Hello loves, as promised, here is the first chapter to "Lost in Progression"

Happy reading!

Loving others always costs us something and requires effort. And you have to decide to do it on purpose. You can wait for a feeling to motivate you.

- Joyce Meyer

Topophobia- Fear of certain places, fear of certain situations.

I could get used to this, Emily thought as she glanced around her bedroom, sighing contently as she felt the body next to her snuggle a little further into her side.

She watched the rise and fall of the blonde's chest as she laid in her arms, sleeping peacefully and making the brunette smile. Every breath she took, an aroma of vanilla flooded her nostrils, causing her to get lost even further into the other woman. She studied how Alison slept: one leg over her's, an arm tossed over her torso and blonde hair sprawled over her face, casting somewhat of a shadow on her facial features.

They both loved this type of soft intimacy and wished that they could stay wrapped up together forever, but duty calls along with other unwanted things. All so quickly, Alison's cell phone began to ring, followed by an irritated groan by said blonde. Who called at this time of day? Wait, what time is it exactly? Emily reached over and picked up Alison's phone to see him calling. It seemed like he wasn't about to let up, so she clicked ignore which left a sleepy Alison hugging her tightly as she didn't want anything to disturb the two of them.

"You know... it's half past ten. Do you want some breakfast?" Emily twirled a strand of Alison's hair around her finger as she asked. Slowly, Alison lifted her head up to look Emily in the eyes, taking her breath away in the midst of it. Nothing seemed more beautiful to Emily than watching Alison wake up – especially when it was in her arms; seeing her natural beauty was always Emily's favorite thing.

"No offense, Em, but I'd rather go out for breakfast than eat your cooking." Alison stated bluntly.

Mouth agape, Emily attempted to seem hurt by her statement. "My cooking isn't that bad." She countered.

"Don't make me remind you of your famous cinnamon rolls… or were they supposed to be hockey pucks?" Alison wrinkled her nose at the mere thought of it.

Emily chuckled lightly recalling the time she attempted to make her mother's delicious cinnamon rolls but failed to add the yeast into the mix and then slightly overcooked them – okay, maybe not slightly.

"That was one time." Emily whined. All jokes aside, she seriously needed to watch the cooking channel more often.

"Let me think." Alison tapped her chin, causing Emily to roll her eyes at the list of kitchen disasters that is about bound to be brought up.

"Ah, well, there was the fabulous eggshell omelet and the medium-rare steak I asked for, but I really think you forgot to cook it at all. Oh! And we can't forget the time I was sick and you attempted to make me homemade soup, only to end up giving me canned soup instead." Alison finished with raised eyebrows, daring Emily to argue.

"Okay, so maybe I haven't exactly had my finest moments in the kitchen." Emily shrugged her shoulders, whilst pushing Alison onto her back and climbed atop of her, kissing her on the jaw and slowly trailing down her neck, feeling Alison shudder slightly underneath her touch.

"When have you ever?" Alison challenged. They were interrupted by the sound of Alison's phone on the bedside table ringing once again before picking it up to look at the screen.

"Who is it?" Emily whispered, trying to peak at her phone.

"Elliot. He's probably wondering where I am." Alison sighed, debating on whether to answer the call or not. She seemed to be debating it a lot now-a-days.

"Elliot? I thought his name was Rollins..." Emily said to herself more than Alison.

"Rollins is his last name," she replied. "I'm sorry but I have to take this or he'll call back ten more times." Alison explained quickly before answering the phone, however she was too late and he had already hung up.

"Ooh, bummer." Emily exaggeratedly mocked while blinking at the other girl.

"He's probably wondering why I'm still grading papers at ten fifty in the morning." Alison muttered as she flipped through her emails.

"Keep him wondering." Emily lowered her head again before starting to nibble at Alison's neck.

"You know I'd love to stay and continue this, but we need to get dressed and find somewhere to eat." The blonde placed her phone back down and looked up at Emily who now sat up straight against her hips.

"How about I take you back to Rosewood and we can stop by The Brew for some coffee and donuts?" Emily suggested as she climbed off of Alison before walking over to her closet to look for something simple that she could throw on. Examining her wardrobe, all her closet really consisted of was pieces of athletic wear due to her athletic career and a few pieces of dressy attire that she rarely ever wore.

