There's this amazing attraction I feel… this chemistry… I can't put it into words."
"Do you think that's funny?" asked Neon sourly. "I don't think so. It's not nice to play with people's feelings." She scowled at him.
Joker's eyes flashed. No one could see them flash, but everyone knew it had happened. With one swift movement, he had taken Neon by the shoulders and had pushed her roughly to the couch. He knelt over her, taking her hands into an iron grip. His face was inches away from hers.
"Joker, I--" Her protest was lost in his kiss as his mouth descended upon hers. She said something, but it was muffled. She seemed to fight an internal battle before finally giving in and returning the kiss. Suddenly, Joker broke off the contact, looking behind himself at an invisible figure.
"Kurei-han!" he exclaimed. "Aiiiiii!" He easily rolled off the couch and pretended to have been fried.
Neon patted her hair as she sat up. "You were supposed to get flambéd before you actually kissed me," she frowned.
"I got caught up in the moment," said Joker, grinning. "No harm done, ne?"
"None at all," answered Neon primly. But she wasn't comfortable with the look on Bottou-chan's face as she industriously typed away.
"Who's our last lucky pair?" asked Recca nonchalantly. "I haven't had a turn."
"Me, neither," said Mokuren.
They gazed at each other uncomfortably.
"It's up to the cards," said Bottou-chan. "Draw." She fanned them out. Joker chose one, Neon chose another.
"Me," read Neon. She scowled and made her way back to the couch.
"Joker!" read Joker, feigning surprise. "Just kidding. It says 'Mokuren'."
"Prove it," challenged Neon, and he showed her the card. She looked disappointed.
Mokuren didn't even bother to discuss the scenario with Neon. Instead, he strode purposefully towards her.
"Erm- Mokuren-san…" She watched warily as several tendrils activated from his body and scurried towards her. "Call your branches off… or else…"
"I want you to scream," he said, his eyes glinting dangerously. "Scream for me, Neon-san…" One of his branches wrapped around her foot. She shook it off irately, but it rewound itself. Another shot out and grabbed hold of one of her wrists.
"Mokuren, this is exactly the wrong way to get me in the mood," she growled, pulling a knife from a pocket and cutting through one branch, then another, as easily as butter.
Mokuren didn't care if she was in the mood or not. "Scream for me… you have no idea what it does for me…" Another branch trailed close to her foot, and she nimbly leaped over it.
"Unfortunately, I have a good idea of what it does for you," Neon snapped. "You don't seem to be thinking properly at the moment… it's cliché, but is there enough blood for your brain, too?"
He lunged at her, and she backed up. However, she couldn't completely avoid him, and ended up getting pinned to the floor.
"Ow!" she exclaimed, bumping her head against the side of the couch. Her eyes flashed angrily, and nimbly twisting around, she had pinned him instead.
"It's no fun if you don't scream. It's no fun if you fight back," said Mokuren, looking disappointed under her ferocious glare. "C'mon, Neon-san… be a sport."
"Uh… time," called Bottou-chan.
Neon stood up irately, brushing herself off. "Thank goodness that was the last one," she said. "Bottou-chan, next time you need help… be a little more discerning in the people you ask."
"Yes ma'am," agreed Bottou-chan humbly.
Mokuren glanced at the screen as he passed by. "You didn't type anything down!" he objected.
"You didn't inspire me," answered Bottou-chan bluntly. "Anyhow, thank you very much, everyone… you can expect your pages to be updated soon… maybe some more mad-libs and stuff. Images… you know the deal."
"Arigatou," said Recca, still disappointed that he hadn't received a chance. Still, he was comforted by the thought that the deal would still go through, without his having to embarrass himself.
The Flame of Recca cast murmured their goodbyes and went their separate ways, leaving Bottou-chan to stare at the screen. Finally, a thought seemed to strike her and she began to type.
Joker stood in the shadows, knowing that his master would walk by soon. Yes… there he was. As Kurei passed, Joker joined him by his side, matching his stride. "Kurei-han," he murmured, reaching out and touching his master's arm. "Do you know how I admire you so much? You're so strong… so heartless… so cold… so unattainable. You're the only man for me…" He brushed his lips over Kurei's cheek, dangerously close to his ear….