Sepia, darling, this is for you. And I will definitely not forget my hard-working beta, LondonsLegend. Thank you for your marvellous work!
Also the disclaimer: Pansy, Seamus and my other playmates got permission to stay with me for some more time, but they all belong to JKR, not me.
Takes place at the end of the summer after returning "eighth-years" took their N.E.W.T.s at Hogwarts. It is written as some kind of stand-alone sequel to In Your Hour of Need.
This is not a regular Austen fic per se, but it shares some fundamentals with its namesake. Don't be afraid to give it a try.
oOoOo
Pansy Parkinson is tired, irritated and thoroughly hurt. For the umpteenth time this day she wishes that she wasn't a Slytherin, and even more, as someone else completely. Her reputation has spread far enough to make half a day of shopping at Diagon Alley just about what she can take. Glares, pointing fingers, and hard elbows have been a constant presence all day, some worse than others. The worst encounter was the woman in the china shop who, when she recognised the girl who wanted to sell out the Great Saviour Harry Potter, not only refused her entry, but followed her out on the street, yelling loudly about what should be done with girls like her. But there was also the little boy who came running up to her and tugged at her shirt, saying that his father said that she was fighting for You-Know-Who, was that true? And there was something about a hidden, secret mark of some kind, could she tell him about that? Before she could say anything, a furious mother came running though, lifting up the kid and spitting on the ground in front of Pansy before turning and disappearing. Then there were the boys who had shouted about what kind of services she was supposed to have given the Death Eaters, and which of them they wanted her to repeat for them, being so foul-mouthed that even she blushed while hurrying away from there. And then there was... Well, yeah. The short version was that the whole day had been lousy. Yes, she knows that she has the qualities that made the Sorting Hat sort her into Slytherin, she knows that she was stupid enough to open her mouth in sheer fear and say the words that forever marked her in the eyes of the public, she knows that she was kicked out of Hogwarts before the battle begun, considered as one of the enemy, and she knows that she didn't do anything to redeem herself but, instead, kept hanging out with the only person in school who had a worse reputation than her. She knows all this, but she desperately wishes for people to try and understand. Harry Potter himself forgave her and gave her a second chance, why can't they?
This far into her thoughts, she sees something that makes her heart rate quicken. A bit down the street, some boys stand and are having a discussion containing lots of waving arms and happy laughter, but what catches her eye is the sandy hair and the boy it belongs to. Seamus Finnigan is at Diagon Alley with some of his friends, enjoying the pleasant summer weather. She observes them with a pang of jealousy, and she wishes so badly that she could join them. And then it happens. Seamus lifts his head and his eyes meet hers, and with a smile on his lips he raises a hand and waves at her. With a thumping heart she waves back, and in astonishment she sees him say something to his friends, wave at them, and then actually set course for her. It has been a couple of months since she saw him last, when they were both still back at Hogwarts. He was nice to her back then, but maybe that was only because she was with Harry all the time? She bites her lip and watches him closing in. But Harry isn't here now, why does he want to talk to her?
"Parkinson! So nice to see you. Have you had a good summer?" Seamus beams at her.
"Yes, pretty much. What about you?" Her summer hasn't been that fun, but she's not about to tell him that now. The visits to Draco and Harry's house had been the highlights of her summer, but sensing that the boys might need some time on their own to start their new life together, she had tried to keep the visits relatively short and infrequent. Being in public is mostly like today, and sitting locked up at home gets boring very quickly. But he doesn't need to know that.
"It's been great! I've been spending time with my dad, he's a Muggle you know. We've been doing all kind of strange things, and then we have talked a lot. I never really got time for that when I grew up." His face has lit up and he looks excited. "And he even helped me get a job, a Muggle job! It's fantastic, so fun to work with Muggles. But frustrating sometimes, so many thing that you can do with a flick of the wand..." He looks at her, suddenly unsure. "I forgot, you're..."
"Pure-blood? Yeah. Slytherin? Yeah. Idiotic enough to think anything bad about you because of your Muggle connections? No." She lifts an eyebrow in amusement. She doesn't actually care. He could be a Muggle himself for all that matters. She would still like him.