"I like that idea. Just let me find my clothes." Alison smiled and began her search for the strung out clothing scattered along different parts of the room.

Smirking lightly, the brunette offered her a pair of black sweatpants and a thin, red, long sleeve shirt. "Here, just wear this. It'll save us an hour."

"I can just wear mine from yesterday." Alison replied while still looking around the room for her clothes, being oblivious to the clothing that Emily held out for her.

"Look, you probably don't even know where they are, and from what I remember, they didn't look that comfortable." Emily tilted her head, continuing to hold the clothes out for the blonde.

"Are you making fun of my sense of style?" Alison playfully yet dangerously narrowed her eyes at Emily.

"I'm just saying… I think you would be much more comfortable in something less…" she struggled to find an accurate word, "...extravagant." She finished with a shrug of her shoulders.

"Hey, I wish I could dress in what you wear to your job on a daily basis. Sweats and Nikes beat dresses and heels any day." Alison closed the distance between them and kissed Emily softly on the cheek.

"Thank you for the clothes, babe." She whispered before pulling away with the clothes in hand.

"Mmmhm," Emily droned. "And it's a win-win for both of us. You get to be extremely comfy and I get to see you wearing my clothes." She smirked but soon became flustered as she watched Alison stride alongside the bed, bare body glistening in the sunlight coming from the window. Emily's eyes drifted up and down the other girl's body as she slowly got dressed.

"Maybe instead of watching me, you could get dressed as well." Alison smugly suggested as she tied the sweats a little tighter around her waist. Emily, realizing she had been caught, averted her eyes and went back to searching for something to wear.

"So, why did you come back with me instead of going home?" Emily whirled around when she was fully dressed in almost the same outfit that Alison was, just with a different colored top.

"I told you... I missed you." Alison gave her girlfriend a half smile.

"I could have made a reservation in Philly instead of us hanging around here all night." Emily sat down beside Alison on the king size bed.

"Em, as much as I would've enjoyed a night away with you, I don't think we would have been able to do much of what happened last night without getting kicked out." Alison wrinkled her nose and kissed Emily on the lips abruptly.

"You know that's not what I meant." She grumbled back. Alison laughed and remained quiet so she could continue.

Emily sighed. "I don't want to just lounge around all the time." She paused before quickly adding, "Not saying I mind that at all... because I really don't."

"It's just... I want to be able to do more than just this." She motioned to the bed.

"Sex? Hm, I thought you liked that." Alison nudged Emily in the side.

"No, not that. I mean I want to be able to take you out and treat you to nicer things than simply hanging around in my boring apartment or sneaking around Rosewood." Emily sighed again. It was nice being anywhere with Alison – as long as she was with her, nothing else mattered – but still, it bothered her that they couldn't be a normal couple and actually do cute things together. Even their friends didn't know about their relationship. On the other hand, Emily lived for the nights when they snuck around and tiptoed behind everyone's back; it made her feel like she was sixteen again and the thrill of it all made her just as excited for the end of the night when she was able to caress the blonde while holding her after they finished their activities.

"Emily, it doesn't matter where we are – we could be in some sleazy motel and I still wouldn't care because it would mean that I'm with you." Alison empathized.

"I just want to show you how much I miss you sometimes... and sleeping together just doesn't justify it as well as I want it to." Emily quietly admitted. Being one of Alison's favorite things to do, Emily wanted to please the blonde in more ways than one; even a simple night out around the town would suffice.

"I get it, Em. Believe me when I say that I want the same as you do." Alison intertwined their fingers, bringing their clasped hands to her lips and placing a kiss on the back of Emily's. Meanwhile, Emily wanted to say "if you could just leave him then things would be so different," but she couldn't find her voice. Not to mention that Alison and Rollins-or Elliot's relationship was none of her business... or was it?

"Come on, we need to leave before it's time for you to go to work." Alison stood up, pulling Emily along with her and heading towards the front door.

XXX

Eventually, they made it into Rosewood and arrived at The Brew. Although she still felt a bit down due to the conversation held before leaving her apartment, Emily felt happy for the most part. As they walked through the door to their favorite small coffee shop, the bell chimed and Alison turned to Emily.

