Love Heals
JAG
Mac/Harm Shipper
Disclaimer: I don't own em'. I am just a broke ass college student with an iPod, an imagination, and the inability to realize that JAG isn't coming back anytime soon.
Summary: Inspired by the Jonathon Larson song "Love Heals"…. doesn't really follow an existing story line…. eh …read and review, my friends.
I want to thank my Betas…you guys were a great help…DJEGirl, Ren, and Peggy, Thanks again!
Love Heals: Midnight Air
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, VA
Thursday, February 13th
1730 hrs
"You can't be serious?!"
I give him a look of total and utter disbelief. He can't be serious. I can't believe he would even consider asking me to do this! I can't believe he accepted the invitation to this …this…. this whatever the hell you want to call it!
"I am serious. I know it's out of the blue and you might find it odd that I am even asking you to attend a party that is being thrown by one of my exes. Let's ignore the fact that it's a Valentine's Day party that's also doubling as her engagement party. She called and personally invited me, and when she told me I could bring a guest, she suggested I bring you."
I have seen that look on his face before. It's the look he gets when he is trapped. The one he gets when he is in a small space and can't get out. And now he is asking me for help. What am I to do?
"I know you and Renee didn't get along well, and I know that you have had a rough year and that you would rather spend Valentine's Day at home, but I am asking you…. No, begging you; please be my date for this thing. I can't back out now, and I know it's short notice and you probably don't have a dress, but say yes and I'll take you shopping right after work. Just say yes. please…"
Ummm… new dress…and not spending the day for lovers home alone like we had discussed last week. Does he really think I would make him go alone? I look at his face and his eyes show some doubt.
"Though your offer of a new dress is tempting, there is no need to shell out money neither one of us has. If memory serves me right, you bought me a perfectly good formal for my birthday year before last and I haven't had the chance to wear it. I'll go with you, Harm. You really didn't think I'd let you go alone, did you?"
I watch as he bows his head and stares at a random spot on my desk. Good god. He actually thought I was going to say no.
"Harm?"
He still won't look up.
"Harm, I am a Marine and the woman you say you love. The last time I checked 'Never leave a man behind' was in both job descriptions."
I hear him laugh a bit and then raise his eyes to look into mine. Relief is what I see in those blue orbs, and I can't help but smile.
"Well, yeah. I did think you were going to say no. Let's be honest the odds were against me long before I actually got the nerve to ask you. Like I said before, you've had a rough year, and even money thinks that you believe love hasn't been too kind to you, and lord knows I haven't helped that situation. I just thought that you would have wanted to spend the night alone thinking about everything but happy couples."
He realizes that he is rambling and quickly shuts up before he inserts his foot further into his mouth. He is right about a few things. This past year was hard. Love wasn't kind to me. But he did help the situation. Between Clay's betrayal, my diagnosis, and finally dealing with the events of Paraguay, I finally found the time to stop and take stock in what and who is important to me. Number one just happens to be standing on the other side of my desk. Over the last year he has been amazing. Gave me the space I needed and a shoulder to cry on as well. Hell, he even did research on my disease and went to numerous appointments with me. I just hope all of it meant something to him, 'cause lord knows it meant the world to me.
"Look Harm, it's late, and I need to head out - have to meet with my doctor and go over the results of last week's test. You have to be at the high school gym in less than an hour. I'll see you in the morning, and we'll finalize everything for tomorrow night."
I grab my coat and briefcase and he walks me to the door. I turn around to lock it, only to see that he has already done so. I look around the bullpen and realize once again that he and I are the last ones left. Good thing. The workday ended 34 minuets ago. For most, that would be a sign to stop working and go home. For Harm and I, it's a sign that we can be our normal selves. We are just two people in love who also happen to work together. It's been really hard these last few months. We both hate the fact that we have to hide our relationship and act like nothing more than best friends, but for now, it's the only option.
"I'll call you when I get back. Tell Mattie that I love her and that we are still on for this weekend."
I look up at his face and I see what I see every time I bring up the words "doctor" or "test results". He is scared. Shitless, I might add. He reaches out and pulls the chain around my neck from under my uniform blouse. He plays with the ring dangling at the end of it.
