So just my first attempt at a one-shot. Ok, to explain, I really don't like how Remus if often portrayed as a shy bookworm who is really just a buzzkill. He was a Marauder and a frickin werewolf! Not sure, but this Remus is a smidge Ooc and a hell of a lot more bamf (Yessi!) Also, just my musings but I'd guess that for a teenager to be going through all this, he's be pretty angry. Since I think the Marauders helped him accept himself more, before they knew it would only be natural for him to feel bitter. Being a teen is bad enough without turning into a wolf every month. And I feel that going through such painful transformations would toughen a person up considerably.
I hate Womtail, so a lot of Peter bashing here. No shame.
Anywhoo, please enjoy.
Rate and review please!
Brilliant. Fucking brilliant. Remus growled under his breath and took to glaring at his Transfiguration notes as if they had caused him great personal offense. The upcoming full moon had him on edge, and The Worlds Biggest Prat with the Worlds Biggest Nose wasn't helping matters. Sirius Black, one of his best mates and said prat, shoved him, none too gently, and punched his shoulder.
"Oi, look what you made me do!" Remus said. His quill had slipped across the parchment, leaving behind a blotchy trail of ink.
"So sorry 'bout that, mate" Sirius grinned. His eyes held a mischievous glint. "Really, I am"
"Yeah, I'm sorry too" Remus replied in false placidness. Sirius glowered.
"You're no fun, Remmy" Sirius grumbled. Remus looked up, a similar glint in his eyes.
"Remmy?" Remus' eyebrows lifted, almost, comically high. "Oh, now you're just asking for it"
In a second Remus had tackled Sirius to the ground, where they then proceeded to wrestle out their frustrations regarding a certain Transfiguration essay, or for Remus, the restlessness the full moon assured.
"Hey wankers, what happened to being diligent for a day?!," James Potter yelled from his side of the dormitory. Fluffing up his, already, wild hair James removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes tiredly. A long day of mischief making leaves one incredibly drained. Remus and Sirius flopped onto their respective beds, both looking ruffled and breathless. Wide grins spread across their faces.
"Shove off Jim, day's almost over" Sirius laughed jovially.
Remus checked his watched absently, but was immediately filled with a cold dread. Madame Pomfrey was expecting him now. His smile slipped easily off his face and he fell back with a groan.
"Shit" Remus said.
"What happened, now" Sirius' voice held an edge of suspicion. He could almost guess which lie Remus was going to use this time.
"I'm supposed to go home at six, my Mum is ill again. I have to visit her in St. Mungo's… And I'm late" Remus hated how easily the lie slipped his tongue. Despised lying to his mates. But he had to, if he didn't they would leave with the same looks of disgust and hatred. Like. Every. Fucking. Body.
"Again? Jesus, you're Mum gets ill every month" Sirius said. His grey eyes narrowed.
"Well a sick Mum's a sick Mum" James shrugged. "See you, mate"
Remus nodded and rushed out of the second year dorms. He didn't want to hear what Sirius said next but of course, the wolf's superior hearing heard it clear as day.
"There's something up with him"
He had no idea. Remus swore under his breath, cursing the fucker who did this to him. His whole body ached and itched. The wolf was just beneath the surface, impatiently waiting to be let out. As Remus ran he fisted his hands, as if to stop the imminent claws from piercing through his skin. He felt his already flimsy control slipping through his fingers, leaving a frenzied confusion in its place.
He barely remembered what being human felt like. He saw flashes of smiles, heard the carefree laughter, and remembered the young innocence of it all. But this burning he felt had settled in his five year old body, refusing to leave. For what was left of his 'childhood' Remus was forced to live a life of isolation and pain, for fear that his secret would be revealed. The self-inflicted wounds that coved the entirety of his body a constant reminder that he was just that. Not human. No, he was a Dark Creature who's only intent was to kill everybody. Remus snarled with anger, filled with hate towards the people who had forced such discrimination upon his young self.
During those years he had felt only pity and sorrow; a sour pity for the werewolf who had bitten him. Feeling nothing but sorry for himself and his lack of companionship. But Remus felt anything but sorrow or pity now. As the years had passed he grew to loath the damned Fenrir Greyback who had cursed him for his fathers wrongdoings. His pity for himself turned to resentful self loathing and he was filled with an anger that was directed at no one, but, at the same time, everyone.
