and so we go circles

by Merkanzee

The next part of my Elejah series. Can be a standalone, but it makes more sense if read after the others. Elijah and Elena come full circle after Elijah learns what he wants to do is sometimes what he should do. Elijah finally grants himself some peace.

AN: I do not own TVD or Elijah and Elena would be together already.

Like the others, it can be read as standalone, but it makes more sense if you've read the others.

Holy frick, you guise. I finally did it. I was able to dish out some Elejah smut. If you don't want to deal with Elejah sexy times, then for you the story ends at "He'd broken his promises to himself just to get a bit of peace with this young woman and he was only better for it." I'm giving you fair warning.

00000

It was five years after he left that Elena had grabbed Elijah and kissed him hard. It was a year after his return that Elena took her hands from his shoulders and wrapped her arms around the back of his neck to brush the back of his head with her fingers. It was after a year of getting to know him again and realizing how naturally they bonded and existed together that Elena pressed into him, desperate for him to respond her to kiss. Six months after realizing that she was in love with him, at a young 23 years of age, Elena wanted Elijah to love her back, deeply and intensely.

Elijah was rigid and unmoving under her caress and was quite unsure of how to react. Elijah wanted to grab her and never let her go. He wanted to ravage her mouth until it was quite covered in his kisses. He wanted to feel her skin on his and know that it was her heat that was filling him. He knew what he wanted to do, but he also knew what he should do.

He stood up slowly, Elena's arms not leaving their place on his neck. As he straightened, he went to take Elena's arms away from his body and didn't miss the fact that he had not pulled his face from hers. Inwardly cursing, he finally stepped back away and tried to gather his restraint. He was so close to just taking her in his arms and kissing her until she couldn't breathe any more.

However, that was something he could not do. He would not allow it.

Elena saw Elijah thinking intensely and didn't know whether to say anything. When she saw pain and confusion flash across his face, she knew he was fighting a battle within himself. She wanted him to let go and just be. Be with her, kiss her, hold her. Anything. But when she saw his face start to go blank, she knew that she was losing him. Elijah frowned at the floor.

She was a young, mortal woman and so human and pure. He was a monster, regardless of what he claimed and did not deserve such heavenly touches. He heard her take a deep breath, but did not look at her. He was trying to focus on being in control. There was no doubt in his mind that Elena was important to him. She was awakening in him the parts that he thought had been long lost.

His humanity, his heart, his own light.

She was too precious to become something tarnished by his vices and he would be damned if he allowed it to happen. She needed to be kept from any more vampires. This was not the life he wanted her to have and that was more important than what he wanted. He looked up at her then and realized that in his deep musings, she had moved close to him again. She looked resolute and didn't tremble.

"Elijah... please. For one moment, get out of your own head."

He looked into her eyes and minutes passed as he just stared. He allowed himself that and tried to figure out what she was doing, what she was trying to accomplish. He knew that she cared for him, but he didn't know if she was doing it for the lack of attention she was getting from the Salvatores.

No, he told himself. She had chosen that.

She wasn't lacking in friendship and was as loved as ever by everyone she befriended.

So, why? Why was she doing this to him? She wouldn't toy with him. She was not Katerina.

Elijah kept gazing into her eyes, feeling the wall around his emotions breaking. He felt the regret, longing, desire and sadness fill his face, but did not stop it. She would get it out of him eventually and he could never lie to her. She always found her way inside of him. He swallowed and lifted both his hands to her face slowly. He took hold of it gently and after a moment, Elena's eyes fluttered shut. She was giving herself over to him.

"Why...?" He felt himself whisper unevenly before he realized that his mouth had opened. Elijah was not shocked by his voice shaking. Her eyes stayed shut and her own voice came out quiet, but strong.

"Because I have to."

He felt his throat catch at his own words used against him and again, his body moved on its own. He brought his forehead to her face while he held it and clenched his teeth. He would not give in. He could not give in. His hands brushed through her hair and he took a deep breath, fighting a terrible battle.

Elena just took in the moment, not knowing when he was going to end it and savored the feel of his hands on her. She raised her own hands and placed them on his chest, feeling his solidity before encircling him in her arms and putting her face against his chest. He dropped his arms around her and held her tightly. She noted sadly that he was starting to shake. Not a lot, but she could feel his turmoil.

He wants so badly to be a good man.