It's a simple ring: antiqued white gold with a 2-carat diamond in the center. On either side of the stone there are two smaller diamonds. It was his grandmother's. Apparently, she gave it to him not too long after our fateful meeting in that Rose Garden so many years ago. He finally gave it to me as a way of stating his intentions, and he told me that when I was ready to wear it on my left ring finger to let him know so that he could do the honors.
I reach up and give him a quick kiss on the lips.
"It will be ok. I promise. I'll call you if anything is wrong. Now walk me to my car."
We both exit the building. He opens my car door for me and I get in. He bends down and gives me one more quick kiss before he closes the door. I pull out and take a quick look in the rear view mirror. I see him standing there, keeping guard…like always.
Love Heals
JAG
Mac/Harm Shipper
Disclaimer: I don't own em'. I am just a broke ass college student with an iPod, an imagination, and the inability to realize that JAG isn't coming back anytime soon.
Summary: Inspired by the Jonathon Larson song "Love Heals"…. doesn't really follow an existing story line…. eh …read and review, my friends.
Love Heals: When Your Mind Reels
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, VA
Thursday, February 14th
0700 hrs
I come into the office early. Well I know that Harm and I had planned to meet at work early so that we could discuss tonight's game plan, but I have my own agenda this morning. I walk into his office and place the delicate chain that I have been wearing around my neck for weeks on his desk. The chain still carries the simple engagement ring that he gave me. Underneath the chain and ring lies a simple white envelope that holds a promise made many years ago. I go into my office and start preparing for today's cases.
A few minuets later, I hear a noise out in the bullpen. It is still a bit early for it to be Harm so I walk out to investigate. I find Bud and Harriet standing in the bullpen talking about their plans for this evening.
"Are you sure you are going to be off in time for the party?"
Bud just laughed and shook his head.
"Yes honey, I will be. I still can't believe we were invited. But I guess it's to be expected I was going to be…"
He cuts himself off when he sees the look on his wife's face.
"Morning, ma'am! How are you?"
Harriet's voice gives away the fact that Bud was about to say something that neither one wants me to hear. That's ok. I am in a good mood.
"Morning Bud, Harriet. How are the kids?"
"They're good, ma'am. Little A.J. has been wondering when you and his Uncle Harm could come and spend the afternoon with him and his little brother."
I smile as I get the image of my godson begging his parents to let his Uncle Harm and Aunt Mac come over and play one afternoon. "Let me talk with Harm. I am sure something can be arranged in the near future."
Bud excuses himself to his office and Harriet starts telling me a funny story of A.J. antics in kindergarten. I watch as Harm comes in with breakfast and heads straight for his office. He doesn't even notice that I am talking to Harriet in the bullpen.
I watch as he makes his way to his desk. He didn't even bother to close the door. He probably thinks that he is late.
"The Commander is here early, don't you think, ma'am?" Harriet is perplexed by this new development. I just smile and nod.
He must have noticed my gifts on his desk because he comes back into the bullpen with a look of shock and confusion. Ok, so maybe I didn't think my little plan through…maybe I should have given him the envelope first and the ring second.
"Ma'am is the Commander ok?"
Harriet's voice is dripping with concern. There is almost a twinge of fear there. I look at her and nod.
"Yes Harriet, he will be ok. Once again, our lines of communication are not clear. You might want to sit down for this next part though."
I turn my attention back to Harm. He is still standing in the same place with the same look on his face.
I hear Harriet take a seat in the chair behind us. And then I hear Harm speak.
"Sarah?"
"Open the envelope Harm, It's not what you think."
He looks down and opens the envelope. I watch him take out the tiny black and white picture and look at it closely.
"Ma'am…"
I hear Harriet whisper behind me so I turn to listen.
"Is that a sonogram picture?"
I simply nod my head and turn back to Harm. He must have heard Harriet's question and seen my response, because his expression changed from one of shock to one of hope.
"Is this yours?"
I shake my head 'no'. "It's ours, Harm."
I hear Harriet gasp and feel Harm's arms picking me up in one hell of a hug. I can feel his tears on my neck and my feet touch the floor.
"So I take it your appointment went quite well yesterday."
"You could say that. I know we really haven't addressed the subject of children since Christmas, but I need to know if you are happy about this? I don't want you to think that I am trying to tie you down or that I want you to marry me because you got me 'knocked up', because I want to marry you because I love you and want…"
Harm's lips on mine cut off my words. In the distance, I hear Harriet yell out for Bud to come and see and I hear the General clear his throat. So much for not having an audience. I can feel Harm taking my left hand into his and slip the ring onto my ring finger.