He looks a bit sheepish. "Yeah, I guess I should have known that. I keep telling people that you're different, and then I don't believe in you myself. Sorry."
"Don't apologize. I know who I am, I know my reputation, it's only natural to react like you did." She smiles half sadly, but inside she's excited. 'I keep telling people that you're different'. That must mean that he's talking about her. And defending her. "I'm really happy that you want to believe in me, though. I need that after this day."
"Oh, has it been bad?" He frowns. "Why?"
"I don't know if you remember me, my name is Pansy Parkinson and I'm the girl who wanted to sell out the Saviour and give the Dark Lord what he wanted. People tend to remember that. And, well, some only know that I'm a Slytherin, but we still aren't that popular." She holds her breath. They have never talked about this, this could be the moment when he wakes up, turns and walks away. But it has to be said.
"I see." The frown is deep and he stares at the window next to them. When he looks up at her he seems a bit worried, but determined. "Harry believes in you. He wouldn't do that without reason, and I trust him. And I don't know why, I just don't believe that you're bad. I guess I just don't know enough about it, about you, to make any judgement." A curious but tentative expression wakes on his face, and the frown disappears. "Maybe you can tell me some time?"
"Yes. I'd love to." Her heart beats hard again. He wants to hear her version, he's interested in what she has to say. "Don't think I'm some heroine in disguise though, because I'm not. I'd like to think that I have some good qualities, but remember that I'm still raised as a pure-blood, and I am a Slytherin. I'm not a Hufflepuff in snake skin." She tilts her head. "It would be really interesting if I could show you that those two don't have to be something negative."
"That's not totally unlikely. Malfoy is both pure-blood and Slytherin too, and Harry seems to find him highly acceptable. I must say that I'm not really sure what Malfoy actually believes though, about Muggle-borns and such. But it seems to be fine with Harry, so..."
"And love helps you cope with those parts where you don't agree with your partner." She regrets what she says the moment it leaves her mouth. Talking about love, what was she thinking? Now? With him? Because now it is all so clear in her mind, how much she cares for this boy and how helplessly she has fallen in love with him. Pansy, the hated Slytherin girl. It would take a lot of love from his side to cope with her, a love that is too far away to ever hope for. Observing the wonderful, sandy haired half-blood in front of her, she plays with the thought of what her strict father would say about her choice. She can almost hear him screaming all the way here. Seamus is quiet too, and the silence stretches out between them until he clear his throat.
"Well, I actually had a reason for coming over here." Finding his joyful smile again he looks at her. "I was thinking that maybe I could buy you an ice cream?"
She blinks and stares at him for a moment, then a smile dawns on her face. "Yes, that would be nice."
The ice cream is really good but takes far too short a time, because soon Seamus declares that it's time for him to go. She doesn't want him to go, but she can't find anything to say that would make him stay.
"I was thinking, next Saturday?" Seamus looks at her with an eager face. "You're coming to Harry and Malfoy's, right?"
Oh. The party. Right. A couple of butterflies announce their presence in her stomach. "Of course! I would never miss that."
"Good! Then I'll see ya there." His smile is big and happy. He waves at her and quickly blends in amongst the people in the busy street.
She looks after him as long as she can, and after that she keeps staring at the spot where he has disappeared. He wanted to meet with her again. Leaving his friends to be with her instead, having ice cream with her and asking to see her again. And he didn't run at the mentioning of her past. The butterflies flutter on. This is impossible, she knows that, but a girl can dream, right? It's just ten days to next Saturday, but she suspects that it will feel thrice as long.
oOo
Pansy is sitting in the stairs at 12 Grimmauld Place, listening to the bickering coming from the room next to her. Draco and Harry are in a severe disagreement about where the refreshments should be placed, and one of the voices are raising steadily.
"I don't care about your stupid rules. Try to think practical for once." Harry's voice shakes a bit, a warning about coming wrath.
"And I keep telling you that whatever stupid Muggle ideas you have won't work here. We're in the wizard world, and there are certain ways that some things are done." The drawl coming from Draco is totally unaffected and a bit uninterested.