When this thought crossed her mind, Elena looked up at him and saw that his eyes had closed. She took this chance and kissed him again, not letting go of him. He tried to pull away, but this time, she held the back of his head. She took it as a good sign that he wasn't using his strength to get away from her and kissed him as intensely as she could. Elena would kiss him as many times as it took to get him to understand and many times past that, if she could.

When Elijah felt her on his lips again, he tried to pull away, but he felt her hands keeping him in place. She was insistent in her kiss and he felt that she cared for him in the way he had wanted so desperately. No, it was more like he allowed himself to accept it. In the second it took to face up, he decided to allow himself this moment before ruining it.

Elijah finally took her into his arms, trying not to squeeze her too hard and gave in. Elijah met her kiss with his own passion and had to restrain himself from letting out all his want. He kissed her intently, not wanting to separate and when she needed to breathe, he kissed her lids, her cheeks, her chin. He couldn't stop kissing her and he knew it would not be enough now that he's had a taste. He made a noise in the back of his throat, unintentionally, and he felt Elena's smile.

They went on in this manner for a good couple of minutes before Elena's legs weakened and she slumped in his grasp. Elijah held her to him, pressing his face into her shoulder and just inhaled her, wanting to imprint her on his memory. As he felt a swell of emotion take hold of him and want to come out through his eyes, he knew that he had to end it here. He stepped back, swallowed again and looked her dead in the eye.

"My impulses got the better of me. I apologize for-"

"No. You don't get to apologize. Not for this."

She took a step forward, but he took one back. She frowned at him, trying to fend off the feeling of rejection and tried again.

"Elijah. I want this. I want you."

Elijah closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. She was starting to feel fear creep in and tried to keep her voice from raising in pitch. His face was stone and there was nothing in his eyes when he opened them again. He spoke forcedly, trying to end this.

"You are young. You have so much to live for. I have seen life many times over and there is no place in it for the dead."

He turned then, as if he made to leave, like he didn't feel anything for her and she panicked. Briefly, she remembered when he was going to leave the night that Klaus had come to her and recalled her panic then. Like that time, she made to grab his arm, but he stepped out of her reach. He shook his head at her and she felt like suddenly crying.

"Elijah. I need you. I want to be with you. ...I know you care for me too. I've seen it. I felt it, just now."

Elijah seemed to lose some of his confidence and gazed at her honestly with a slighly opened mouth. She was making this more difficult than it needed to be. When he spoke, it was less cold and she wanted so badly to hope.

"I... Elena... You are very important to me. Daresay, my only real friend. But, I... don't deserve you. I've done too many things."

Elena's heart started to break at his words, at the sorrow she felt in him. She had to fight to keep her voice even.

"But, I love you Elijah."

Elijah's eyes widened and he looked to the floor. The silent moment was charged and Elijah felt like he was on fire, he was so hot and he couldn't breathe. She was telling him everything he wanted to say to her. Elena was telling him all he had longed to hear pass her lips. She was everything he's ever wanted. Elijah looked up and into her eyes and Elena was surprised that there was a shimmer to them. His fists clenched at his sides and he spoke brokenly. It was for her own good, he had to be stronger than his desires. He had to be strong for her. He hoped that she could understand that.

"I'm sorry."

Before she could react any further, he was gone, the door open in his wake. Elena was left on shaky legs with burning eyes and the smell of his cologne invading her mind.

00000

Elijah raced away from her apartment, needing some quiet and a snap back to his senses. He ran until he couldn't anymore and when that happened, he continued on. He needed to regain some form of coherent thought. All that was racing through his mind was the pressing need to return to Elena and claim her as his.

You need her! Return to her.

He grit his teeth and ran harder. The city blurred past his vision, then the trees, then a long stretch of road. Elijah soon encountered more trees and he realized that he was heading to Elena's lakehouse. He was going back to the place where she'd killed him herself. Maybe being there would remind him that there was a divide between them. That there should be one.

But was there?, Elijah found he was really asking himself. It didn't feel like there had been one for quite a time. He'd tried to build one up because while he cared for her, nothing could change the fact that he was a vampire and Elena was mortal. Nothing good could come of them being anything more than friends. Elijah had repeated it to himself for so long as a mantra to keep strong on his control.

Elijah saw the house in front of him and stopped when he met the spot where he'd fallen dead. He discerned then that Elena brought things out of him that he fought tooth and nail to keep at bay. He'd fought the urge to be with her for so long, but with one touch from her, he couldn't leave. He'd sworn that he'd never care for another Petrova, but with the light that her eyes had, he was blinded to the past.

