Disclaimer: Full Metal Panic! All characters belong to Shouji Gatoh, Shikidouji, and all the licensed companies. All other anime depicted belong to their respective owners.
Author's Note: Art for this fic will become available over time. Visit livejournal, same username as the one here, minus the spaces. Link available on profile.
Chapter Zero - Prologue
All heads turned when the door slid open with a sharp crack, the students immediately dismissing the noise when they saw class representative Chidori Kaname storm in. It was no unusual sight, and they knew better than to stare when she was in one of her fits. Slamming her satchel onto her desk, she turned to face the kicked-puppy following her loyally into class, three lumps present on his head. Jerk had earned every one of them. Turning her chin up and away, she sniffed sourly, peeking over at Sousuke standing dutifully by her side as the morning's events replayed themselves before her mind's eye.
First he scared the wits out of the garbage man, claiming he had witnessed Kaname taking out her trash that night and that clearly the worker had been a spy trying to get a handle on her schedule by sifting through her trash. As if! Only a crazy military otaku pervert would do such an insane thing! And how did he know she took her trash out the night before anyway!? Creepy stalker!
After that disaster, some poor foreigner had asked her if she could help him figure out the train schedule. When the guy reached into his jacket for one of the inner pockets, Sousuke, naturally, assumed the man was going for a shoulder-holstered pistol. Jamming the barrel of his gun under the guy's chin, reminiscent of his dealings with Shirai, the tourist near wet himself at the aggressive and threatening display and ran off after a sharp downswing of her laden book bag knocked Sousuke to the ground. Of course, he tried to explain it away, saying it was the natural thing to assume when one reached into their jacket, and that she needed to be more aware of her own safety, and he never got any further than that, the jackass!
And as if that wasn't enough! She had just gotten her indoor slippers on when she was roughly dragged outside and forced behind a blast shield! One would think by now he would know that no one is going to leave a bomb in his thrice-damned shoe locker! Poor Ohnuki! Kaname hoped he got possessed by his chainsaw again and taught that dimwit a lesson that just might bash in past his military-grade reinforced steel skull! Argh! Now I'm considering things in militant terms! I'm going to kill him!
Her fingers tightening on the handle of her bag, she noticed Sousuke continued to stand there, watching her, as though waiting for something. In no mood, she swung out her arm forcefully, smacking him in the chest with the satchel and shouted, "Just what is it now!?"
Barely flinching at the strike, he leveled his cursedly cool gaze at her, speaking in that tone of voice he reserved for those situations where he felt as though he were teaching her something. One would think he'd have learned by now that the particular voice tended to fuel her anger, but no, he had to answer her as though she were a child in need of a gentle lesson, "Chidori, it seems my actions this morning have upset you. I fail to see the reason you should be so angered when I have just been ensuring your safety to the utmost of my abilities."
Curse him! "You idiot, who would want to be protected by a war-crazed, idiotic, senseless, dim-witted, clueless otaku like you!? Keep your crazy to yourself, 'cause I sure don't want to catch a case of the stupid!"
His face fell slightly, but she couldn't find it in her to care, instead ramming her bag onto its hook on the desk, near breaking it off in the process, and slammed her palms on her desk as the teacher walked in, startling poor Eri as she screamed out the commands "Rise!" "Bow!" and "Be seated!" in a voice that would make a drill sergeant envious.
The time until afternoon rest passed uneventfully. Kaname spent the short breaks between classes ignoring his very existence and an air of gloom surrounded the dejected sergeant that even the near-as oblivious Shinji did not want to get near. When the bell rang for lunch, he quietly rose to his feet and informed Kaname he was taking a restroom break, not even getting snapped at for sharing too much information with her. As soon as he exited the classroom, she let out a breath she hadn't even realized she'd been holding, shaking her head. Kyouko got up and announced she was going to buy some pastries, leaving the room not long after Sousuke.
The moment she left, Ono-D rushed over to Kaname's desk and the two put their heads together conspiratorially. After a frenzied conversation, they grinned and left the room as well, heading out to meet up with Kyouko. A few minutes after that, Sousuke reentered the now almost empty room, stopping when he noticed a gift-wrapped package sitting on Kaname's desk. Staring at it, he could feel the sweat beading up on his face, and he gulped harshly. Everything in him screamed to nullify the threat, but he seemed to only be making things worse for Kaname with his efforts that day. Still, though, the one time he decided to be lax at her command would be the time it actually was a threat.
