I'm not too certain about most things involving myself anymore, but of these two things I am: Remy LaBeau loves me and I love him. I know he loves me because he told me in the Savage Lands. He has no idea how I feel about him though. Anytime I'm near him I call him a swamp rat or hit him. It seems nearly impossible for me to show Gambit how I feel. I will always know his true feelings because of that haunting kiss when we were in the Savage Lands, when things between the Cajun and I get too hard that is what I fall back to.

Days like yesterday are when I treasure that moment the most. It was just an average practice session in the garden. Ororo and I were training up some potentials, the students who had shown they might be perfect to take over for Scott and Jean while they were gone on their second try at a honeymoon. I had barely even worked them up into a sweat when that damn Cajun just crashed through the bushes, walking like he had not a care in the world.

"The heck do you think you're doin', swamp rat? Can't you see we're trainin here?"

That cocky smile of his came out just like that, he knew it would charm the pissed off kids. "Aw, chére, Gambit was just missin' your sweet face."

Ororo, being my best friend knew that would have made me happy if it were any other time (even if he was trying not to get himself hit), so of course she had a small smile on her lips. "Gambit, please, we are training our future replacements. Please refrain from such actions." Leave it to Oro to be businesslike.

"Yeah, get out of here, Gambit." I gave him a dirty look and he just smiled at me, making my insides melt. Damn him. "Ah mean it, swamp rat. Go on, get." He shrugged and made a show of bowing before he headed for the door. He handed me a queen of hearts before leaving though, his lucky lady. He did little things like that and it made me want to kiss him, but the damage that could do always made me stop. I pushed him away for his safety, why didn't he get that?

The rest of the afternoon was uneventful. The session came and went; the lesson with Logan went by without interruption. Everything was going as it should. Ororo and I went out for dinner, had some nice sandwiches at a new deli in the city, not a single anti-mutant event to ruin it. If it hadn't been for the sight of Gambit with another woman strolling across the street the day would have been perfect. The other woman couldn't have been over twenty-five and she was breathtaking: tall, blonde, ice blue eyes, a dead ringer for Emma Frost. I felt Oro's hand on my shoulder and I gave her a small smile. "Ah couldn't expect him to wait forever, could Ah?"

Oro just gave me a concerned look but I grinned at her, I wasn't going to get depressed and ruin my good day. "Let's get back to the mansion, maybe we can squeeze in another training session with Logan?"

The white haired woman just laughed and shook her head. "My dear Rogue, you will be on your own for that, I am afraid. One session with Logan a day is enough for me." I could tell from her eyes she knew I was putting on airs, but being the wonderful person that she is, she didn't press me. We simply headed back. I never did go talk to Logan, just went to my room.

Today was going to be better, the dumb man wasn't going to get to me, I wouldn't let on that I saw him with his bimbo and he wasn't going to know how it had bothered me. As I pulled on my new gloves that Logan had given me since he ruined my other pair I forced on a smile. The gloves were nice, thinner than her old pair; Logan had actually tried with this pair. I could actually sort of feel people's skin in these, minus the horrible event that would follow were I without them. Not to mention they were a nice shade of green. I pulled up my hair and trudged out of my cave to meet the day.

The kitchen was empty except for Emma, but she hardly ever spoke to me, she mostly spoke to Scott or Bobby. I gave her a light wave which she replied to with a curt smile and went back to her newspaper. She had quite the scratch on her shoulder, probably from a furious Kitty. Emma was going to have to learn not to goad her. I fixed a cup of coffee and sat across the table from the blonde. "How are you doin', Emma?"

To my surprise, she actually answered me; usually she just shrugged and ignored me. "I'm alive, so I would consider that a good day. And you Rogue?"

"Not bad, seeing as I just started."

Emma smiled a bit and then placed her paper on the table, folded in half. "I was wondering if you wouldn't mind sparring with me later, without your gloves. I have been curious for a while as to whether your powers would affect me in diamond form. If you would rather not risk anything, I understand perfectly."

I tapped my mug as I considered, it would be a different experience. I had never even sparred with Emma before, but with all the turmoil and chaos out there in the world I could understand her desire to test her limits. It did sting a bit that she was only talking to me because she wanted something though. "Alright, but if things go bad we're stopping, alright?"

"Of course, I will meet you in the Danger Room at two, if that works for you." I nodded and she stood and left, leaving her paper. I sighed and slid the paper closer and just skimmed as I drank my coffee in silence. I was swimming in my thoughts and staring into space, so of course I never heard Remy come into the kitchen.

"Chére, you're up early." He plopped himself down right beside me, laughing as I jumped a bit. I glowered at him and went back to the paper, though I hadn't really even been reading it for a while now. "Rogue, why the long face? Did Gambit offend?"

I put the paper on the table and turned to face him, making the mistake of looking into those red and black eyes. "Ah'm tryin' to read the news, go scamper off somewhere, Remy."

He then proceeded to take the paper from me and turn my chair to face him. "Rogue, you've been like this for a while, why are you so mad at Gambit?" He actually looked upset, like I was the one hurting him. Well, maybe I was, but he was the one who started all of this. I would have been fine never knowing how he felt, assuming this was a one-sided love. Knowing we felt the same and couldn't be together was worse than unrequited love.

Before I could control my mouth the woman from last night popped into my head and I blurted it out. "Maybe because you were out with an Emma Frost look-a-like last night when you supposedly care about me?" Damn, there I went blurting out just how jealous I really was.

He looked confused for a second but then he seemed to get what I was talking about. "I was out with Emma last night, but it isn't what you think now, chére. Emma hasn't been to the city in while and with all the mutant hate going on she didn't want to go by herself. Remy has eyes only for you."

A snort came from me at the mention of Emma not wanting to go somewhere alone. The woman could turn into a diamond, what the heck did she have to be scared of. "And Ah'm sure she only wanted to go to dinner, or she only wanted to go to the ice rink in Times Square, or to a dark, secluded place."

"Rogue, Remy is telling the truth. We only went to a few stores and then came back."

"Gambit, that woman is a spider who wants everyone else's flies."

Remy sighed and then leaned closer to me, causing my heart to quicken. How was he always so calm with her? Shouldn't he feel all of these things too, if he did love her, that is. "If you won't listen then I may have to take extreme measures." I raised my eyebrow at him and then he put his palms on either side of my face, he had on those fingerless gloves like he always did. He moved closer and his lips touched mine for just a second, just long enough for me to feel them and then they were gone. He grinned like the idiot he was and all I could think to do was slug him in the gut and then I bolted out of the kitchen, leaving him there to think about what he did.

Now that was three times we had kissed. The first time was when Morph had tricked him, the second in the Savage Lands, and now because I was a jealous river rat. All three of these he had initiated, all three had been a surprise. All three made me love him and hate him all the more.