"I'll order for us. Go grab us a table by the window, please." Alison requested before Emily turned and walked towards the end of the shop. It was the first time in a while that they were together in public. Locating a small table, Emily begins to remember the last time they were out, almost being caught by Hanna when Emily was absentmindedly playing footsies with the wrong blonde.

It was nearing nighttime when Hanna had called her in the middle of her and Alison's semi-usual Friday night routine: Netflix and whatever takeout they felt like that week. But, as it always turns out, they were in the middle of a heated make out session when Emily's phone began to buzz on the nightstand. Groaning and fumbling to reach for her phone on the table, she glanced at the caller ID and saw Hanna's name pop up on the screen. Of course she would be calling.

Debating on whether or not she should accept the call, she hung up and thought she was free... that is until the phone started to ring again which made her break away from a pouting Alison.

"Han, I'm kind of busy right now. Can we talk later?" Emily sounded annoyed as she answered, which she realized only after the words left her mouth.

"If by later you mean when you meet me at the Grille in about twenty minutes because Caleb went to New York on a geeky business trip then, yes, later is good." Hanna twirled around her living room, grabbing her glass off of the coffee table and carrying a bag of chips up to her bedroom. Emily's reply was a barely-audible groan, but Hanna still heard.

"Please... I'll buy you that weird salad you always get." Hanna attempted to bribe her best friend. Knowing full well that Hanna would never let up until she agreed, she had to say yes. She could tell Hanna was in need of some company at the moment and she couldn't exactly say no; she'd feel bad for the rest of the night and wouldn't have a good time either way.

"Fine, I'll be there in ten." Emily let out a defeated breath before standing up and grabbing the pants that were on the floor. Sliding them onto her tanned legs, she waited for Hanna's reply.

"Hey, call Ali and ask if she wants to come too. It'll be like a girls' night out or whatever." Hanna added quickly before hanging up.

Soon after, Alison spoke up. "Where are you going, babe?" She questioned Emily's sudden change in actions.

"We're going to meet Hanna at the Grille." Emily tried to smile at the blonde, but it just wasn't working.

"Well, that's sucks because I was thinking of pulling you back into bed and having you all to myself." Alison winked as she got out of bed as well.

As they both got ready, Emily's phone was blowing up with texts from no other than Hanna: Are you ready? Is Ali coming? How long does it take you to get dressed? If you're not here in five minutes then I'm coming over. Dammit, Emily Fields, where are you?

"And… I'm turning my phone off." Alison chuckled at Emily's remark. She enjoyed watching Emily and Hanna playfully bicker back and forth; sometimes it was like watching a soap opera or an old, married couple.

"I guess we should go before she sends out an APB." Emily laughed as she grabbed her purse and car keys, beckoning for Alison to follow.

XXX

From the time they sat down and ordered their food to when they finally finished, the trio talked about a number of random things. One of the random topics – an embarrassing story that Hanna decided to share with Alison – made Emily want to strangle her outspoken blonde friend right then and there; she began to explain that, one night, when Emily was sleeping next to her, she started mumbling Alison's name – faster and faster, at that. The story resulted in a kick to the shin, which Hanna wouldn't let go of by the end of the night. Once they ordered a few glasses of wine, the effects began to quickly hit Emily as she didn't drink as much as she used to. She continued to carefully consume the rest of her wine at a slow rate, for she didn't want to drive under the influence.

At some point during a different conversation – probably another embarrassing story about something she'd done in the past – Emily decided to occupy herself and, hopefully, fluster Alison. She couldn't tell if it was the buzz from the drinks or if she just didn't care at the time but she moved her foot towards the blonde's underneath the table and began a gentle game of footsies. Emily was making bold moves against her blonde, rubbing her foot up and down her's as she gave her a subtle look. On the other side of the table, Alison was confused as to why Emily was looking at her ever so often, giving little smirks here and there. The blonde looked between her girlfriend and Hanna, noticing a slight blush crossing the other blonde's cheeks.

"Careful, Em, too much of that and I think I might take you home tonight." Hanna raised her eyebrows and smirked at the now stunned brunette.

"I – I, um..." Emily stuttered, realization hitting her like a truck and she suddenly wished she was any place but there. Meanwhile, Alison looked confusingly at the two with a slight glare as they all carried on with their girls' night.

"Hey, sorry it took so long," Alison's voice snapped Emily out of her memories. "They were out of your favorite so I just ordered us both the same thing." She sat down across from Emily with a shrug.

