Disclaimer: I am not J. K. Rowling. I do not own Harry Potter.
Note: The following one-shot occurs in a universe which approximates to that of canon right up until the climax of Harry's confrontation with Voldemort in 'The Flaw in the Plan' chapter of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.
Further Disclaimer: This story is a slightly silly (and slightly sad in places) near-drabble. It's one of those post-it-and-hope-it-makes-others-think (and perhaps entertains them) pieces.
Rating: This story is rated 'M' to be on the safe side.
There was a flash of green light, and Harry unexpectedly found himself back in 'King's Cross' again.
Instead of Albus Dumbledore waiting to greet him, this time he found two very different figures.
One of them was unmistakeably that of his godfather, Sirius Black.
The other… the other was familiar, but also not so, and caused Harry to do a double-take. It looked like Severus Snape, but 'he' had sable black feathered wings at his back, a fiery sword in his hands (which he was currently 'leaning' on) and what looked suspiciously like a shining gold halo floating above his head.
"I can't believe Albus managed to botch things *this* badly." Sirius was grumbling.
"Given that his particular form of purgatory involves him being almost constantly on the run from the legions of hell, it's a surprise he managed to get any time with Harry at all." 'Severus' said. He glanced at Harry. "Ah, Mr. Potter. You are, this time, quite thoroughly dead, and we are here to escort you to your final destination, which in your case happens to be what amounts to paradise."
"Wait: what happened? I don't understand." Harry said.
"You were killed by the Elder Wand, and without any pieces of Tom Marvolo Riddle's own much mutilated soul to get in the way this time, it killed you quite thoroughly, blasting away any protections and connections to the world of the living which you may have thought that you had. It is known as 'The Unbeatable Wand' for good reason, and even when not in the hands of one it considers its true master there are very few things which do hinder it when it happens to be firing off a Killing Curse." 'Severus' drawled.
"But I thought that I was its master." Harry protested. "Draco beat Dumbledore. I beat Draco."
"Fortunately for you, and the rest of the world, Mr. Potter, the Elder Wand was not on the scene when you beat Mr. Malfoy, and not being anywhere close to omniscient, the Elder Wand had no knowledge of that event and still regards Mr. Malfoy as its true master – which is just as well, otherwise surrendering to Voldemort, as you did, in the forest, it would have switched allegiance from you to him. A 'master' just standing there in its presence taking a Killing Curse, intending to die would be sufficient to cause its loyalties to transfer to the slayer, I assure you. Albus did have some theory that if such was planned or intended, that no transfer of ownership would occur, but he considered it a fifty/fifty shot at best. He was prepared, when he asked me to kill him, for the possibility the wand might transfer itself to my hands, where I could use it to help protect the pupils of Hogwarts once Tom Riddle took power – not that he ever bothered to mention that plan to me whilst I was still alive. And as it happened, Draco disarmed Albus before I happened on the scene, which given what happened to me at the end was probably just as well."
"Don't worry, pup." Sirius said. "Old Mouldy-Wart may have killed you in the end, but you did disarm him back, leaving the wand for Draco, and forcing Mouldy to flee. It will likely be many years before he dares to show his face again – and he might not ever do in Britain for decades, with the Elder Wand there and with his having had just a taste of what it can do. You broke the Death Eaters, you left him feeling exposed and beaten, and showed everyone that he could be defied – and given the circumstances, that's about the best result we could have reasonably hoped for."
"He could be dead." Harry said.
"And he could right now be triumphant." 'Severus' said. "You managed to avert that possibility and to save many lives and much suffering at the least."
Harry thought about that for a moment and sighed, then changed the subject.
"So, how come you've got wings and a halo, sir?" he asked 'Severus'. "I mean, if you are my former potions teacher? And where are mum and dad?"
"I am your former Professor Snape, and the wings and the halo are apparently someone very senior's idea of a joke. I was offered the choice of being an angel-with-a-harp or an angel-with-a-sword, and decided to indulge my inner Gryffindor after all this time. Your parents…" Professor Snape frowned and looked at Sirius.
"They've been beating themselves up a lot over their actions, and in particular the effect some of the choices they've made have had on your life." Sirius filled in. "They consigned themselves to purgatory. Technically I'm in purgatory too, without having had any choice in the matter. It was quite unpleasant for a time, having to watch some of the things going on amongst the living, whilst powerless to intervene." He beamed. "Fortunately, once Severus happened along, he was able to persuade the recording angel that for me, an even more effective purgatory is being under Severus' supervision." The smile faded for a moment. "Moony ought to be here, too, but he's off in hell hunting for Peter and trying to not feel too bad about failing his wife and son. Nymphadora's hanging around though, waiting for you, and she's hoping that Moony will work it out of his system soon and come back to her." And then the smile was back. "And Cedric Diggory's waiting for you, to tell you no hard feelings, and I think he's hoping to organise some quidditch games…"
Author Notes:
'...the possessor of the wand must capture it from its previous owner, if he is truly to be master of it...' Xenophilius Lovegood tells Harry Potter in 'The Tale of the Three Brothers' chapter of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.
This one-shot is a 'what if?' that takes a view that Xenophilius actually knew approximately what he was talking about. Draco Malfoy disarmed Albus Dumbledore of the Elder Wand, but Harry Potter never undertook any actions that actually removed the Elder Wand from Draco Malfoy's possession. (Debatably whomever put the wand in Albus Dumbledore's tomb might have grounds to have 'taken' it from Draco Malfoy, and to be the new master/mistress, but that would imply Voldemort could equally came into possession of it by simply picking it up at no effort when it was unattended, and was the rightful owner, which would not square with it 'not performing properly' for him. For the purposes of this story I have assumed that the Elder Wand, at least if recently acquired by a new master/mistress, would expect some effort to be put into obtaining it to command its loyalties.)
As a reminder this one-shot is a one-shot, and has been indicated to be a slightly silly piece. Reviews or PM's asserting 'canon so-and-so would never behave like that, even if dead!' will be politely ignored.