A/N: I am aware that this isn't Ashes and for that, I apologize. However, I am kind of on an overload from angst from FFN, in both other authors and my own stories, and I decided to get some of that out of my system. Just a short, little introspective drabble in Danny's POV. This is stream of consciousness so be prepared for some fragmented thoughts and such. Drop me a review and let me know what you think!
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Why
Why do I fight?
I know that seems like a stupid question to ask, but it's been nagging me lately and being stuck here in Lancer's office, waiting for him to show up and lecture me on how I need to shape up, seems like the perfect place to think about it. I'll have to be sure to ask Sam to pick up any of my missed assignments from yesterday, the reason why I'm stuck in this hell-hole awaiting punishment for 'skipping' school…for some reason, I don't think the school secretary would buy the excuse that a ghost was vandalizing the post office and I, Danny Fenton, klutz extraordinaire, needed to go and stop it.
But you see, that's what's funny about me…I keep on fighting these ghosts, and other bad guys for that matter, even though it obviously affects my life in a negative way. I don't really want to indulge in a self-pity fest, but it just does…no point in ignoring the truth of the matter. To be completely honest though, I hadn't really thought about it until last night, coming back from that post office and on the receiving end of one hell of a lecture from my parents about how disappointed they were that I had skipped school. After they were done, Jazz helped me bandage a cut on my arm, which had been thankfully hidden from my parents' line of sight during their 'intervention,' and asked me such a simple question…one that I'm still trying to answer the next day.
"Why do you keep fighting, Danny?"
I don't think she expected an answer, which was good because I didn't have one, but it got me thinking…why do I fight? When I first got my ghost powers, it was a matter of just trying to keep my secret hidden…and if that meant kicking a little ghost butt now and then it was fine. But then…then everything started evolving out of control and before I knew it, I was the infamous "Inviso-Bill" and was fighting huge battles that determined the fate of the world. Let me tell you, that's a lot of pressure on a fourteen year old klutz.
So now, as I wait for Lancer to call me in to his office, I'm stuck wondering why I do fight. And, it's a lot harder than I figured it would be.
For starters, I know I don't fight for glory, or eternal fame, or whatever. That's Vlad's deal…that and trying to hook up with my mom. Ugh…okay, away from that thought…I mean I never really wanted to be famous as a kid, I just wanted to be an astronaut. Anyway, fame is a double-edged sword that I've had bad experience with…and Lancer says I don't pay attention in English! Why would I want everyone to know about me when I don't even want my family to know about me? No, that one's definitely not a reason at all.
But then, the next obvious choice is that I fight to protect my family…which I don't think is right either. Maybe, when I first started doing this, I had that in mind, but now…frankly, my family can handle themselves in a battle against ghosts just fine. Even Jazz can…though she hates to admit it! I mean, my mom can decimate an entire army of mutated ghost animals, my dad beat up Plasmius with hardly even breaking a sweat, and Jazz…well, when she puts her mind to it can be just as destructive towards ghosts as mom. They don't need my protection…so why would I pretend to protect them if it was such a hassle to me?
The next would be Sam and Tucker…even Valerie to a degree; that I fight for them because they can't. But that doesn't really work out either, because each of them have been hunting and fighting ghosts as long as I have. There isn't anything Sam and Tucker don't know how to handle because they were there with me when I, or usually they, figured out a way. Valerie is the more obvious choice…she doesn't really understand ghosts and spends all her time hating Danny Phantom to notice. But I wouldn't say I fight for her…she wouldn't either. No…it's not really them.
How about Amity Park? The citizens and structures and everything else that I've known for my short life? Do I fight for a town that despises and fears me…a town that would probably hand me over to some lab if given the opportunity? I don't really hate them for it, it's more like I'm annoyed with them, but because of their attitudes I don't know if this is the correct choice either. If I'm so burned out and tired from all the fighting, and lying, and everything else…why would I waste the energy fighting for a city that pretty much doesn't like me? That sounds selfish, even in my thoughts, but I can't help but think it.
