'Sweetheart?' Patrick looked down at his wife who was curled up in his arms nursing her minor hangover.

'Yes?'

'You know you said that you were lonely and bored last night? Why didn't you go to Nonnatus House? They'd have been happy to see you I'm sure.' He said as he stroked her hair, gently pushing an errant lock back behind her ear.

'Sister Julienne was out at the birth with you and the nurses were going out dancing for Trixies birthday. Sister Evangelina is still a bit sensitive about me and our situation, even after our heart to heart. She still isn't quite comfortable around me. I think it still hurts her that I left them all and the Order for the love of a man. She can't quite understand how all encompassingly happy our love makes me. How happy you make me. I barely know Sister Winifred and, as much as I love her, Sister Monica Joan isn't good for extended conversation.'

'You should have joined the nurses then.'

'They didn't ask me. It would've been rude to just invite myself along.' Shelagh shrugged snuggling further into his embrace.

'They wouldn't have minded. I'm sure it just slipped their minds.'

'Like it did when they went to the theatre for Chummy's birthday? They received the tickets less than 10 seconds after they finished talking to me, and they talked to me about how they were going and were thinking of asking Alec seeing as they had a spare ticket even if it wasn't exactly his sort of thing. And I mentioned in passing that I quite wanted to see it someday-thank you for taking me last month by the way darling. Or when they went out on a picnic in the park for Cynthias birthday, again discussing their plans with me beforehand. No Patrick, the nurses do not want to socialise with me. It's fine, really it is. I've accepted this fact. I have all I need in you and our son.' She smiled tightly unaware of the slight tears that had formed in her eyes.

'It's not fine sweetheart.'

'Yes it is. I understand why they're like that. For most of the time they've known me I was a nun. A nun! They weren't able to be true friends with me or invite me along to social occasions. And then when I left I stopped talking to them. I may have stopped being Sister Bernadette but it must be hard to stop seeing me as her. I'm sure you must struggle sometimes, I know I find it very surreal sometimes.' She admitted chuckling. Even know, after months of being married and over half a year of being with Patrick, of being Shelagh, she still awoke some days confused as to where she was and terrified that the last 6 months had all been some wonderful dream and she was still alone and tormented in the sanatorium. Though ecstatic once she rolled over to see the dishevelled form of her beloved husbands face laying on the pillow beside her the surrealism of the situation still hit her. Wonderful surrealism though.

'So yes perhaps they still see you as sister Bernadette sometimes but you look so different now that I'm sure they see you as Shelagh most of the time.'

'Oh I don't know anymore. Can we talk about something else? Or preferably do no talking at all. I have such delightful plans for your mouth.' She grinned as she suddenly threw her leg over his lap to straddle him. She leant forwards and captured his mouth in a deep kiss.

'Shelagh please. It breaks my heart to know you think like this.' Patrick reluctantly broke off the kiss and rested his forehead against hers, sighing deeply.

'Patrick please don't work yourself up over this. It's just the way it is. I deserve this after I walked away from them after I left the Order.'

'Shelagh. Oh my darling wife if you ever say something so stupid again I shall be very disappointed. Listen to me my love. They don't hold that against you. They love you. I'm sure there is a perfectly rational, logical, acceptable explanation for what's gone on.'

'Patrick please don't worry so. It's like pre-Christmas again.'

'I was right then wasn't i?'

'Admittedly yes.' She frowned,

'Will you please talk to them about it?'

'Patrick.'

'Shelagh!'

