Author's Note: This is my thirty fifth episode of Epic Rap Battles Of History. This episode, Deathstroke Vs. Deadpool. Expect a lot of fourth wall breaking here! I don't own the characters in the rap battle or the ERBOH series themselves.
And I know it's been a while since my last story and I apologise for it. The reason I've been gone is because something went wrong with my computer which resulted in me getting a Blue Screen of Death every time I try to turn it on.
So, what I've done is replaced it with an old computer I had. Even though I could work on a desktop once again, I couldn't connect to the internet with my wireless router. So, I had to go through the wireless connection process all over again.
Once again, I apologise for the delay.
But let's get started regardless!
Oh! And before I forget, pay attention to characters being mentioned. There are a few hints at who else will be appearing in future rap battles.
Beat: Anno Domini Beats - Infantries (Epic Orchestral Beat) (/watch?v=aJcPbpJJ7iU)
Epic Rap Battles of History!
Deathstroke…..
Vs.
Deadpool
Begin!
(Deathstroke)
Deadpool? Nobody said I was battle rapping a clone.
Wade Wilson couldn't make a good character on his own!
You're a wannabe version of me, so I'll just be brief.
I'm DC's ultimate assassin, you're just Marvel's comic relief.
Rob Liefeld says that you parody me? Oh how groovy(!)
You didn't even have your suit in that X Men Origins movie.
Face it Deadpool, I'll just never be unmitigated
When this is over, guarantee you'll be Killustrated!
(Deadpool)
Hi there, old schmuck! Wow, you're looking tense!
I'll kick you outta here, before your next sentence!
Yeah, you were the original, but I gave you my style!
Without me, the Wilson name would rot in a corpse pile!
I'mma pumpin' ma shotguns, as I'm shutting you up!
Then I'm huggin' X-babes and Raven, after your breakup!
Now, I got a movie and a game, what can I ask for more?!
The last game you were present in, was a total giant bore!
(Deadpool loads a gun as he says the last line. After stating this, he shoots Deathstroke multiple times in the chest as the beat stops abruptly. Afterwards, the latter collapses, presumed dead.)
"Well, that was easy."
(Deadpool then walks off screen as police officers and military soldiers arrive. After a few seconds, he glances back into frame.) "Seriously, say it. The rap battle's over."
Who Won?
Who's Next?
You Deci-!
(Deathstroke suddenly pops up and punches the text away with a cartoony punch sound effect. As Deathstroke raps, he kills the police and army around him, in vain of the Clint Eastwood Vs. Bruce Lee rap battle.)
(Deathstroke)
Don't assume that shooting me will result in me backing down!
Face it, it's DC Universe that'll take this rap battle's crown.
As mentioned before, you're a copycat. A fact people can't refuse.
And Arkham Origin's a good game! Have you read the reviews?
Sure, you have the Deadpool Corps, but that alone's a disgrace.
And also, your miniseries suck! Don't even mention Circle Chase!
You killed Marvel, Great Works and yourself so you can slack around.
Last but not least, you wasted your budget on your flashy background!
(Deadpool)
"Oh yeah? Well, you're a-."
(The beat suddenly stops and the background goes black.)
"What the-?"
(Deathstroke)
"See what I mean? Ya blew your budget."
(Deadpool takes out his cell phone and dials Peter Della Penna.)
(Peter)
(Through phone) "Hello?"
(Deadpool)
"Peter! Hey, how are ya? Look, I need an explanation. See, I was working with Dead Bloke here…."
(Deathstroke)
"Hey!"
(Deadpool)
"And just as I was about to give my super awesome verse, my background goes black and the beat's stopped. What the hell's going on?"
(Peter sighs.)
(Peter)
"Deadpool, Deathstroke's already told you. You wasted the budget on your background. Everything needs a budget to be made Deadpool!"
(Deadpool)
"A budget? Come on Peter, ya know KJ does these rap battles for non-profit purposes. We both know he's just doin' the rap battles so he can leech off Nice Peter's series."