Well, how about this one…I fight for the greater good? That's rich…slap some tights on my and give me a cape and I'll be just dandy. Half of what I fight isn't a threat to the 'greater good' and I don't think I believe that all ghosts are inherently bad…wow, I DO pay attention in English…off topic again. Anyway, apart from Vlad, none of the ghosts I've really fought have been 'evil' so to say…no more so than me. Selfish maybe, and greedy…so pretty much acting like humans. So…can I really be fighting for the greater good when I'm busy thrashing the stuffing out of the Box Ghost at the post office? I don't really think so…
What about this…I fight to protect the future, to protect it from some great catastrophe that I can prevent due to my 'gifts?' Now that just sounds egotistical…like I'm some lone savior the world can't go on without. Frankly, I'm pretty sure the world will keep going on after I hang up the metaphorical cape…and they'll keep muddling their way through the problems that arise just like they always have. Catastrophes come whether we try and prevent them or not, I mean, look at those huge, world wide wars and the genocides that still keep on going today…they didn't have Danny phantom then did they? And they got through just fine…so no, I don't think it's for such a corny reason like that.
Oh man, Lancer's calling me in…why doesn't he just stamp 'disappointment' across my forehead now and save himself the trouble of another delinquent pep-talk. Besides, I've had enough of those to write my own book by now…and I still don't have an answer to this question that's bothering me. I wonder if he knows how uncomfortable these chairs are…sitting in them is punishment enough!
"Mr. Fenton, do you know why you're here?"
No, I don't. Well, I know why I'm sitting here with you, but I don't know why I am here. I don't really believe in fate, so was it just a freak accident that caused me to have these powers? Sometimes I believe that, but other times I'm not all that sure. And was I meant to fight at all? I mean, I don't really seem to have a reason other than I just keep doing it…aren't heroes supposed to have some great purpose or something? I mean, I haven't lost my family to some tragic accident, I have some of the greatest friends a person could ask for, I'm not maimed or embittered at the world…where's my drive?
"I will take your silence as a yes, Fenton. Would you like to explain to me why you did it?"
Why…that's a very good question, Mr. Lancer. My sister asked me that question last night and I still don't have an answer for her so I think you'll have to wait a bit. Why on Earth do I do this if I have no apparent reason to continue? Why do I keep fighting to save buildings and normalcy in average peoples' lives if it causes me so much trouble? I could disappear forever and no one would be the wiser…sure, they'd ask where did Phantom go for a while but then they'd forget…if it doesn't matter…why?
How about this one…I don't know why. I just do. Yeah…I like the sound of that one. It just feels right inside of me, no matter how much trouble it may cause after the fact, it feels like the right thing to do. That's still a selfish reason, but which one of those others wasn't? Every reason is selfish…it just depends on whether or not the reasons behind them are honest enough.
Even though I don't want the fame, I fight so that others won't have to take it.
Even though my family and friends don't need it, I'll fight for them anyway.
Even though a fight for the greater good doesn't come around too often, I'll still try to defend it should it get threatened.
Even though I don't think my role will have impacts on the future…I'll fight to keep it as safe as possible.
Even though I don't know why I fight, I'll keep doing it because that's what I think is the right thing to do.
"I don't know why, Mr. Lancer…I just did."
It's not a real answer, both the one I've given to Lancer and the one I've made for myself, but it works for me. Ah…I finally get to get off this chair, too bad I feel like I won't be able to walk normally for a week. I'm pretty sure Lancer and the secretary are wondering why I'm grinning after being assigned Saturday detention, but I'll just let them ponder that. Not that I'm pleased about the Saturday detention, but it's not the worst thing that could happen. Lancer's not really such a bad guy…just a little uninformed.
Sam and Tucker are looking at me strangely as I walk outside…I guess I would be too if any of our roles were reversed. They are asking me if I'm okay…and I am. For once, I'm saying that and it's not a lie or a half-truth…just the truth. I let them both bash Lancer for assigning me the detention as we walk home…to be honest, I'm grounded anyway so the detention isn't all that bad. Before we're even a block away from Casper High, I feel that tell-tale breath of cold and watch the blue escape my mouth with an unsurprised look. The looks of pity I first get melt into something new as my friends watch me transform and shoot off into the sky…maybe they got their answers too.
I don't know why I fight…and that's why I do.
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