A/N: The dialogue is Jackie's speech at Michael's funeral, reproduced verbatim. Everything in italics is my own. Basically this is what was going through Jackie's head at the funeral. The conversation she 'remembers' took place in my other story "Like She Belonged." The title's a bit lame, but when you watch Death Trap I think that's what got Jackie through.
Sorry to be bombarding everyone with stories but this is a nice distraction from uni work :)
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Strength
"Michael Jardine died as he had lived – a brave and honest man."
Dead. He was dead; her mind still couldn't process the thought. But she continued on regardless.
"He was the best friend I ever had and the worst boss."
She smiled slightly as she said the words, remembering a conversation she had with him once. When she had realised that he fretted about her when he thought he had placed her in danger. A realisation that had made her life just that little bit harder when she was in danger, as she always tried extra hard to ensure that she made it out alive; for him. Their friendship had complicated the issue too, as they danced the fine line between friendship and something more; between boss/subordinate and friends.
"I remember he said once that 'management was the art of finding the five people who hated you and keeping them from the five who were undecided.' Michael would have had a difficult job finding the first five because he leaves behind him hundreds of friends and any enemies he had, well, they deserved it."
This last she said almost harshly as she recalled the reason that they were there; because someone had counted Michael as their enemy. Her Michael, who had been innocent; she spared a glance at Burke as she said this. The man who had thought Michael had killed himself, had made her doubt that she had known Michael as well as she had imagined. It was small comfort to find out that she hadn't been mistaken in him.
"I'll miss him more that I could say. The world seems just that wee bit darker somehow."
She could feel her tears welling up in her eyes and she paused for a moment to gather her thoughts. The world really was darker to her with him gone. She had never realised what a light he brought to her life until he was gone. What was she going to do without his friendship, without his support?
"So Michael, wherever you are now – above or below – we loved you."
She swallowed passed the lump in her throat as she reached for Robbie and Stuart's hands. She would need their support as she said the words she had shied away from for so long. She took a deep breath, she should say it; at least once.
"I loved you."
She closed her eyes briefly and allowed Robbie and Stuart to guide her a few steps back as the Minister came forward. She didn't remember anything else about the service; her eyes never left the casket with its simple inscription: Detective Chief Inspector Michael Jardine 1961-2002.
She was brought back to reality as the Minister tossed a handful of dirt over the inscription. It was then she realised it truly was over, he was gone and he wasn't coming back.
She gripped Robbie and Stuart's hands tighter as she fought the urge to burst into uncontrollable sobs. They would come later, but for now she would be strong.