Centre of Attention
Author's Note: Okay, this is old and I found it on my computer so thought I'd upload it for you guys. Its only a one shot but enjoy!
I knew there was a perfectly good explanation to the reason why I don't associate anyone as my friend; especially best friend. Being all by yourself is the easy option; no worries about being hurt or let down, or feeling second best. No, you are your own boss; you can do what you wanted, say what you feel like, and no one gets hurt.
Things were never that simple.
Why did I let myself get caught up in this ridiculous fantasy called friendship?! It only consists of hurt and heartache- and I HATE it! I always swore to myself no-one would hurt me like this; make me feel like I don't mean anything to them, only I walked right into the trap.
Stupid, stupid Gold! Why couldn't he ever put me first? He always used the term 'best friend' so easily, and yet when I wanted his attention- oh no, he was too busy focusing on other people's crap. I mean, who gives a flying FUCK about Crystal's life?! It was none of anyone's business, but Gold just HAD to make it all about him, and right now- I swear I wanted to murder him.
My eyes glared at my Pokegear, waiting impatiently for another text from that idiot- who 'apparently' was still too busy with Crystal to even talk to me. Funny that, because if this was the other way around I was supposed to drop everything to talk to him, or do something for him. Oh no, things were going to change, and soon.
It was now midnight and my inner turmoil continued to build to alarming levels. I wanted to lash out- hit something! Would it help? Probably not, but right now I couldn't control my frenzied emotions. Why was this affecting me?! Stupid Gold!
Then, I saw it. My Pokegear flashed bright blue to reveal another text message from Gold, and for a split second I contemplated just deleting it straight away. I didn't want to hear anymore lame ass excuses. Crystal was obviously more important.
'Silv, i'm running out of credit, can you call me?' Read the text, to which I merely snorted. No chance. No way in hell was I calling that double crossing bastard. He could forever believe that I was angry at him, and wanted nothing more to do with him because that was EXACTLY how I felt! I wanted to ignore him for days, just to pile on the pressure and make him sweat like a Tepig in a butcher's shop. But, it seemed I was going soft in my old age- or should I say mellow.
'No' Was my reply, and with a click of a button it sent. No, I didn't care if he was upset, because right now I was upset! He promised to see me tonight, that we would have one of his infamous movie marathon nights, and though usually it lead to us arguing or something to similar effect, I still wanted it to happen. He had no idea how much he meant to me, and how much I cared, but I would be damned if I ever told him that.
Soon enough another message flashed on my screen, and I sighed heavily. I could just go to bed, and ignore him, that was an option here. On the one side I wanted to make him suffer because I was hurting; but on the other...I just wanted to talk to him. He had neglected me all day! We were supposed to be best friends...
'I'm sorry Silv...I never meant to upset you.' I gritted my teeth at the words, feeling adrenalin pump through my veins like lava. Seriously, at any moment I would explode like a volcano, and whether or not it would be tears or anger I wasn't sure. Okay, it was decided, I WOULD call him, and tell him exactly what I thought about him!
Angrily I called his number pressing the device to my ear, hearing it ring. It took approximately ten seconds before he picked up the phone, clearing his throat beforehand;
"Silver...I-"
"Don't...!" I cut him off immediately, already trying my best to keep my cool. Don't get angry...don't get angry... "HOW DARE YOU DO THIS TO ME!" Okay, well, that went out the window.
"Silv...it wasn't intentional..."
"I don't CARE! You promised me Gold...you PROMISED!" I could feel my body trembling as my voice raised in pitch. Deep inside I knew it wasn't his fault, and really I was just jealous. How pitiful. I was jealous because he put someone else before me...yeah that's it, laugh it up.
"Silv...Crys was really upset! I couldn't just leave her! I had to make sure she was okay!" Again, understandable. They were friends after all, but I was his BEST friend. Surely that meant something!
"FUCK YOU GOLD! Fuck you..." I could feel myself getting more and more upset the longer I stayed on the phone. All I wanted to do was talk to him and see him, to spend time with him when he promised me. Yes, he was the biggest pain in my ass the world has ever known, but I would be lost without him.
"I didn't mean to upset you like this..." Gold crooned sadly, and you could hear it in his voice.
"You never THINK do you?! You NEVER think about anything! How do you think I FELT?! You PROMISED ME!" I closed my eyes tightly, trying to stop any rogue tears that might threaten to escape from my eyes. No, I would NOT cry over him! Never!
"Silv...it wasn't like I planned this! It all...happened so suddenly. I'm...sorry, okay?" Weakly I shook my head, knowing that he couldn't see me, but my body just acted on impulse.
"Leave me alone..."
"Don't be like this..." I tensed, knowing that the device in my hands was now shaking. "...Silver, I'm sorry. I never meant to let you down...you know I wouldn't do that intentionally."