Hogwarts had, in some ways, helped to douse some of that anger. He now had three great mates in James, Sirius and even little Peter, was popular among his fellow students and well liked by, most of, the teachers despite the company he kept. He had been allowed an education, and that, in itself, had proved to lift Remus' resentment marginally. But, in other ways, Hogwarts had shown Remus how much of a monster he really was. While his friends were having fun, not worrying about something so inconsequential as the lunar cycle, he was becoming a rabid beast who craved human flesh. Fan-fucking-tastic.
Because for Remus, his demons did not reside beneath his bed, rather, he was his own demon. And he was scared shitless.
"Why the fuck would he lie?" James said, voice filled disbelief.
"I dunno, but how could his family get ill so regularly? There's something going on," Sirius argued.
"Choo think I know? Maybe his Mum is really sick" James said.
"C'mon, you don't believe that bullshit do you?" Sirius said, incredulously. "Pete?"
"Mm?" Peter looked up, dazed.
"Crikey!" Sirius exclaimed. He threw his hands up in frustration.
"Why can't you trust Remus to tell the truth?" said James.
"You know bloody well why James!" Sirius exploded. James was pissed now.
"I don't think I do, enlighten me" James drawled.
"Don't tell me you haven't seen him when he comes back. He always looks bloody awful. And you've seen the scars" said Sirius. He got to his feet and began pacing the dorm, his face pensive.
"He leaves every fucking month too. It's like clockwork. What's that thing? Once is an accident, twice a coincidence, thrice is a pattern. Well Remus has left every bloody month, without fail, for two years James!"
Sirius sank onto his bed with a huff. The frustration was killing him. James sighed heavily. Sirius zoned out, his mind thinking up ridiculous conspiracy theory after the next. The moonlight streamed in through the window, bathing the dorm with a soft, silvery glow. Glancing out the window Sirius glimpsed the giant, glowing orb hanging mysteriously on the curtain night.
"Full moon" he muttered. His eyes bugged. "James?"
"WHAT?" James was proper pissed, and was not one to talk things out calmly.
"It's a full moon tonight" said Sirius.
"Great. D'you want a medal or something?" said James.
"Stay here" Sirius ordered. He raced down the stairs and sprinted like a madman to the library. Earning many a quizzical look he scanned the spines of the hundreds of volumes, finally finding what he was looking for. Flipping through the old pages Sirius landed on the right page.
"Holy shit"
"Sirius, what the actual fuck are you doing?" James all but yelled as Sirius returned, looking flustered. Without so much as a second glance Sirius threw the heavy volume at James' head.
"Page three-hundred and ninety four. Read" said Sirius. He turned to Remus' trunk. With a sick feeling he rummaged through his mates few possessions. He pulled out a calendar and noticed straight away that today was circled. James had sauntered with forced swagger over to Sirius. He grabbed what appeared to be Astronomy notes from Remus' folder.
"Remus' doesn't do Astronomy," said James. He turned the notes over, revealing a Lunar Chart and instantaneously buried his nose into them.
"All right, mate, I know you're blind and all but you're gonna get ink on your nose" said Sirius, with little humor.
"Gimme the calendar" James ordered. Sirius frowned but handed it to him. After a moment James put them down.
"He's circled every full moon this year. And he's left on every one so far"
"The wanker"
"I'm lost, what's the problem?" Peter joined the conversation.
"You know you can be really bloody slow sometimes, Pete" James said. "Remus has left every full moon this year"
"So?" said Peter. His faced was scrunched in a rare moment of deep thought.
"So he's a werewolf," said Sirius. "We think"
Peter yelped and jumped from Remus' bed where he had settled. James had an odd look of mingled anger and disgust at Peter's reaction.
"He's still our mate" he spat. Peter gulped. "He hasn't changed"
"I know… I was just startled is all" Peter amended quickly.
"Reckon we should tell him?" said James, his face oddly calm.
"Yeah, reckon we should" Sirius said. He looked out the window again. "That poor mother fucker"
Now that James thought about it, it was obvious. Remus had left clues, which, at the time, didn't mean anything but when applied to Sirius' theory fit like pieces in the jigsaw puzzle that was Remus Lupin. It was a small thing, a throw in comment here, sarcastic remark there or just blatant evasion. Remus was the master of that.
Because it was true, James had noticed the scars that littered his friend's body. He had straight up asked about them too.
"Oi, Remus?"
"Yeah Jimmy?"
"Hey don't call me Jimmy!"
"I can and will. Jimmy!"
"How'd you get that scar on your neck?"
"I battled a dragon when I was five and saved a princess"
"Are you serious?"
"Nope. He is"
"Git"
"Prick"
Or times when Remus himself hadn't even noticed.
