A/N: Just another writer coming up with a post-London Calling fic. It's only my second Instant Star fic so try not to be too harsh.
Summary: As I sit in my parked car, tightly gripping the steering wheel, I feel the burning desire to touch her face, her hair. Anything. I need that girl more than she will ever know. Oneshot. JOMMY.
Disclaimer: Pft. Like I would've ended the series with Jude leaving Tommy. -rolls eyes- Oh, and the title is based off of the Beatles song "And I Love Her."
And I Love Her
I can't help it. I can't help the tears from freely falling down my face as I think about her; how she left me.
Sure, I get why she did it. I get why she had to do it alone, but I don't get why she didn't tell me anything, why she had to end what we had in front of thousands of her fans and humiliate me.
As I sit in my parked car, tightly gripping the steering wheel, I feel the burning desire to touch her face, her hair. Anything. I need that girl more than she will ever know.
This must be how she felt every time I left her.
An overwhelming wave of guilt washes over me and my body wracks with loud sobs. It's been six hours since she left and I've been in the same position- sitting in my parked car outside of her home- for the past five.
A soft knock on my window makes me jump and instinctively wipe away my tears with one hand and roll down the window with the other.
"Tommy."
I sigh and look over at Sadie, who is staring at me with concern etched all over her face.
"Tommy, you've been here for over five hours. Maybe you should just-"
"Go home," I finish for her.
I decide to stare down at my steering wheel instead of Sadie, knowing that if she sees my broken demeanor, she'll drag me into that house, wrap me up in a blanket on the couch, and make me some chicken soup. And although that offer wouldn't sound half bad on any other day, I remember that this isn't any other day. It's the day she walked out of my life- possibly forever.
"Yeah," I hear her mumble.
We both stay silent for a moment, unsure of what to say before she says, no louder than a whisper, "She loves you, Tom."
I scoff unconsciously and glance over at her. "She wouldn't have left if she did."
From the corner of my eye, I see Sadie shoot an incredulous look at me. "Are you serious, Tommy? You really think she left because she didn't love you? You think this wasn't hard for her? Leaving behind her family, her friends...you. Tommy, she loves you if you want to admit it or not. You and I both know that." Sadie quickly turned on her heel and walked back into her house.
I leaned back in my seat and closed my eyes. I know I was being unfair. I know she's loved me for the past three years, but I can't help it. I'm so...angry. She just up and left without any sort of explanation. If she loved me, she would have said something...right?
I feel tears pressing at my eyes and I clench my jaw so tightly that I can hear my teeth grinding against each other. I sit like this for a few minutes before opening my eyes and deciding to finally drive home.
As I'm driving, I'm seeing things that remind me of her. A park where I took her one afternoon to escape the stress of G-Major, a bus bench that she stood on to hop on my back one night, the small restaurant where I proposed to her...
I pull up to a stop light and look over at the passenger seat where she's sat so many times before. I turn slightly in my seat and stare at the backseat where we'd done a lot more than just kiss...
I choose to face forward again, desperately searching for a distraction to stop the waterfall of tears I know are bound to come if I continue this train of thought.
I just really did not feel like crying any more. Not for tonight, anyway.
I turn on the radio and pull away from the intersection. I drive on, not really listening to the music filling my car. It is only when I pull my car into the driveway that I realize what is playing.
"Hey Jude, don't make it bad,
Take a sad song and make it bett-"
I quickly shut off the radio, feeling the sting of tears in my eyes at the mention of her name.
I groan before turning off the car and walking up to the front door. I unlock it after fumbling with my keys for a while and step into the dark house. I don't even bother turning on a light. I just want to sit here in the dark. I want to wallow.
Throwing my jacket on the floor, I walk into the living room and launch myself down on the couch.
I close my eyes and hear thunder outside. Soon, a steady shower of rain is falling, smacking rhythmically against the roof. I open my eyes to watch it.
Suddenly, I remember the night of her sixteenth birthday- the night I kissed her.
I've kissed a lot of girls in my life. A lot. But this kiss was possibly the most electrifying kiss I'd ever experienced and it was a kiss from a sixteen year old. And on top of that, I had to break her heart for the second time in one night and tell her to pretend it never happened.
God, I'm an ass.
Who am I kidding? I deserve this. I deserve to be completely alone while the girl I'm in love with is living her dream...without me.
Before I know it, I'm standing outside, my face tilted towards the dark sky, tears and rain rapidly running down my face. I don't think I've ever cried this much in my entire life. Not even when Angie died.
I feel my body trembling and my breath hitching in my throat with all the sobs. My knees buckle under me and I fall to the ground, throwing my face in my hands.
I'm a mess. I'm a fucking mess without her and I have a feeling I'm going to be like this for a while.
She has no idea the hold she has on me...even from halfway around the world. She means the world to me and I'll do anything to make her happy- even if it means letting her go...
The rain turns into a light drizzle, then finally stops.
My shoulders shake as I release a few more sobs. There's no point in wiping away my tears when I'm completely soaked anyway, so I slowly pick myself up off the ground and run a hand through my hair. I turn and walk back into my house and as I turn to close the door, I notice a shadow at the end of my driveway, on the sidewalk, shaking slightly.
Goddamn paparazzi.
I notice the shadow start walking towards me and for whatever reason I don't move. I can't move.
The glow of a streetlight falls onto the stranger's face and I immediately close my eyes.
Great, now I'm imagining things.
Soon enough, she's standing before me, wet, blonde curls plastered to her tear-ridden face. She looks up at me and I can tell she's trying to read my face.
It's blank.
Why get my hopes up when I know that this is all fake? She is not here. She's in London, probably sipping tea with her new producer.
"Tommy," she whispers.
I ignore the shiver that runs up my spine. God, my name has never sounded so good. I don't react at all and I can tell she is disappointed.
All of a sudden, realization flushes over her face and she raises a hand to touch my face.
"You're not here," I mutter.
She cups my cheek in her hand and it tingles beneath her touch.
"You're not here," I repeat, my voice quavering.
She raises her other hand and cups my other cheek, so that my face is delicately cradled in her hands.
We're both crying heavily and all I can do is repeat, "You're not here."
She doesn't say anything, but just stands on her toes and leans up.
Her lips are so close to mine, but I still don't believe that this is real. This is not happening. It can't be.
She's gone.
"You're not-"
She cuts me off by pressing her lips against mine.
Hard.
My hands automatically reach for her waist and I feel her body relax. I run my hands up and down her back, hoping desperately that if I don't let her go, she won't leave. Not again.
She pulls away and looks into my teary eyes.
"Jude," I whisper.
I see a small, sad smile on her lips as she nods.
She's sopping wet from the rain and the tears that are still falling from her eyes, but I don't think I've ever seen her look more beautiful. I lift a hand and lay it on her cheek.
"You came back," I mumble, mostly to convince myself.
She looks up at me seriously and locks her eyes with mine.
"I couldn't do it," she says, her voice cracking. "I couldn't leave you, Tommy."
Tears are cascading down both hers and my cheeks and we simultaneously reach over to wipe away the offending teardrops.
"Are you sure this is what you want?" I ask hesitantly.
There's no doubt in my mind that I want her with me, but I don't want to hold her back from her dream if she's not completely sure that she wants to be with me.
I bite down on my lip nervously because although I know she loves me, I'm scared out of my mind that she'll decide to leave. Again.
She places a gentle kiss on my lips. "I'm positive."
I release a breath I wasn't even aware I was holding. We both smile at each other and I sweep her up into my arms, carrying her into the house.
I know now that she is all I need in this world to be happy and the fact that she came back to me proves that she loves me just as much as I love her.