AN: Woo-hoo! My first ever R/Hr songfic! *ducks as her D/Hr lovers throw rotten eggs in her general direction* Well, I was listening to MTV, and they played it, and I got inspired and here I am! Look, I love D/Hr, and a good H/Hr every now and then, but I just wanted to give this a twist. And plus, I'm like this with a guy friend of mine, so this will probably be for my own sanity. Review and tell me if I should keep on writing these! And sorry for the title, couldn't think of an original one. (Or a good one, for that matter!)
Disclaimer: Anything familiar… *points to JK Rowling* The song… *points to L.F.O, who waves, grinning.* Anything and everything else? *gulps and hides.*
Dedicated to: No one, really. Oh yeah, to Raf, who showed me just how true this song can get. Mwahaha!
Every Other Time
I said let's talk about it
"Oh, no. Not again." Harry heaved a sigh at the loud crashes that resounded through the second floor of the flat he shared with Ron and Hermione. The couple's fights had become so common that Harry was already getting used to them. Harry went back to slicing the carrots just as Hermione's voice came ringing down the stairs.
"Damnit! I can't stand it anymore! Why do I have to put up with your… your girls Communicating every hour of the day!"
"Hermione! That was Parvati, she wanted to know if we were going to -"
"Parvati, Parvati, Parvati! What are you doing to me?! I'm leaving!"
As she walked out on me and slammed the door
Harry looked up as Hermione came storming down the stairs, hair flying, and pulling her cloak on. She paused at the door, glaring up at Ron, who stood on the stairs, watching her. "Goodbye, Ron! And don't expect to see me walk in this door, ever again!" Hermione stopped and stared at Harry. She suddenly whipped out her wand and pointed at him through the kitchen door. Harry, eyes widening, ducked.
Hermione then slammed the door, leaving behind a ringing silence.
Ron walked slowly down the stairs and sat down on the kitchen table, head in hands. Harry put down the knife, wiped his hands on a towel, and sat down across him.
But I just laugh about it
Harry clicked his tongue. "Let's see…" He pulled out a small calendar and crossed off a square. "Congratulations Ron! Third time in two weeks!" Ron's shoulders shook, and Harry began to get vaguely worried, until Ron looked up at him, and began to laugh.
"Ron?"
"I was just… hehe… thinking. What if she goes over to Parvati…"
"And beats the hell out of her?"
"Yeah, just because Parvati called to ask if we were going to her party on Thursday."
'Coz she's always playing those games
Harry reached across the table and patted Ron on his fiery-red head. "It's okay, Ron. You know how Hermione can get. She'll turn up soon enough." Ron sighed. "Yeah, I know…" He stared up at Harry with his bright blue eyes. "I still have no idea how we stayed together for three years."
Ron looked away, lost in space. "Three bloody years…"
Deep down I know she loves me
While Ron was recovering from the shock of the latest Mount Hermione eruption, Harry flicked over some coffee. Ron suddenly came alive again, eyes wild. He grabbed Harry's hand, spillign the coffee all over the table.
"Wait, but she loves me, right?! She loves me!" Ron stared at Harry, cocking his eyebrows threateningly. Harry stared right back, shocked. "Uh… yes, of course she loves you!" Ron smiled contentedly, and let go of Harry, sitting back down. "yeah, she loves me… I love her too…"
But she's got a funny way of showing me how she cares
Ron suddenly snorted into his coffee, causing Harry to jump. "I mean, I was so happy when she sent me a gift right after we had our first fight out of Hogwarts…" Ron glanced at Harry. "You remember that gift?" Harry rolled his eyes. "Of course! The cactus…" Ron sighed. "That cute, little cactus…"
"The cactus that stuck itself to the seat of your arse the moment you ripped off the wrapper." Harry finished, wiping up the coffee. Ron winced.
Last night she did a donut on my lawn
And drove out with her finger in the air
"Spunky, isn't she?" Harry raised an eyebrow at Ron. Ron laughed. "Damnit, that's why I fell in love with her in the first place!"
Sometimes it's black
Sometimes it's white
"The reason I moved in with you two is because there'll be nobody around to stop you from clawing at each other's throats!" Harry laughed. Ron snorted again. "Pshaw."