Now, after he made himself face the despair of never being with her, Elena had told him that she wanted otherwise and gave him the warmest kisses he'd ever known. Nothing was in his way. There was no one stopping him, no excuse to stand behind. Elijah had told her so much that he was just looking out for her, but as he did so, she was crawling inside of him even more. Elena had carved out a place in his heart and brought back life to the dead instrument.

He needed that life. Elijah craved it. He was addicted. It hurt like hell to have her be as big a part of him as she was, but he found that everything he had cherished was becoming stronger in him, more prevalent. Elena was empowering him with her own compassion and purity and he didn't want to just let it go. Elijah knew he should and his mind screamed at him to do the proper thing.

Do not go to her again. Do not show your face to her. You know it's for the best.

Elijah knew that, but he also knew that Elena cared for him. She needed him. She didn't want someone else. He knew that abandoning her now would only harm her and while it was for the greater good, it was not something that he could do now. He would go back to her and try to talk things over. He didn't think that being together with her in that way was the best for her in the long run, but that was in the future. Not now and he wanted to take each moment with her that he could. Elijah would not leave Elena alone like this, despite what he knew he should do.

What he knew kept on changing anyway and he hoped it would continue to change for the better.

00000

Elijah returned to her later that evening. It was late, around one in the morning, but he needed to see her after settling his thoughts. He moved to her door, silently and carefully, and listened for her. Her heartbeat was even and as he moved closer to her bedroom, he could hear her deep breathing. Despite the fact that she was asleep, he opened her door and went to her side.

Standing by her bed, he gazed down at her sleeping face and felt his earlier grief fill him again. He'd not cried in a very long time, but tonight was proving that he still had the capability to. She did not stir as he stood there and so he kept on watching her. He wanted to take in every bit of her and despite his disgust at what he was stooping to, he could not resist. He never tired of looking at her. She was identical to Tatia and Katerina, but all he ever saw when he looked at her was her smile and her spark, the one that belonged to her alone.

Elena turned in her sleep and he saw dried tear tracks. Closing his eyes, he prayed that she would know how much better off she was without him. But with the way she was, she'd thought long and hard on what she thought she was feeling for him. He still had some doubts, but he didn't doubt that she believed what she felt was love. He wanted her love for him to last as long as possible.

Elijah thought to himself that he could talk to her in the morning and that he still had time to confess himself to her, but he didn't want to leave her like this. She seemed so sad, even in sleep and knowing that she'd cried herself to sleep kept him rooted. He was tired of depriving himself and depriving her as well of any peace and happiness.

Elijah took a step closer to the bed and put his hand on her shoulder lightly. She made a quiet noise and her eyelids fluttered. She turned slowly to face him, almost seeming afraid to see him. When she did see him in front of her, she didn't seem to believe it. He smiled at her, an honestly peaceful smile and his hand retreated back to his side. He whispered to her, voice raw.

"Elena... I have returned."

She jumped up then and tugged at his shirt to bring him to her in an embrace. He immediately wrapped her in his own arms and pressed his face into her neck. She sobbed into him and he hushed her gently. Elijah moved down to sit on her bed, twisted at the waist with his feet on the floor, and she didn't let go for another ten minutes. Eventually, he pulled back and was going to speak to her, to tell her everything in his heart, but stopped. All that was important at the moment was his promise to not leave her.

"Elena... I will not leave you. There are more things that I need to say to you, but they can wait until morning. Until then, I'll not ruin it with words."

Elena wanted to kiss him again, a fierce urge, but she caressed his eyes with her lips gently, then his cheek. He sighed and his fingers dug into her back. Elena pulled him back with her to lay them down. He was on his back and she on her side with his arms around her, strong and protective. He did not want to let go of her and she pressed her face onto his chest at the thought. They held each other all night, never breaking contact.

00000

February turned into March and March turned into April and before she knew it, April was May with Elijah making no attempts to further things with her. He never tried to kiss her or embrace her. He let her set the pace and while she was grateful, she was still frustrated. She knew he cared about her. He came back to her after all. But he never told her that he loved her or that he even cared about her that way and she wanted to hear it from him.

Because she wasn't sure where he stood, she didn't iniate kisses with him. It didn't seem right to kiss him when he didn't seem to want to kiss her. To Elena, it felt like she was a girl with a crush that he allowed to be around him and love him. She could still take his arm or give him quick hugs, but he never wanted anything more. He was always a gentleman with her and she couldn't tell if he wanted more and held back or just didn't want to kiss her.

