Rachel quietly opened the door to the apartment. Since returning to New York she and Joey had seen little of one another. She found herself working longer hours at work, taking up her time with caring for her daughter. Doing everything possible to avoid talking to Joey. It wasn't because she regretted it, far from it. She knew she loved Joey more than anything, anyone in her life. Past or present. But the problem was Ross. They were linked, not just by their daughter but their history together. A history that she couldn't forget, couldn't ignore no matter how strong her feelings for Joey were. But of course this might not even be a real problem, it wasn't just her playing the avoidance game. It was Joey too. So it was in fact possible that after their night together he had realised he didn't want her.
Joey was laid back on his bed when he heard the door shut. Rachel was home. Emma was at Ross' again otherwise he would have heard her baby jabber. No matter how hard Rachel must try Emma always gave her away. It was like she woke when she knew she was home. She was avoiding him, and he knew. What happened in Barbados was a mistake, at least to her. To him it was the most wonderful night of his life. One he knew that would have to sustain him for the rest of his life, because what he'd been given that night he would never have again. Rachel didn't want him, didn't love him. But that didn't mean he wanted to lose her, he too had been avoiding her and now he knew if he couldn't have her love, he would show her that he could accept having only her friendship. He walked out his room and found Rachel staring blankly at the door from his chair. She looked so lost.
"It's okay you know." Rachel jumped at the sound of Joey's voice. So much for sneaking in. She turned slowly. God he looked sexy, he was wearing a pair of cotton pyjamas and leaning against the doorframe. He looked so incredibly sad, all she wanted to do was comfort him. But knew it was out of the question. He didn't want her to. "I mean. We're best friends, and roommates. Just because of…that night. It doesn't mean things have to change. I understand. You love your daughter and you love Ross." She laughed then, stopping immediately when Joey's hurt expression registered in her brain. She stood and moved swiftly yet gracefully to him. She placed her hand lightly on his arm.
"I love my daughter and I love…you." Joey's eyes closed, she had the feeling he was trying to draw strength.
"I love you too. But I don't understand." She turned away and went back to her seat. He followed sitting on the arm of the chair. She looked up into his eyes, hers sending a message, a plea to him to help her. To save her.
"I don't know what Ross would do."
"Tell him and find out." Rachel had no reply, she only had to wonder at his reaction.
* * *
Rachel arrived at Ross' earlier than usual to pick Emma up. She wanted to speak to him about her and Joey, needed to tell him about them. The door opened just as she turned the corner into Ross' hall. Charlie emerged carrying her bag and jacket. Ross leaned out and kissed her. Charlie turned to walk away.
"Rachel." Ross opened the almost closed door upon hearing her name. He peered out.
"We need to talk." Rachel brushed past Charlie, holding her head high. Charlie threw a look at Ross before disappearing. Ross took a deep breath before going into his apartment. He closed the door and turned. Rachel had taken a seat on his couch.
"I'm in love." That was not what he'd been expecting. "And he loves me back." Ross moved over and sat next to her.
"Oh."
"It's Joey." Ross searched his brain trying to think of a Joey, the only one he knew was Joey Joey.
"Joey who?" Rachel stared at him.
"Joey." Ross stood, his logical brain unable to absorb the information Rachel had thrown at him. His Rachel, mother of his child in love with Joey. Wait his Rachel? What was he thinking he was with Charlie now? He liked Charlie, a lot. But did he honestly love her. When Charlie and Joey were an item , he could deal with it. With seeing them together. He had even helped, or at least tried to help Joey with the relationship. But even imagining Rachel with Joey was like someone was trying to rip his still beating heart from his chest.
"Oh." Rachel stood.
"I'm just going to get Emma." She moved through the apartment, getting her daughter and leaving. She closed the door. She wanted to go home, wanted with every fibre of her being to go back to Joey. But she didn't. She walked. She had no clue where she was going but she walked, pushing her daughter along for the ride. She contemplated it, everything. Ross had been a part of her for so long. Everyone, including her, had imagined that they would again reconcile and be together. That Emma was in fact the thing they had all been waiting for to see it happen. She had really thought something would happen, but then Gavin showed up. Gavin showed her she could move past Ross. But then had she really, deep down she had known Ross would take her back. But with Joey it was different, so so different. Ross and her would never again be together after she made this choice. And how would her choice affect not only the life her daughter led but the lives of her friends. Could she honestly ruin all 7 of their lives? She didn't even know what was between her and Joey. True she had never felt like this about anyone before, including Ross. But whether Joey felt the same was one thing, and also what about the problems it would bring. But could she really give Joey up? Truthfully she had no idea. She had to wonder whether Joey really wanted her? It wasn't that long ago he had wanted something to happen between them because he was simply jealous of the closeness between Chandler and Monica.