"Just because you pure-bloods are so imbecilic when it comes to some things doesn't mean that you have to follow it now. This is not a question of manners; it's about pure intelligence."
The sharp intake of breath tells her that this will be over soon, and she has a good idea about how it will end. Draco will be provoked over the edge, making some thoughtless comment about some of the things Harry can't take. The later will explode and start yelling at his boyfriend until the windows vibrate in their frames. Then he's going to storm out of the room and retreat to either the kitchen or their bedroom. Draco will stay put for some time, pale and wide eyed, before he goes to find Harry. Once there, it will be a lot of 'I'm sorry' from Harry and shamefaced touches from Draco, his eyes apologetic but the words never spoken. After holding each other, there will be kisses, and after that they will hopefully emerge and keep her company. She sighs and starts to plan where to place the refreshments; most likely they will ask her to solve the problem when they're back. She dodges unconsciously when the shouting starts; a furious Harry is a frightening Harry. Thinking about it, she moves a bit to the side on the step, and just as suspected, Harry comes rushing up the stairs. She waits for Draco to pass her too, and then she enters the room and starts to move the refreshments to the second best, but still fully correct, place to have it. There are some things that Harry just doesn't understand.
When the guests arrive, Pansy is glued to Draco's side, too nervous to do anything else. And then he's there, and she can't help a happy smile from spreading over her face. Seamus greets Harry warmly, and then he turns to her and Draco.
"Do the most beautiful of the Slytherins always come in pairs? I thought that it might end when we left Hogwarts." He turns back to Harry. "Can't you claim your pretty snake for a bit, giving someone else a chance with his companion?"
Draco smirks and pushes Pansy towards Seamus. "I'm not impossible, I can share. But I want her back in the same condition as she came in." There is the tiniest of warning in his words, but then he's the polite host again. "Why don't you two go and get something to drink? I would get you something myself, of course, but I think it's obvious which of the present snakes' company you prefer." An amused smirk meets Seamus grin before he turns back to Harry.
The party is soon in full swing, and Pansy is standing at the door, watching the others. Draco really doesn't have that many friends to invite, so except from her, all the guests are Harry's friends. And does that boy have friends. It feels like most of the students from their year are there, plus some more. She sighs. Most of the students, except for the Slytherins of course. She and Draco are still outsiders here. Most of the others give Draco a chance because of Harry, but they are not really that interested in her. She decides to check up on how things look in the kitchen, but she doesn't take more than four steps before there's a hand on her shoulder.
"Running from all the noise, too?" Seamus grins at her.
"Something like that." Really, it's stupid that her heart should start to beat like this just because he's smiling at her.
"I have an idea. Why don't we get our glasses refilled, and then we find some place that's not so filled with people? There has to be some place to go in a house as big as this."
"Yes, there is." She smiles knowingly. "Get those glasses and follow me to the top floor."
They are both leaning against the banister that's surrounding the small balcony. The evening is turning to night, but it's still warm enough for it to be comfortable. Pansy is looking down in the glass she clutches in her hands as Seamus looks out over the rooftops.
"You're not drinking any alcohol tonight?" She lifts her head and looks at him.
"No, I have work tomorrow, someone got ill and I have to take his place, so I need to get up early and be in a good shape. I figured that I would be welcome, even if I was sober all night." He tilts his head with a curious expression. "And if I'm not totally wrong, you've more or less been nursing the same glass all night. What's your excuse?"
"I'm a Slytherin."
"Um, I'm not following you? Don't Slytherins drink?" The confusion is evident in his voice.
With a sigh, she looks at the adjacent roof. "I'm a Slytherin surrounded by Slytherin haters."
"But I don't think-"
"And what's worse, I'm Pansy Parkinson surrounded by Pansy Parkinson haters." The bitterness emerges, even though she tries to keep it hidden.
"You're wrong, not everyone hates you." Tentatively he places a hand on her hand, squeezes it once, and then let go of it again.
"No, Draco doesn't, and I'm pretty sure that Harry doesn't either. And I doubt that you hate me. You wouldn't be here otherwise." She gives him a weak smile.
