Dearest Marissa,
There are so many things I would like to tell you, I don't know where to start. What pains me even more is that I would never be able to tell you these words face-to-face. There hasn't been a day since I last saw you in which I haven't thought about you, but I guess now all that doesn't matter anymore. You're gone, and I would never have the chance to see you again, never have the chance to tell you how much you meant to me.
I know that you never really fell for me, that the only person you really loved was Ryan. It pains me to say it, but I know it's true and I can't fight it- it's the same way I feel about you, though our relationship was short-lived, I couldn't forget you no matter how hard I tried. You were different from any other that I've met. I told Seth that I don't believe in relationships, but I couldn't stop myself from loving you. Something about you and your vulnerability made me want to take care of you forever. I never had the illusion that our relationship would be smooth-sailing and obstacle-free; but when you stopped showing any interest in me it hurt more than I could have imagined, did I mean that little to you, that your interest in me couldn't even sustain for a month?
I never thought that any one person would be able to captivate me like you did. But in that instance when I first met you, I knew that if any one person would be able to keep my heart forever, it would be you. Maybe to you I might just have been a tool to use against your mum; an in-between person to help you get over Ryan. But to me, you were someone I treasured beyond any other. It's something I myself couldn't explain, how a relationship that barely lasted a month could hit me this hard, that I just had to leave when it ended, cause I couldn't spare the thought of hanging around and seeing you and Ryan back together, and what's worse, seeing how happy you are when you are back with him, an emotion that you barely felt while you were with me.
I'm sorry that our relationship ended so badly. It took the bonfire to make me accept how different we were. I thought that if we tried hard enough, we would be able to overcome all differences, but maybe some gaps are just too wide to be closed. I don't fit into your life and you were better off without me. The greatest regret I have is that we lost all contact after that day. At first I hated you because of how easily you managed to forget me, how you couldn't even be bothered to give me a call after that day. Then I felt hurt, regret and fear, and all these prevented me from calling you. I was afraid that one day, when I finally get the courage to call you, they would tell me that you've shifted, or worse, that you would answer and ask me "Alex who?"
And now this is all too late, if only we could turn back time, I don't care if you don't remember who I am, I don't care if you no longer loved me, I wish I could have the chance to tell you how I really felt. I didn't even get to see you one last time and I hate myself for that. The only consolation I get is knowing that you were with Ryan when you died, cause I know that there is no one else you would rather have been with, and I just want you to be happy.
And I wish that wherever you are, you will know that I love you, I always had, and always will, Marissa cooper. I loved you more than you will ever know.
With all my love,
Alex.