Say What?
Harm/Mac Shipper
Summary: Response to a quazi-challenge throw out by Nicola over at the JAGnik board…hope this is what you were looking for.
Harm's Office
JAG Headquarters
Friday 2100 hrs
"Mamihlapinatapei"
I raise an eyebrow and look over at my partner. I think she has finally gone off the deep end or she is speaking Farsi and I have just never heard her use that particular word before.
Her head is bent and she is reading the file we have been working on all day. She is taking notes and I notice a slight smile crosses her face. She seems pleased with herself. Like she has just found the meaning of life or a way to keep our client out of the brig.
I consider asking her to explain what it was she just said, but I decide against it. If she does it again, then I'll ask.
I bring my attention back to the task at hand. It's Friday night and I am in my office well past quitting time trying to find a loophole in the UCMJ. The only good part about it is the bad Chinese food and the company. Again my eyes wonder over to where my partner is sitting. I can't help but watch her. Even in uniform she still looks perfect. I have yet to find any sort of flaw with Sarah Mackenzie other than the fact that her communication skills are just as bad as mine.
I bring my attention back to the file in front of me and wonder why my beautiful partner was so eager to spend a Friday night with me at the office and not with her spook of a boyfriend. I guess I really shouldn't question it simply because she is here on a Friday night with me and not with him. Sounds petty I know, but I can't help it. Sarah Mackenzie has a way of making me turn into a teenage boy trying to win the heart of the most popular girl at school. I can't help it and I stopped trying to fight it years ago. I know I have a lot of flaws, but my main one is sitting across from me in a Marine uniform.
"Mamihlapinatapei"
There is that word again!! And that look!! Ok that's it I have to know what it means.
"Umm..Mac, that word, at least I think it was a word, that you just said well I was wondering….What does it mean?"
Good job Navy. Way to not turn into a stupid lovesick teenage boy!
"You were staring."
What? That can't be what it means!
"Huh? I don't understand? Is it like Farsi for stop looking at me?"
She giggles. This is not a laugh, but a girlish giggle and it's the most wonderful sound I have heard in years. Ok so I have suddenly transformed Mac and I back to high school with one little thought. Man, I have it bad. Real bad.
"No Harm, It's not Farsi for stop looking at me. But you were looking at me pretty hard? There something on my face that I don't know about?"
Her tone and her look are different. There is something in the way she says this that makes me think she has finally snapped.
"Oh, umm, yea I'm sorry. I didn't realize, I was…umm…sorry?"
Smooth. Real freaking smooth.
"It's ok. It's not the first time that I've caught you doing it, and I am sure it won't be the last. As for the word…"
She pulls out a post it and clearly prints a string of letters that may or may not form a word.
"When you figure it out, you'll know what to do."
When that she packs up her things, puts on her cover, and heads home. I look at the post it. I pack my things, throw away our garbage and head home.
Red Rock Creek Running Park
Saturday 0700 hrs
So it has been some time since I ran these trails. Mac and I used to going running every Saturday morning. Then Paraguay happened, and our weekend runs ended. Yes I am hoping to run into her. I have it on good authority that she still runs these trials, but I also have it on good authority that she has had Webb as a running partner on more than one ocassion. Well, I don't care. She put the ball in my court, so I am gonna take it and run with it.
I stop on the trail and take a long swig of water. I think about last night and my late night research. It too me some time, but I figured out what that word meant. When I read the meaning, it all became so clear. Everything regarding my relationship with Mac seemed to make sense. And then I realized what she was trying to say to me. According to the internet, mamihlapinatapei means a look shared by two people with each wishing that the other will initiate something that neither one wants to start. She was scared. Just like me. She wanted it. She needed it. But she couldn't risk me not wanting or needing it just as much as she did. Amazing how two people who have made their career out of communicating on behalf of other people can't do the same for themselves. I take one more swig of water and look up at the trail a head of me. It's then that I see them. They are coming towards me.
I try and ignore the fact that Webb is with her, but it's hard not to. Though something seems different. They aren't even talking. Heck, she isn't even smiling. And he looks like he is being tortured. I know the moment Webb spots me because he points me out to Mac. It's then that I see her smile. Interesting.
Her and Webb stop in front of me. Webb begins drinking from his water bottle. Mac looks at me. She is expecting me to do something. I realized this late last night when I couldn't sleep. After figuring out the meaning of that word, replaying our conversation in the office, I realize she expected a physical response. It would be easy to kiss her or hug her. My actions have always spoken louder than my words. So in order for me to make the kind of impact that I need to keep her in my life, I realized I needed to get over my fear of using words to describe how I feel. I needed to do the one thing that we both want to do, but neither one of us wants to be the first to do it.
"I love you"
Everything that happened after that seemed to happen in slow motion. Webb's did a wonder impersonaition of a water fountain. Then he began choking. The either time I am watching Mac. Waiting for her to bend down and help him. She doesn't. She just looks at me with a look of…
"Harm! I didn't know you ran these trails."
It's then that I notice a third person has joined Mac and Webb. When this happened, I don't know. And it's not just any person. It's Katherine Gale. Complete with jogging stroller. I look from Katherine to Webb to Mac back to Webb and back to Katherine.
"Katherine! It's good to see you! And the baby! I heard you had him, but never knew what you named him."
Think Rabb. You need to get you and Mac out of here so you can talk. And why is Webb playing with the baby? For that matter….
"Oh, I named him after his father."
I hear Mac giggle. I must look completely lost. Hell I am completely lost!
"Harm let me introduce you to Clayton Webb, Jr."
Oh My Go…
"Clay, Kat, it was nice running into you guys. Maybe I'll see you next Saturday."
She turns towards me.
"Come on Flyboy. I think I owe you breakfast. It looks like you were up all night."
She places her hand in mine and we begin to make our way towards our cars. We are almost out of the park when she squeezes my hand and quietly says "I love you too."