(1)
"Are you sure you'll be alright?"
"Don't worry about it! Ye Xiu is so low maintenance that sometimes you forget he's there."
"...You do realize that's not a good thing, right?"
Team Happy was going on a training camp cruise along with Team Heavenly Swords. Unfortunately Ye Xiu was sick and couldn't come, much to the chagrin of Lou Guanning. Wei Chen and Fang Rui were also staying behind to supposedly look after him. In reality though, they just wanted to stay behind to fool around in game and try out new strategies of playing dirty.
"We'll be fine. How hard can it be to look after a Ye Xiu?" Fang Rui clapped Wei Chen on the back. "These two brothers have got it. We'll make sure to feed and water him. Now go, or you'll miss your boat."
"He's not a pet! Make sure he's properly taken care of!" Su Mucheng hollered, even as she was pushed out the door.
(2)
"First order of business is to take the little prince his rice porridge breakfast. I call not it." Wei Chen shoved the rice cooker toward Fang Rui.
"Nosies!" Fang Rui's golden right hand flew to touch his nose.
"F*ck you and your nosies. Let's do rock paper scissors." With slower reaction speed, of course Wei Chen wanted to do another game that played more to the psychological warfare that he was good at.
"Fine, I guess I can indulge you this time. Don't cry if you lose." Fang Rui waved his hand flippantly.
"Ha. As if. You're all snot-nosed brats to me."
""Rock Paper Scissors SHOOT!""
"Goddammit. Best two out of three, let's go!"
"Nope, you lost. Now get your ass up there, Ruirui~"
(3)
"Ye Xiu, wake up. I have some ric- the F*ck?!"
(4)
It was a baby. A cute, round baby. A baby with black hair and an M shaped part like Ye Xiu. A baby wearing a mini version of the pajamas Ye Xiu had been wearing.
"What the-? Whose child is this? Don't tell me Old Ye had a secret love child and was hiding him all this time?!"
"What are you being so loud about?" Wei Chen popped his head through the door.
Fang Rui gesticulated wildly at the child.
"What the f*ck. Who are you."
(5)
"I A-Xiu."
"No you're not. You can't be Ye Xiu."
"Dessert, bad. I A-Xiu." The baby turned to Wei Chen. "Old Wei. A-Xiu hungry."
(6)
Boundless Sea: Su Mucheng, we have a problem.
Dancing Rain: If it's the laundry, turn it inside out and wash in warm water and detergent.
Boundless Sea: no, that's not it.
Dancing Rain: How many times have I told you that Ye Xiu doesn't like eggs?
Boundless Sea: that's not it either.
Dancing Rain: Then what could possibly be the problem?
Boundless Sea: It's easier just to show you.
Boundless Sea: [attached: ]
Dancing Rain: What. When did Ye Xiu have a kid?
Dancing Rain: Oh wait, it's prolly Ye Qiu's.
Boundless Sea: [attached: 4]
[Transcript: "Mumu, hi! A-Xiu not sick anymore. (incoherent babbling) - and - hungry - egg yucky -Glory -."]
Dancing Rain: Oh my god. I'm coming back.
Boundless Sea: Wait, you can't. You're on a boat.
Dancing Rain: I'm swimming
Boundless Sea: Wait no-
Dancing Rain: I'M COMING
(7)
"Fang Rui. Go buy diapers."
"What the- why?"
Wei Chen held up a dripping Ye Xiu.
(8)
"Old Ye, put on the diaper."
"No! A-Xiu big! No diaper!"
"A-Xiu is smol. Yes diaper!"
"No!"
"How about for a cookie?"
"...cookie?"
(9)
"Where're you goin' bud?" Wei Chen asked Ye Xiu, who was bumping down the steps one at a time on his bottom.
"A-Xiu play Glory."
(10)
Ye Xiu was too short. He couldn't climb into the chair. Wei Chen lifted him up into it. He was still too short to see over the table while sitting, so he kneeled on the chair. He put his palm out. "Card."