"And..." She dragged the word out while placing the food in front of the brunette's face, "...instead of donuts, I thought you might like an apple fritter." Alison smiled widely. It was a genuine smile, Emily thought to herself; something she rarely saw for years before this whole thing began. "I know how much you love apple desserts so I figured you'd like it for a change."

"Thanks, it smells great." Emily smiled, resisting the urge to reach over and kiss her girlfriend on the cheek or hold her hand across the table. They sat in a comfortable silence for a while until Alison finally spoke again.

"How's work?" She inquired through a bite of the pastry.

Emily's eyes lit up at the question, "I completely forgot to tell you this... but I may be in town more often than I already am." She softly smiled when Alison gave her an impressed look. "I've gotten two calls from people around here wanting me to help them train in boxing and swimming." Emily loved her job, that's for sure. Many people complain about their professions, but there's just something about helping people get fit that made Emily happy to get out of bed every morning – okay, maybe she wouldn't go that far.

During her college years, she had ended up switching majors after her father passed away. His death had taken an exhausting toll on her, causing her to lose interest in most things, including her much desired swimming career, and leading her to be a personal trainer to help others instead of solely herself. Her mom tried to bring up the conversation regarding her dream to become a big swimmer but time after time, Emily would only explain that she's too drained or she's lost interest. Eventually, her mom finally had given up trying to explain that swimming could possibly help her heartache and accepted the fact that stress can change people's life wishes. And it worked out great in the end – becoming a personal trainer – because Emily feels happier than she had in a while. When she isn't training someone, she'll find herself at the gym, regardless, sweating out whatever had been weighing heavy on her that day. Most of the times, she would push herself to her limits, imagining how proud her dad would be if he was here. For him, she'd think as she learned self-defense amongst other things. Before re-evaluating her choices and getting a start on her career, many times she would try to escape the world with alcohol. It was never terrible, no, but she was fully aware that it would become worse if she didn't escape its hold quickly. When she bought a bottle of whiskey on a sunny Tuesday morning, throwing the cap away and never thinking twice, that's when Emily finally came to her senses and decided to help herself before she needed someone else's. A loved one's death is not something an individual – or even a family – gets over in one night, she told herself as she paced her apartment, throwing away her stashed bottles. She figured that schoolwork would work as her safest outlet although the most difficult task, but she carried on one day at a time. The only two people who knew of this rough patch were Hanna and Alison, and she didn't dare bring it up with her mother or anyone else.

"That's great, Em! When do you start?" Alison happily questioned as she continued nibbling on her food.

"I haven't set up an appointment with either one yet, but I'm hoping to soon."

Alison picked up her drink and smiled. "Does that mean we can see each other more often?" She inquired over the rim of her coffee cup.

"Well, I'll see if I can pencil you into my schedule..." Emily smirked as she watched Alison's smile quickly turn into an unamused expression. The brunette chuckled slightly before replying more seriously. "I think so." She finished with a smile.

The bell above the door chimed, catching Emily's attention as a tall man walked in. He looks familiar, she thought to herself; she couldn't exactly put a name to the face. The mystery man turned around and locked eyes with Emily, sending shivers down her spine. Is that –? It couldn't be. No, there's no way it's him. Fuck.

"Please... don't come over here." She muttered to herself a little too loudly.

"Who are you talking about?" Alison searched Emily's eyes and found they were focused on someone by the door. Curiosity taking over, she turned around and was left with her mouth agape. Shit.

"Alison?" The man began to walk towards their table in order to get a better look at the blonde.

"Elliot, wh– what are you doing here?" Alison stammered as she turned to look at the man hovering above her.

"I could ask you the same." He replied looking between her and Emily. This unplanned meeting was getting a little too uncomfortable as a heavy tension arose between Alison and her husband.

"Having a coffee before I go home." Alison answered nonchalantly, crossing her arms and sliding back into her seat. Emily studied the blonde's body language as she seemingly began to shrug off the whole ordeal. Rollins just stared at her, not a word slipping from his mouth, almost as if he was also analyzing her.

"Why didn't you answer when I called earlier?" He inquired although it sounded more like a demand for an appropriate answer; voice becoming sterner with each word.

"I was busy." She stated bluntly with no sign of remorse.