"Colonel, Commander, is there something you would like to tell me?"
As one, Harm and I turn to face a hard-to-read Marine general, a sobbing Harriet and a somewhat shell-shocked Bud.
"You could say that."
I look at Harm and shake my head. Needless to say, this newest development was going to make life at JAG a bit more interesting.
"Colonel, Commander - my office, 5 minutes."
We watch as the General makes his way to his office. He is shaking his head all the way there. I look up at Harm and smile.
"We don't have a game plan for tonight, Ninja-Girl. That is if you still want to go?"
I just giggle and shake my head.
"You forget, my dear squid, that I'm a Marine. I am always prepared. I have my dress, makeup, and hair stuff in my car. After work we'll go back to your place and get ready. And you can bet your six I still want to go."
He gives me a tight squeeze and just laughs at me. I look at Bud and Harriet to make sure they are both ok.
"Bud, Harriet, are you guys ok?"
They still looked a bit shell-shocked. They simply nod their heads and make a sound that could have been a 'Yes ma'am.'
"Well, for now, can we keep these recent developments between the four of us? Harm and I would like to be the ones to make the announcement, but we would like to wait until we talk with the General."
"Your secret is safe with us." Bud's voice was quiet, and his expression still one of slight shock. With a hug we watch Bud walk Harriet out of the building, and Harm and I make our way to the General's office.
Love Heals
JAG
Mac/Harm Shipper
Disclaimer: I don't own em'. I am just a broke ass college student with an iPod, an imagination, and the inability to realize that JAG isn't coming back anytime soon.
Summary: Inspired by the Jonathon Larson song "Love Heals"…. doesn't really follow an existing story line…. eh …read and review, my friends.
Love Heals: Don't Freeze Your Heart
Mac's Office
JAG Headquarters
1100 hrs
I can't help but smile. Today has been one hell of a day, and my hormones haven't helped at all. I seem to be crying simply at the sight of roses and cute little teddy bears holding hearts. It got so bad that Harm had Coates order me two dozen long-stemmed red roses this morning. I started to cry harder when the deliveryman brought them into my office. Poor Harm, this is going to be really rough on him.
Speaking of being rough on people, the General was the total opposite this morning. Apparently, shortly after my arrival at JAG, Admiral Chegwidden had set up a deal of sorts with the SecNav's office. If in the event that Harm and I realized what everyone else already knew, one of us was to be on loan to The Hill, but to remain at JAG. Harm and I agreed that it would be me. Since it would mean less traveling and would still allow me to keep my duties as Chief of Staff, Harm had no problem with my taking the job. The General seemed pleased, wished us the best of luck, and told us we were not allowed to "pull a Harriet."
I must have been daydreaming, because I never noticed Clayton Webb entering the General's office. It isn't until he, Harm, and the General walk into my office that I realize Webb is even here. I notice him close the door and shut my blinds. Harm makes his way around my desk to where he is standing beside me trying his hardest not to touch me in any way. Damn protocol.
"Webb. How can we help you?" I try to keep my tone even. Actually, I try to keep any kind of emotion out of my tone and try to keep my facial expression neutral as well. I look up at Harm and then at the General. Their expressions tell me they have no idea what Webb wants.
"Are you purposefully trying my patience and good will? What is it that you want?"
Both Harm and the General get these proud looks on their faces. Webb has no idea what he is dealing with.
"Sarah I nee-"
"You don't get to call me that. You lost that right a long time ago. Hell, I never even gave you the right to call me that; you just assumed. You will either call me Colonel Mackenzie or Colonel. Now continue."
"Sorry. Colonel Mackenzie, I am in need of your expertise. It's another undercover mission. I can't let you in on too many of the details, but I can tell you that you will once again be playing my wife, and that we are small arms dealers."
It's Harm who speaks first.
"If you just need Sarah, then why the hell am I here?"
He is mad. Angry. I don't even think he even realized that he called me Sarah. It was one of those things we decided on early in the relationship: he would call me Mac at work and Sarah at home… though I am sure that will change now. I don't mind.
"Well, seeing how you think you are her babysitter, I figured you would want to be in on this first meeting."