Seamus laughs. "No, I don't hate you, I certainly don't. And you should know that the three of us defend you. People tends to listen to Harry's judgement. Honestly, yes, there are people down there who hate you, but there are probably not as many as you think."
"Can we talk about something else? One rash outburst and most of the wizard world hates me." There's a short, mirthless laugh. "Except the one who has most reason to wish me ill."
"Pansy, you don't think you want to talk about that now? I mean, it is a bit strange that you should befriend Harry Potter." He moves a stray lock out of her face and puts it behind her ear.
"I... I don't know." She tries to compose herself after his casual touch. "It's not so much about me as it is about him. He, actually, was the one coming to me, giving me the opening to apologize and explain myself. I have no idea why." Immersed in her thoughts she traces the banister back and forth with a finger. "He said that it was acceptable to be scared, and that all of us make mistakes. It was as if he already knew. And then he said that there was a lot of unnecessary animosity after the war, and I take it he meant that he didn't want to hate me, and that he gave me the possibility to make it so."
"And what did you say to make him forgive you?"
"I told him... Well, you were there! You know how it was. It was war and people were dying. And you can call me coward if you like, but I didn't want to die. Then we were suddenly given a ray of hope; a way that would save us from the war. All we had to do was send one person out there, and it would be over. I didn't think, I just took the chance when it got there. If I had stopped to think a tiny bit, I would never had opened my mouth; not with that many of his friends in the hall. But I was so frightened. It was just too much." With eyes a bit brighter than normal, she turns out at the city. "I'm weak, I know. But you wanted me to tell you, and now it's done."
Taking a step closer, he reaches out for her hand. "I still don't hate you. We all are weak sometimes, and you happened to be so during a very unfortunate time." He squeezes her hand. "Let's talk about something else. Tell me how it is to be a pure-blood."
"Well, on the contrary to what people think, we actually are humans too. And yes, yes, I know, some of the pure-bloods like to think that they are a bit more, but that's one of the quirks that comes with superior blood." Her mood seem to lift, and she winks at him. "Draco's father is something special, I don't know if you've ever met him. Even I feel inferior in his company." Thoughtfully, she taps her lips. "There is a lot of traditions and unwritten rules, which I find pretty fun and kind of charming. There's a safety in knowing exactly how some things will be."
"I don't know if I would like it. That is, I like that you're still human, but I don't think I would appreciate the rules." Smiling he runs a hand through his hair, making it stand up in strange ways. "What about company? Do you have rules for who you associates with?"
"Yes and no. There is always the inner circle made of pure-bloods, where the preferred socialization takes place. But there aren't enough of us left to make the contacts you need in life, so it's totally acceptable to associate with the lesser beings." An amused smile takes the edge of her words.
"But I was thinking about a thing. I mean, the pure-bloods must be dying out pretty fast. The chance that the younger generation will fall in love with someone who's pure-blood too must be small, effectively killing the pure lines."
Pansy gives another joyless laugh. "I must say that you're a bit naïve. Do you really think it matters who we fall in love with? Or rather, do you think who we fall in love with have anything to do with who we'll marry?"
"You've got to be kidding me." He stares at her. "Don't tell me you still have arranged marriages?"
"Of course. How do you think we keep the blood clean?" She sighs. "Two young pure-bloods who fall in love are often allowed to marry, though, it's not that hard. My parents had big hopes for me and Draco, the Malfoys are a family with great impact. The day when Draco came out as gay wasn't one of my father's happiest days." Chewing her lip, she regards Seamus. This is not a good discussion; she's more or less telling him that she's unavailable.
"So... Do you know who you'll be marrying?" There's a flicker of sadness in his eyes.
"No, no. I'm still relatively young, my parents still hope that I will meet a fitting husband on my own, someone who I am actually in love with."
"A pure-blood, I take it." He stares out over the rooftops, but he doesn't let go of her hand.
"Of course. If they get to decide."
"They don't have to?" There's an unmistakeable hint of hope in his voice.
"No, they can't force me to marry. I am of age and have a free will. It's more a question of if the consequences will be worth it."
"But it has to be worth it. Of course you have to be able to choose your own life yourself. What is the worst that could happen?" He gives her hand an encouraging squeeze.