(Cut to KJMusical, represented as a man wearing a black jacket, blue jeans, black and white boots, a red scarf and a gas mask, sitting at his computer. He turns to face the viewer and speaks through his gas mask in a posh British accent.)
(KJMusical)
"Hey! I don't make the series to leech off Nice Peter okay! I'm not EpicRapBattles10! Besides, the series helps with my personal rhyming abilities too."
(He turns back to his computer. Cut back to Deathstroke and Deadpool.)
(Deadpool)
"Besides, nowadays he's workin' with this 'writer of chaos' person. Not to mention, his series gets a lot of positive feedback from others. In fact, all his work gets positive feedback, especially his productions of 'Te Amo, Rainbow Dash' and 'The Reaper'!"
(Cut to Laughing Jack, Lucario (from Pokemon), Italy (from Hetalia) and Pinkie Pie sitting down at computers, presumably writing the reviews. Deadpool is standing behind them, watching them all. Laughing Jack looks bored, his cheek resting on his knuckles, Italy looks tired as he struggles to keep his eyes open and Lucario looks stressed out, but Pinkie Pie still has a smile on her face, despite bags growing under her eyes.)
(Pinkie Pie)
"81, 82, 83, 84, 85…"
(Continues counting over dialogue.)
(Deadpool)
"Good work guys! Once we get to a million views on KJMusical's stories, you'll be getting paid high amounts of money for sure!"
(Laughing Jack)
"Mr. Deadpool, we've been doing this for nearly 2 days. Can't you send us home and have someone else do this for you?"
(Lucario)
"Besides, you said you'll pay us once we hit 500 views! When exactly are we getting paid?! Also, I'm tired of listening to Pinkie Pie count the views she's giving!"
(Pinkie Pie is still counting up her views. Italy slumps and slams his face into his keyboard in exhaustion. Cut back to Deadpool and Deathstroke.)
(Deadpool)
"So cough up more dough!"
(The background comes back to life as well as the beat. Ninjas also try to attack Deadpool, but he kills them as he raps.)
Where was I? Oh yes, right about to kick you in the nuts!
If you come and try defeat me here, I'll make you suffer some cuts!
I killed Marvel, the Ideaverse, plus an army of myself!
You couldn't even man up to kill a boyscout yourself!
I mean Jesus Christ, Slade! Even Robin kicked you out of breath!
And with that name, heh what do you do? Stroke me to Death?!
Arkham was "kinda good", but MK vs. DC sent your career south!
This is my final lesson Slade! Don't mess with the Merc with Tha Mouth!
Who Won?
Who's Next?
You Deci-!
(Deathstroke)
"Hey, I'm not done!"
(The beat stops as KJMusical walks in.)
(KJMusical)
"Not done? What do ya mean not done? You both have done your 2 verses, the episode is over."
(Deathstroke)
"Not this episode. I have more rhymes to make."
(KJMusical)
"It's too late Deathstroke. This rap battle's over."
(Deathstroke takes out a small wad of cash.)
(Deathstroke)
"Really, 'cause Mr. £50 here says differently."
(KJMusical takes the money.)
(KJMusical)
"Fine, but make it quick!"
(Deadpool)
"What?!"
(A light yellow text box appears as Deadpool's brain speaks.)
(Deadpool's Brain) "Pounds?! But we're American! Deathstroke shouldn't carry pounds with him, he should carry dollars."
(A dark red second text box appears.)
"You're forgetting that KJMusical is British, not American."
(The yellow text box appears again.)
"What? KJ's not American? How come we never hear about any British rappers in the US?"
(KJMusical)
"Maybe if America spends less time listening to Lil Wayne, Drake, Nicki Minaj, 2 Chainz and others like them, you'd have heard of people like Hyperaptive, Plan B, Professor Green, Example, etcetera."
(Deathstroke)
"Okay! Can I do my verse now? Bring back the beat!"
(The beat starts back up)
When I rip lyrics on a beat, people call me Jeffrey Dahmer.
You got cancer from your mother? I call that Karma.
You break the fourth wall a lot, you think that makes you bad?
I bet those assassin tricks were originally from your military dad!