"Rachel!" Through the fog of thoughts in her brain she heard her name being called. She turned her head slightly to be confronted by Mrs Tribbiani hurrying towards her.
"Hi Mrs Tribbi…" The woman cut her off before she even had chance to finish her sentence.
"What is going on?" Rachel's face clouded over with confusion. "With Joey."
"Joey's fine." The woman linked her arm through Rachel's and propelled her to walk beside her. "Your daughter is the sweetest little thing."
"Thank you."
"I don't mean to sound rude dear but whenever Joey came home you were all he talked about, and then of course it was you and Emma. He came straight home when you all got back from Barbados, he was so happy. Now though I've never seen him like he is. What happened?" Rachel had never felt awkward around Mrs Tribbiani before, but now she just wished the ground would swallow her up.
"I have a daughter and ex-husband." That was the core of the issue really. If Rachel was alone she would have gone straight to Joey with no hesitation, if Rachel had never been married to Ross, if Rachel had never given Ross a chance she would easily be able to be with Joey. But those things had happened. If she was honest with herself even Emma wasn't really going to cause a problem, she loved Joey. In fact on occasion she had noticed that adoring look in Emma's eyes when she was with Joey. In some ways Rachel felt Emma loved Joey more than her father. Cruel as the thought was. Ross was kind and thoughtful and read to her. But when Joey did things with her it was different. Joey actually played with her, Joey read to her and he did all the voices just to make her laugh. Ross and Joey were just so different. So Ross was stopping her. But did that mean she still wanted Ross or she was just scared of what Ross could do to ruin things.
"Rachel honey, if you honestly wanted Ross or Joey then you wouldn't be confused. If you honestly and completely loved either then you'd be with them now telling them that and stopping all the confusion, but you're not you're out here with your baby. So that tells me the only people you really love are your daughter and yourself."
"That's not true! I love Joey! More than I have ever loved anyone in my entire life. I can't imagine not having him with me for the rest of my life. In ways I feel guilty because I so much because I love him as much as my child. And that..."
"It's not wrong honey. There's a lot of things out there said about loving your kids, but saying that you can't love your partner as much as your child is rubbish. Because the love is so different. I'm sorry about what I said, I just wanted to see your reaction. If you have such a passionate reaction to that, what's stopping you?"
"I'm scared of what he can do. Of how things could change. I mean Monica is my best friend, but she's Ross' sister. Chandler is Joey's best friend, but he's Ross' too. And he's married to Monica. And I have a child to him. We haven't ever talked about custody of Emma, we've never needed to. But what if he decides he wants her to punish me?"
"Honey you have a great job. And a man that is so in love with you, so devoted to you he would move heaven and earth to make you happy. What Ross has can't compare to that."
"What if a court doesn't see it like that?"
"You just have to decide whether Joey's worth it. But do it quick, and tell him. Don't leave him like it is."
* * *
"We have to talk." She went over and sat down on the edge of the seat she had chosen. This was the conversation to change her life. She knew that deep down. "I've decided that we should talk, about our past." The man sat beside her stared at her thoroughly confused. "We were once in love. What happened to that love? Did it just disappear, did it fade over time, or is it still there?"
"What you told me earlier, it almost killed me. So I have to assume that it is still there." Rachel swallowed, she knew this part was going to be hard.
"Over the years we've both changed so much, I look at myself and the person I was when I walked into the coffee shop in my wet wedding gown and I don't see any of her left. And she was the person who loved you. The person I am now, loves Joey." Ross began to shake his head.
"No, you can't go from loving me to loving someone like him, we're total opposites!"