"Hey look, full moon!"
"It's not full 'till the eighteenth"
"How the fuck d'you know that?"
"I… looked it up... Du-Duh"
"Why?"
"So I know when to hide from werewolves"
"What?"
"Aroooo"
"Fuck off, you scared the shit outta me"
Oh how glaringly undeniable it all was now. But it was no wonder. Remus, though being the conscience, was the sarcastic mastermind who evaded detention at every turn. It annoyed the others to no end.
Remus stumbled into the dormitory Saturday afternoon. He was distinctly disheveled, his soft brown eyes were bruised purple and he looked dead on his feet.
"Well aren't you the poster boy for zombies!" Sirius exclaimed happily.
"I'm going to take that as a compliment. Zombies are awesome" Remus deadpanned flopping onto his bed and rubbing his face tiredly.
"Only if you like eating brains," James added.
"What can I say? I like a girl with brains" said Remus. The dorm filled with raucous laughter and Remus could temporarily forget the crushing exhaustion that threatened to drag him into a deep sleep.
"Wild night, huh?" said Sirius. James caught the double meaning, glancing over to see Remus' reaction. Nothing. Shit, he was good.
"Oh yeah, Friday night banter on a train with a screaming baby" said Remus dryly.
"Have a little full moon bash then?" Sirius pressed further. James noticed the minute stiffening of Remus' back.
"Nah, 'fraid I didn't see it" he said quickly.
"Nah, you wouldn't have" James added.
"Choo mean?" said Remus. Sirius picked up the slightly panicked look in his friends eyes.
"Too busy howling at it," said Sirius. James face palmed.
"Subtle. Real subtle" James grumbled.
Remus' heart skipped a beat as his veins filled with ice. Shit. They knew. How did they fucking know? He could see what was about to come, picture it in his minds eye. Shouts of "Animal"… "Monster"… "Dangerous" followed by his immediate expulsion.
"Right. Very creative Sirius" he sneered sarcastically instead. From his years of experience, sarcasm proved most effective at hiding emotions and throwing people off.
"Remus, we know" James said.
"Ok, you're gonna have to tell me what you know. I'm not psychic" Remus rolled his eyes.
"But you are a werewolf" Sirius said. Remus froze. His breathing became deep and labored, he closed his eyes and gritted his teeth.
"Brilliant. Fucking brilliant," he growled suddenly, making both James and Sirius jump. They had never heard such anger in their normally calm, levelheaded friend.
"So what if I am then? Whatcha gonna do? Have me kicked out?" Remus was visibly shaking.
"Don't be a prat, course we won't" Sirius said, brows furrowed in confusion.
"Why the fuck would we do that?" James added.
"Oh I don't know, maybe the fact that everybody does 'cause I'm a FUCKING WEREWOLF WHO'S A FUCKING DANGER TO EVERYBODY!" Remus bellowed.
"You're not a danger–" Sirius began.
"Don't" said Remus. His voice was filled with bitter hatred. "I know what I am, I don't fucking need anyone else telling me. Doesn't matter, I'm used to it by now!"
"OI, Remus. We are not going to tell anyone. And we aren't bloody abandoning you either" James said.
"We're not afraid of you, and I, for one, don't think any less of you! If anything I'm amazed that you had to go through that alone," said Sirius.
"That's the thing though," Remus said bitterly. "You should be bloody scared of me"
"Well, sorry if I'm not quaking in my boots because of ickle Remmy. We're your mates, and we're NOT leaving you" Sirius said, his voice rising gradually.
Remus sank back into his bed, exhaustion clouding his features. But he felt something rise in his stomach that he couldn't usually afford; Hope.
"You're…you still…want" he stuttered.
"YES!" Sirius threw his hands in the air. Remus lay back down on his bed a smile tugging at his mouth.
"You prat" James snickered. He bounded over to Remus' bed and tackled him.
"ARGH" Remus laughed but lay limp. "I'm too bloody tired"
"Out of curiosity, how old were you?" said James.
"Five" Remus said. His voice was terse and his back had stiffened again.
"Blimey, that young?" Sirius' dark eyebrows shot up into his pitch hair.
"Mmhmm" Remus rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "So you really don't mind?"
"Just as long as you don't shed on my sheets" James smirked.
"I do not SHED!"
_
How'd I do? Be brutally honest, PLEASE!
Just thought I'd mention, for this fic I came up with the idea from Imagine Dragons, Monster. It's a good song, check it out, and fits Remus perfectly.
MoodyMaRe14