She sighs. "Best case scenario, my father throws the fit of the century and my mother doesn't talk me for a week until she has calmed down a bit. Worst case scenario, they disown me. They take everything that is my family away from me, no one in the family will acknowledge that I exist, they take my inheritance, and if I'm unlucky, they could even take away my right to my name. But Parkinson isn't that fancy, I doubt they would care about that."
"But that... that's mean." Letting go of her hand, he moves his hand up to her shoulder instead, rubbing it slowly. "Would your own family really do that to you?"
"Perhaps. I don't know. I think my mother would understand in some way, but my father is very strict about blood and status amongst pure-bloods. I'd like to think that they love me enough to never do anything like that to me." A small smile wakes on her face. "I think he does, honestly. But he would be so absolutely furious, and it would give consequences."
"I have only one thing to say, and that is that damn, I'm glad I'm not a pure-blood." He sighs and lets his hand fall. "But... as long as you don't marry someone, they can't really care what you do? I mean, you can still associate with people. Right?"
"I'm not sure that living in sin is an accepted lifestyle either." She can't stop the amused smile.
"No, but I mean..." Chewing his lip he thinks hard. "They can't stop you from having relations, right? While you're waiting for the guy of your life. It's more or less a part of associating; it doesn't have to be anything serious in their eyes."
"I'm not so sure about that. My father can be a bit protective." Reaching out she places her glass on the small table, next to Seamus'.
He groans and throws his arms out. "Well, at least they can't disapprove of what they don't know." He takes a determined step forward, ending up very close to Pansy. "Am I right?"
Her pulse is running wild and she takes a shaky breath. "Right." Her voice is thin and barely more than a whimper. Could this really be happening, is he coming this close because of the reason that she suspects, that she wishes? Where is the self-confident and cunning Pansy now, suddenly she's all nerves and-
The door to the balcony crashes open and Harry and the boy named Corner fall out, both pretty intoxicated.
"She's here, she's here!" Corner shouts happily to everyone who want to hear while Seamus discreetly steps away from Pansy. "We've found the second snake, your boyfriend can stop glare menacingly at everyone now." He turns, goes inside, and soon they can hear him yell down the stairs. "We've found her! The second snake is safely on the roof!"
An involuntary giggle escapes Harry. "We're going to the pub. Come on, get down and get your stuff, everyone is ready except you two."
"We're coming down, but I won't join you for the pub. I'm afraid I have to start moving in the direction of home now. Well, half an hour ago, actually." Seamus grins and follows Harry down the stairs.
Pansy walks down the stairs after the boys. That short moment up there, so sweet, so filled with hope, and then it all got smashed to pieces. She is very thankful to Harry for his generous nature; she likes him a lot and actually dares to count him as a friend. But right now, she wishes for the Dark Lord to resurrect, show up, and drag Harry to a painful place far away.
The hallway is filled with people, loud voices, and laughter. Pansy manages to get her coat, and far too early she's standing at the gate, ready to say goodnight to Seamus. He laughs at something Harry says, but then turns to her.
"Have a nice time tonight." He smiles at her, but his eyes are slightly regretful. "As good as it can be at a simple, English pub."
"I'll give it my best try. Draco and I have to show the others what party creatures we Slytherins are." She makes a face and falls silent. From a bit away, they can hear Draco shout at her to get going.
Seamus reaches out and catches her arm. "Pansy, it was really nice talking to you tonight." He looks at her for a couple of seconds. "I was thinking... Maybe I can take you to a real pub some time?"
"A real pub?"
"Yeah, an Irish one, if you want to join me." There's a hint of insecurity behind his questioning face.
"Oh. Yes. Yes, that'd be nice." Pansy feels herself stammer. Is he actually asking her out? A look at his anxious face tells her that yes, he most probably is. Slowly, her body catches up and a smile starts to grow on her lips.
"Perfect!" His radiant smile momentary makes her forget about the pointing fingers, about her very much pure-blood father, about the Dark Lord himself and all the pain he ended up causing her. "I won't be able to get away this week, but next week works for me."
"That will be fine with me, too." She barely dares to breathe.