Elena still had him stay over frequently and she found that she slept more soundly when he was sharing her bed with her. It seemed to be the only thing she could do to get more time with him. He would never refuse her. He would just silently follow her and embrace her as she dozed off. He would brush his fingers through her hair, which lulled her to sleep and she always felt so warm and safe. However, every morning that she awoke, she woke up alone.

She wanted more. She wanted to be able to kiss him or hug him or just tell him how she felt when she felt the urge to. She was tired of missing him when he was there with her. As the days passed and she came to rely on his presence at night, she knew that she had to get him to open up to her. Elena wasn't going to back down or be afraid now. When he came to take her on another of their trips, she made it her mission to get something out of him before they returned.

She had been in the restroom of a restaurant in North Carolina when she was jumped by none other than a vampire. She would have found it hilarious if not for the fact that she had not had to deal with this for some time. The male vamp had her pressed against a stall wall and she clenched her eyes shut, trying to think of a way to escape. Her head was spinning, which was to be expected considering it had been smacked against the wall in the vampire's haste.

Before she acted though, the pressure on her back was gone and she heard a sickening ripping sound. Turning, she saw that Elijah had pulled the attacking vampire's head clean off and she swallowed back her surprise and bile. He didn't look at her as he gathered the body, probably to dispose of it, and she shakily thanked him. Elijah was back in a few moments, hands clean, and looked at her to see if she was okay. Her hearbeat was uneven and he smelled her blood. Elena saw his concern and smiled a playful grin. She wanted to joke about him being in the lady's room, but then her vision blurred and she collapsed.

Elijah caught her before she hit the floor and sank to his knees with her in his arms. She was barely lucid, mumbling and there was a bit of blood on the back of her head. Gathering her up, he moved outside and into the car to get her somewhere more comfortable. Setting her up gently, he quickly got in on the other side and turned to her. She was looking around slowly and groggily and he started to worry despite himself. He hoped she would not hate him for this and bit into his forearm before setting it to her lips.

She moaned and moved back to get away while raising her hands to his arm, but there was only the seat behind her. He kept his arm up even though she was protesting so she would swallow. When he saw that she did, he pulled back and she rested her already healing head against the rest. She whimpered with pain, but felt it leave her body. When she was back to normal, she turned to him.

"Thank you... I'm sorry. For a moment, you reminded me of..."

"Damon. I understand. But I would never do that to you. I know you do not want to turn. I just didn't want to lose you yet. Not this way."

Elena nodded at him and chose to ignore the cut to her heart that he was still going to let her go some day. She reached to cover his hand with hers, intent on keeping him with her for as long as she could. In the moment that she looked at him openly, she again faced the thought that she was seriously considering turning for him and that he wouldn't want that for her, nor would he ever need her so much that he'd give her his blood.

"I know."

The rest of the car ride back to their hotel was in silence with Elijah thinking over again and again that he wanted to protect her forever and Elena intently focused on the knowledge that her forever would end too soon.

00000

By the time that they had returned to the hotel and Elijah had shown Elena to her room adjoining his, Elena was empty with disappointment. She wanted to not have this cloud hanging over her whenever she was happy. When she turned to open her door, she breathed in heavily. Turning her head to look at him, she stared at him and hoped he could read her expression.

He seemed to gather some of what she was feeling and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. She closed her eyes, needing his strength and stated simply,

"Elijah... please stay with me."

He gazed at her for a moment, thinking and then nodded slowly.

"If that is what you want."

Elena opened the door and walked over to her bed, Elijah behind her. She took off her coat and shoes and he sat on a chair across from her bed. As he sat there, she got straight to the point because she couldn't wait anymore. She'd waited almost a year to ask him what she wanted to ask him.

"Elijah. What is all this to you? What do I mean to you?"

His head cocked a little, but he didn't say anything. He seemed to be sending her some kind of message, but she wanted to hear it from him.

"I need to hear you tell me the truth. Because I feel like a stupid kid being with you when you don't seem to want me at all."

Elijah leaned forward then and stood up to sit by her side on the bed. Elijah didn't hesitate to take her hand and looked at her squarely.

"Elena, you should know that I care for you very deeply. More than anyone else, save for my family. You are very important to me and you have made me into a better person."

Elena brought his hand to her face then and closed her eyes to burn his touch to memory.