The General beats Harm to a response. "Mr. Webb, I won't allow any of my officers to become involved in any mission you have with such little information."
Webb goes to respond, but I cut him off. "General it's all right. I have made similar decisions in the past based on less information."
I think Webb realizes he is getting ganged up on. "You know I came here for help, not to start a war. I thought that we had moved past all that crap from Paraguay."
"Crap. You call what happened down in Paraguay "crap?" I'm sorry. I thought that my life meant a little more than that. You can't seriously think I would consider going on a mission ALONE with you after what happened in Paraguay, not to mention the sorry excuse of a relationship that followed once we returned to the States. You almost got me killed! You almost got yourself killed! Hell, you nearly got Harm killed when he came to rescue me! You used my fears and insecurities against me and played me, and you seriously think I am going to go off on another mission with you? I think not!"
I slap him across the face. I don't know when and I don't know how, but during the course of my speech, I managed to get up from my desk and maneuver my way around Harm to where I was standing face to face with Webb. He catches my wrist after I slap him and doesn't let go. At this point, the General and Harm have moved closer. The General is behind Webb and Harm is standing beside the both of us.
"Let go of her." Harm's voice is low. Webb's face shows no fear, only confusion and mild understanding. I realize that he has caught sight of my ring. His grip gets tighter.
"Let go of my wrist, Webb." My voice is small, and his grip tightens. I try and pull my hand away, but he only squeezes tighter. I begin to cry. Pain and fear have taken over. I have seen him like this before, and I won't let him hurt me this time. There is too much at risk now.
"Harm, please…"
I look up at Harm and plead with him to help me. I look at the General, and he and Harm take quick action.
"Mr. Webb, you will have exactly until the count of two to let go of the Colonel's wrist. If you have not released her after I reach two, I will let the Commander deal with you as he sees fit."
Once again, I try and yank my wrist out of his grip. He pulls as I pull. This results in a cry of pain from me and a loud pop from my wrist. Once again, his grip tightens. I can hear the General counting in the background, but the pop and my cry drowned out his voice.
I watch as Harm slowly removes Webb's fingers, one by one, from my wrist. I shake it in an attempt to get it to pop again. Once it does, I look down to see if there is swelling. There is none, but there will be a bruise later on.
Harm pushes Webb against my office door. He is being very calm, which scares me. He leans forward close to Webb's ear and speaks very quietly.
"If you ever lay a hand on my fiancée or my child again, I will kill you. If you come near this office again, I will personally drag you out of here and throw you into the street. To answer your earlier question regarding Sarah's involvement in your mission, I would have to say go to hell! This office is no longer a recruiting pool for your half-assed missions."
With a slight shove and a twist of the doorknob, Webb falls backwards out of my office and into the bullpen. The General motions for Sturgis to help him up, and security escorts him out of the building. Harm pulls me into his arms and holds on for dear life. He places soft kisses in my hair. I can tell he is crying, which only causes me to cry more.
"You ok?" His voice is barely a whisper.
"Yea. I'm fine. We're fine. My wrist is just a little sore. He….He…we're ok, Harm. I promise."
I take one of his hands and slowly move it to my lower stomach. I look up at him so that he can see I am telling the truth. He kisses me on the forehead. We totally forget that the General and the bullpen can see what it going on. We simply don't care.
"Colonel, Commander…"
"Sorry sir, it's just that..well…" Harm is at a loss for words. The General takes pity on him.
"Mac, Harm. You go and take an extended lunch. Once you get back, I'll have my meeting with you, Commander, and then you two can secure early."
"Thank you, sir. I know you want us keep personal business out of the office, but…"
"It's ok, Colonel. He sandbagged you. You two go, and if that wrist starts to give you trouble please have it looked at. That's an order!" With that he, leaves my office.
Harm and I gather my things, head to his office for his things and then we head out to lunch.
Love Heals
JAG
Mac/Harm Shipper
Disclaimer: I don't own em'. I am just a broke ass college student with an iPod, an imagination, and the inability to realize that JAG isn't coming back anytime soon.
Summary: Inspired by the Jonathon Larson song "Love Heals"…. doesn't really follow an existing story line…. eh …read and review, my friends.