"Good." Seamus takes a couple of steps backward. "I'll owl you, OK?" He takes a couple more steps while smiling at her, then he lifts his hand and waves before turning around and, with a brisk step, disappearing down the street.
oOo
It's not often Pansy has guests these days, but this day is special. Thinking about the coming hours makes her feel like she's about to go insane. She needs to look perfect this night, and she has absolutely no idea what to wear. And since the solution was, thankfully, just an apparation away, Draco is now sitting on her bed with a curious expression.
"So, what's the panic? Where are you going tonight?" He looks at the skirts she's laid out on the bed.
"Um." It's tempting to tell the truth. This is Draco after all. But something holds her back. It all feels so fragile, like it's going to crumble and disappear if she tells it to anyone. "I'll be meeting someone who I hope will actually be my friend." That's true. "There aren't that many people out there wanting to befriend Pansy Parkinson, so I want this night to have flawless foundations." That's true too.
"I see." Draco gives her a penetrating look, but doesn't ask further. "So, what are we looking for here? Businesslike? School girl? Attractive young woman? The perfect pure-blood heiress?"
"No! No, definitely not that." She tries to push down the sudden feeling of dejection and powerlessness. "Something... modern young woman?"
"I'll see what I can do. You just sit here and let me work." There's a flash of a smile and then he disappears into the closet.
Pansy sits on the bed, slowly calming down a bit. Having Draco here was a good idea. He is setting to work with a distracted chatter, talking to himself half of the time, but it makes her feel better. When the outfit is decided, tried on, and given the final approval, he insists on staying until she's ready to go. There is another hour of slow talking, making her feel safe and comfortable, and not the bundle of nerves she expected to be. When they at last split up, Draco gets a strange expression, and looks at her with an unreadable face.
"Pansy." He pauses. "Tell him, from me, that if he hurts you, he'll have to answer to me. And it will not be pretty." He steps in and quickly hugs her, a soft voice in her ear wishes her good luck, and then he turns and disapparates so fast that she almost falls over.
When she reaches the fountain where she and Seamus agreed to meet, she is very early, but it was much easier to find her way through Muggle London than she thought it would be. Unfortunately that gives time for her nerves to surface again, and when she finally sees the familiar sandy-haired boy closing in, it's with great effort that she keeps from chewing her lips and fiddling restlessly with her fingers.
"Pansy." He lets his eyes travel over her. "You look perfectly lovely. I honestly never thought I would... go for beer with someone like you."
"I'm not sure that's a compliment." She can't help smiling inwards, though.
A second of silence is followed by a half sad smile. "Me neither. But I can assure you that it's not an insult. Maybe just establishing the breaking of prejudice." There's some more silence, and then Seamus' smile grows joyful. "What do you think, should we go inside?"
The interior is mostly made of some dark wood, a long counter, and some small tables next to the windows. Seamus pulls her with him and heads straight for the bar.
"Ah, Finnigan, how good to see you!" A thin man with a slightly grey beard stands behind the bar, and he perks up when he sees them.
"Yeah, it's been some time now." He smiles. "But I'm compensate by bringing you new customers."
The barman inspects Pansy, and then looks back at him. "Well?"
Seamus laughs and casually throws an arm around her shoulder. "This is Pansy Parkinson, an old school mate. And good friend."
"I see." The thin man gives him an unreadable look, and then reaches for a glass. "The usual?"
"Yes please. For both of us." He smiles at Pansy. "This is the real deal. You'll like it, I promise."
He pays and they take their glasses and head for one of the small tables. Pansy looks at the glass in her hand with suspicion, but when her eyes fall on Seamus, the suspicion quickly disappears and she smiles. There's silence for some time when they sit down, but she enjoys it. It's not the silence of not knowing what to say; it's the silence of appreciating someone's company. The time where it's silent because you know that you're in exactly the right place.
"So..." Seamus breaks the silence with a pensive voice. "This is the time when I'd hopefully ask if you like the beer, the bar, the Muggle part of London. But really..." An honest smile appears on his face. "It turns out that I'm not that interested in that after all. I only want us to have a nice time, and I want to know more about you."