"So, I'm your friend then. But I love you. You know that and you still let things go on this way. Do you think that you could ever maybe love me back?"

He took his hands from her grasp and took her face in his hands, rubbing his thumbs at the corners of her eyes.

"I think that it would be best if you didn't care for me in the way you think you do and turned your heart to someone more deserving and mortal."

His voice wasn't cold, but it lacked its usual gentle tone and Elena had to fight to keep the tears at bay. He didn't say no to the possibilty, but it didn't matter because he didn't want to be with her. He still thought himself no good for her. Elijah didn't realize that everytime he touched her, she ached to have him never let go. He didn't know that everytime he held her as she fell into sleep, she just wanted to say his name over and over. She wanted to belong to him, because in their own way, they were equal partners that still needed each other terribly. She's longed for this kind of balance and trust.

Elena pulled away from him and rested on her back on the bed. She kept her eyes closed tight and she felt him shift in front of her.

"Should I go?"

She shook her head and reached her hand out, which he took almost immediately. Pulling him down, she clung to him and tried to keep one thought in her head: he was there with her now and that was all that mattered. Whether it was her depression or exhaustion, Elena was asleep quickly, but he did not leave her like usual. She had asked him to stay and he would. As she slumbered, he kissed the top of her head, her forehead, her eyelids slowly, not wanting to wake her. He held her tightly and ran his fingers over her arms, punctuating his quiet confession with kisses.

"Elena, you are so young and just coming into your own. You have so much of your life left. Despite my wanting to protect you, I don't want to leave you. I can't seem to stop coming to you. I want to be with you and support you in any way I can.

You have a hold on me, more powerful than anything else. You don't realize how badly I want to be with you and keep you with me forever. I want nothing less than to have you be mine and to share our lives together. But I would not wish this curse on you and if I allowed myself to indulge in my greatest desire, you would spend your life with death, never experiencing the true beauty of life. The time we would have together is nothing compared to my years, but that's your whole life.

...I love you Elena, more terribly and fiercely than I have ever known with anyone else. I love you so much, but we can not make the long haul and it's in your best interest that we do not try."

His hold on her had grown during his honest and heartfelt confession to where Elena was practically lying on top of him. Her arms tightened around him and he felt his shirt become wet on his chest. She had awoken and heard him.

"I don't care about all that. I just want to be with you. For as long as I can. Please. Just be with me. If you love me as much as I love you, then just allow us this. Allow me the chance to be happy. It's my choice what I want and what I want is you. I don't want children and memories if they don't have you in them."

She was crying now, but her voice was strong. She looked at him sharply and he knew in that instant that she would consider turning for him. It was in the way she was throwing away the chance to marry, to have children and live to a ripe old age. He wanted to be angry at her for that, but all he felt was sadness. He did not want her to become a beast, a killer and he knew she would destroy herself with guilt if she ever hurt anyone.

Elijah kept his hold on her as she looked at him. There was nothing he could say that she didn't already know. She would decide her own fate and find a way if she was intent enough. He would not just let her become a vampire, not yet, and if she did, he would be there. He would keep her from hurting anyone, from hurting herself and he would never let her go. They would have an eternity together and he wouldn't miss a single moment with her. He didn't want to think on a maybe future any longer and so just kissed her tenderly, which turned into a bruising, rough kiss.

It was over five years ago that Elijah had left, swearing to never return. It was a over a year ago that he had returned to her, unable to stand the hole inside himself any longer. Elijah had swore that he would leave after saying goodbye, but he'd only said goodbye to his desire to ever be away from her again. He'd broken his promises to himself just to get a bit of peace with this young woman and he was only better for it. It was after everything they'd been through together and grown to be that they were finally together forever, their love to never be broken.

00000

With all these thoughts in mind, he held her against him and she molded against his body, his missing piece. When she started to unbutton his shirt, he let her and relished when her palms made contact against his flesh. She ignited something in his dead heart and Elijah felt an electricity building up inside him. Elena didn't stop touching him, not until she whipped his shirt behind her and took off her own shirt quickly. His mind snapped back into attention and he gently grabbed her wrists.

"Are you sure this is what-"

She kissed him then, fingers running over every inch of his exposed skin and spoke against his lips.

"Yes, I want this. I want you."

The next thing that came off was Elena's skirt, slid off quickly and in the next moment, his own black slacks were gone as well. He was not nervous, but he suddenly was afraid that he would not please her, he would do something to drive her away. He didn't know why he suddenly felt so human, so insecure, but she kissed him again and dug her fingers into his back and he decided to go with what he felt instead of his thoughts.