Love Heals: Love Will Lead You Home
Harmon Rabb's Apartment
North of Union Station
1830 hrs
Hair: check. Make-up: check. Jewelry: check. Ok, everything seems to be in order. All I have to do is put on my dress, and Harm and I are good to go. I take one last look at my hair and make-up and replay the events of the day in my head. I can safely say this has been the best and most exciting Valentines Day I have ever had.
Once Harm and I got home from work, we got out of uniform and crawled into bed. We were both emotionally and physically exhausted. I woke up a few hours later. There was a slight pressure on my stomach and I could hear Harm talking. His voice was low and very gentle. It reminded me of the voice he uses when he reads stories to our godsons. But this time, there was something different. I realize he was telling our child stories of our past. I couldn't help but cry at the scene in front of me.
Harm held me for a little bit after that and then we decided it was time to get ready.
I can hear him pacing the living room. Guess I should get into my dress.
I slip the garment on and zip up the side. I then reach for my shoes and carefully slip them on and tie up the satin laces that wind around my ankles.
I take one last look at myself in the mirror. I giggle. Had this party been in April and not February, there would be no way I would be able to fit into this dress. My hand slowly drifts to my stomach, and I smile. "Well Kiddo, lets go knock 'em dead." I turn the light off in the room, grab my purse and head to the living room.
Harm stops pacing and takes in the sight before him. My hair is down and curly. My make-up is light, but not underwhelming for the occasion. My jewelry is simple. A string of pearls wrap around my neck, my ears are adorned with matching studs, and on my left ring finger sits the ring that holds his past, my present, and our future. My dress and shoes, well…let's just say that either Harm has really good taste or he had help. My dress is strapless and tea-length. The color is red - rose red with a white satin ribbon belt around my midsection. There are also white beaded and satin roses scattered across the bottom of the skirt. My shoes are the same color. They have matching red satin laces that wind around my ankles like ballet shoes would, and small white roses on the toe and the side of the heel in the back. The whole ensemble is perfect. Every piece fitting like it was a puzzle.
"Breathe, Harm."
He lets out a breath he has been holding since I walked out and walks up to me. I think he is going to kiss me, or at least hug me, but he doesn't. Instead, he drops to his knees and places a hand on my stomach.
"Hey, kiddo. Just thought you should know, your mom is beautiful. Seriously, she's stunning. You're gonna be one lucky kid if you look anything like her."
I sniffle, and he rises and places a small kiss on my forehead. I know he wants to do more, but he also knows that I spent a lot of time on my make-up.
"You look perfect. Just how I imagined when I bought the dress."
All I can do is smile, 'cause I know if I talk, I'll start to cry.
He pulls a small box out of his pocket and hands it to me.
"Harm. You didn't have to get me anything. I thought we agreed we weren't going to exchange gifts."
"Well, you know me, I don't listen very well. I saw this a few weeks ago, and well…just open it. You have already given me my gift, Sarah. I hope you like yours."
I watch as the man before me turns into a nervous teenage boy right before my eyes. I open the box to find a small charm bracelet nestled on top a bed of red and white rose petals. There are nine charms - one for each year we have known each other. Each charm is a small reminder of the most important Hallmark moments that have transpired between us over the years. I take it out of the box and hold it out to him. He takes it and carefully secures it around my wrist.
I lean up and place a soft kiss on his ear. "You'll get your gift after the party tonight." With that I place one more quick kiss on his lips and head for the coat rack.
The Willard Hotel
Washington D.C.
1915 hrs
Well, I can safely say that Renee really outdid herself. The attendant escorts us and a small group of people to the entrance of the ballroom where the party is being held. Once inside the party, I turn my back to the crowd and look up at Harm. "You ok?"
He looks tense. I take his hands into mine and gently rub the back of them with my thumbs. He lets out the breath he had been holding.
"I'm good. Great, actually. You ok?"
I lean up and place a quick kiss on his lips. "You bet! Come on, let's go face the firing squad."
He takes my hand and leads me through the crowd. We spot Renee not too far ahead of us. She is talking to a couple; must be friends of hers from the area. As we approach, we can hear the conversation going on between the two people and Renee.
"So he proposed to her right in the middle of the JAG office?"
I look up at Harm and then back at Renee. I soon realize who she is talking to, and I begin to drag Harm through the crowd and quickly close the gap between us and Renee and the chatting couple.
"Bud! Harriet! What a surprise."
