The Meaning of Foreve
I saw the word "foreve" carved on the tree. I don't know if it's a typo because of rushing or people are just plain stupid. And the initials of two people are carved on it as well.
J.M
loves
H.F
foreve
I do not sense the point in this. I stroll around the park a little more because going back home is a drag when you have a very emotional family. There is just too much drama in this world. I walk north and The Flash runs passed me, to my east. If I am not mistaken, it's a girl, two ponytails, brunette, I put the pieces together and it's Mikan. Mikan is running. But from who? Because of what? Why? I look to the direction from where she came from and no one is following her. I catch up to her. Why? Because I love her that's why. I've been in love with her since she smiled or something. But it wasn't her goofy, I-love-the-world kind of smile, it was a heartwarming one, the kind that gives you mosquitoes in your stomach or some idiom those girls use.
WHOA. She's a fast runner!
And she's crying too. I run faster and I grab her hand. I spin her to me. She is crying. Swollen eyes. Runny nose. "Mikan." I say her name and she hugs me. I return her hug and she smells like sun and soap. I wonder who's the bastard that this this to her. I feel my shoulder wet with her tears. I caress her back and hug her tightly. "What's wrong, Mikan?" I say her name again not those pet names I give her like Polka-dot Panties, Strawberry Prints, or Ugly.
She lets go and she stares at me with those huge hazel eyes. I scan her for answers but nothing. I can't figure her out either. "Ruka." OH HELL NO.
Here's the catch, Ruka and Mikan are dating. They have been since I don't know, I don't even care either. I guess since Third Grade or something and they've been going out for quite a long time too. And yes, such a strong relationship. I'm Ruka's best friend and he's given me like this "Take Care of Mikan if I'm Not Around" kind of job. I obliged, I did take care of her when Ruka wasn't around, I look after her (I am not a stalker), I care about her, okay. It's what a best friend does to his best friend's girlfriend. Or whatever you call it. I don't know.
And they always have this "lovey-dovey" aura around them that it burns the light out of my eyes. They are so attached to one another. And there's this one time wherein Ruka was just completely gone for a month because of personal matters. And he gave me the birthright to protect Mikan from whatever shit came along. And I did. FOR ONE WHOLE MONTH. And within that whole month of "protecting my best friend's girl" I fell in love with her. Well, I've had eyes on her even before Ruka made the move and even before he realized he was in love with her. But during that whole month, I really, really, really did fall in love with that girl.
And I can just batter myself to death for not confessing to her right away. I regret it. And yes, for once in my life I would like something or someone that I laid eyes on first to be mine. And it is Mikan. I am not going to let her go. Not again. Not this time.
"What did Ruka do?" I snapped out of my reverie.
"No, he- he did not do anything." I wipe the tears from her eyes because I hate seeing her like this. I hate seeing her cry.
"Then why are you crying? What happened?"
"I made him feel so horrible. He knew but he did not say anything. He is so kind- Ruka. Even though he knew all along, he kept quiet. He loves me. But-" And we meet each others' eyes. She flushes and pushes me away. "I-" She starts all over.
"MIKAN!" Ruka. Her eyes widen even more and she takes off running. I don't follow her. Moments later Ruka appears running.
"AH. Natsume."
"Ruka." He starts chuckling like nothing is wrong. If he weren't my best friend, I would have beaten the crap out of him.
"You saw her right?"
"Yeah. What happened?"
"We broke up."
Those three words just slammed me right in the guts. My heart leaped as well. My head is in chaos. I don't know how I am supposed to react. "I ended it. I guess I just couldn't take how she looks at me or at you."
"Why am I included?"
"You really don't know? I know you've had eyes all over her, Natsume. It is so obvious."
"What do I have to do with your personal life, Ruka? I didn't choose to fall in love with her."
"But you had a choice to stop me from falling in love with her."
"No, Ruka. I do not control you. Look, it's the past. You cannot change it. No one can. Just make-up with your present so it won't ruin your future."
"But my future's gone running off."
"What happened anyway? Why the sudden break-up? You guys were sparkling like diamonds."
"I knew she was in love with you, Natsume. Mikan, she's so obvious. Her emotions are so obvious. Mikan is kind, she still chose to stay with me. I wouldn't call it two-timing or cheating but despite her feelings for you, she would always come back to me, assure me that she loves me. I knew that. I really did. I trusted her. I love her. But I can't stand it when she looks at you in a different way, she doesn't look at me that way. Maybe, to put it in a childish way, she loves you... more."
"Don't give me that crap, Ruka. Just get back to her."
He shakes his head and runs his fingers through his hair.
"Natsume, I've broken up with Mikan ever since I left her in your care for a month. I think it's pretty clear that you took advantage of that month to get Mikan to like you or vice versa. I respect that, you could say I planned it."
"Listen, man. I don't want to be the cause of your-"
"Oh but Natsume, you're not. Tell that to Mikan. But one way or another, we cause each other a lot of pain and we don't even realize it."
Silence greets us.
"If you don't catch up with her, who knows what else she might do."
And I run.
SHE'S NOT ANYWHERE.
The bakery.
The store.