Mind made up, he dug into his bag and fished out a small amount of plastic explosive, instructing the remaining students to exit the room. Not one to argue with the dense boy, they obediently retreated far, far from the location, leaving him to destroy half of the room. The remainder of the room was trashed by the blowback, and Sousuke nodded in satisfaction as yet another threat was neutralized. The celebration was short-lived however, as a familiar stabbing pain lanced through his skull at a harisen strike, and he found himself on the ground and turning to look up at a view that had him turning uncharacteristically crimson. Pink satin panties were all he saw before a foot landed across his repeatedly and forcefully, barely making out her screaming words like "Pervert!" and "What the hell do you think you're looking at!?"
Onslaught coming to a halt, he dragged himself off the ground with a dull "That hurts you know" before being reacquainted with the tile floor once more. Some lessons stuck, and he kept his eyes squeezed shut when he found himself at the simultaneously fortunate and unfortunate vantage position again. Expecting more attacks, he blinked in confusion when they did not come, gaze fixed on the floor.
"Just what the hell are you waiting for, soldier!? Get up and explain the situation, now!"
Not one to defy a direct order, Sousuke bolted to attention, saluting Kaname sharply. "Sir! At 1248 hours I returned to the classroom and discovered a suspicious object left unattended! After evacuating the vicinity, I utilized my training to neutralize the threat by means of high-yield explosives!"
THWACK!
The tile was nice and cool against his abused skin, but unfortunately the ground was as unforgiving as the girl that put him there. "Do you have any idea what you've done!?"
"Have you experienced any blackouts recently, Chidori? It appears you may be suffering from some memory deficiencies and you may need to be-!!"
"My memory is just fine!" she kicked his head into the ground repeatedly once again, livid. There was a limit to how clueless one person could be!
Sounding unaffected, though his head was pounding, Sousuke shook his head in confusion, "Then why did you ask me if I knew what I had done? I gave you my full report."
"You've ruined everything, you maniac! You have no idea how long I've been helping Ono-D plan this! He was going to give that package to Kyouko as he asked her to be his girlfriend! It took him forever to find just the right gift, and now you've gone and blown it to pieces!" Her body shook in barely suppressed rage as she glared daggers down at him.
Shifting to a sitting position on the ground, he rested his hands humbly on his knees as he looked up at her, "Chidori, if you had informed me earlier of your intentions then such a situation could have been avoided. This is what occurs when there is a breakdown in communications, such as in the case where-."
"Shut up! I hate you!" tears stung the corners of her eyes as she shouted those words at him and ran towards the girl's room as quickly as she could.
Sousuke stared after the girl for several long moments, stunned. Slowly coming back to himself, he turned to survey his surroundings, noticing many of the female students that had born witness to the event were now towering menacingly in a circle around him, and that Ono-D knelt on the ground, mournfully holding the scraps of brightly colored paper that once lovingly enfolded the small package.
The shadows crept through the windows as he finished sweeping up the last of the dust from the classroom. Fujisaki-sensei had issued his punishment when he had returned from retrieving his graded tests and found everyone else attempting to shove Sousuke out the window. Thankfully Sousuke had escaped with only minor scrapes, but the class still seemed to hold a grudge. Since their release he'd made sure to clean the windows, polish the desks, wipe down the chalkboard, clean the erasers, and empty the trash. Wiping the light sweat from his brow, Sousuke finished putting the dust pans contents into the last trash bag. Kaname had left ahead of him to report to her part-time job, not even bothering to say farewell before exiting the premises.
Glancing out the window, Sousuke noticed that the sun was dipping lower in the sky. Thoughts of the creeps Chidori could meet on her way home began to tease his senses, giving him nervous twitches as he finished his work. Finally finished, Sousuke rushed from the school's vacant grounds and down the street toward her place of employment. Running the whole way there, he was able to reach the small café in less than ten minutes. 'That's a new record for me,' he thought as he searched for her from the outside window.
Setting down a parfait for a young couple, Kaname straightened up and wished them a good meal before glancing up and looking out the window. Catching sight of the very last person she wanted to lay eyes on at the time, her eyes widened in distress before darting to the kitchen, a dark look crossing her face as evil thoughts clouded her mind.
Immediately put on alert by the distraught expression he had been able to recognize on her face before she turned away, he began covertly noting even the smallest details of his surroundings while simultaneously removing his trusted Glock from the holster at the small of his back. Just as he had confirmed there were no threats to impede his entry, he heard an agonized shout from within the building that triggered him into action. Shooting out the windows, he flung his body inside, rolling along the shards of glass and kicking to his feet. Knocking over a table for cover, he shouted over the screams of customers for his charge as he scanned through the crowd, looking for her.
Turning to head for the back rooms, he only had time to widen his eyes as an unusual fear gripped him scant moments before a resounding smack from a paper fan knocked him into oblivion.