I am out of breath and Harm looks like a deer caught in the headlights. I follow his gaze, expecting him to be looking at Renee. Instead, I spot the figure coming towards our little group and stop in my tracks.
I lean up to Harm and quietly whisper in his ear. "If you order a bourbon, make it a double. Both of us shouldn't have to suffer."
I watch as Harm flags down a waiter. I didn't think he would actually do it! Instead of bourbon, though, he orders two sparkling ciders. I take his hand back into mine and we finally make our way to Renee and then…
"HARM! It's so good see you!" Renee launches herself at Harm in an attempt to give him a less than proper hug. He just stands there clutching my hand and mumbling something incoherent.
I look at Bud and Harriet. They look moritified. I want nothing more than to laugh and assure them that it's ok. We were going to tell Renee anyway, but I decide to let them sweat a bit longer.
Renee pulls back and places a quick kiss on Harm's cheek, and the man behind her reaches out and shakes Harm's hand. I am beginning to wonder if they see me. Oh wait - no they can't. I am hiding behind Harm, clutching his hand like there is no tomorrow.
"Well hello, Mate! Renee said that she had invited you, but she wasn't sure that you would show. The Commander and his wife here were telling us about your early morning proposal to your fiancée. We were expecting you to bring Mac, but I am guessing you brought this mystery lady instead."
From where I am standing, I can see Mic trying to get a better view of me. I only bury my head deeper into Harm's back. I'm guessing Bud and Harriet either left out the part that I am Harm's fiancée or they hadn't gotten to that part yet. I wonder if they mentioned the baby, too? Eh, I don't care at this point. Right now, I'm worried about Harm. I know he is breathing, but he hasn't said anything in almost 3 minutes and 24 seconds.
"Come on, Rabb. Who's the lucky lady?"
Mic Brumby is going to marry… well, Renee. I feel like Harm and I have walked into and episode of the Twilight Zone. Harm gently squeezes my hand and clears his throat, but before he can say anything, I step from behind him and make my presence known.
"Ma'am!" Harriet and Bud almost stand at attention when they see me. Harriet then launches herself at me and gives me a hug. "It's good to see that you are ok! Bud told me what happened in the office today and well I was a bit worried. He assured me the General and Harm took care of it. But it's good to see you're no worse for wear…"
"Harriet! I'm fine. We all are."
She gives me a knowing smile and another quick hug. Bud leans over and gives me a hug. Harm leans over and gives me one of those looks that makes my mouth go dry and my knees go weak. Where the hell is that waiter with our drinks? Harm places a kiss on my forehead.
"Mic, Renee. It's good to see you both."
The couple looks at us with …I can't quite describe the range of emotions that has crossed their faces in the last 20 seconds. But I can tell you I might be enjoying it a little more than I should. I glance at Harriet and Bud. They looked scared. They can't possibly think that Harm and I are mad at them.
I then look at Harm. He has this glare on his face. I poke him with my elbow.
"Now Harm, I am sure that Harriet and Bud were just providing Renee and Mic with a reason as to why you might not have come this evening."
Bud nods his head 'yes' in response.
"She's right, sir. And we tried to be as vague as possible. And we didn't mention the ba…"
"HARRIET!"
Bud's face is beet red, and Harriet's face goes pale.
"The what?" Finally, Renee speaks. She looks surprised and hurt. Mic just gathers her into a hug. Something is up.
"Well, Harm and I don't want to take away from your night ya know. Maybe we can catch up later?"
I don't know what to do, and Harm is just standing there. I look up at him and he just nods his head. He saw the look in Renee's eyes. It's the same one I had when they told me I couldn't have children. It's the same one Harm had when I told him. Much like the one Mic has as he looks down at his fiancé.
"No it's ok. You can go a head and tell us mate."
I look up at Harm. He places a small kiss on my forehead and then pulls me to his chest. I can feel it rumble as he speaks.
"Sarah and I recently found out that we are expecting our first child."
His voice was full of love and pride. This of course caused me to cry. What hasn't lately, to be honest? I watch as Renee untangles herself from Mic's embrace and launches herself in my direction. Mic grabs Harm's hand and gives it a good shake and then pats him on the back.
"Congrats, Mate!"
"Congratulations Mac."
Mic and Renee both offer Harm and me congratulations at the same time.
