"inseparable"
just talk yourself up and tear yourself down
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There's no such thing as a second chance.
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The first time Vivian had heard of Aiden Teague, she'd been mystified. Not only that, but she swore to hunt him, in her girlskin. He knew of the world that I was a part of; he understood it like no other human being should be able to, and he didn't even have to try–
(yes that could be gathered from one poem.)
–and of course she started talking to him.
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He was mysterious and nonsensical in his own human way. The first thing she'd said to him sounded kind of dorky – something about i like your poem my name is vivian its nice to meet you – and he'd smiled and laughed. He'd accepted her, while anyone else in her clan (and his, no doubt) would shun and despise them forever.
It was very difficult to keep from spilling her guts to him – he was gorgeous and trusting, (accepting) and more than anything he believed in werewolves. His friends were a group of miscreants bound by a love for cheap horror flicks and heavy music, and she somehow or other managed to fit in with them. An honorable achievement.
The only problem was that he had a girlfriend already. Kelly, Kelly whateverharlastnamewas. It was both a disadvantage but at the same time lifesaving. She wouldn't be tempted to kiss him, or kill him, or tell him anything she needn't know.
This went on for months; it was perfection in the making. Vivian loved Aiden, she really did; even though Kelly with her runny stockings thought it was spite, or lust, or some other thing, it was love.
While it lasted.
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Then came the day Vivian decided to count her blessings – and free her demons. She showed up at Aiden's house (he was under a sheet, waiting for her, willing to tell her everything and give her everything) and started conversation despite the fact that she wanted him so very badly. Of course, he didn't believe her. He thought she was joking – some sort of turn on joke.
"Believe me," she said softly, stepping away from him with a grin that looked to him to be insane, wicked – evil? – and disturbed. He'd gasped then, looking scared for his life, and quickly threw on whatever clothing he could find on his floor.
"Believe in it, the way you believe in life or death –" her voice was coming out distorted now, through too-big teeth and a face slowly shifting shape. Her hair grew into a wild, tangled mess, and her nails grew – and then she stopped.
She'd stopped because he was screaming, scrambling away from her, against the wall.
Vivian was hurt and lost and despairing, lusting after her love and wanting him to make her whole… and to relish the change, the way she did. But no – he had other plans. The first thing he threw at her was a chair, and then an assortment of other things. He was angry and frightened (no, not frightened. terrified) and she stumbled backwards, trying not to cry and trying even harder not to get hit with anything lethal.
His violence made her think quickly, act irrationally. She'd jumped out the window, and ran off, reducing to tears as soon as she's made it home. She tried to call her new friends – his friends – and make amends, to explain what had happened.
He made up a story – works of fiction were his passion. But this one was about Vivian. It made her a walking pariah. The acceptance she'd thought she'd seen, the love, the compassion… it was replaced with primitive fury, terror, and blind rage. It was lost to the world forever, never to return.
All because of one decision to stop keeping secrets, and there is no such thing as a second chance.
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That had been a while ago. That Vivian – the one who trusted humans and loved them and cared and felt compassion – was gone. In her place was a darkly gorgeous beauty, held together by pieces of string called memory, and tape called love. A new love, one that already knew her secrets, from the time she was a pup up til now. This one was going to last forever, Vivian was certain.
Gabriel loved her, too, and it was real. It was more real than anything she'd felt with Aiden (she was pretty sure she'd made herself love him, simply because of who he pretended to be; she was also fairly certain that everything she thought of him had been a mask.) Gabriel was the one who had picked up all her shattered pieces and put them together again, and held her until the glue dried.
By the time it did, she knew, in a completely different way than she'd known with Aiden:
She said, "We're going to be together forever, Gabe."
He answered, "What makes you say that?"
She, "Wolves mate for life."
He, (jokingly) "Are you saying you have not mated yet?"
She, "Of course."
He, "I love you, Viv."
She was at such a loss of words when he'd said that that she hadn't been able to say anything herself. A burning lump had formed in her throat, making her splutter and gag and choke until she could catch her breath again.
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Later, weeks later, when she actually knew, when she could actually go back inside her mind and dust away the unhappiness, and organize every single thought, she knew.
"I love you, too." she said, out of the blue.
He'd looked at her with mild amusement, a tender smile on his face. He'd tapped his index finger against her nose and laughed. "What makes you say that?" he asked, as he had a million times before.
"You do."
That was all the answer she needed to give.
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believe in it the way you believe in life or death.