He was certain the pain couldn't get any worse, he didn't think it was possible...but it did.
As the realization of what happened sank in the pain worsened ten fold. It became unbearable, he'd never known a feeling like it.
It started as a dull ache in the centre of his chest radiating out to the rest of his body, crippling, gut wrenching emotions that threatened to swallow him whole.
He felt helpless, lost, there's was nothing he could do, there was no way to make this right no matter how hard he fought or how far down he buried himself. It consumed him.
He was angry at how unjust it was...for the the world to be so cruel...to take such a unique and caring woman that did so much good, to leave the inconsiderate piece of scum that ran her off the road unscathed.
He wanted justice for the mother and daughter that so many people were going to miss, for all the people that will never be touched by their actions, their kindness and loyalty.
He wanted revenge for the family that was taken from him, for the bright future he'd imagined that now looked so bleak and daunting.
They were going to be happy.
Grace had accepted them and they were going to be happy together, the three of them.
They were.
But not anymore.
'They'll be an investigation' someone told him. Like it would make everything better...but how could it, when the only woman he'd ever loved was gone, his future was gone. His heart...gone.
Now here he was two weeks on and expected to just get back to work, in her department. It will always be her department.
Nobody else could ever truly belong in that office, nobody can command and lead like her.
Nobody would ever fill her shoes.
He would work, do his job but never with the passion he once had, that was gone.
If it wasn't enough to take his world, now he'd had his soul destroyed too, shattered into a million tiny fragments. Nobody will ever be able to put the light back in his eyes or the spring back in his step, especially not now.
Nobody.
Balling up the piece of paper in his hands Jacob lashed out. Driving his fists into the locker over and over again.
His anger raging inside.
His knuckles splitting under the beating, blood smeared across the metal surface as it bent out of shape.
And still Jacob didn't stop.
He wanted to feel a different kind of pain, a physical pain that could be treated and would lessen in time.
"JACOB!" Came a desperate voice behind him.
Charlie reached down for the discarded form on the floor. "What are you doing with this?" He asked after reading the header.
"I needed to know..." came Jacob's mumbled answer. "...I know I shouldn't have...but I wanted to know they didn't suffer."
Charlie saddened, he felt for him, this grief stricken man in front of him. "These autopsy results...there not for your eyes Jacob...you shouldn't-" "Just read it!" Ordered Jacob, willing the older man to understand.
Charlie looked down, his stomach turning as he read through the list of broken bones and internal injuries but it was when he reached the bottom of the page, that really got to him. What he read tore at his heart.
Charlie's head snapped up, unshed tears in his eyes. "Jacob...I'm so sorry." There was no words he could say, nothing that would be any comfort. So placing a gentle hand on his shoulder Charlie let Jacob cry his tears and sat with him as he sank to the floor.
"She was pregnant Charlie..." Croaked Jacob. "...We were going to be a proper family...four of us...I was going to be a dad..." his voice barely a whisper. "...we would have been happy!"
They should have been happy.
But not any more.
The End...