"Thank you. It's been a long, hard road and honestly, I never thought it would happen, but Harm - being Harm - never gave up on the idea of our having a family."
I look up and offer Harm a bright but watery smile. He smiles back and we both turn to look at Mic and Renee. Once again there is that sadness in their eyes, but there is also a bit of confusion.
"I don't get it. You guys have always been great with Bud and Harriet's kids. What's so hard about deciding whether or not start a family?"
They all seemed to be nodding their heads in agreement. I had always feared that this day would come, that I would have to come clean with Harriet and Bud - explain why I was scarce during her pregnancy with the twins. I just hadn't expected it to be at Mic and Renee's engagement party. I look up at Harm. He knows it's time and he too realizes that it's now or never.
"Look if you don't want to…"
"No Renee, it's fine. I understand why you guys might be confused as to why I had such a negative outlook on the prospects of starting a family. Shortly before the Admiral's dining out last year, I found out I had a condition that would make it hard for me to have children. But Renee, I am guessing you know about that."
She looks shocked but not angry.
"How…how…did you know?"
"The look in your eyes. It's the same one I got when Harriet announced she was having another baby." I turn and look at Bud and Harriet. "I am so sorry I wasn't around as much during your last pregnancy. It wasn't you, it was me. I just couldn't take it and I wasn't dealing with it properly. I am so sorry."
Once again, I am crying, as is Harriet and I even think I hear Renee sniffle. Harriet just nods her head in understanding.
"Something tells me that's not the entire story."
"You're right, Mic, it's not. In November, my doctor told me that I had a less than 4 chance of conceiving a child. Christmas rolled around, and I was in a horrible car accident. It's a miracle that I walked away with just a few bumps and bruises. Harm and I
talked about EVERYTHING and finally realized that life was too short to continue beating around the bush. We started dating and then realized that we had spent the past nine years dating in our own special and complicated way."
"That's very sweet, ma'am, but what does that have to do with you and the Commander trying to have a baby?"
"I didn't want to break a promise that I had made Harm on the day little A.J. was born. I suspect that's why I pushed him away so much in the months after the dining out. But you all know Harm, he wouldn't let it go. When we began to date, he told me not to worry about it, that he loved me for me and all my faults and that my ability or inability to give him a child wouldn't change that. I decided to go with it. I was hoping that Harm's words would prove my theory about love, well, true love at least."
I finally make eye contact with Mic and Renee. Harriet is still sniffling, and Bud has pulled her into a tight embrace.
"You have a theory on love?" Harm looks down at me with a cocked eyebrow.
"I sure do. And you, my dear flyboy, helped me prove that my theory is correct."
"Really?"
I nod my head and turn to face the others.
"Well Mac, care to share your theory?"
I look at Mic and Renee and see myself and Harm just a few months ago. The only thing I can do right now is offer them kind and supportive words and a little bit of hope.
"Well Renee, love - true love that is- can do two powerful things, which as I stated earlier Harm has already proven."
"What are those two things?"
I am suddenly struck with the fact that though he cared for me deeply and might have loved me, Mic Brumby is really in love with the woman he is now holding in his arms. And I am ok with this little bit of reality.
"Well Mic, love can heal and it can lead you home."
"That's your theory? It seems so simple."
"That's the beauty in it. If you try and complicate love you spend most of your life running from what you really want and settling for what you think is safe. You end up thinking people love you for things that you can do for them instead of loving you for who you are or simply for the sake of loving you. You have to give into love or live in fear. Don't give up hope. And get a second opinion."
With those words, I walk up to Mic and place a kiss on his cheek and do the same to Renee.
"Now if you will excuse us, Harm and I have to find a MIA waiter who has our drinks and then I think I'd like a few spins on the dance floor. What do ya say, flyboy?"
"I think you've got yourself a deal."
Harm shakes Mic's hand, kisses Renee's cheek, and says goodbye to Bud and Harriet. I take his hand and we make our way towards the dance floor. Once get there, Harm pulls me close and rests his cheek on mine.
"You know Sarah Mackenzie-soon-to-be-Rabb, you are one amazing woman."
I look him in the eyes and gasp at what I see. For the first time in my life, I look true love in the eye. I always thought I would run from it. Instead I lay my head on his shoulder and breath a sigh of contentment.
Yes, love has led me home.
The End