Pairings: Johnlock
Summary: Instead of it being Sherlock who jumped, it was John. Afterward, Sherlock decided to write letters to John to put on John's grave. It will not all be in letters, but a great majority will be.
Warnings: Small amounts of alcohol and drug abuse. Possible violence.
Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING. (I wish I did)
John
I visited St. Bart's today. The sky was clear, and the sun was bright. Would you have liked it? I'd like to think so. Molly gives her regards. She has been rather kind to me, despite how awful I am to her. She says she forgives me. I am starting to feel emotions for the first time in a long time. So this is what it's like to feel human. I find humanity highly overrated. I find myself talking to you quite often, and then I'll look up, and you won't be there, and I'll realize you won't ever be there. And other times I'll just go on talking. I've started sleeping. It seems to be the only way to escape the awful reality I'm living in. One without you.
John
HOW? WHY? WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME! DID YOU NOT PREDICT THE EFFECT THIS WOULD HAVE ON ME? YOU IMPROVED UPON MY LIFE SO MUCH, AND NOW... you've ruined everything.
John
I'm sorry. That was mean.
John
People keep coming round saying the things people always say.
"I'm sorry."
"He's in a better place now."
Bullshit.
And they keep saying "passed away"
I wish they would just say it.
You DIED. You committed SUICIDE.
Fuck them all.
You died. That's what people do, right?
John
My alcohol intake has increased significantly. I rarely find myself without beer or wine or whiskey in my hand. I have taken up smoking again as well. You would have hated it. You did hate it. You do hate it. Tenses are confusing when someone's dead. Oh I'm sorry. "Passed away." My head has been an absolute jumble since you left. Lestrade has had to send me home quite a few times because my head's messed up. I think I'll have to stop working. I'm slowly descending into insanity. More so than before.
John
Come home. Please. I ...
Not finished yet, I will try to update fairly regularly. This was a short chapter, just to get some readers, see if anyone is interested. Reviews, both good and bad are gratefully accepted!