There was a silence, as if he was waiting for a longer answer, until he spoke again. "Doing?" His eyes widened at her lack of explanation.

"School work."

"I called Hackett. He said he hadn't seen you since school ended yesterday." Their demeanors against each other was a bit surprising to Emily. How did they manage to marry each other, she thought.

"Just because I'm not doing my work at the school doesn't mean I can't be doing it elsewhere." Alison challenged. Emily could practically see the anger run throughout his body at the blonde's statement; she could have sworn his veins even popped out a bit. She guessed he didn't like when someone had the upper hand in an argument. How did they manage to marry each other, she thought once again.

"Can I talk to you?" He questioned. When Alison didn't move, he quietly added, "in private, please?" Whatever bit of attitude he had before subsided and was now replaced with sincerity, confusing Emily. Before getting up, Alison looked to the brunette, almost like she was silently asking for permission and when Emily nodded yes, she felt as though she was slowly being crushed.

"What is so important that you had to make a scene like that?" Alison sneered once they were at a table further from Emily who was now fiddling with her cellphone.

"Alison, you didn't come home last night and I got worried. I called and called, but you never picked up." Elliot sighed.

Alison shrugged. "I fell asleep pretty early." She examined a tiny crack in her nail and scrunched her nose.

"Where did you sleep then? Spencer's? Hanna's? Aria's?" His voice was raising with every word, even more so when he noticed that Alison wasn't even paying attention.

"No." She drew out the word before looking back at him. "I slept at Emily's." She answered matter-of-factly. All of the color from his face drained at the response.

"Emily's." He mumbled to himself, wearing a rough expression.

"Yes, Emily's." She repeated. "Now, if you don't mind, we were having coffee and I have to get back over there before she goes in for work. I'll see you at home." Alison wanted to make it clear that she was done with the conversation.

He skeptically nodded. "Yeah, yeah. I'll see you at home." He shook his head in disbelief before looking at her again. All of a sudden, before Alison could fully react, he was leaning in for a kiss, which she quickly – and almost completely – avoided. Instead of a peck on the lips, it was on her cheek. Without looking, she could guess that Emily was probably seething in her seat as she watched the two. Alison offered him a curt smile before she turned and started to walk back over to her previous seat across from the brunette.

Before she could get far enough away from Rollins, he caught her wrist. "Ali, do I... um, do I need to be worried about you and her?" She raised an eyebrow at his question before he expanded on his question. "I remember you telling me about your past with her and I'm just a little concerned for you." Alison looked him over. It seemed as if he was a slight bit jealous over Emily.

"No, you don't. Emily and I have been best friends for years. I swear... there's nothing like that going on." Alison assured him while flashing her DiLaurentis smile.

"Okay, good. I just don't want something to come between us again." Rollins released her wrist before looking at her once more and making his way out of the café. She gently bit the inside of her cheek as she paused for a moment before walking back over towards the table.

"Well, that was interesting." Alison breathed out as she sat back down in front of Emily. The brunette sat silent, scrolling through her phone and not once making eye contact with Alison.

"Em?" Alison noticed she was awfully quiet. "What's wrong?" She already knew the problem and knew that Emily would avoid answering the question truthfully, but she also knew that they couldn't address the problem where they sat at the moment.

"Nothing. I'm just a little tired." Emily responded solemnly. Alison watched Emily closely for a bit as they sat in silence.

"I have to go or I'll be late. Do you want me to drop you off at your house?" Emily finally spoke up, still not looking Alison in the eyes.

"No, it's fine." She looked around. "I'll walk from here. You don't need to be late because of me." Alison assured, but her tone held an evident attitude.

The brunette finally looked at her with soft eyes, "Alison–"

"Emily."

"I'll take you home if you want me to. You won't make me late, I promise." Emily reached out to touch her hand, but remembered where they were and retracted it almost immediately. They both looked away with slight awkwardness and regret, not quite sure what to do.

"Come on." Emily pushed her chair out and stood up. "I'll take you home." She smiled and offered Alison her hand to pull her up as well.

"Fine, but I swear, Em... if you're late–"

"They can survive ten more minutes without me." Emily interrupted what was about to be a five minute rant, earning an eye roll and a smile out of Alison.

"Alright then. Let's go." Alison laughed, shaking her head as Emily held the door for the blonde.

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