Sometimes she's wrong
Sometimes I'm right
Harry walked over to the front door, the one Hermione had so viciously slammed a while ago. He whistled slowly. "Ron… look at this. She cracked the bloody thing." Harry raised his bright green eyes. "Over one phone call, eh?"
Ron slumped down, knocking his forehead on the kitchen table. "Over one phone call…"
Sometimes we talk about it
Or we figure it out
"You know what that means, Ron?"
"No."
"She loves you! She got jealous!"
"Oh."
"Ron?"
"She does?!"
But then she just changes her mind
Ron suddenly jumped up and ran upstairs to get his wand. Harry returned to slicing carrots, sure that Ron would contact Hermione with a Tracking Spell, and convince her to come home. Then, Harry dropped his knife again when Ron came thudding down the stairs.
Sometimes she's hot
Ron sat down again at the table, a dazed look in his eyes. "She looked at me, you know, I conjured up a Communicating Cloud. And then she just glared at me, and the Cloud disappeared and I didn't even get to say anything, and she just, you know… glared…" Harry nodded sympathetically. "It's okay, Ron. She'll come back."
Sometimes I'm cold
Ron raised his hands in a relaxed gesture. "Okay, I'm fine. She's fine. We're fine. I'm okay…" Harry looked at him, kept quiet, and went back to chopping potatoes. Ron suddenly appeared at his side, smiling widely.
"Hey, Harry!" He chirped brightly. Harry stared up at Ron, who towered over him. "What?" he asked suspiciously. "Nothing… hey, let me have that. I'll help you chop veggies." Harry drew the knife away. He wasn't about to lend Ron anything sharp while he was still aching from another argument with Hermione.
"No, Ron. You go over there, and you sit down, I'll make you some tea…" Ron held out his hand for the knife. "Please, Harry!" Harry took out a smaller, duller knife. "Use this, and chop those string beans. Careful, now." Ron smiled, and danced over to the pile of beans.
Sometimes my head wants to explode
Fifteen minutes later, when Harry had finished cutting up all the vegetables needed, he turned to Ron, who had been huddled over the chopping board all this time.
"Ron, I need the beans now…"
"Wait, Harry."
Five minutes later:
"Ron!"
"Harry, wait, okay?!"
"What are you doing?"
Harry swept over to Ron and grabbed the knife out of his hands. "Will you give me…" Harry stared down at the chopping board in amazement.
But when I think about it
"Is this what you've been doing all this time?"
"Yup!" Ron grinned proudly.
Harry shook his head. "That fight hit you harder than I thought it did."
I'm so in love with her
Spelled out on the chopping board, in perfectly sliced string beans was: Hermio…
Every other time
Ron looked helplessly down at Harry. "I can't help it, you know. I love her like hell. And then, I can't help the quarrels either." Harry smiled empathetically, picked up the beans and swept them into a pot of boiling water.
"What I'd like to know, Ronniekins, is what the two of you do when you're actually on speaking terms."
Sometimes we sit around
Just the two of us on a park bench
Ron waved his long arms around, knocking down a few of the pots in the process. "Gaze at the stars, watch a movie, visit friends, eat…" Harry flicked his wand at the broken bottles Ron had knocked over, causing them to repair themselves and fly back to the shelves.
Sometimes we swim around
Like two dolphins in the ocean of our hearts
"Discuss something… but it always ends in an argument." Ron dropped his arms and looked at Harry sadly. "She'd say that that was Cassiopeia, I'd say it was Orion. She'd say it was a stupid movie, I'd tell her it kicked arse. She'd tell me that Lavender's dating Seamus, when its Parvati dating Seamus, for pete's sake! Then, we'd even argue about whether it's angel hair pasta or puttanesca!"
Ron sighed dramatically. "I wish we didn't fight so much."
But then I think about the time
when we broke up before the prom
Ron suddenly straightened up. "But, hey! Remember sixth year?"
"Yeah…" Harry said slowly. Ron frowned. "In the Yule Ball, she got so mad that I forgot to bring flowers, and she threw a scene right in the middle of the Great Hall."
And you told everyone that I was gay
Okay…
Harry chuckled. "And then she stood up, performed a Sonorus chamr, and announced to the whole school that you were lusting after…"
"Draco Malfoy." Ron finished sourly. "And then she said I hid pictures of him up in my room. Ha bloody ha!"