'Okay fine.' She said half heartedly. She jumped off his lap and began to pace. 'What am I even supposed to say to them? Hello ladies I used to live with before I turned my back on you all because I thought you couldn't accept me. Why won't you invite me to have fun with you? Why do you exclude me from being good friends with you? Do you have any idea what it is like hearing you make plans or discuss last night's fun knowing that it was easily in your power to invite me along but didn't.' Shelagh's voice faltered as a sob caught in her throat. 'I see you giggling with each other and it's my greatest wish to join you but I can't because I'm still not comfortable in accepting what I want let alone asking for it so you have to read my mind when I'm silently falling apart inside in front of you because my heart is breaking into a thousand pieces because it hurts so much being left out. Long before I fell in love with Patrick and wanted to be with him I wanted to be able to join in your fun. I wanted to wear pretty dresses and make up and have my hair styled by Trixie's skilled hands. I wanted to join in with the late night, supposedly secret, drinking, the planning and plotting, the joking. I would walk past your room and ache to laugh with you all. But I couldn't because I was a nun. But I'm not a nun now and I want to be frivolous with you. I find it so hard to ask for what I want because it feels so unnatural to allow myself to want anything to the extent that my own husband despairs of me because I can't even ask him for a simple cigarette. Its so stupid. I struggle to ask for a cigarette yet I tried to seduce you last night. Perhaps it was just the alcohol.' Shelagh sobbed collapsing to the ground. Patrick dove up and caught her mid-fall, pulling her into his lap as he settled himself on the floor against the sofa as she buried her face into his shirt. He stoked her back softly and dropped a kiss to her hair. Eventually her cries subsided to sniffles and Patrick raised her face to his.

'There you needed to get that all out didn't you?' She nodded. 'Listen. I don't despair of you love. I just want to you to be happy and comfortable in this marriage. I want you to realise and accept that you deserve all of the things you want and more. That it's okay to want them. Besides, you look extremely sexy whilst you're smoking. And I was so proud when you tried to seduce me last night. And this morning.'

'Pride was not what I was hoping to evoke.' She giggled sitting up straight.

'Pride and lust for my gorgeous wife.'

'Better.' She swung around so her legs were once more wrapped around his waist. 'Thank you Patrick. For catching me when I fell.'

'I will always catch you sweetheart. Oh my darling Shelagh, why didn't you tell me you felt this way about the nurses?' He asked tentatively.

'It's just me being silly. I'm just a bit emotional right now. I'm probably still tipsy from last night.'

'No it's not that. You've been struggling with for a while. I can see that now. I'm so sorry I let you struggle alone.' His eyes fluttered shut as the extent of his wife's anguish hit him. They flew open again as he felt his wife's soft thumb brush against his lip.

'I'm never alone. I'm married to you.' She beamed

'And I am so glad you are. But you need your friends too, your family. Tim and I will always be there for you but you need the girls. There's nothing wrong with that. You live in an otherwise entirely male household after a decade of just women. You're bound to miss it.'

'I know. I just don't know how to speak to them about it.' She sighed falling forwards to rest her cheek on his shoulder.

'Do you...would you like me to speak to them for you?'

'And say what exactly? You upset my wife and she got drunk and dressed up as a superhero.' They chuckled.

'No but can I please be there if you ever do tell them about it.'

'I'll try my best dear. No Patrick this needs to come from me if I do talk to them. Thank you for the offer though...I love you.'

'I love you too. So very much. Even when you're drunk and dressed as a superhero. I especially loved your attire or lack thereof. Have I ever told you how much I love your legs? Your years of cycling have made them rather spectacular.' He ran his fingers up and down the limbs in question.

'Is that your medical opinion? Spectacular?' She asked straight faced as his fingers crept under the hem of her bunched up dress.

'Yes.'

'Oh good.' She sighed. 'I really do need to talk to the nurses don't i?'

'It'll be better in the long run.'

'Yippee.'

'You'll do fine. And I'm here for you every second. We'll find a way to sort this.' He promised.

'Thank you. You're a very wonderful man.'

'I know I am. And you, my beloved wife, are a very wonderful woman. You know,' He grinned suddenly, seemingly as the idea had struck him that minute and not his dreams several months previous 'if you get lonely in the evenings and I'm at the office you can always pop in. There's usually nobody else there. I'm sure I can find a way to keep you entertained.' He wiggled his eyebrows at her.

'Patrick!' She giggled. 'I had no idea when I married you that you would be such a bad influence on me. Quite the wicked streak you have'

'Until I married the most delectable former nun in the world I didn't have a wicked side. It wasn't until you that I realised how many places I would want to make love to someone.'

'I'm open to suggestions doctor.' She threw herself backwards so her back was on the floor with him towering over her. Yes...suggestions would be very happily welcomed.

Part 1 of probably 2 :)

Reviews appreciated xxx