"So why...?" I heard my voice crack, and instantly cursed myself. Great, now he knew I was upset, and that was the LAST thing I wanted! Fuck my life!
"Crystal is in a bad way...something happened with her Mom and she needed some-one to talk to. I couldn't just...ignore her, Silv. She's my friend."
"Oh, and do I NOT matter at all to YOU?!" My lip started to quiver in sadness, and I continued to hold back the tears. Come on Silver! You are stronger than this! Hold yourself together!
"Silver...you big idiot, you're my best friend! I love you!"
"Liar..." I heard Gold sigh softly on the other end of the phone, and pause before saying anything else.
"I mean it! You are the most important person in my life, and I would do anything for you. I hate it when we fight..." I hated it too, but I wouldn't tell him that. I was way too stubborn to let him know the in's and out's of my feeble persona. As I looked up at the ceiling I stayed quiet, hearing him talk nonstop.
"...I know we argue and disagree all the time, but I would be lost without that. You are the bestest friend I have ever had...and I never want that to change, Silv. I'm just...sorry for making you upset, and making you feel worthless. I didn't mean to...well, I didn't think you would be this bothered by it-"
"I'm not!" I instantly shouted, making it perfectly clear that all those things he just threw out there were lies, and NOT the truth. I was already quite aware of how pathetic I sounded, and felt right now.
"Silv..." He sighed heavily, and I could tell he was tired of arguing with me, but I NEEDED to. Venting was what my body needed, otherwise my bedroom mirror would be in a million tiny pieces by now.
"Don't..."
"Let me make it up to you, please? I don't want us to fight anymore..." I would be a total liar if I said that right now I wasn't considering it, but how could he possibly make it up to me? Right now I felt like dirt on the bottom of his shoe, and it was totally ridiculous. Jealously was so unbecoming of me.
"How?" I wanted to know what he would do, and the pause on the end of the phone made me feel uneasy. Did Gold have no back up plan? Was this all just pure bullshit to stop me flying off the handle?
"Um...okay! Tomorrow we are spending the ENTIRE day together!"
"...what?" The entire day? Did he have a deathwish?
"Yeah! We could...go out somewhere; cinema or go to the National Park? We could visit Olivine Harbour and watch the ships, and go and eat at that new fancy restaurant that opened! You pick!" As much as I wanted my heart to continue to freeze over forever, it just wouldn't. Gold sadly meant too much to me, and as much as I tried to fight against it the flames in my heart just refused to burn out. A small smile crept onto my lips.
"...you choose..."
"Okay then! I shall pick you up at 9am in the morning, so look sharp!" I rolled my eyes in annoyance. I was always up in the morning, unlike him. He had a tendency to forget what daytime was, and just randomly wake up around one in the afternoon. Like, how could anyone sleep that long?!
"It's you who doesn't like mornings." I commented coldly.
"Hey! I take offence to that! I get up at perfectly reasonable times!"
"Yeah...if one or two in the afternoon counts as 'reasonable'..." I heard him huff in annoyance, and it did make me smile. It seemed like we were sort of back to normal now. Once I got over my silly selfish whiny phase I was fine. But, it was just me, I couldn't help it.
"Ha, ha, you're SO funny Silv! Anyway...my battery is dying so, I'll see you tomorrow!"
"Yeah, you will. See you tomorrow..." As I was about to hang up I heard Gold say a few words that completely caught me off guard, and paralysed me for a moment.
"Love you Silv! Goodnight!"
In a daze I glanced at the clock and noticed that now it was 1am, and shit, I needed to get to sleep and soon if I was going to be awake for when Gold came calling for me. But, those words he said...did he meant that? Did he really love me as a friend? We were supposed to be best friends, and he always used that term for us, but...I guess I lost faith in that.
Sometimes its hard for me to be a normal person; and no that is not for the sympathy vote. It's a serious condition; a flaw in my persona to add to all the other imperfections. I was whiny, obviously needy, selfish, took everything way too personal, and otherwise a terrible person to be around. Yet, Gold didn't see it that way.
He would never use those words to describe me, okay, it wouldn't be anything too flattering but it would always be along the lines of; unique, one of a kind, unlike anything in the world, and imperfectly perfect.
As I settled into my bed and closed my eyes I thought about how silly I had been. Why did I get so worked up over him spending time with Crystal, I mean it's not like I was the only person in his life who he was friends with. He had to make time for others...and I knew that, it was just...I was selfish.
Gold was mine, and no-one would have him. That was how my brain works. I'm super possessive and can't understand why, and it only happens when some-one else comes into the scene; otherwise I can't stand the guy. Did that make me a bad person? For wanting to be loved, and cared about?
They say jealously is the green eyed monster; I'd like to call it a friend. It bursts out as an ugly demented disease of the mind, but then subdues to a calm afterglow, that only makes you realise; you know what, who cares? You're human, and this is totally normal.