You're the 'Merc With Tha Mouth?' That should another strain,
You stole it from Spiderman before you blew out his brain!
When your body got scarred, they should've left you for dead
So, go to Arkham Asylum and talk to the voices in your head!
(Deadpool)
"How come Deathstroke gets another verse and I don't?"
(Writer of Chaos walks in, having the same appearance of the announcer from Episode 34.)
(Writer)
"Yeah, how is that fair?"
(KJMusical sighs.)
(KJMusical)
"Fine. Be quick though Deadpool."
(Deadpool)
"Cool!"
(He clears his throat and applies his 'Eminem' costume from the pool party in his game.)
That's your best shot, dissing out mah family?!
You didn't even have a chance, with Raven, Gee!
You think I'm lying? You're junk, while I killed the gods!
That's why I'm Deadpool, cause I've beaten the odds!
I'll break you, then the fourth wall, then throw you out the hole!
Then after you're gone, I'll show DC some rock'n roll!
This is the end, senor Scarface! I'll send you back to junior school!
I even beat your stupid ass in Batman vs. Deadpool!
Who Won?
Who's Next?
You Decide!
(Deadpool can still be heard rapping, though unintelligible.)
(KJMusical)
"Hey Deadpool? You can stop rapping now, the battle's over."
(Deadpool is still rapping.)
(Writer)
"Deadpool! You can shut up now."
(Deadpool is STILL rapping.)
(Deathstroke)
"Uh Deadpool…?"
(KJMusical)
"Screw this, stop the beat."
(The beat stops, but Deadpool is still rapping, though still unintelligible.)
(Writer)
"Oh come on! He won't stop even if the beat has."
(KJMusical sighs.)
(KJMusical)
"Guys, just leave him. Okay everyone, just ignore Deadpool, he's being a show-off. There's a Christmas party at the KJMusical ERBOH stadium if anybody wants to go."
(Writer)
"Nice. I'll go with you."
(Deathstroke)
"Yeah. That sounds nice."
(Characters off screen can be heard agreeing.)
(KJMusical)
"Okay, you can all come. Let's go."
(Deathstroke, KJMusical & Writer walk off the set. Characters from previous rap battles (including some not seen before) leave the studio, talking to one another about the party, as Deadpool can be heard still rapping, although a lot clearer. Among the people that walk past to leave the studio are Edward Richtofen (from COD: Zombies), Rainbow Dash, Tails Doll, Dr. Doom, Britain (from Hetalia), Marceline (from Adventure Time), Flippy (from Happy Tree Friends), Rorschach (from Watchmen), Kitty Katswell (from T.U.F.F. Puppy), Lord Tourettes (from Dick Figures) and Horatio Caine (from CSI: Miami). When he stops, a door can be heard slamming.)
(Deadpool)
Oh, no one's stopping me now, I'm too hyped up!
You're going down, Mr. Slade, way down, oh yup!
You've got tons of forms, like I do, but you're all the same!
Even the great DC comics cannot make you more lame!
I mean, you sick copycat, you even ripped off me!
But I am that pure genius you will never ever see!
Now, all readers, look here, cause this guy's a sad s[*beep*]t!
He makes some badass speeches, but he can't take a hit!
I mean, you're like Vader, no, you've not achieved such greatness!
But both of you failed pretty hard at running the family business!
(Deadpool stops rapping after this, posing whilst breathing heavily. He then looks around the empty studio as crickets can be heard.)
"Hey. Hello? Is anyone else here? Where's the beat? Hey Vinyl Scratch! Did your little turn table thing break again?"
(Silence. He sighs.)
"Why does everyone leave me behind? Seriously. I mean, I know Christmas is just around the corner, but it's not like KJ has anything planned this year. No rap battles, no stories, nothing."
(He looks around the empty studio once again.)
"I wonder if Taskmaster's doin' anything back at the Marvel Universe. Hope they're not all mad at me for killing 'em all."
(Deadpool walks out the shot to leave the studio, whistling the hook to Berzerk by Eminem. A door can be heard opening and then closing before the screen fades to black.)
Cast:
Deathstroke: KJMusical
Deadpool: writer of chaos