A/N: This is either Michael or Robbie's POV on Jackie's wedding, it is meant to be her marriage to Brian, but I didn't mention his name so that if you want to imagine she's marrying one of the other two you can :) This is based on the Nat King Cole song "He Who Hesitates" (hence the title)
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
He Who Hesitates
He had lost her.
It hadn't really sunk in until now. As he stood on the balcony looking down as she gave her hand in marriage to someone else. She had looked up briefly before saying her vows, her eyes meeting his for a brief moment. Saying good bye.
He should have said something; he should have opened his mouth and admitted that he was in love with her. But he had been too afraid; too afraid of what she would say, afraid she'd say no, terrified she'd say yes.
If she had said yes what would he have done? What if everything had gone wrong? He had never felt this way about anyone before and he hadn't wanted to lose her.
He had ended up hoping that it would go on the same way as it always had; he had never imagined that he might lose her anyway. That she would grow tired of waiting for him to commit to her, to say the words she had been waiting to hear.
Because she had been waiting to hear them, he could see that now. See it in the way she had looked at him, the implications behind some of the things she had said, some of the things she had done. She had been waiting for him to finally admit to himself and to her what he felt, but he never had.
She deserved better, she deserved someone who wouldn't be afraid to tell her that he loved her, someone who would make her happy. He only hoped she had found that now.
He didn't begrudge her decision, couldn't even bring himself to hate him. As long as he made her happy that was enough for him, but if he ever hurt her, ever failed her, he'd be there. And he'd kill him. He knew that as well as he knew his own name. He had always been protective of her, hiding how much he had wanted to kill those bastards who had hurt her in the past – some physically in the line of duty, others emotionally in her personal life. Too afraid to look beyond his role as her friend to see what truly lay behind those impulses.
Too late now; she was married, she belonged to someone else.
He realised as he watched her link arms with her new husband that he had been secretly hoping she wouldn't go through with it. But she had and now he would have to live with the consequences. Live with the knowledge that he had let her slip through his fingers through his own stupidity and fear.
He had hesitated and whilst he could forgive her for moving on, he couldn't forgive himself for letting her.