Infinite
Shion knows he will never love again.
He has been through this thought many, many times, even as life continued on with his everyday routine of overseeing no.6's rebuilding process slowly settling into place. And once again, things he'd rather not think about surface in his mind – life without him. But he pushes that thought away.
"Ohayo, Shion-san! Have a good day at work!" A passer-by calls, and Shion smiles back warmly.
Shion is not one to be overly sentimental. He is the logical one, the rational one. And now for his people, the very people who had placed their trust in him to rebuild a better life for all, he has to become the responsible one. But the thoughts creeping into his mind everyday are far from responsible. Sometimes even he doubted himself – how could the people still have so much trust to put all of their hopes onto one person, even after being so horribly deceived by no.6? He is constantly learning, even after so much as happened, learning about the wonders of human beings. He is no longer the little boy that thought everything in the world could be explained in textbooks.
Wasn't he the one who showed me that?
"Shion-san, we've already completed phase one of the blueprint for this part of the main town. Are we ready to proceed?"
Everything and everyone is moving forward and making good progress, and Shion knows that it will not be too long before a new society will be established again – hopefully one that will allow the people to have their own opinion and make their own choices. He knows that he should be happy, he tries to convince himself that what he has right now, is more than he could ever ask for.
"Shion-san?"
And so he tries his best to ignore the hollow feeling in that little corner of his heart, the one he knows only one person could ever fill.
"Hm? Ah, yes, please proceed."
Where are you, little rat?
Shion supposes that it's that certain someone that's motivating him to continue to do things, things that make a positive difference. The thought of maybe, just maybe he'd hear news of a beautiful, once-shattered city emerging once again, and that he'd be even the slightest bit interested in the white-haired boy that he had spent even a little time with. And once he starts this train of thought, a mirage of maybes start flooding into his mind.
Stop.
"Alright everybody, break time!" And until now, so long since the collapsing of the walls and all the tragedy that came with it, people still take the time to call up their families to tell them how they're doing during these little pockets of time. Because then, and maybe even now, you never know when the next breath would be your last.
"Hey Safu, are you doing well up there?" He looks up into the sky and squints his eyes at the blazing Sun.
Shion does think that he's lucky to still have his loved ones around him – Karan is doing what she loves, running her own bakery (and of course, her new helper – ever-dedicated Rikiga); Inukashi is a changed woman, now with her own family, her happy little Shion to raise. He still misses Safu, and he talks to her sometimes, continuing a conversation with responses he swears he could hear her whisper even from where she is right now – high, high up there.
"Better than ever. How about you, Shion?" She gives him that open-toothed smile he's gotten so familiar with over the years.
And he still misses the one he loves with all his heart and all his soul. If there was even anything such as soul mates, Shion thinks he has found his. He has found his in the blue-haired boy who taught him about the world. He has found his in the beautiful actor, who had crushed his naïve perspective of his world, and yet saved him in so many ways. He has found his in his best friend, and his trusted confidant who had risked himself to protect him.
What are you doing now, little rat?
They say soul mates can feel one another, no matter how far apart they are. Shion thinks he feels him too, both mentally and physically, the feeling of Nezumi's fingers brushing across his arm, the glare of his disapproving look, the little voice in his head that chides at him – "don't be stupid, Shion!" Some think that these are telling signs that he's been working too hard, that he's got a few screws loose and needs some time to cool off and come back to reality.
And to that, Shion just laughs it off and assures them that he's doing absolutely fine. Most of all, he's laughing at himself because – what is reality really? Can a life without his soul mate ever be enough to feel real?
"Shion, we're starting work again soon!"
Shion gets up and looks at the hustle of people working, talking, living around him and he wonders – are any of them waiting for someone like he is? And if so, what do they find comfort and solace in, and do they ever, ever stop thinking about that special someone? Not a single day has passed by since the day he left, that Shion has gone a day without thinking just how his little rat was doing in a place Shion will never reach.
Do you miss me as much as I do, you?
"I think we're almost done here. Just try to finish up this part and get the foundation settled in and I'll get the final editing plan done up by next week latest. Good job, guys!"
Shion waves goodbye to his co-workers, and he feels the rising urge to laugh. To laugh at himself because – this is how he spends his day, thinking and wondering and worrying about his soul mate, and silently hoping, hoping, hoping, for a little miracle to happen.
On his way back home, it begins to rain. Shion walks on briskly, not minding getting drenched at all – he hasn't brought an umbrella around ever since he left him. Shion thinks that he likes the rain, because it's what brought the two of them together, that fated stormy night.
Pitter patter pitter patter.
The sound of the train is strangely hypnotizing, and Shion closes his eyes, relishing the moment. He wonders how many times he's done this, keeping still in the rain reliving the entire day they had so met.
Pitter patter pitter patter.
Open windows, strong gusts of wind blowing in.
Pitter patter pitter patter.
Paper flying all over the place, rain falling onto the carpets, onto the walls, onto his face.
Pitter patter pitter patter.
A loud shout that pierces through the rhythmic rush of the rain.
Thump, thump, thump.
Familiar footsteps coming up behind him. Shion smiles to himself, looks like the insane connection between soul mates is actually allowing him to hear his footsteps from miles away.
"Hello beautiful, standing here in the middle of the rain trying to get me out of your head?"
And all over again, Shion is falling apart.
It takes all he has to calmly turn about, all the while thinking I must be going crazy, I must be going crazy, I must be going—
Arms envelop him in a tight embrace, familiar arms that have known each and every nook and cranny of him, bodies that fit together perfectly.
"I'm home."
His whisper by his ear sends a shiver through his spine, the familiar voice that he'd spent everyday listening to stories in for years.
And Shion allows himself to fall apart and be pieced together again in his arms. He buries his face in the crook of his soul mate's neck and cries the hardest he's ever had in his life.
"Welcome home, Nezumi."
Shion knows he will never love again.
Never as fiercely, as strongly, as unconditionally will he ever love another human being. Wrapped tightly in his beloved's arms, Shion knows that there is nothing that could ever be more perfect than right now. In this moment, they are infinite.
/end
Closing Word:
Hello guys/girls! It's been a really long time since I've written anything at all, but I really needed a respite from the horrors of junior college and the constant stress threatening to suffocate me. Nezumi and Shion have not left that place in my heart even after so long, and I can only hope that I can find something as beautiful as what they have. Thanks for your time in reading this, and I'd greatly appreciate it if you could leave a review. For anyone who's interested in discussing about anime/life in general, you can add me on twitter thesixthstar, where I'll always have open ears (eyes?) for anything. c: It's been good coming back, and I'll hopefully see you guys/girls soon again.
P.S. Last line (this entire fanfiction actually) is inspired by a line in perks of being a wallflower – "in that moment, we were infinite." And so they were.