MUAHAHAHAHAHA! NEW STORY! NEW STORY!

I don't own Naruto, but I hope you find what I did to it a little fun.

Review! down at the bottom! at the end! you can't miss it!

START

Naruto has had many nightmares in his young eventful life. So many of the nightly terrors and fears, that the young ninja lies awake on his bed at night, trying hard not to give in to sleep and dreams because he knows that he would wake up again in a short time in cold sweat.

However, right now the sun was shining brightly. The trees and grass proudly upheld the brightest green leaves ever seen, adored with beautiful and gorgeous flowers. It was the type of day people would burst into song about love and harmony; and dance up and down the street together in strange unison. The day was just a normal, bright, and very happy day in the village of Konoha. The day that was very normal.

Almost too normal.

In fact, if Naruto wasn't completely distracted by his oh so empty belly, he would have realized the normality of Konoha was, well, just a little too strange/weird/bizarre. After all, being normal in a town of weirdos makes you out to be insane. For example, where the hell was Ino-san, dragging along and bribing a heavily complaining Shikamaru to train, followed by a chip munching Chouji? Where was Sasuke-teme (the evil bastard and rival) running away from all of his adoring and obsessed fans? And where the hell was Gai-sensei, trying way to hard at beating Kakashi-sensei while proclaiming about the, "YOUTHFULNESS OF SPRINGTIME WITH LOVE FILLING YOUR HEART COMPLETELY! YOSH! FIND THE LOVE OF SPRINGTIME, DAMMIT!" and all of his other BS like that?

If Naruto wasn't thinking about ramen, he would have been very freaked out by right about now. Probably to the point where he hides underneath the bed, refusing to come out until the Hokage finally destroys his house to force him out.

But the slightly pathetic truth was, our oblivious hero was hungry. And whenever Naruto's stomach growled, he only thought about one thing…

"RAMEN! YAY!" yelled the ninja. Skipping down the street, he happily clutched Gama-chan, his froggy wallet that was about to burst at the seams with a mother lode of money. Running into the Ramen Stand, or what he calls "God's Gift to Earth," the boy leaped on the stool, grinning as wide as possible.

"Naruto-kun!" the old man behind the counter smiled at his favorite (and best) customer, "What do you want to eat?"

Truthfully, that was also strange. The old man always knew that Naruto didn't care what ramen he got as long as he got his beloved ramen.

Unfortunately, Naruto didn't catch on to that small detail (he thinks with his stomach, which is achingly empty right now). Beaming up to the elder man, the boy chirped, "One Miso Ramen please!"

Suddenly everything paused. Naruto looked up to see the old man staring at his in shock, not even realizing that the room emptied out, "Ano…What's wrong?"

"You didn't hear about it yet?" asked ojii-san, still gaping like a fish.

The teenager just held on to Gama-chan, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion, eyes squinting in (painful) thought, "Huh? Hear about what?"

"Well it's just that you're so connected with…" the older man trailed off, rethinking the statement, "Have you talked with Hokage-sama recently?"

Naruto shook his head fast, still confused. Why would he care what obaa-chan had to say about his precious ramen?

Ojii-san leaned forward, his eyes betraying unusual and freaky seriousness, "You really haven't heard about it at all?"

Ready to explode with impatience and confusion, Naruto leaped off the stool and yelled at the elder, "Dammit! What haven't I heard! Tell me!"

The old man shook his head as fast as possible, looking as if he was afraid for his life, "No! No, no! You better hear it directly from the Hokage-sama."

"NO!" Naruto shouted, now desperately curious (and also fearing his own life from the slightly insane Hokage, but we won't get into that), "Tell me, dammit! NOW! Tell me about what?!"

Opening his mouth, then closing it yet again, the old man tried to decide whether he valued his life or telling the secret more, "…Well…fine. I'll tell you. BUT if, and only if!, you don't try to kill me afterwards."

Mouth slightly gaping at the foreign gravity of the conversation, Naruto nodded and even tacked on a good, "I promise," with the nods.

"Alright…" Oh kami-sama! His eyes aren't even twinkling! "You know that Tsuande-sama is a medic-nin, correct."

Naruto rolled his eyes, "She also punches as hard as hell and threw walls, ojii-san. What's your point?"

The glare the old man gave him, quelled the comment, "As I was saying, so Hokage-sama has been involved in various studies and experiments. You know, they give something to a group of people and watch how they react? Any who, she was directing one not too far away, some place called NCI-"

"What does that mean? Ninja Cuts Iodine?"

"No, it's something else…I can't remember the name…Ah, well, mustn't have been all that important. Anyway, they had something called a 'breakthrough' I think. Don't give me that look, I'm not sure what it means! So she came out with this 'decree' of some sort…"

"Breakthrough? Decree?" Naruto finally opened his mouth to question, "Old man, I think your making up words to confuse me."

"I AM NOT!" the elder yelled back, "Y'see, the decree means the law or something…"

Naruto huffed, "Why didn't you say so in the first place?"

Rolling his eyes back, the old man answered, "I'm only repeating what I heard! Ahem, so she made this decree- law whatever! -and what it said…it…it was horrible."

Now Naruto was starting to get a wee bit terrified… "What?! What the hell is it?! Dammit, stop dancing around the issue-thing and tell me!"

"If you really want to know…? Are you absolutly sure you want to know?" ojii-san leaned closer, trying to decide if Naruto was worthy enough to know.

The boy almost cracked from the pressure, "Of all the Kami-damned…YES I'M SURE!"

The old man bent over the counter, closing one eye to examine Naruto with only his open one, "No, are you really, really, sure you do want to know?"

"If you don't tell me now, I'LL GUT YOU WITH MY CHOPSTICKS!" Naruto screamed at the top of his longs, desperate for answers.

Ojii-san retracted himself in order to cover his ringing ear, "Geeze, kid. Temper! It was just a question!"

Naruto shouted, "TELL ME!"

"Fine dammit, I'll tell you," taking a small breath, he launched, "Okay, they found something called can-sir can kill you. Except it's really rare and you pretty much get it if you do not so good stuff to your body. And well, you 'increase the risk of contracting' or what not if you stay in the sun, 'nd if you breathe in smoke, 'nd if you…eat certain foods…"

Naruto didn't get it, "So?"

"So…Tsunande-sama passed the decree and…well…" he trailed off, trying to find the right words.

"What did she do? What did she say?" asked Naruto, his stomach in butterfly land.

The old man decided to give it up straight, "The Hokage-sama banned ramen or food any relation to ramen from ever being bought or sold in Fire Country ever again."

…

Naruto couldn't speak. His brain utterly shut down. Eyes wide and denying, he stood there, feeling broken beyond use. As if he had died and gone to hell.

Ojii-san continued cheerfully, "But we found another food we could sell! It's popular now, Hokage-sama said it can help you live longer! Brussels sprouts?"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Naruto flew off of his bed and into the kitchen. Throwing open the cabinets, he began to count all of the ramen containers he had, to make sure he had enough since obaa-baka stopped everyone from selling ramen, "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine…wait…"

Naruto stood still for a second, trying to get his bearings, "Yes, ramen is here! Yay! Tomorrow, Sasuke-teme will buy me a dozen more bowls!"

End!

yes, my fun fic, I plan on making a small series, but I want your imput! Do you like it?

NCI- National Cancer Institute…yeah.

REVIEW...OR SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES!!!!!