"I know, you're kind and thoughtful but he's sweet and loving. He makes me laugh, he doesn't tell me what to do, he lets me be in charge. No one has ever done that. He's…indescribable. I love him. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I can honestly see myself marrying him and having children with him. The white picket deal and everything."
"You mean my child." Rachel took a deep breath, she had known this would happen.
"She'll always be your child and it's not going to happen now, we have to have time. I mean it's not something we've talked about. We're not even a couple yet."
"Rach you can't be with Joey. You have to put your child first." She stood then.
"Oh right, cos you are. Last night, Charlie stays the night while your daughter is here and then she sneaks out before I get here, imagine growing up with that. So you're allowed to date but I'm not! I don't think so Ross." She grabbed her bag and stormed from the building.
"How did it go?"
"I want my baby." She reached out her arms and accepted her daughter from Joey. "Hold me…" Joey's arms went round Rachel and Emma and she leant against him, feeling so safe and loved. "And promise to never let go." Joey didn't answer for a while, when he finally did his voice was hoarse with emotion, he was choked up by his love for the woman in his arms.
"Never."
* * *
"That was Ross." Chandler turned his attention from the TV to the forlorn face of his wife.
"What's wrong? Has something happened?" She moved over and sat beside him.
"I need you to do something to fix this mess. I need you to go over to Joey's and tell him that he can't do what he's doing. That he can't give in to the feelings he has for Rachel, because it will ruin her life and her daughter's life."
"I can't do that, Joey's my best friend."
"So is Ross, and he's your brother-in-law too. We both know Joey and Rachel would never work. It's Joey for God's sake. He'll be cheating within a month. He isn't the settling down kind." Chandler tried to process that information before standing and going over to Joey's. As he placed his hand on the doorknob about to open it he heard tears from inside. He quietly opened the door just enough to be able to behold the scene inside. He was confronted with the picture of Rachel crying, safely comforted in Joey's arms, sat on his lap in his chair. Joey was murmuring things to her while softly stroking her hair. The look on his face took the breath away from Chandler. He'd known Joey for years, in truth it had gotten so he was a better friend than Ross. They had more in common, which was true for the couple in front of him. Joey had had more girlfriends than Chandler could even remember let alone count, but he had never seen the look of love in his eyes, the worry and care and love etched into every line of his face. He prayed right then and there to the God he didn't even believe in that his two friends would make it. For someone to invoke such feelings in the womanising Joey he knew that she was special, and would always be special to Joey. He knew also that Rachel was upset, that Joey was reaching her, he knew Rachel well and knew she and Ross were too different to have a real life together. He wasn't smart enough to realise the depth of her feelings for Joey for her to be risking her friends, well her whole life for Joey. He was amazed that none of them had actually realised before now what was between the two. Sure they'd all known about Joey loving her, but had they ever really all believed it, in truth he knew they hadn't. It was only as he looked at them now that he realised how perfect they were for one another. He went through the door then. The couple practically jumped apart and Rachel desperately tried to hold her tears at bay while wiping at her tear streaked cheeks in an effort to hide them.
"Don't move on my account."
"Hello Chandler." Rachel's voice sounded so cold it chilled him to hear it. She was protecting herself. "Ross obviously called."
"Yes he did, and to be honest I was in agreement with him." Joey's face fell as he realised no matter how similar he and Chandler were no matter how close they had become, Ross was closer. "But, I can't ruin this for you two. Ross had his chance with Rachel and he blew it. And I could never try and break you up, when I've seen you like this. In the 12 years I've known you I've never known you want to commit to any woman, and I've never seen you look at anyone with such love. And I know only too well that look, because that's how I look at Monica. I wish you guys all the happiness in the world." The tears Rachel had tried to hold back fell in huge streams from her eyes and Joey leapt to his feet and pulled her into his arms, gently soothing her. Through her tears Rachel managed a small sentence.
"You sound like you're giving a best man speech." She gave him a watery smile to try and show that she had never meant the hostility from before, she had just been protecting herself.
"You never know, maybe I should write that down for your wedding." He didn't even know why he'd said it, but he instantly knew he would be giving a best man speech at their wedding. "I'm going now, see you guys later." Chandler slipped out of the apartment as Joey spun Rachel to look at her face.
"I've never loved anyone before, and no matter what he does, I'm not gonna lose you. I couldn't live without you." Rachel's hand went to cup his cheek as she smiled at him.