Pansy laughs. "The beer is definitely interesting, the bar sure has atmosphere, and today I couldn't care less about Muggle London. But I am having a good time so far. What do you want to know?"
"Well, everyone knew about yours and Draco's relationship. Was it true? Was he really your boyfriend back then?" A hint of something that might be jealousy lingers on his words.
"Oh, deities." She shakes her head in amusement. "That ball sure made people talk. No, we weren't in a relationship. We've always only been friends. I admit that I sometimes had other ideas when I was younger. Let's just say that my father can be very convincing when he tries. But those ideas of mine died out fast. And pretty soon, Draco found out that he didn't want girls at all, and I must say that it was just a relief to get away from the pressure."
"And your father didn't find someone else for you when Draco turned out to be unavailable?"
Again, she shook her head and carefully tasted the beer. "No, he left me alone this time. I believe it was my mother's doing, that she thought that I had enough to deal with without being forced to think about my love life. She rarely interferes with his actions though."
"Which means that if he chooses someone for you, she will support that decision." Seamus voice is tired and a bit sad. "If he wants to rule your life, she will let him."
"He's just doing what he thinks is best for me." It's hard to say who she's trying to convince. "They care a lot for me, and they want me to be happy. Just..." She looks down in the table and sighs, before lifting a slightly pained face and meeting Seamus' eyes. "I'm just not sure if they can accept what would make me happy."
They keep the eye contact for some time, but then Pansy turns her eyes to the table again and Seamus looks out through the window. This time the silence isn't that restful, and it's Seamus who breaks it again.
"Do you have any Muggle-born friends?" His smile is warm, but there is something forced in his voice.
Pansy shakes her head. "No. Sorry, but they're usually not in the same society as me." She gives an apologetic smile. "That's just the way it is."
"Did you even try to get into their society? At all?" There isn't any open accusation in his words, but the slightest of implication is present.
"No. No, I didn't." First she looks guilty, but the expression turns defiant. "I've lived my life as a pure-blood, and it's nothing I'm going to apologise for. I'm not saying that all of it is right or even decent all the time, but that's the way I am. At least, that's the way I've been raised. Pure-blood doesn't automatically mean bad."
Seamus lifts his beer and gives her a estimative look. "Why do I feel like I'm the one who needs to come with an apology here?" He sighs and puts down the beer again, leaning in against her slightly. "I'm criticising you a lot, judging your life as a pure-blood in the same way pure-bloods are said to do with us. I'm sorry. You have your way of life, and that's not any of my business." There's a short silence while he looks away, but when he meets her eyes again, he looks determined. "I just don't like it when your way of life intrudes on my hopes and wishes."
This time the silence is slightly strained. Pansy looks a bit sad and plays with the tablecloth while Seamus focuses intently on his beer.
"There are times that I wish I was half-blood. To be proud over being pure-blood is something you're born with, but there are times when I can't feel it." She stops her outburst and looks a bit hesitantly at her friend, before turning her eyes to the table again while shaking her head. "My father would have my head if he heard me talk like that."
"Pansy..." He talks tentatively, and starts to reach out a hand but changes his mind and withdraws it. "You care a lot about your father, don't you? What he thinks is important."
"No. Yes. I don't know." Slowly she looks up from the table and shows a torn face. "Firstly, I don't really like my father, but he is my father, after all. Of course I want for him to be proud of me, and I don't want to cause him unnecessary pain. So I might not agree with him in some subjects, but you know... blood is thicker than water. Especially pure blood."
"Does he know where you are now?" His face is a little too nonchalant.
"I told him I was going to meet a friend."
"Yes, I guess that is the best. Friends are allowed to be half-blood, aren't they?"
"I don't care if you're half-blood, you don't care if you're half-blood, and my father is happily ignorant of it all. Why care about blood status at all right now?"
"Yeah, let's leave it there for the moment. There are nicer things to talk about." With some effort, he produces a happy smile.
"Sure." She smiles too. "Anything coming to mind?"
"Yes. Have you ever wanted to get a tattoo? Or maybe you have one?"
