College orientation was a fucking drag. School sponsored events and no co-ed rooming? No thanks, I'd rather be back home where I could get a good lay every night. Having a pretty face and a six pack certainly had its perks. I sat alone at a table, looking listlessly at my potential class schedule until I couldn't bear it anymore. Looking around aimlessly, I spotted her. Blonde hair, big tits…she was just my type. She was reading some feminist type book with the most calculated look on her face. Huh. Wasn't usual to see a girl who looks like that into those types of things, but I could dig the pseudo-intellectual kick too. Being a feminist means she's sex positive anyways, right?"Ah, I quite enjoy Betty Freidan as well." I didn't know who the fuck Betty Friedan was, but if I wanted to get under her skirt, some common ground was necessary.
"Oh, really? So which issue of feminism do you find most pressing?" She looked at me warily. Were those bedroom eyes, or was she pissed? I couldn't tell, because it was damn hard to keep up the conversation without sneaking a peek at her ample cleavage.
"I, uh… you know. Everything. Men just… suck. Fuck them. Well, uh, not literally. Figuratively." Good one, Gray, good one. You're not getting any tonight, dumbass. She looked at me tensely for a good five seconds, and then… burst out laughing.
"Wow, usually when guys try to hit on me, they're at least somewhat smooth, but you're absolutely pathetic! Were you even trying?" I felt warmth creeping up on my cheeks as she continued giggling and pointing out my failure. Dammit, she has a cute laugh too…
"Well, uh, I was going for the suave type, but if you're into the goofy type, you wanna do something tonight…?" Her laughing suddenly subsided.
"No thanks, tool, I don't really wanna sleep with you. I admit you're good looking, but I know your type. You'll sleep with a different girl the next night. I'm not about that, uh…"
"Gray. My name is Gray Fullbuster. Alright, I'll leave you alone. Can I at least know your name though?"
"Fine, no harm in giving out a name. My name is Lucy, like the Beatles song. That's what I was named after, anyways. I don't give out my last name to strangers though, sorry." She triumphantly walked away as I sat there reeling. I'm fucking Gray Fullbuster, I don't have trouble pulling girls. But she wasn't just any girl… Shit, Gray, no, you sound like Justin Bieber. She's the damn same as every other girl, just a little bit hotter, and you'll definitely get her in bed by the time orientation ends.
As I walked back to my dorm in a pensive mood, I suddenly had a flash of inspiration: my temporary roommate was the kind of guy who'd be able to get someone like her. He's not as good looking as me and kind of dorky, but he has that genuinely good natured attitude that hot girls like. I felt damn stupid having to stoop down to asking another guy for advice, but I wasn't gonna lose to that girl. Shit, I didn't even remember her name… It's better that way, Gray, you don't wanna get too attached.
"Hey, uh, Natsu… I gotta ask you something." The pinkette was doing stupid shit as usual. I never got how he pulled someone as hot as Lisanna when he would always act like a fucking five year old.
"Look, Gray! I can drink Tabasco sauce!" He looked at me expectantly, waiting for some sort of praise as he continued to guzzle down the sauce. It took every ounce of willpower I had not to laugh my ass off at his stupidity.
"Oh, uh… cool. Yeah. So Natsu, tell me… how'd you manage to hook up with Lisanna?" He let go of the Tabasco sauce (thank God) and looked straight at me.
"Gray, we're not hooking up. We're dating. It's different. I don't 'hook up' with girls." Shit, not this "nice guy" crap…
"Yeah, yeah, sorry, I meant dating. We're from different places, different slang, y'know. But how'd you manage to get with someone like her?" He looked away dreamily, as if she were right there with him.
"Yeah, I wonder that myself sometimes… She's way too beautiful for me… But I know it's because I'm the guy who treats her right. We've been friends since childhood, and I've liked her for a longass time, and I just waited for her to come around and realize that I'd be the right one for her. But, y'know, if she chose someone else, I'd still be happy as long as she was happy." I couldn't hide my surprise and disgust at his soulful speech. He looked a bit disappointed that I didn't share his sentiment, but he didn't say anything more.
"Yeah, thanks. I'll keep that in mind." I walked out of the dorm room in deep thought. If I couldn't get her to sleep with me by being me… couldn't I just act like Natsu? The steps of a plan hatched in my head, and I snickered to myself. She wouldn't be able to walk the next morning.
The next morning, I awoke to the beautiful reminder that I'd be getting laid that night. Suddenly, the routine tasks of orientation became fun as I walked around campus, hoping to spot that girl. I had an ace up my sleeve as I had glanced at her schedule and knew where she'd be in a few hours, but chance encounters were always a bit more enjoyable.
"Oh, hey, it's fake feminist boy." Her clear voice rang out in the crowd. She was wearing a form fitting top that showed off her curves with a tiny, tiny miniskirt. I could see the silhouette of her naked body in my mind, but I shoved that thought away immediately. Remember, act like Natsu.
"Sorry about yesterday… I was wrong. I shouldn't have tried to fake an interest in something you like just to catch your attention. You're just… so beautiful, I couldn't resist, and I got flustered. Please, forgive me." I got on my knees and looked up at her. This was definitely the weird, "noble" shit Natsu would do. She looked quite taken aback at my chivalry and blushed hard as people looked on at us. I realized a bit too late that out of context, this would've looked a bit like a marriage proposal.
"St-stand up, you dumbass! I guess I'll forgive you, just… stop acting like an idiot! Who the hell does that in public?" She looked away with the blush still evident on her cheeks and offered her hand to me to help me up. Score one for team Gray getting laid.
"So, beautiful lady, could we go out tonight?" I smiled at her with my perfectly white and straight teeth. She couldn't help but smile back, even though she still seemed a bit guarded. That would change soon.
"Fine, anywhere but your dorm room, because I'm definitely NOT sleeping with you, GOT IT?" She enunciated the word "not" quite a bit to get her point across. She'd be enunciating my dick that night, but I'd have to build up to that, no forcing anything on her.
"Here's my number. If you send anything resembling a penis, you're blocked, and I'll personally come to you and kick you in the balls." She smirked as she said this. Whatever, I had her number in my phone and nothing would change that. "Wait a second… Why aren't you putting my name in? You just left it blank."
"I, uh…" Shit, maybe I should've remembered her name if I wanted to keep this Natsu shtick up. Uh… What did she tell me? The Beatles? Duh, her name was only four letters, easy as hell! I put it in and showed her.
"My name isn't Yoko, you DUMBASS! It's LUCY! If you don't get it right on our date, I'll kill you!" She was majorly pissed. Yoko, Lucy, same shit, different day. But wait, did she just say date? I had to stifle a laugh at those words. I don't date. I bang, I hook up with, I pull. Dating is Natsu's thing, and once I got to sleep with this chick, my Natsu gig is over.