"You don't have to…we could just leave the country." She smiled.
"Where you wanna go?"
* * *
Rachel opened the door still wondering why any person would be up this early on a Sunday morning.
"Ross." He didn't even bother speaking, he just pushed his way into the apartment. Rachel sighed, closed the door and turned to face him. As she looked at him she wondered what she'd even seen in him.
"Marry me." Rachel's eyes practically fell from her head, she felt like a character from a cartoon with her jaw hanging to the floor.
"What the hell are you saying? You're with Charlie! I'm with Joey!"
"I still love you. Let's both be honest here we both always assumed we'd start up again. I'm just doing what I should have done a year ago."
"Ross I'm glad you didn't do this a year ago. It would have been a mistake. And so many things have changed this year."
"But my feelings for you haven't. We could be a proper family."
"No we can't, because I love Joey."
"If I can't have you both, then I'll settle for just my daughter."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean I don't trust Joey around you two. He'll hurt you and Emma will just get tangled up in that. She'll grow to depend on him and then he'll cheat on you and leave you."
"No Ross he won't."
"And knowing him he'll probably hit on your sister, or your friend, or your cousin….or your daughter."
"Get the hell out of my apartment. And don't you dare come back."
"I'll leave Rach, but next time I come I'll be leaving with my daughter." Ross stalked out of the apartment leaving a shell-shocked Rachel staring after him. She almost jumped out of her skin at the gentle touch on her shoulder. She spun round to face Joey. She walked into his open arms and sobbed.
* * *
Joey was headed to Central perk. Rachel didn't really feel up to leaving the apartment, mostly because she feared seeing Ross. Which is exactly who he did see, kissing Charlie! Memories of the past week flooded over him, the tears that man had caused his Rachel, the pain he was putting her through. The promises to provide for her, the threats to take her child and here he was with his girlfriend as if there was nothing wrong, no storms threatening, and no problems in his life. Rachel refused to leave the apartment, she was devastated and Ross was here, smiling. Just as Charlie walked off and Ross turned to face Joey, his fist flew out and connected squarely with his jaw. Ross moved back, flying into the post box. His hand flew to cover his jaw.
"Joey what the hell was that for?"
"For what you're doing to Rachel!"
"I'm doing her a favour, if taking her daughter is the only way to make her realise how stupid she's being then it's what I have to do!" Joey's fist flew out, both men barely even realised it was happening until Ross was thrown backwards into the lamppost. He recovered enough to swing for Joey. The two men began to hit each other, swearing and shouting their hatred for each other. A body managed to prise itself between the two of them.
"STOP IT! What the hell are you doing? For starters you really think Rachel wants her life aired out in front of everyone! You're best friends for god's sake just talk about it!"
* * *
Rachel clutched the stick to her, she was happy she truly was, how could she not be. She was having Joey's baby, but with everything else going on she wished this could have waited until everything was more settled. The door was flung open with such force Rachel jumped. She flung the test into the trash and went into the lounge. She was surprised to find two blood covered men sitting while Chandler mumbled while searching through the freezer.
"Rach you got any ice?"
"What the hell happened? Joey sweetie are you okay?" She asked the question to him first even though it was obvious Ross was the worst of the pair.
"They were fighting in the street, pulling each other's lives to pieces."
"Joey…"
"Rach I'm sorry I got carried away." She touched a hand tenderly to his face.
"I'm going to get Emma from my mom's, I don't know when I'll be back." She opened the door, taking one look back before leaving. She knew as soon as she stepped out of the door she couldn't ever go back in.
* * *
It had been almost a month since Rachel had walked out of his life. It felt like there was nothing left for him. He knew from Phoebe that Ross was devastated by her taking his daughter, he wanted to feel sorry for him, but he couldn't if it wasn't for Ross she might still be with him.
Phoebe looked at her friend and wished she could tell him, tell him that he had a child due, that the woman he was mooning over still loved him. But she couldn't, nor could she tell Ross where his daughter was, or that the letter he had received the other week wasn't from New York, that she had reposted it. But she couldn't say a word to anyone. She had promised, and she knew that if someone did find out about Rachel, it would be the last any of them heard from her, so she kept quiet.