Sometimes I walk around the town for hours
Just to settle down
"And then, what did you do?" Harry prompted, charming the potatoes to mash themselves. "And then, I stood up as well, ran across the room, and…" Ron cringed. "I kissed Draco Malfoy?"
"Right!" Harry began to laugh. Ron turned red. "Only on the cheek, right?"
But I take you back
And you kick me down
"Hermione walked around smiling smugly for weeks! And she wouldn't listen when you told her it was just for spite." Harry searched the cupboards for Instant Gravy! Made by Dobby! Ron sat at the table, twirling his wand between his equally long fingers. "God, and the look on Malfoy's face! He seemed unsure whether to laugh his bloody head off, or to run out of the Hall screaming…"
'Coz that's the way
I like it
Harry pulled his head out of the cupboard, glasses covered with dust, and gravy in hand. "Well, you did make up right after, right?" Ron grinned. "Yeah, she took me up to her room and snogged me like the damn world was ending."
Sometimes it's black
Sometimes it's white
Ron looked out the window at the darkening sky. "Damn. It looks like it's going to rain." Harry looked up. "Yeah, what about Hermione?" Ron shrugged nonchalantly. "She's a smart girl, she'll find shelter."
Sometimes she's wrong
Sometimes I'm right
A boom of thunder made them jump, and Ron stood up, so pale his freckles seemed to have turned black. "Oh, go, Hermione…" he muttered, and he dashed into the living room.
Sometimes we talk about it
Or we figure it out
Harry listened to the snapping sounds of Communicating Clouds, concentrated on the beef he was roasting, and tried not to think of what could happen to Hermione.
"Damnit, Parvati, are you sure you don't know where she is?!"
"No, she won't bloody talk to me!"
"She disCommunicated her wand?!"
"Look, Neville, I have no idea where she is, and I'm sure you don't either, but I'm doing this because I am a crazed, lovesick boyfriend who is horribly worried about what could happen to his beloved Hermione in the middle of thunderstorm!"
"What the hell do you mean there's no thunderstorm?! The lightning's enough to light up our whole apartment for a month!"
But then she just changes her mind
Sometimes she's hot
Sometimes I'm cold
Ron walked back into the kitchen after half and hour of yelling at several different people. He collapsed on the table and buried his head in his arms. Outside, the rain poured, the lightning flashed, and the thunder raged. "Neville insists that isn't raining where he is. Insufferable git."
Sometimes my head wants to explode
"She can't even Apparate yet. She keeps on putting off the bloody exam!" Ron mumbled from beneath his arms. Harry looked slightly worried, as he turned his wand on the lump of solid gravy, reading out the incantation on the back of the wrapper.
But when I think about it
"It's been…" Ron stared up at the clock. "two hours!" he moaned, rumpling his ginger hair. "Oh god, oh, Hermione, come back!" Harry bent over the warm gravy on the stove.
Suddenly, a quiet voice, spoken with a smile in it, made Ron look up, and his sky-blue eyes widen. "Okay, who are you calling for then, God, or me?"
I'm so in love with her
Harry whirled around at the sound of Hermione's voice, just in time to see Ron envelop her in a warm hug. Harry grinned and turned back to his gravy.
Ron rubbed his eyes. "Damnit Hermione! Where'd you go?" He looked out the window at the pouring rain. "And how come you're so… dry?" Hermione glanced down at herself, and then raised her puzzled brown eyes to Ron's blue ones. "Dry?"
Ron raised an eyebrow at her, and waved his hand at the window, where the rain continued to pour noisily. Hermione stared at it, then smiled mischievously. She waved her wand at the window, and the dark skies and the rain melted away, replaced by shining sun.
"That was an Illusion." She smirked good-naturedly at Ron. "of course I had to make you feel horribly guilty before I came back, right?"
Every other time
Ron gaped at her. "What… you mean I yelled my head off at seven people, for nothing?!" Hermione laughed. "Ron, I didn't know you cared."
Ron pulled her to him, saying gruffly. "Oh, but I do."
Keep it up, home girl
Don't you quit
Harry watched, smiling. Ron suddenly looked up. "Hey… you're watching." Hermione began to giggle. "Oh, let him watch." She tugged at Ron's collar, and he leaned down and kissed her again.
