You have made me suffer so much, but I can't find a reason to hate you. We have both suffered from each other, but we depend on one another now.
Shouldn't I be scheming in my weakened state for a way to get my revenge, not hoping to obtain you love?
Shouldn't I be cursing your name, instead of loving the way it slips off my lounge?
Shouldn't I be filled with untamed anger, not this feeling of unconditional love?
You have no right to reside in my mind and heart, yet you found a way to get through the walls I constructed. Every passing day that I'm in this literal hell hole, you are the reason I continue. I may not be there, with you in my arms, but I am be no means dead. Don't worry, you didn't kill me, but I am just a faded being in the shadows. You don't know, but I have been with you the whole time. I have seen every tear, heard every sob, and felt every cry of agony. I so desire to comfort you, to wrap us in the shadows where only you and me exist, but I cannot.
It has been so hard to live like this. It hurts so much to wipe your tears and find they are still running down your face like I didn't even try. To kiss you and discover there is no reaction whatsoever on your face. I hear your hymn every night when the moon rises, and I lust to scream, shout, yell anything that will make you see that I haven't abandoned you.
You ask such questions that make me see how much you care, but I cannot give you answers to them.
Where are you now?
I am next to you, love.
Are you lost?
No, I'm never lost when I am with you.
Will I find you again?
You already have, snowflake.
Are you alone?
Never, I have you.
Are you afraid?
I only fear one thing.
Are you searching for me?
I already found you.
Now I'm reaching for you will you wait?
I'll wait until the moon doesn't shine at night.
Will I see you again?
That is my fear.
I have witnessed the troubles you go through every day, hour, second. Those fools who think they know you, do they see what I do? No? As I thought, they never care for anyone but themselves. Only the most self-righteous can become as they have. A tightly knitted circle of self-centric souls. Is it so difficult to take mere minutes of their lives and realize something is wrong? Is it more important to keep a few believers that can be easily gained back, than help a fellow Guardian? They only know how to care for themselves and, as put into your deliciously blunt words, find new ways to bribe children, offense intended, of course. You, my ever-white snow, are nothing like them. You have a heart of the clearest ice, fragile and beautiful. I rejoice in knowing you have never felt any obligation to wear your heart on your sleeve in their presence. However, I have seen every emotion you carry through those captivating pools of blue.
Those pools. They bring forth winter, fun, and cold. Has one's eyes ever been able to do that? Such a cool touch, it runs shivers down my spine every time I find myself gazing into them. Yet, they contain an absence. This absence of mischief and passion they once had. I blame myself for taking that from you, but I will return it somehow.
I must find a way to show you that I am still with you. A way to make you see I need a touch of fear to return to you, but how can I possibly do such a feat? I cannot configure a nightmare, nor a bad dream. All I have is a minimal amount of sand, but not enough to use any for my abilities. How can I accomplish this? For once, I need someone to spell it out for me...
That's exactly what needs to happen!