Elena was on her back now, Elijah above her, and time seemed to freeze as he listened to her racing heart. He felt another kind of hunger come up him and resisted. There was no way he would bite her. He would not taste her blood. Instead, he leaned down to her neck and kissed and nibbled it with dulled teeth, wanting to leave his mark. He wanted her to feel the love he felt for her, not the brutality of a monster.

She kept clawing at his back and rubbing her hips against his. Elijah grit his teeth and quickly removed the rest of her clothes, eager to taste every bit of her. As he licked and bit his way up her thigh and stomach and inhaled every thing that was her, she moaned and grabbed his hair. He crawled back up to her again and she took the chance to remove his boxers to fling them aside.

She grabbed at him eagerly and he dropped his head onto her chest. He bit his lip, fighting the urge to moan and take her right then and there and bite her and she whispered into his ear, silkily.

"Don't hold back."

Maybe the day would come that he would taste her blood, but for tonight he just wanted her to feel love.

He gulped and raised his head again to lavish attention onto her chest. His fingers splayed against her her sides and she wiggled underneath him, wanting to feel as much of him as she could and not let go. He groaned at their friction and when she did it again, he placed his hands over her breasts and squeezed gently. He rubbed his rougher hands over her sensitized skin and let out another guttural moan when her hands moved over his rigid length. When she moaned loudly, she finally moved her hands to get him inside her. His head jerked up and he searched her eyes again, looking for a refusal or fear. Instead, he just saw excitement and lust.

With her hands on him, he moved down and against her. Her hands went to around his back and dug into his skin. He gritted his teeth again, feeling her there, and slowly moved forward. She inhaled and held her breath, her breasts raising with the motion and he kissed both of them as he moved forward, inch by slow inch. Elena only sighed as he filled her and a sense of being complete washed over her. She's never felt this way before and she knows already that she's going to want this feeling again.

When he's in as far as he can go, he only waits a moment before picking up a rhythm. Now that he's come this far, he's in the moment and doesn't want to stop. So he doesn't. He picks up faster and faster at her cries and when they only grow louder, he is filled with happiness at hearing her voice raise to that pitch. She repeats his name over and over and he moves now just to keep hearing her say it. Her legs were bent at the knees, but now she wraps them around him, trying to get him as deep as possible.

She wants him to take everything she has and she wants all he has to give. He feels the same, trying to get as close to her as possible, wanting to be completely inside of her. Elijah feels her start to shake and tremble and continues on mercilessly. He's going to get her over that edge before himself. With almost violent strokes, he claims her and marks her body with his touch, his scent, his desperation. She gives herself over to him, falling apart underneath him and becoming boneless and breathless.

Elena screams his name into his shoulder and her nails have made their mark on his back as she rides her high. Elijah feels her clenching around him, he can not hold on anymore, and gives of himself as well. His arms are weak, but he stays above her to avoid crushing her. He feels everything center in on the way her heart is beating fast, how hot her flesh is, how complete and fufilled he feels being here with her right now.

He stares at her closed eyes, then her rapidly moving chest, then where they are still joined and still feels the desire he has for her inside his heart. He's not tired of her, he's never been tired by her, and he knows he never will be. He collapses on the bed next to her and she weakly drags herself to his side to hold him to her. Elena wraps her arms around his head and pulls him over her heart.

They lay like that, Elijah feeling his love and lust for her only becoming more encompassing, while Elena struggles to stay awake and keep him as close as possible. He has his arms around her, hands on her back and feels words coming out of him. He resists, that irrational fear coming back to him, but then Elena rubs her hands over his face and he loses control over his mouth.

"I... love you so much, Elena. I need you so much. I love you." He keeps repeating the same sentence and it feels like he's finally getting out the words he's held back over many months. Everytime he'd denied them, they'd waited and were now coming out with full force. He feels something warm hit his eyes and he shuts them tightly.

"And I... love you... Elijah."

Her hold on him tightened with her fingers running along his back, but as he feels her heartbeat even out, he knows she's falling asleep. He let her and for the first time since he started sleeping with her, he allows hmself to sleep as well. Elijah has hopes that this would be in their future. Spending their days together and falling asleep together. He wants this moment, every day, forever. For as long as she was alive, he would be there with her and never let go. She was his light, his humanity and his love.