The beach.
The park.
I don't even know where she is!
Where.
Where would she go.
Imai's house is far away, she wouldn't go there. Would she?
THINK, IDIOT. THINK. Where would she- my house. I run to my house, my heart is beating so fast that it hurts. My lungs are gasping for air. And I see her silhouette. Mikan. She's hugging her knees and has her head bent down. I run faster. She looks at me and stands up. I slow down, my heart slamming to my chest.
"Hey." I say casually like I didn't run for miles and miles finding her just to tell her that I love her and cannot live without her.
"Natsume, you're all sweaty." Her eyes are so red and puffy from crying. She brings out her hanky and wipes the sweat off my face. I lean to her touch and we meet each others' eyes. And being the bastard I am, I lean in and kiss her on the lips. As we part, I smile. I freaking smile like an idiot because I am so happy. Call me selfish but I am happy that they broke up. I don't have to restrain myself from holding Mikan's hand, I can look at her freely with no strings attached, I can talk to her with no barriers, and I don't have to worry about Ruka watching her every step.
"I'm sorry about you and Ruka and that whole break-up scene but I want to be stubborn and self-centered for once. I am in love with you, Mikan. And I am so happy that you and Ruka finally broke up. I hated it- when Ruka took you all for himself. I was so envious of Ruka. Keeping myself away from you is hard, Mikan. These limits. I couldn't bear them. So, yeah. Now I can kiss you without any regrets or without Ruka having to beat the hell out of me."
"This guilt, Natsume. Doesn't it hurt you?"
"It will hurt if you regret it. And, I don't regret it."
We hold hands. What does our Facebook status mean now? It is definitely complicated. Isn't there supposed to me a three-month rule or something? Maybe, I should give her time. We should wait. "I'll give you time. All the time you need, okay?" I bring her nearer and kiss her forehead. We stay like that for a long time.
I watch her eat her ice cream. It's been 4 months since her break-up with Ruka and I am kind of getting impatient? Yes, a question mark. "Why are you looking at me with such concern?" She smirks at me.
"No reason at all. Is it bad? Am I offending you?"
"Jeez, you sure are touchy on the subject."
"No, not at all. I'm just thinking about something."
She shifts facing me. She's got her leg bending on the seat, her other hanging. "About what?" She licks her ice cream. It is very distracting. Very. Distracting.
"How much you distract me."
She creases her eyebrows. "Not funny."
"It's charming."
"Disgusting."
"You're disgusting."
"Now you're being rude."
"I'm always rude."
"Not always."
"How can you say so?"
And we are silent for a few seconds. She smiles.
"You just aren't."
"Okay, so I am impatient."
"Yeah, you are."
"Do you love me?"
"Mmm... Very impatient."
What game is she playing. She's messing with my temper. I sigh. I guess she isn't prepared after all. I sigh again. This is depressing. I watch her finish her ice cream. She wipes off the excess around her lips. I love it when she's so carefree. She doesn't get embarrassed easily when she messes something up.
"What now?" She asks me.
"I love you." And I just say it. No shame attached. Why should one hide their true feelings for that person?
"I know you do."
"Not the reply I was expecting."
"Not the reply I was expecting, either."
I look at her quizzically. "What reply?"
She shrugs. "I just thought you'd be a bit more... aggressive?"
"Aggressive. Really, now?"
"Like you'll force me to be your girlfriend or something."
"Force you to be my- MIKAN."
"What?"
"FORCE YOU? Why would I do that?"
"I don't know. I just expected that kind of attitude from yours, I guess. I don't know."
"Well. YEAH, I am impatient but I have the heart to wait for you, you know. Jeez, I mean. Wow. I can wait you know. I don't need for you to be in a rush. I love you, right? Christ. I'm getting all mushy again. Disgusting. But anyway, uhm. I can wait, Mikan. Don't worry."
I hear kids running to a tree. A boy and a girl. The boy brought out a pencil and started writing something on the trunk of the tree. The little girl giggled in glee and hugged her male friend. They started running off.
"Aren't they sweet?" Mikan said. She stood up and held my hand. "Let's go check what they've carved."
I stood up with her and we walked hand in hand to the tree. They carved their initials on the trunk and it reads:
M
loves
N
foreve
"Okay. They misspelled 'forever' wrong."
"Mmm, not really."
"Have you gone nuts too? Were you too affected with those little kids?"
"No, I mean. Yeah, they misspelled it but its true essence is there. The meaning of the word is what's shown."
"Uh, still not getting any."
"Forever. Forever doesn't end. That's why the boy removed the last letter from the word."
I get it. I freaking get it. Oh my God. New found information. And from the carving I saw too. It spelled 'foreve' because forever doesn't end. OH MY GOD. Smart people. Clever. Not bad. I look for something in my pocket and find a ballpen.
"Natsume?"
I start writing the remaining letters of our names on the trunk.
Mikan
loves
Natsume
foreve
"There. All done." I look at her and she's smiling down on me.
"Yes. Yes, I do, Natsume."
I seal our little infinity with a kiss.
THE END
Foreve (fôr-ev) eternity ; there is no end to forever ; everlasting