In Life, In Death
By: Princess Yori
Summary: He was torn.
Genre: Angst/Romance
Pairing: CloudxKadaj, AerisxZack
Setting: AU
Rating: K+
Status: Complete
Type: One-shot

Disclaimer: All related Final Fantasy names and characters are copyrighted © by the almighty Square Enix. This story and the possible OCs involved are all me, however. Enjoy.

Kadaj struggled back to his feet as Cloud hopelessly watched. He knew they agreed whatever happened, happened, and that Jenova was oh-so-convincing. Even more so that Sephiroth had to resurface, or Kadaj would lose what little sanity he so struggled to keep. A wisp of his silver hair fell in front of his face, Cloud knew then everything was ending. His world, Kadaj's life, it was all entangled in one web, and he was the spider being rudely tossed from his home. His fist clenched as he watched Kadaj's moment of fleeting weakness flood into sudden rage, watched him lunge forward, and watch him topple over when Cloud easily side-stepped his feeble attempt.

His arm extended quickly, wrapping around Kadaj's body, as he lowered himself down to gain better support. Kadaj looked destroyed, he tried to focus on something other than the sudden frail situation, anything. He'll be with Aeris, Zack. Did the planet and Lifestream hate him so? Taking all those he let in and throwing them away like trash. He clenched his teeth while Kadaj stared vacantly up at him. He had to be strong, and was already mentally preparing himself for the inevitable; all he really wanted to do was throw a fit. All of the fighting, all of the death he found himself surrounded by, and yet, everyone still expected him to be bigger than that.

They wouldn't understand this emotional breakdown exactly, he never told them. There wasn't time, or opportunity, it wasn't something you threw into casual conversation. 'Oh, and the guy who's trying to destroy the world…well, I kind of fell for him, no biggie, we can still kill him' he winced internally, though that had been the plan spoken between him and Kadaj, who ever lost, lost big. We, I, it amounted to the same, it was over for one of them. At the moment he was severely praying that it would be him, a little too late for that, but maybe…Aeris, Zack, they'd hear him, they'd know. Know how much he wanted this to be reversed, know how much he wanted Kadaj to live, but he knew, at the same time, they wouldn't. They wouldn't help him, not to kill himself in sacrifice, he wondered how much stronger he needed to be to die.

Denzel, Marlene, Tifa, they all needed him, and Aeris for one would never let him abandon them. He supposed it to be a good thing, yet all that ran through his mind was: please, don't take this from me. Don't take Kadaj, don't take the feeling he got when he was near, don't take any of it. Kadaj exhaled in his arms, leaning heavily on his support, Cloud watched him silently, unsure of what to say. Sorry wasn't good enough, and he no longer had the right to love him. You don't kill the ones you love. But they kept dying. For a reason, everything happens, what was the reasoning behind this?

Quickly their remaining time passed, neither saying anything, he wanted to know what ran through Kadaj's mind, so close to pending doom, was there anything? Was he satisfied to die like this, did the rain pour accent his mood, so much like it did Cloud's? So many questions swirled around, all silenced when Kadaj began to fade, and the particles take his place. Cloud's eyes widened with fear, as Kadaj was ripped away from him, as he was unable to do anything for him. A sudden emptiness washed over, he recognized it, from when Zack, and Aeris had both been killed, when he said his final sorrow-filled goodbyes. However, this time, he wasn't ready to walk away, to pick himself up off the ground and just go, he wasn't sure there was any functional part left in his body. The sorrow mixed with exhaustion like some poorly mixed drink, and he had swallowed it all.

He stood, amazed by the movement, but soon understanding why, to be closer. And eventually that reasoning would help him remember to move, he slid his eyes shut, trying to get rid of anything pain ridden. A difficult thing, everything considered.

And then there was that echoing sound.

And the refreshed pain.

And then he was on his knees, staring at the rain splashed ground.

A second chance? To have Kadaj, his friends, to once more feel whole like a normal being should, or was it another false hope? He struggled to stay conscious, not bothering to ask himself why, or even to wonder how he managed to stand back up. He winced, everything hurt, there was nothing that didn't throb in sync with his heart beat, his slowing heart beat. He turned around, time moving frame by frame, no longer seeing, only hearing. They didn't know either, the ones who like cowards assaulted him from behind. He pulled his sword up, not the lightest thing in the world to carry around, especially when you were barely hanging on, they held up their Materia infested arms, and as he attacked, so did they.

Please, don't take this from me. His eyes slid open, slowly blinking he adjusted to the light. Aeris peered over him and giggled to herself.

"You always knew how to make an entrance," He sat up, realizing where he was.

The church, as it was before Aeris had fallen, he glanced up, remembering every moment spent here. Slowly he looked back to her, questioningly. She straightened up, holding out her hand, he reached for it, allowing the help, though he no longer felt the pain, of anything, he noted.

"Aeris…" He mumbled, unable to understand the world around him, she shook her head, silencing him.

"Don't worry about that, there are some people who want to see you!" She dragged him forward, glancing over her shoulder. "You know where my house is still, right?"

Cloud nodded, having never forgotten, she nodded in return and dragged him on, until they arrived to her selected destination. He looked strangely at everything, it was normal, Midgar slums, everything how it used to be. He felt at home again, in a place that had never really been his home.

"Hey!" Aeris shouted, running up to her house, he followed slowly after, taking everything in. He wondered what she was shouting at, but it was never anything motivating, he just wondered.

And then there was Zack, twirling Aeris like a prize.

The emptiness slowly crept on him, and he flinched.

And then there was him, jumping at himself.

It all quickly faded away, as he found his arms tightly around him.

"Is this a dream?" Cloud wondered aloud, they all grinned at him.

"Takes some getting used to," Zack nodded.

And then, he soon discovered, there was nothing but time.

And he discovered, he couldn't stay. There were still people in need, Denzel…Marlene.

And they found themselves alone.

"You're really here," Kadaj asked, seemingly upset. "Yazoo, Loz, they killed you."

"I guess," Cloud stared at the ground. "Shouldn't they be dead too?"

"I…don't know," Kadaj shrugged. "Cloud?"

"Hm?"

"Are you afraid?"

Cloud glanced up, eyeing Kadaj for a moment, before sighing.

"I don't exist, what should I be afraid of?"

"Denzel…Marlene, for them?"

"…This is selfish…" Cloud nodded slightly. "I promised…"

Kadaj wrapped his arms around Cloud, leaning against him.

"We're so far apart…" Kadaj laughed half-heartedly, it sounded more like he wanted to cry. "You're always leaving me…"

"I'm sorry…I just need, they need…"

Kadaj pulled away and nodded. Cloud's vision slowly began to flicker between him and darkness.

"I'll come for you."