I was heartbroken by the end of Mass Effect 3, but the ending suited my Shepherd, Kai, very well. Her thoughts as she faced the end and her love interest's reaction has been plaguing me, so I thought I'd get it down in writing. Thanks for reading.
Dear sweet Mother of God.
How had it come to this? Some of her closest friends had died to get her here. Anderson had died to get her here. The Illusive Man had died, wishing to take one of these paths. In the end, it was her decision. Her choice. Dear God, why her?
The Catalyst presented her with her choices.
Destroy the Reapers: finish what she had been trying to do from the beginning. End all synthetic life. The images of the geth, Legion, EDI appeared before her at the child-thing's words and she knew in her heart that she could not condemn those she had encouraged to such a fate.
Control: take the Illusive Man's path. She was not indoctrinated; she could do it. She might die, but to be able to call off the Reapers and the attack…
She hung her head. There was no guarantee that control would work, would be permanent. She might be able to call them off now, but what would hold them back in the future? Her head swam and she struggled to stay upright.
The third choice was presented. She knew what she had to do.
The branching platforms rose before her as she stumbled forward. Control to the left. Destruction to the right. Her body screamed at her to just lie down, let the galaxy worry about itself for once. She was broken and bleeding; hadn't she earned a little break? A little time to think this through?
The woman chuckled in spite of herself, grimacing as a hot lance of pain nearly brought her to her knees. She managed to catch herself, limping forward. Destruction, Control… neither were options for her. She, brought back by synthetic implants, encouraging EDI, the geth, to grow and be their own people, their own species. She, who never wanted Control, who encouraged her people to make their own choices, trusted their decisions. No. She was Commander Shepherd, and she'd be damned if she was going to let some VI who thought it could play God to compromise her morals now.
Gimping past the two raised platforms, she saw the two men she loved more than anyone in the galaxy waiting just beyond them. Kaidan, her brother-in-arms, her once lover. How far he had come, how proud of him she was. He'd always be her XO, her friend. Maybe they could've been more, once, but she was honored to stand by his side as his sister and friend. He smiled sadly at her as she struggled onward, words never voiced glimmering in his eyes. So much left unsaid, unfinished…
Blue eyes bright as the desert sky connected with hers and she faltered. The turian had become more to her than she ever expected. They had been friendly on the SR-1, though there always seemed to be the officer/subordinate role that prevented them from being close. But when she had found him on Omega, the one familiar face amongst a crew she didn't know, didn't trust…They had found solace in each other. Healing, camaraderie…friendship deeper and more true than any she had ever known. And then, seeing him again on Menae, she knew that he meant more to her than any other being ever could. The sight of him, resplendent in his blue and silver armor, mandibles spread in a turian grin as he took her hand…She had been confused in regards of her feelings toward Kadian. Seeing Garrus set things right. There would only ever be him. Garrus Vakarian.
There's no Shepherd without Vakarian.
No sentiment had ever been more true.
Moving past his apparition broke her heart. She wouldn't be able to obey the one order he had ever given her. Wouldn't be able to find that beach, have those turian-human babies with him. And, for the first time since she had mourned the loss of her team on Akuze all those years ago, she cried. The tears cut stinging tracks down her bloodied face as the pistol dropped from numb fingers. With a final effort, she ran, no longer feeling the hurt, the pain, the suffering her body had faced. Tears falling, she flung herself into the Crucible's light.
More images flashed before her as she fell: Joker at the helm, smiling as he cracked a joke. Anderson, whole and healthy as he commended her efforts. And Garrus…Oh Garrus, forgive me… Looking as he did on that final night before they hit Cerberus, eyes bright and warm and oh so beautiful.
The pain faded as she watched herself dissolve in the stream of energy. All that she was, all that she had ever been, would go on to start a new cycle of peace. A Synthesis of organics and cybernetics. She would stop the Reapers and save those she loved. And it was refreshing.
Finally, Kai felt at peace.
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Garrus clung to the back of the pilot seat of the Normandy, talons locked onto the steel and leather as he nearly screamed at Joker to go back. When the Normandy had swooped in to provide evac after Harbinger's assault, he had been the last on board, covering their six. He assumed Shepherd had made it through before the Reaper decimated the field. When he saw her brutally battered form stumbling through the rubble, he tried to jump back to help her. The airlock had shut before he could move, and there was no going back. With the Reapers closing in, they had to retreat.
Kaidan pulled him back now with a shake of his head. The turian almost screamed in fustration, rounding on the Human Specter. A violent quake shook the Normandy before he could attack, tossing both he and the human to the ground. Joker's voice shot out anxiously to EDI as the space above Earth exploded in a wave of viridian light. Garrus scrambled to his feet, something inside of him shattering.
He knew she was a part of that light.
She was gone.
His mate was gone.
A keening wail tore its way out from his very being, mandibles tight against his face. Tears tracked down the face of the male beside him, their gazes locking, brown on blue. Kaidan felt it too, the void that had opened inside of him. Shepherd was truly gone.
The Normandy's console blared with alarms as the wave approached them and Joker tried to jump to faster than light speeds. The blue slipstream became inked with green, consoles exploding in loud bursts and showers of sparks. The wrenching shriek of metal accompanied the hurtling jolt that threw the Normandy SR-2 from the stream. The ship careened through the atmosphere of the nearest planet, rattling and groaning and shuddering as she fell from the sky. Mass effect fields sprung up as patches of the hull were stripped away, keeping them from careening out of the cockpit.
What was left of the Normandy landed with an almighty crash as she skid to a halt. The hull had been breached in a number of places, black soot and glowing embers marking many of the holes. Her entire back end was a mess of twisted and charred metal, thrusters warped beyond recognition.
With a hiss of preassure being released, the Normandy's airlock slid open, Joker raising his arm to shield his eyes from the planet's sun. Green cybernectics glowed along his forearms and his eyes shimmered with an eerie viridian luminescence as they surveyed the lush jungle they had landed in. He turned back to the ruined ship, offering his hand to EDI, her HUD display the same green as Joker's eyes. She stepped down with his assistance, scanning the surroundings. She moved up beside the man, tucking her head to his chest and sliding an arm about his waist. Joker returned the embrace, snuggly tucking his arm about the AI's shoulders as they took in the view together.
The image of the two together, safe and alive, nearly broke Garrus. A quiet mewling cry wrenched from his throat again as he slid out of the airlock, heart empty, broken. Kaidan jumped out beside him, eyes empty and apathetic to the beauty before them. The human male shook himself after a moment, turning back to help other crew members from the ship's remains. Garrus could only stare.
So much beauty, but he couldn't appreciate it. Not without her. He had tried to tell her. The galaxy was an empty place for him, without her presence. But he couldn't give up. She said she'd be looking down, right?
You'll never be alone.
He whirled, eyes wide with disbelief. The words had been right in his ear, her voice. There was movement in the trees, a flash of Alliance blue and brown hair. He took off after it, never looking back.
The figure drifted through the trees and he followed, the smallest spark of hope igniting in his chest. Maybe she was still out there, maybe he hadn't been left alone after all.
Plush foliage gave way to sand under his boots as he stumbled out onto a beach. Waves lapped quietly at the shore, waters a crystalline blue. Spirits, he had dreamed of spending his retired life at a place like this with Shepherd. He could almost see their home, their adopted child playing in the surf…
And if I'm up there at that bar and you're not… I'll be looking down. You'll never be alone.
A rattling sob dropped the turian to his knees on the sand as he mourned his mate. "Never," he whispered. "Save me a spot at that bar Kai. I'll see you in the next life."