HEDWIG RETURNS
Author's Note: Loosely based off of irl stuff.
One day in Harry Potter world, Hedwig got drunk and used her chest bumps to smash in everything around her. "RAAAARGH!" She screeched as one of her chest bumps slipped out of the bikini she was wearing causing her nipple to pierce through the walls. "EAT SHIT!" She snarled as she used her enormous belly to smash the couch into many pieces. Ron was sitting on there. He died.
Dumbeldore walked in as an audience cheered. Hedwig's bikini snapped right off her and stabbed straight into Dumbledore. Its sky blue polyester material clashing vibrantly against the old man's blood. He died. [Spoiler alert. Heh.]
Snape arrived home and instantly dropped his groceries onto the ground upon the mess and made a u-turn. He was soon throttled by an incoming truck that was heading straight into the house.
The driver was Voldemort whom thought it would be a good idea to visit but then died instantly on the spot. The entire planet soon shook as Hedwig suddenly grew ten times her original size. She proceeded to start smashing in the walls.
Once she broke out of the house, she used her breasts to smash in the neighbor's house. People screamed in absolute terror.
Her nipple managed to stab through one of the people residing within the house. An elderly man by the name of Ginny Weasley. The last words he screamed were "It's for some stupid, noble reason, isn't it?"
Pettigrew popped out from one of the cracks in the wall. Hedwig stomped him into the ground as onlookers observed in horror.
"THAT'S A HUGE BITCH!" Shouted Lee Jordan.
Hedwig leaped fifty feet into the air and stomped feircely upon the man causing an enormous crater to appear. It was so huge, it could be seen from space.
The enormous owl resumed her voyage into the city, crushing everything with her enormous chest bumps.
TO BE CONTINUED...