She gives a laugh. "No, I definitely don't have a tattoo, my father would have a stroke." Her expression turns pensive. "I've never thought about it before. Maybe it would be nice." She tilts her head and looks at him. "What about you? Any daring tattoos that I might or might not see?"
"No, I'm sorry to say that I'm all without tattoos and, hence, boring."
"Not more boring than me." An amused smile appears on her lips. "Why were you thinking about that, anyway?"
"I was thinking about the party, which led to Harry, which led to Malfoy, which led to his... tattoo." Suddenly he looks dismayed. "No, I didn't mean to ask you if you have that kind of tattoo! I just..."
She laughs again. "And where do you think I would hide it? I'm not like Draco, always having long-sleeves." With a wry smile, she holds out her underarms. "Look, I'm clean."
"I didn't mean it like that, I promise. I would never believe that you had anything like that. It was a totally innocent question." And then the corner of his mouth starts to twist. "Well maybe not totally innocent. One can always hope for a... what did you call it? A daring tattoo..." He winks at her.
Pansy's smile grows content, and before thinking about it, she reaches out and takes his hand in hers. "I'm having a really good time. Just for your information." She feels her courage subside and starts to withdraw. But then she sees his reaction to her hand, from surprise to confusion to delight, and she keeps it there. She has no idea how she dares. Their beers soon stand forgotten, and they continue their small talk, very focused on each other. But then Pansy checks the time, quickly withdraws her hand and sits straight up on the chair.
"I'm sorry, but I need to go. I had no idea it was so late." Her expression is genuinely regretful.
With a sigh, Seamus stands up and waits for her to do it too. On the way out, he waves at the barman, and then they are outside again. The air is soft and tastes of summer night. A lot of people are still out walking around them, enjoying the evening. They slowly start walking down the street and, once again, they're sharing a moment of perfectly comfortable silence.
"Seamus?"
"Yes?" He focuses back to her from a point far away, wearing a hint of a soft smile that is totally irresistible.
"I liked the beer, I liked the pub, and I very, very much liked spending time with you." Where did she get the courage to say that from? Pansy, the hated girl from the hated house.
Seamus laughs, a soft, happy laugh. "I had a really good time too." With a slightly regretful expression, he smiles at her. "I wish I could follow you to the door, but I don't think that would be a good idea. For many reasons."
"You're probably right." Her smile is regretful too, and a bit sad.
They walk in silence again, just enjoying the summer night and each others' company. Eventually, Pansy stops.
"Well, I really should get home now." Pansy hates herself for having to say it. "I'd like to stay, but my father will be waiting up for me. I better not be too late."
Seamus looks dejected, but then reminds her of Harry for a moment when determination and defiance rises in his eyes. "Yeah. I understand." He's silent for a short while, just looking at her. "I might not like it, but I understand. I'd like to be able to see you again."
"I would like that. A lot." Suddenly a feeling of dejection comes over her. "I just wish things had been different." She looks down in the ground, but looks up when she realizes how close Seamus has gotten. A hand lifts her chin, and then she can feel his lips pressed tightly against hers. After far too short a time he takes a couple of steps back, and the moment is gone.
"I'm sorry, I've been thinking about that all night. I know I shouldn't, but..." His expression is guilty and a bit pained. "I'm sorry, I'll be on my way. See you." He turns and starts to walk down the street at a good pace.
The kiss froze her to her spot and she has forgotten how to move, to speak, to think. But now she starts to wake up, and she can see Seamus move away from her. She doesn't need much time to think.
"Seamus! Seamus, wait!" Desperately she starts to run after him, and yes, he stops and turns around again. Without a shadow of a doubt, she throws her arms around him, pulls him close, and kisses him forcefully.
Seamus wears a slightly shocked expression, and looks down at her with a question in his eyes. "But..."
"Screw my dad!" This time he puts his arms around her and holds her close when she lifts her lips to his again. And he doesn't pull back.
As far as Pansy is concerned, they can stand here all night. But sooner or later she has to go home and face her father. She knows that she has a big fight in front of her, but it's a fight she's willing to take. This sandy haired boy has changed her life; a life that now will take her to new and exciting places. It's worth it.