It was cold. Extremely cold, he noted, after taking stock of his situation. His hands appeared to be zip-tied above his head. He would have to experiment with the restraints in a moment to find the extent of his range of movement. Other than the expected headache he appeared to be uninjured, and he began to twist his arms around in subtle motions, testing for any weak spots. Cracking open one eye ever so slightly, he was rather… discomfited to find himself staring into the large eye of a tuna, and he blinked both eyes open completely in spite of himself.
"Satisfied with your situation yet, Sergeant?" a clipping voice sounded from nearby, and from the lack of any footsteps, Kaname must have been standing there the entire time. He swung his head up to stare at her, at once relieved to find they were not in enemy hands, and disturbed to realize he was at her complete mercy.
That couldn't end well, he thought with chagrin, his lips pursing together in slight irritation. "Chidori, if there is an attack I will be unable to-!"
She booted him in the gut, arms crossed haughtily across her chest. She was in no mood to play nice, and she stared down at him with indifferent eyes colder than the freezer they were in. "None of that. Care to explain yourself?"
"You appeared to be in-," the interruptions were getting annoying, but hell if he would say anything just then.
"Never mind, it's not as though you'll say anything that excuses your behavior anyways. You never do. It's lucky for you that I was able to talk my boss out of calling the cops," seeing his mouth open, she kicked him again for good measure. "No way, no interference, this is all you Sousuke, sink or swim by yourself for once. You're going to work off what you did, you understand me? Indentured servitude, from here on out, you'll be working here until you've paid off the damages to the store, got it? And you will be thankful that I was able to get you that much!"
Sousuke wanted to protest, to say he had more than enough funds of his own even, but the look fixed on him convinced him otherwise. It was almost a blow to his pride that this untrained girl was the only person that ever made him feel fear, but if anyone who might have laughed at him were in his place, he was more than sure they would have died long ago. He muttered a soft "Yes, Chidori" instead, and her expression lost its severity as she smiled deceivingly sweetly to him while leaning over him with the box cutter to cut him loose. Hoping she would dismiss his blush as his skin chapping from the cold, he slowly rose to his feet, rubbing his wrists to restore circulation.
"Now, follow me. You're my subordinate here, got it? You obey my orders or else!" He was well aware the threat was not empty, and he snapped to attention and barked a "Yessir!" She nodded, satisfied, and swung around, her loose hair smacking him in the face as she strode out of the walk-in freezer with a purposeful stride. He followed her diligently down the hall to the manager's office, the sweet smell of her hair haunting his senses. She knocked on the door, swinging it open when she heard her boss call out, and they entered the room swiftly, standing stiffly before his desk.
"So he's agreed then, Chidori?"
"Of course sir, he's agreed to all the terms."
"Excellent. While you were cooling off, I've taken the liberty of calculating the net total of all damages, direct and collateral. I have concluded that with the cost of clean-up, repair, replacement, loss of staff, and loss of clientele, you will need to work every day for at least a month, unpaid, in order to restore the profit margin to the black."
"Yessir!" clicking his heels together smartly, Sousuke saluted the shop owner, "It's not a problem!"
"Very good. You will begin work immediately," Kaname couldn't stifle a groan, assuming that as usual she would be stuck helping Sousuke clean up his mess. The man waved a dismissive hand at her and removed his reading glasses so he could focus more clearly on the two. "As I said, there is a cost for clean-up that needs to be repaid. You will not be assisting in that respect. What I need for the two of you to do is research."
"Research, sir?" Sousuke looked nervous. Academics were not his strong suit. He thought he had been agreeing to manual labor, something that he was more than familiar with.
Pulling out a DVD from a drawer, he handed the case to the teenagers, Kaname tentatively taking it and turning it over curiously. "What's this for?"
"It's part of my plan to recover losses swiftly. This is going to become a cosplay café."
Kaname nearly dropped the disc as she yelped, her eyes widening, "What!?" She nervously glanced over at Sousuke, who appeared to be confused, mouthing the unfamiliar word as he tried to work out its meaning. Not only would there be embarrassing outfits, but Sagara Sousuke was going to have to cosplay!? Didn't those kinds of shops also require you to be in character…? Of course, the DVD, research, it made sense now. "Oh no," she muttered.
"Chidori?" he looked concerned, wondering if he should begin counter-terrorist measures against the manager. All of his instincts had been wrong so far that day though, and he was willing to let it go a few moments until he got a better handle on the situation. "Chidori, I do not understand. What is this 'cosplay'?"
Sighing heavily as she looked at her boss and saw there was absolutely no way this was changing. Shaking her head, she turned towards the door, "I'll explain later Sousuke. We better get going if we want any sleep tonight, since we need to watch this." Looking over her shoulder, she nodded at the man, "Good night, Mr. Kawaguchi. We'll see you tomorrow after school."
Grinning, Kawaguchi Hiroshi nodded to the pair, "See you later, Space Cowboys."