Fang Rui gave him a smurf card. Lord Grim was too valuable to be played by a child.
Ye Xiu frowned. "Not main?"
"Ah...Uh...," Wei Chen struggled to come up with an excuse. "We thought that you would want to practice other classes."
Ye Xiu looked thoughtful. Fang Rui almost melted at how cute it was.
"Okay."
(11)
It was an inevitable outcome. With his short, chubby fingers and baby motor skills, he was unable to control the avatar when attacked by a monster and died. Ye Xiu, ever a Glory Fiend, even as a baby, started to bawl.
"Hey, don't cry! You're almost 30!"
Ye Xiu continued to wail at the corpse on the screen. "A-Xiu no good! A-Xiu's Glory!"
Not knowing what to do, Fang Rui panicked and shoved his thumb in Ye Xiu's mouth. Ye Xiu was so surprised that he stopped wailing and started suckling the offered digit.
"Ah, wait. My golden right hand can't be ruined by a baby. Ye Xiu, switch to my left hand."
Ye Xiu refused to let go. "Dessert yummy," he mumbled around Fang Rui's thumb.
"... Old Wei... a little help here?"
(12)
"A-Xiu, come here. Let's play Glory."
Ye Xiu immediately unlatched himself from Fang Rui's thumb to make grabby grabby hands at the computer screen. Fang Rui felt slightly hurt. He was abandoned so easily.
(13)
"How is he going to play? You saw what happened last time."
Wei Chen sat in the chair and lifted Ye Xiu onto his lap.
"Here. You're the general. Direct this old soldier into the field!"
Ye Xiu nodded. "En!"
(14)
They played around like that for a bit, with Ye Xiu nibbling on his fingers, mumbling instructions and Wei Chen acting as his faithful fingers.
Fang Rui sneakily took a picture using his phone. The scene of Ye Xiu in Wei Chen's lap was too cute. They looked almost like father and son.
(15)
"Ah! A wild boss! It's almost dead. Let's kill steal it."
"11. Magic box."
"Okay, here we go! Hexagram prison, eleven o'clock!"
"Shit! Who the f*ck put this here? It must be you blue brook chumps, isn't it?"
"It wasn't us, but you deserved it you weed garden noobs!"
"Who you calling weeds you H2Hos!"
It became all out guild-warfare.
[System Announcement: Wild Boss Cobra King was successfully defeated by Guild Happy.]
"F*ck! Where did Happy come from?!"
They heard a child's giggle come out from somewhere in the center of the group.
"Oh my god it's a ghost!"
"You idiot, it's not a ghost. It's a kid!"
"Since when do they let children play? Lu Hanwen is just a baby, but now they're letting actual babies play?"
Everyone was scared for the future.
(16)
It was around 10 pm when Ye Xiu's head started to dip and his instructions became more and more incoherent.
"I think it's time for someone to go to bed."
"G'night Ruirui." Ye Xiu tiredly waved a little arm. "A-Xiu and Old Wei stay here. Haf yummy dream."
(17)
It was a struggle getting Ye Xiu to bed. He refused to budge from the computer until he was bribed with a cookie.
Ye Xiu was tucked in tight in the bed in his and Wei Chen's shared room. He looked up at Fang Rui expectantly. "Story?"
"F*ck, I don't know any child-appropriate stories. Do we have any children's books here?"
They looked around but the best they could find was one of Luo Ji's strategy guides. Fang Rui sat on the bed and awkwardly started reading it aloud. Ye Xiu scooted in closer to cuddle as he read.
Wei Chen surreptitiously took a picture on his phone before going back to continue gaming. The scene of Fang Rui reading to Ye Xiu was too cute. They looked almost like mother and child.
(18)
Soon they had a routine going. They'd switch off changing the baby, feeding the baby, and playing with the baby. Ye Xiu became quite the spoiled little treasure, accumulating toys and baby accessories faster than they acquired uncommon materials.
