Love and guilt
"Doctor Clarkson, you have to save him"
She didn't say anything else, as she bursted into the hospital with undeniable fear painted all over her face. There was no need to ask what she was referring to: just a few minutes before, the very Larry Grey and his brother Timothy had entered from the same door carrying a very sick Lord Merton. The two young noblemen didn't actually say anything to the doctor, apart from some not so subtle threats; it was clear that they would have preferred any other doctor to treat their father and they chose that hospital just because they didn't have any other choice. It didn't seem like that for Isobel though: she was addressing him, she was asking him, she was trusting him.
"I will try my best, Mrs Crawley" he replied eventually, in the most formal way possible.
As if he were talking about any random patient, as if he were talking to any random person.
But just when he was about to surpass her in order to start to work, she grabbed his arm, keeping him in place for a moment longer. "Richard, save him, please"
As their eyes locked and her complete fragility uncovered in front of him, suddenly he couldn't keep that defensive facade he had decided to build. Because now she was touching him, and begging him, and calling him by his name. He couldn't deny that she was the woman he loved and that she was asking him to save the man that she loved. There was no time left to pretend indifference – and no room for irony.
"I will, Isobel. I will save him" he said, before he could even probably have the chance to realize what he was actually promising.
He realized it only later, when Isobel was no longer with him and his hands were already inside Merton's body. It was bad, worse than he had imagined, but even though it was a promise he couldn't keep, he knew he had to find a way to do that. He was supposed to hate that man and yet he was there, fighting hard to save his life as if there was his own life at stake. He still had to figure out how, but he just had to save him.
Because it was his job and he had an ethic to respect, in spite of the cruel irony of the situation.
Because Lord Merton was a good man and he did not deserve to die, in spite of his own cruel egoism.
Because he had made a vow long before as a doctor, but most of all because he had just made a promise to her.
He had to save him. And save her. And maybe damn himself in the process.
"The surgery is over, it all went well" Richard simply announced as, hours later, he finally went to face Lord Merton's family: his two sons and his fiancè.
He didn't need to add anything else, as sighs of relief immediately filled the room. He just nodded politely at Larry's curt thanking and absent-mindedly returned Timothy's handshake; the only thing he was actually looking at was Isobel's truly grateful look – a look that seemed even more delighted when it was closer, when they were left in the room alone but together.
"You did it" she commented, softly, offering him a tiny smile.
Richard tried to return that smile, even if it turned out more bitter and tired than it probably should have been. "Yes, I did it. Did you have any doubt?" he asked with a little hint of sharpness now. He felt he already knew the answer: of course she did, because he had had doubts about himself too.
"Not at all" she replied instead, surpisingly.
As surprisingly came the hug she suddenly gave him, literally throwing her arms at his neck. He stiffened at first, not helping but considering the improperness of that contact, especially given his feelings for her; but then, it was right thanks to those feelings that he slowly returned that embrace and silently held her for a short perfect while. However, soon he was the one to break that intimate contact, as he gently got away from her grip and took a step back. He was still holding her through a somehow painful look, though.
"I did it for you. I saved the man you love" he forced himself to say coldly, no matter how hard it was for him to aknowledge out loud that truth.
Isobel looked at him puzzled, then made an irritated sigh and, finally, let out a strangely joyless chuckle. Far from the heartfelt giggles she had given him on rare occasions, that was an unpleasant sound – the sound of struggle and desperation.
"Love? Do you think I begged you to save him because I love him?" she accused him with a broken hiss that sounded more dangerous than a yell. Then, she paused and suddenly looked down, as her anger seemed to fade into self-pity. "I would like that, actually. But instead I just did it because I was feeling guilty. How selfish is that of me?"
Worry and curiosity succeeded where not even her hug did, and so, as his walls were slowly falling down,he found himself approaching her once again. "Guilty?"
"Yes. I just didn't want him to die in a lie, because I haven't been sincere to him about my feelings" she replied, as she pursed her lips unsurely. Tears were threatening to fall on her cheeks again. "A-And so I asked you to save him because I knew that you would have tried your best if it was me asking…"
"I'd do anything for you, Isobel" he admitted softly.
"Exactly! Because I know that you love me, Richard" she interrupted with easiness, as if she were stating the obvious. "I know that you love me too"
Too. That was what wasn't obvious at all. It was a single casual word that probably had just slipped out of her mouth, but it potentially meant everything. After all, she didn't ask a friend to save the man she loved; but rather asked the man she loved to save a friend. In silence, they both widened their eyes and stared at each other, not daring to make a move, not daring to ask for something more. Because they couldn't – not yet.
Not until love would have been totally freed from guilt.
Just a one-shot while working for new longer stories to come. This doesn't probably make much sense, I know, I guess I made a mix between Richobel and Grey's Anatomy atmosphere lol Anyway, reviews are always appreciated:)