You know the way you scream is the ultimate
"Ron, I'm sorry… I shouldn't have, well, cracked the door." Hermione looked down. Ron yanked her hair gently. "Okay, no apologies for all the grief you caused me?" Hermione laughed. "Nope. No apologies for that."
And when I walk away
Just watch the clock
"So, Hermione… why did you guys fight?" Harry tapped the table with his wand, and it began to set itself. Hermione ducked a flying plate, and motioned for Ron to answer that while she toned down Harry's wayward spell.
I bet I don't even get around the block
"Silly thing, really… you know, about who should marry who in her favorite soap, and then Parvati called…" Ron waved his hand airily. Hermione frowned. "Hey, it's not that silly!" Ron looked at her. "Yes, it is! It's a dumb thing to fight-"
"Hey!" Harry stepped in. "Are you going to fight about how silly your last fight was? Because if you are, I'm going down to Neville's pad and staying there until it all blows over… Peace, okay?" Harry looked from Ron to Hermione, and they broke apart in laughter.
I said let's talk about it
as she walks out on me and slams the door
"Well, we were about to settle down and watch the soap. After it, there was the little blow-up about marital values." Hermione explained. Ron nodded, and continued the explanation for her. "And then, things were getting really heated, then my wand starts to hum, then Parvati's Cloud comes on, and she catches us right in the middle of shouting at each other…"
Someday we'll laugh about it
Ron put on a high voice. "No! Marcia can't marry Tom! They're legally half-cousins, because Gregory wanted to marry Ruth but Charm wanted Gregory to marry Lucia…" He looked at Harry, shrugging. "And I was telling her, that Gregory did marry Lucia, but later divorced her for Charm, so that makes Marcia and Tom not half-cousins, but she missed the twenty-fourth episode, and she didn't catch this crucial part, so…" Harry cut him off.
"Look, Parvati just caught you, okay? And then what?" He prompted. Ron shrugged again, smiling at Hermione. "She just got mad and accused me of sleeping around." They chortled.
'Coz we're always playing those games
Hermione stood up and began doling out the food. "And so ends another Ron-Hermione Saga, over lumpy mashed potatoes, cold gravy, and oddly-sliced vegetables." Ron and Harry glanced at each other, and snorted.
Sometimes it's black, sometimes it's white
Sometimes, she's wrong, sometimes I'm right
"Hermione," Harry asked through a mouthful of beans. "where did you go?" Ron looked up. "Yeah, that's what I'd like to know!" Hermione smiled, put down her fork, and looked straight into Ron's eyes. "Look, Neville, I have no idea where she is, and I'm sure you don't either, but I'm doing this because I am a crazed, lovesick boyfriend who is horribly worried about what could happen to his beloved Hermione in the middle of thunderstorm!"
While Ron stared at her, she resumed eating. "I asked Neville to tell you that I wasn't there. I'm sure you got the hint about 'it not raining'?"
Sometimes she's wrong, sometimes I'm right
Sometimes we talk about it, or we figure it out
Ron swallowed. "Hermione… you… you didn't, well, sleep with him, did you?" Hermione looked up. "Hm? Oh, I think I did."
But then she just changes her mind
"Ron? Ron! Where are you going?!"
"Down to Neville's."
"Why?"
"Going to make sure he won't be able to chew anything properly for the next three months."
Sometimes she's hot
Sometimes I'm cold
Hermione threw down her fork and ran into the living room, where Ron was pulling on his coat, looking furious. Harry put down his own spoon and followed her.
Hermione grabbed Ron's arm. "Ron, I was kidding!"
Sometimes my head wants to explode
Ron looked at her. "Hermione…" he began slowly. "Yes?" she squeaked. "You have an uncanny ability to drive me mad with sheer jealousy." He finished, eyes sparkling.
But when I think about it
"Oh, Ron! You really do love me!" Hermione squealed. Ron grinned. "Oh, yes. Definitely."
I'm so in love with her
Hermione laughed genially, and helped Ron out of his jacket. Ron escorted a chuckling Harry back to the dining room. They were about to sit down for a peaceful dinner when an angry shriek rang through the house once more.
"RON! Is this LIPSTICK on your collar!"
Ron's fork clattered to the floor for a second time. "Um… I can explain that!"
Every other time