Ye Xiu had the two of them wrapped around his little finger. He'd only have to look at them with those big puppy dog eyes, blue pacifier in his mouth, bunny rabbit plushie tucked under his arm, and they'd be enraptured by the power of cute.
Fang Rui and Wei Chen became worried when a week after Ye Xiu had changed into a baby, he became sick again. They made sure to make the fussy baby drink plenty of water and sent him to bed early.
(19)
"Old Wei, wake up. I had the weirdest dream last night."
"Hnngh." Old Wei sat up and yawned, "What is it Ye-" he froze, jaw open.
He shook Fang Rui awake from where he laid beside him.
"Old Wei, what is it? It is breakfast time already?" He mumbled sleepily. "You fetch Ye Xiu, and I'll start co-" he opened his eyes and his jaw dropped.
(20)
"Guys? What are you doing in the same bed?"
Ye Xiu swung his feet out from under the covers. He was surprised to see that they were covered by umbrella print footie pajamas? He unzipped the onesie.
"Am I wearing a diaper?"
(21)
"So it wasn't a dream?"
Fang Rui showed him a picture of a mini version of himself on Old Wei's lap playing Glory. Wei Chen showed him a picture of the same boy reading in bed with Fang Rui.
They each grabbed the other's phone.
"When did you take this photo? You little sneak! You were planning on keeping this cute photo all to yourself?"
"When did you have the time to sneak a photo of us? Ugh, if A-Xiu weren't so cute, I would delete this without a second thought! You didn't even get my good side."
The two ignored Ye Xiu and began flipping through their baby A-Xiu photo albums and arguing over which photo was cutest.
Ye Xiu was a bit weirded out, but in the end he just accepted that it happened. Whatever. He didn't really remember it too well. Time to catch up on Glory.
(22)
Ye Xiu was about to light a cigarette when it was suddenly plucked out from his mouth.
"Uhbububub! No smoking for A-Xiu." Fang Rui replaced the cigarette with a pacifier. It quickly fell out of his mouth.
Fang Rui picked up the tiny piece of plastic from the floor. "Huh. Maybe you need a bigger one." Fang Rui walked out of the room in thought.
"Ah. Wait, my cigarettes-"
(23)
"A-Xiu. Snack time. Let me feed you some fruit."
"I can feed myself, you know?"
(24)
"A-Xiu, it's time for bed."
"But it's only nine o'clock?"
"I'll give you a cookie if you come to bed nicely."
For some reason, he was quite tempted by the cookie, but he stood his ground. "No thanks, I wanted to get in some more dungeon runs."
"..."
(25)
"Wei Chen, it's your turn to check the baby." Fang Rui rolled over on the bed and snuggled into the blankets.
"Yes, yes. I'm going." Wei Chen sleepily crossed to the other side of the room.
Ye Xiu woke up to a hand on his crotch. "Where do you think you're touching?!"
"Oh. Right. We forgot you aren't wearing a diaper anymore."
(26)
"A-Xiu. Just try the eggs. I promise I made them super yummy just for you. Eggs are very good for you, you know? Lots of protein. Say Ahhh~"
"Fang Rui, Wei Chen. You know, I'm really grateful that you guys have been looking after me this whole time, but I'm an adult. I can make my own choices. You aren't my parents."
"..."
(27)
"Ye Xiu!" Su Mucheng rushed through the door in a panic.
The first thing she saw was Wei Chen holding down a pair of kicking legs in a pair of blue colored footed pajamas. Past Wei Chen, Fang Rui was also sitting on top of Ye Xiu trying to stuff his flailing arms into the arms of the soft onesie.
"Go back to being smol and cute!"
"Married life with a kid ain't bad! Take one for the team you twerp!"
Ye Xiu caught Mucheng's eye. "Mucheng help!"
Mucheng backed away slowly, exiting and pulling the door shut behind her. With wide eyes, she turned to the rest of Team Happy who had only just now caught up with her.
"I didn't see anything..."